Saturday, July 09, 2016

Hey ALL LIVES MATTER PEOPLE:

If there's still anyone I actually associate with who cries "All Lives Matter" in reply to "Black Lives Matter" - let me try to explain what you're misunderstanding. It's already assumed in society that white lives matter. The way we speak of white lives and white deaths is as though they really matter, however - when a black life is lost, it seems to matter less to people.
We actually have to show pictures of a black victim's family and try and tell stories and convince people that a black victim was a real human being with a whole real life - and not just some waste lazy useless gang stereotype of a black person. That so many black people are often seen as "just people that get shot sometimes" because they are black and no good in the world anyways. That so many black people are seen as n**gers. That's really how so many see black people even if they can't admit it. As though being shot is just part of being black, and just "part of what happens" to black people - like it's ok. Like the crime in black neighborhoods - well there's so much of it so you know, that's just whatever no big deal. It comes on the news like white noise. BUT if a white person dies in a similar fashion - it's tragic, easy to relate to, it's moving - because white lives matter so very much. Even if you don't feel this way - you KNOW SOMEONE who feels this way. It's real and it's out there.
Black lives are seen as expendable in so many ways, even as bad guys in movies. Black characters in film and television are often "token" versus central to the story.
These are some examples of how people treat black lives as if they DON'T matter.
So since black lives are treated differently than white lives - and as we have more and more video evidence of something that's been going on for decades - that cops way too easily kill black people without just cause because they aren't as concerned to preserve those lives, feel more threatened by black people, and fail to see them as human versus criminal, or quite simply make mistakes that cost lives - and the cops are not prosecuted for it -- there's a very important fight to say BLACK LIVES DO MATTER!
Does this make sense to you? Do you understand?
Please don't ever say "all lives matter" because it only shows that you don't understand the meaning of "black lives matter" - it's not at all saying that other lives don't matter. It's saying that black people as a group are treated like they don't matter - and even in life or death situations they have to fight to be seen as human.
And also OF COURSE Blue Lives Matter because cop killings have a long history of being prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law with very respectful and elaborate funerals paid for by the state. There's no need to say Blue Lives Matter because we live in a world where we treat Cops in a special manner and we treat their deaths as the tragedies they are - already.
OK?!
So please. ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ NEVER ‪#‎AllLivesMatter‬ because OF COURSE THEY DO THAT'S THE POINT!

Monday, June 20, 2016

First Poster for Inside You!

It's not an official poster .... we just made a lil something for now. But I'm happy to share it!
Check it out!
So excited - the movie is finally finished.
Had our first private screening for cast, crew and supporters and SO RELIEVED my parents both laughed and still love me. It's a sex comedy full of dirty jokes. Even if they aren't conservative and my mom's all european NOBODY wants their mom and dad to see them pretend to have sex and say the words c*ck as in "I want your ..."   BUT ALAS yeah that's in this movie. It's not what the movie is about but still. MAJOR RELIEF and I can't wait to share with you!!!

 Will be cutting a trailer soon and we are applying to festivals now :)

IMDB - INSIDE YOU


Saturday, June 18, 2016

The Focus Group short film

Hey dudes!  You can watch the latest short film I directed online:
view on Vimeo


The Focus Group (2016) from Sara Benincasa on Vimeo.

written by/starring Sara Benincasa! Credits here:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5507424/

Saturday, June 11, 2016

On my 35th Birthday - let me declare:

I'm an unmarried childless woman with astronomical student loan debt, living with 2 roommates - and I'm telling you: 
I HAVE IT ALL!
I have been unhappy, and let me tell you - this is not it. I have a shit ton to be grateful for.

1) I haven't done anything major in my life out of fear. I didn't settle for unsatisfying relationships or stay in bad ones. Being single at 35 does not feel sad, nor does it feel worrisome because of the babies thing.

In fact I still feel like a baby girl in many of the best ways, and an independent adult in the best ways as well.Your 20s is a fear based era of your life, inadequacy and the task of defining your adult self often pushes people into fear based decision making and undesirable life courses.

I believe that I'm living the life that I'm meant to be living. I had every capability to get through the hard times that would have been easier with a companion.

Now I reap the reward of every life decision I make being for myself and my own needs. This has been such an incredible gift of being single and I appreciate and embrace it. This shouldn't be squandered!

I'm not saying my life is better than anyone else's. I'm saying that I enjoy and am grateful for the way it's turned out - and that many of the things society says makes for a bad life, have actually made my life wonderful.

I have had many romantic relationships and have loved learning from them, getting to know myself and the world better through each one. My time both single and while involved with someone has been fruitful for its own reasons. I've had fun both ways, and adventure both ways. That makes me feel rich and free and grateful.

As for the babies thing, I once had plans with male friends of mine to "have friend babies" if we got older and didn't have kids yet. But I don't want to do that. I think I just want to keep living as I am and if making babies happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. My heart knows that's the way to go. As for now, I love my daily Ortho Tri Cyclen and am really grateful for that too!

2) My career is everything I want it to be. I want more success that's for sure. I want to direct movies with real budgets and that's what I'm going after next --- but as of this year, I have DONE THE WORK.

There's a lot of people who've told me what I need to do: I need to do standup every night, I need to go to this and that school and get into this festival and win these awards and cast these famous people in my movie, I need a certain kind of headshots, I need to network and join societies. Well, I've made choices about what I really need to do and I've done a lot of different things my way, because hey - I want a path that not everyone is walking down - and I've done the work to walk down that specific path.

A couple years ago before I shot my first feature film, I was very depressed because I thought it wasn't going to happen and it was impossible. It has very nearly been impossible many times - mostly because of general rejections on top of financing and casting troubles. But I financed it and acted in it myself and so fuck it - it happened. It's 1 week away from done and paid for. There's things that were hard and things that are flawed in the final film- but I needed to make those mistakes - because they make me better at doing what I want to do.

I feel that part of success is luck and opportunity - but luck and opportunity cannot strike if you don't do the work - If you can't unequivocally show people what you are capable of. And I feel right now, I've done the work to show that. So it's entirely on me and my shoulders if I don't get what I want out of life. That's how I feel. But it feels really great to have done the work --- because I finally feel free and able to go after all my dreams.

This is the best year yet. I'm going after what's next, and going after things IS MY FAVORITE.

3) Feminism has, for the first time in my life, become understood and accepted.

There is still so much work to be done, but there is no coincidence in the timing of Hillary's success.Everything I've been hungry for in life feels more possible, in the vast and important ways.

The pain of being a little girl in a man's world - a pain you are met with by the constant disappointments in life of things that are not for you --- is being healed by each glass ceiling broken, each acceptance of female competence, each celebration and understanding of our experience.

Progress is still needed but women are today heard in a new and different way than ever before, and that's just a really loving thing.

4) I can look to my bad times and know with 100% certainty that things do get better.

Yesterday was the 6 year anniversary of my dad's stroke, which he survived but with severe handicaps, which has also considerably handicapped my mother's life who is his full time caregiver.

Living through this has been hard and sad and seemingly impossible - but I know that all things are possible. We are here, we are living with it and through it. We are all going to France on a vacation together in July. My parents don't really do things like "summer in France" - but they are doing it in a few weeks, and proving that there is more happiness to be had, and more wonderful life to live, in spite of tragedy and difficulties they face every day. The simplicity of being able to still have a lovely experience like staying in a Chateau in the Loire valley, when you can no longer wipe your own ass -- or when you have to wipe your husband's ass for him and afterwards place his jewels properly so he doesn't sit on them -- is perhaps what life is all about.=====

On top of all this I've lived a life of wild adventure and privilege - some I was born into and some I made my own. I'm lucky to be born as an American -- yes there is privilege in growing up here. There is privilege to being raised as a woman now, versus every previous decade. There is privilege to being raised in a beautiful suburban New Jersey town with seasons and safety, with hardly any cellphones or internet yet, graduating high school in 1999, and the with the shore in the summer, NYC access year round, and snow in the winter. I'm very lucky to be raised by parents who support and embrace and encourage me. I could go on, but yes, I'm lucky. My life has been filled with great depths of sadness and struggle but also met with outrageous reward and adventure. Here's to all of the things hopefully that we could all list as damn lucky from the day we were born.

Please let my own personal life lessons be a message to you about where happiness and fulfillment comes from-- and that is living from your heart, and following your own path sincerely - not giving up, and not giving in. You do you.

This is my favorite year yet.

Wednesday, June 01, 2016


Oh hey!  Checkout this great snap of me Directing in NOLA with my skirt being blown up by wind AND on Marilyn's birthday no less!  Also read these awesome BTS deets about SJ & GINNY​'s "Urban Teach Now" which turned out amazingly! Seriously so happy with the performances, story, and camera work - you don't always get such perfection from the people you collaborate with, and I'm telling you ... Urban Teach Now is a GEM!

Read more here: http://www.sjandginny.com/urban-teach-now-1/

Friday, April 08, 2016

CHILLARY NYC 2016

The chillest Hillz event coming right at you for positive vibes right when we all need it most: The Upcoming NY Presidential Primaries!
#ChillaryNYC
Sat April 16
12 midnight - 4am

FREE!
Gold Sounds
44 Wilson Avenue in Bushwick Brooklyn.

COMEDY SHOW (LINE UP STILL FRESH AND NEW HOT VIBEZ ADDED)
Jena Friedman
Selena Coppock
Liam McEneany
Benari Poulten
Mo Fathelhab
Rachel Coleman
Catie Lazarus
Andy Ostroff
Hosted by Heather Fink
FOLLOWED BY DJ/MUSIC/DANCING! HOT SWEATY SESSY HILLZ LOVE THRU THE NIGHT

homemade Hillary treats, a Hillary drink special, posters/art or graphic design/best Pantsuit competition, best Hillary shirt competition

Plus a “why I think Hillary is so chill” spoken word open mic - in between comedians

Contact: chillarynyc@gmail.com*** Feeling the Bern but Hillary-curious? Bi-presidential orientations with chill attitudes welcome! ***



Monday, March 21, 2016

DIRECTING STUFF

3 stuff right now:
INSIDE YOU
feature film
WILL BE FINISHED IN MAY!  Undergoing major post production operations right now:
DETAILS

THE FOCUS GROUP
short film, I directed this short film written/produced by/starring Sara Benincasa
love how it turned out - hopefully makes the festicle circuit soon!
It was shot in October 2015 and has since been finished but not yet released.

URBAN TEACH NOW
It's currently being kickstarted!
We shoot in New Orleans in May and it's by these super smart and hilarious comedians SJ & Ginny and I love their script. I'll be Directing.  It's a tv pilot but as it's written, can also be cut into a webseries and be released as such.  WE SHALL SEE mmmm yahhhhss:
DETAILS

---
I love all of these here projects and officially endorse them all for Senator of Comedy Movies 2016.

PS yes I did sound on Daredevil Season 2 and the show contains the happy memories of my life July 2015- December 2015!  Right now I'm in sound department on Baz Lurmann's epic new show The Get Down.  THANKS NETFLIX for sustaining my existence!!


Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Diversity Problem in Casting

 This is something I think about pretty much every day.  I think about it when I'm on set, which is most days, or watching something.  I notice if something is diverse or truthful to how the world really is, or not. It's important as all hell because how we see ourselves in art has a famously strong connection to how we see ourselves in life.

So when I made my first feature film, Inside You, I was especially concerned about diversity in casting, and at the end of the day, while we did alright and I have some fucking awesome actors of color in this movie, I feel my cast is absolutely not as diverse as I hoped.  Here's what I learned about this from the process of casting and making my feature:
- I tried to cast actors of color many times and sometimes DID and then had them drop out last minute (actors of all colors need to drop out sometimes, especially when you are paying them low rates) and I sometimes ended up replacing them with someone white
- I couldn't find enough actors of color that I thought were good enough and experienced enough to act in the movie

PLEASE DON'T STOP READING THERE!  Because here's why:
- I didn't know about them.  Of course they exist!  I just didn't FIND THEM.

WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THEM?
- Actors of color get less work, and therefore are less visible and discoverable.

Since there's less roles for people of color, they are seen less, there's less on their reels, there's less ways for me to know about them.  Casting also involves very specific needs - the actor must be right for that character so you need a wide talent pool to find the right fit.

And yes, I'm also a white person and by cultural circumstance I know more white people - but it's not that simple.

MONEY IS PART OF IT
I see this as a bigger problem for low budget productions. 
- I couldn't afford a casting director to find this talent - which takes a lot of work and time but is possible.
- Holding open auditions is a nightmare (at least in NYC and LA) - it's hard to pull in capable talent without a casting director or agent sourcing them for you, the time and cost are prohibitive and when you're making a film you have very limited time
- I also didn't want to take a risk on someone without enough experience
- For many of the actors of color out there who are known - they are in demand and getting all the work, and I can't afford them.

Big budget productions don't have this issue.  They have the means to discover new talent, and the budgets to afford known talent.  The talent pool even for big budget films is smaller because again there's less famous POC so there's less who can bring in the bank.  The studios would have to decide to take the risk on an actor who doesn't have a proven box office draw.

SOLUTION TIME
Up and coming performers need a chance to be seen by taking on roles in independent films.  These independent films need to be able to find and discover these actors.

If there was a resource to showcase performers of color that would be amazing.  It's not simple, that's why casting agencies and casting directors exist - it's a TON of work to discover people - there's thousands of hungry performers out there but it's very hard to sort through the ones who are actually good and know their craft and are good to work with and right for the roles you are casting.

If someone can figure out how to better showcase this talent - it would be great  - especially online (reels etc) - because low budget indie filmmakers don't have the time to be going out to live stage showcases and either way stage actor doesn't necessarily equal good film actor.


A curated online database, and agency initiatives for low budget films to have access to actors of color is what I think solves part of the problem. Also if more storytellers: writers, producers, and directors of color emerge and have their films financed- I believe just looking at the examples of Ava Duvernay and Ryan Coogler- you will also see more roles for people of color. And even those examples exclude Asian, Indian, and Latino success stories - so you know- there's a ton of room for growth!

Here's an example of a success story: The film "Attack the Block" was made for 8 million pounds and was an indie film (sounds like a lot but it's actually low budget for a sci fi feature!).  They wanted to discover local talent and held auditions.  John Boyega, a young actor from a local theatre, came to audition and landed the lead role.  Today he is featured as the first Black Stormtrooper in Star Wars.  He's one of my favorite young actors (though I felt his part was underwritten in that film).  I believe he's the second coming of Denzel! 

He would never be in Star Wars if it wasn't for the film "Attack the Block" discovering and taking a chance on him. 

There's a lot of things I feel great about with my upcoming feature film.  I love the cast, there's great performances.  I wish I lived in a world where more performers of color had more roles and exposure so I can find them next time. I'm sorry if that sounds shitty. I did try. I was trying a lot difficult things with hardly any money or support- this kind of change requires a concerted effort from the entertainment community as a whole.   Here's to that being the case for my next feature.  Here's to - quite simply - more roles for people of color.  And ya know, not just like, the maid, or crack addict number 2.

Friday, January 01, 2016

2015

YAY I DID IT TOO YALLS!  I WROTE AN INTROSPECTIVE REFLECTION ON MY YEAR ON NEW YEARS DAY! SORRY FOR YELLING
At 34, this has been the best year of my life so far for 2 reasons:
- personal career fulfillment
- being single and without kids (yet, if ever)

PERSONAL CAREER FULFILLMENT:

When, in my life, I did not feel connected to the ability to achieve my dreams, I was extremely depressed.  This year, among other things I loved, I shot my 1st feature film.  This was something I NEEDED to do.  At one point I told myself that even if I do this and fail, I'll always know I took the risk - rather than wonder "what if."  But at this point I can't in good faith say I failed, and I haven't even finished the movie yet.  (We shot it in June and it's in post production.  Should be finished in March.)  No matter what happens with this movie, I feel great about it already, and energized and connected to what comes next. I feel enabled to take those next steps.  In many ways I feel I've laid the foundation for doing what I want to do with my life, exactly as I'd always hoped and dreamed it would be.  I've had great many failures and difficulties in my way. I've overcome them, and guess what ... you guessed it: it made me stronger!  And better!  That's really a thing.

BEING SINGLE AND WITHOUT KIDS (yet, if ever):
So sure I may get married and have babies some day - but I haven't yet, and this has turned out to be a very good thing for me in my life thusfar.  There were times in my life that I judged myself and felt very bad and sad about being single, being dumped, being rejected (AKA my 20s AKA everyone's dumb 20s), and felt bad and pressured for not using tinder like a good girl - and I'm extremely happy that I dodged those bullets of fear to make it this far in life on my own.

I had a very bad ex boyfriend define much of my romantic life: past 8 plus years on and off.  And I would keep seeing him, even when the bastard had a new girlfriend, like a damn addiction - because it was fun, because it was wrong, because he made me feel everything on the spectrum of human emotion and .. you know, like, in my down-theres.

It was hard for me to see what was wrong with it since I wasn't hurting anyone else. I still met and dated other guys over those 8 years, still lived my life.  I've had people tell me he was getting in the way.  At first I thought that meant it was getting in the way of me meeting someone new - but that wasn't it.  It was getting in the way of meeting ME.

This is the year that I learned to not just be cool with it - but to be deeply happy and fulfilled in being alone.  To be able to have happiness that comes from myself.  To be able to know what I want.  To be able to know who I am.  To be able to know who I want to be.  Though I have done therapy in past years, and yoga from time to time - don't misinterpret this as high minded hippy dippy speak.  These feelings happened organically - not easily.  Nothing about getting here was easy at all.

After years of confusion, drama, and odd circumstance - I found myself here, eyes open, accepting so many things about myself that I never did before.

And also, feeling beautiful.

Fears of aging and losing my looks have proven to be foolish.  Even though my body and face has more flaws, I've come to notice that I have a much more powerful affect on others than I ever have.  Right now, on a regular basis, people seem more attracted to me than ever.  More attracted to me than when I was in my 20s, skinnier, with shinier hair, softer skin, higher heels, and with glorious youth.  Even just this New Years eve some girls in their twenties were repeatedly chiming "Oh my god I can't believe you're in your 30s oh my god!" and a guy I wanted in my 20s but couldn't get, seemed to very much want to get me.  This sort of thing has been happening all year.

And I shit you not I think these people are seeing my inner glow.  They are smelling the confidence and peace that comes with shedding desperation.  Sure - I really do take care of myself: exercise more now than before, fancy face creams, etc.  But why now? Why this year such a big response more than ever?  Why this year did so many exboyfriends even aside from the one I mentioned reach out? 

Why did drowning out the noise of a tindering world pay off so well?

I know the answer is that I've learned to be alone.  I know that I can continue to be alone and be happy and that spending time taking my solo journey is a precious gift.  I'm sitting here on fucking Walden Pond - but I'M THE POND dudes!

I don't need someone else to make me happy
(note this doesnt mean I don't need people, I need people - friends, family, collaborators, etc, sure, It's just that I'm not getting my self worth, meaning in life, and value from them)

AND SO IN CONCLUSION:
This is the best year of my life not because I achieved everything I ever wanted, nor do I have it all.

I have a concrete foundation upon which the things I actually want - can all be built.
AKA I'm at the start of the party, more harder better quality partying is imminent!

To those of you who've had a bad year - I've had those too.  Those bad years were essential stepping stones to this very very good year.

As Thales said, "All things are water."
Happy New Year!


A photo posted by Heather Fink (@leatherfink) on

Saturday, November 21, 2015

From A Woman Director Who Wants to Be Hired And Keeps Reading All the Articles About Women Not Being Hired In Hollywood

I feel powerful.

I know really well how to make movies and tv.
I've been studying for a very long time.

In my childhood, making silly comedy videos.

In college, studying theatre, making more silly comedy videos.

In my early 20s, acting, doing improv and standup, making comedy youtube videos.

In my late 20s, dropping everything to attend Grad Film school at NYU, studying, shooting, learning the technical and creative art.

In my early 30s, becoming a union sound person/boom op, spending most of my days on the set of Oscar winning performances and some of the most watched tv shows and movies. Watching director after director, film crew after film crew, do a million crazy, ambitious, and sometimes small and simple things - watching them do it right. Figuring out what works and what doesn't work.

At 34, completing my first feature film which I financed almost completely by myself, with the exception of 20% of the total budget which came from kickstarter.

Having been rejected by countless grants I've applied for, and investors who didn't end up investing.
In debt.
Owning my movie.
Owning my work.

My work is imperfect, I still have more learning to do.
My upcoming first feature film has plenty of flaws, errors, and weaknesses I wish weren't there.

But I am a great Director. I have no Apocalypse Now or Pulp Fiction under my belt, not even close.

If you got me on set of a big tv show, I'd sure as hell be green.

But I'm telling you, I am a great Director.

I've been studying. I've been shooting. I've been Directing with small budgets, non stop, since youth. I understand how it all works inside and out. I've been inside, in front of the camera and I understand the actor. I've been studying Directing and have Directed films. And as a member of the crew, I get how all of the nuts and bolts work. I know how to ask for what I need.

I'm sick of reading all the articles about Women Directors and Women in Hollywood.

I want to be hired.

I'm doing all the things I can do aside from weird sex stuff to get there.

Also because the weird sex stuff probably wouldn't work. If anyone's blown their way to Direct a multi million dollar film or tv show, I'd like to meet them and hear their story.

I'm doing all the things.
Aside from the weird sex stuff.

Hire me because that last director you hired blew your budget on stupid shit and pissed off the cast and crew and you're hoping to find someone who really knows what they are doing.

Hire me because I know what I'm doing and how to do it. I'll make it good. I'm practical. I understand how to properly use a film budget. I know what things cost. I know what works and what doesn't work and can make adjustments on the fly. I know how to talk to actors. I know how to talk to the film crew. I have a unique creative vision and sensibility. I can do special things.
Hire me because I can handle failures big and small and get right back up again after a fall and push forward.
I know what I'm doing.

I know I have soft flowy blonde hair and I smile all the time and I seem like a nice girl who wants to giggle and party with you - maybe I do.

But that doesn't mean I couldn't whip out my skills and direct the shit out of a movie so stop underestimating me just because I fucking moisturize and do pilates sometimes.

I feel powerful because of all the things I know how to do.

I know there are other women directors who want to be hired but right now I'm speaking for me because fuck it if I can change all that right now.
Hire me.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

The truth is that horrible things can happen at any time, anywhere in the world, and where you are could be next.

War won't stop it, protests won't stop it, nothing will stop it.  But you're going to be ok, and you need to keep living your life in the most loving and productive way possible.

I know that logically one of the causes of terrorism big picture wise is global inequality - those in poor countries that don't have things view how things are in countries that are thriving economically - typically pointing at the "Western World" and it angers them - especially also since there's such a stark difference in values.  By denouncing these countries and getting angry and huffing and puffing and getting together to view people of the Western World as inhuman - as the source of your problems, as a route to happiness if destroyed (just as Hitler viewed destroying the Jews as a path to happiness/a stronger economy) ... well - deciding to destroy those who have more than you, or are different than you - is better for some than just being poor and powerless.  So they get guns and explosives in some hope to change their world and make it better.

Wouldn't it be great if instead of having mass refugee exodus - the good people of economically and politically disadvantaged countries stayed in their countries and got together to make it a better place?  Yes that would be great but it's illogical to think it will happen anytime soon - the fact that nearby countries simultaneously exist in a different and better reality - it's just natural to migrate to safety rather than try to somehow have a revolution because one person doesn't nearly have the means to make this change.  Immigration will keep happening in our modern world and will only decrease if economic conditions and human rights conditions become more globally equal.  That's not going to happen tomorrow, perhaps in decades or centuries if we evolve.  I'm sorry to tell you that everyone from other countries isn't evil, and that you can't just bomb them all or shut your borders.  If it makes you sad that you can't just declare "THEM" all the enemy - think about the fact that you can't do this: because so many of THEM are human, loving, and capable of peace and beauty.

Perhaps some change is possible - but there WILL ALWAYS BE EVIL. There will always be violence - and THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT.  There's nothing you can do to other people that is.
because:
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW CHANGE.  There's nothing you can do to stop the mass shootings or terrorism at large.

****
The only thing you can do is with yourself and those immediate to you - your family and friends.  Those with whom you can make immediate and intimate connections.  Those with whom you can have real conversations.
****
This is your absolute power.  This is the point of everything I'm writing here.

Revolutions happen - but nothing happens without starting at the micro level.  And so I say stop thinking there's anything you can do - like declare WAR - that will make any difference to stop atrocities.

Yes, writing about how men should not be so selfish or angry, or this or that ideological thing needs to change has it's points - but there's not a practical solution there - perhaps education but practically how can we change global education right now?  Similarly, I am sure some practical changes like gun control will help, but we do know that it will always be possible for a bad guy to get a gun - regardless if good guys have guns too.  (Seriously though who fucking wants good guys to be packing heat all the time? That's a fucking weird universe, let the good guys go to the gym or get a coffee without being cocked and loaded please.)

All you can do is "be the change you want to see."
All you can control is what's happening in your life - and so I think your great mission if you want to be in a happy and peaceful world is to ensure that you act with love.  Anger, selfishness, dishonesty ... they happen, acknowledge them, deal with them - but don't let them result in violence as much as you can help it.  For the sake of love and spirituality - don't sit around angry - don't obsess about the news.  Be one who loves and creates and contributes to the world.

Enjoy life.
Live.

No this doesn't mean you're some peaceful flower of a person who skips through fields with puppies.  I'm sure your life is gonna be hard and ugly sometimes but for fucks sake do whatever you can to let go of petty bullshit and misplaced anger and try to be the best person you can.  If you could benefit from a therapist to be a better person, or from exercise to have a clearer mind and health, or from being more brave and bold and honest in your personal life - DO THOSE THINGS.  Be as good as you can figure out how to be.  Be as soulful and rejecting of superficial material things (but by all means enjoy a manicure or nice leather boots if it's not hurting anyone).

the point is
LIVE
and try your best
TRY though, don't sit around like a lazy selfish fart worrying about dumb shit like your cellphone or that guy who said that thing to you.
DO GOOD STUFF AND SAY GOOD STUFF TO OTHERS

Terrorism and mass shootings won't stop.
That's the power of the human will and determination which should never be squashed.
Liberty is worth this horror, but it is a horror and not a norm.

Wonderful beautiful things can also happen at any time.
The yin and the yang are always simultaneously active and this is the reality of our existence.

You may not have the power to stop terrorism right now.
but

You do have power.




Saturday, October 10, 2015

Oh hi

I'm writing to you from the set of a TV show that I've been working on since July in the sound department.  I'm not booming this shot and there's quite a long monologue so it's time to dive knuckle deep up in this blog right now.

What else is up?  WELLLLLL

POST PRODUCTION ON INSIDE YOU
- Here's our current schedule.

DIRECTING A SHORT FILM
- I'm collaborating with the amazing Sara Benincasa and Directing her upcoming film "The Focus Group"

WROTE A FARTICLE
- I wrote an article for a luxury apartments magazine

http://metromagazine.nyc/category/heather-fink/

I have so many other FEELINGS and thoughts I want to express ... but blogging hasn't been the same for me since .. oh I dunno SINCE EVERYBODY STARTED DOING IT AND THEN I WASN'T SPECIAL ANYMORE.

I'M THE SNOWFLAKE I'M THE SNOWFLAKE
UR THE NO-FLAKE

I'm sorry you are special too
I'm sorry I bothered you clearly you are busy!

FUCK I FUCKED THIS UP ryuijoucfgxhdgjbltuyxdfjghkvbluvcyxfigy8fgibnk






wait

It's still ok?

YES!  YOU'RE THE MAN NOW DOG!


Monday, June 15, 2015

To the woman who made me feel American

There was this day I was walking out of the parking lot at my dad's Stroke Rehabilitation Center, and I asked a nurse .... "so do you think he'll ever be able to build furniture with me again?  We always build ikea things together and stuff like that."

She said "maybe" - but it was the kind of lying maybe that we both knew was a "no."  In that moment, I had to say goodbye to something I cherished.  Something that will never happen again.
Something that is over.

Today I'm saying a similar kind of goodbye. My Great Aunt Florence died yesterday, my Grandma Gertrude's sister.

My American Grandma Gertrude was severely schizophrenic, and my other Oma Gesina lived all the way across the Atlantic Ocean in Holland.  My parents gave me so much in life, but Florence's yearly gatherings were the only thing in my life since childhood where I got to experience family the way it's written about in novels and sitcoms.  There were familiar faces, familiar foods, bar stools that spun around, the drive to her house where we got to see the awesome Flushing Meadows globe out the window, the exercise bicycle where me and my cousin Erin rode on one pedal each.  Visiting her family gatherings made me and my sister feel like maybe we were American too, and we belonged here among all the other families that ate meatloaf and watched football.

Florence lived until 91, and in her life she accomplished so many things - recently self publishing a memoir, a book of haikus, and coming to our family's side in hard times even as she reached her late years.  She outlived her sisters and remained a loving matriarch for so many people.  She was a fine artist - painting, etching, and sculpture.  Many of her works are in my parent's house, some of her handmade cards in my apartment.  She was even a kickstarter donor for my film that I'm shooting now, and an occasional participant in some of my more heated facebook threads.

I didn't tell her this, but I'd been writing a sitcom pilot script that involves Brooklyn Jewish girls, both older in modern times, and going back in time to their teenage years (that's not the concept, but the setting).  I'd named one of the characters after her.  Her and my Grandmother's maiden name is also the last name of the main character in my movie.

This year will be the first year I don't get to see Florence at our yearly gatherings, but I'm so thankful for all of the years she already gave us - and for living her life to the fullest with kindness, creativity, gusto, and grace.

Rest in peace dear Florence.  Love to her wonderful children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren who are are also responsible for so many years of warm memories.


with her husband Milt

Florence on the top right, my Grandma Gertrude on the bottom left

 Florence on the left

Finishing her autobiography

Rest In Peace.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

poor lil snoop bloggy blog

I haven't made time for you blog lately

SORRY

BUSY MAKIN MOVIES

yeehaw Inside You will shoot May 27 - June 16 in NYC



I'll leave you with some treasures:

- stuff the Pope said that was worthwhile

- cool women talkin bout babies

- Don't tell me what to do!  Don't try to change me in any way ---- yahhhahhhh ... don't tie me down 'cause i'd never stay ...whheeee ---- I'm free and I love to be free


- great article on Kimmy Schmidt

- my Male Feminists in da house!

Terry Crews is a real man

Aziz Ansari is da best

Andrew WK's advice is always next level Party riffic

Wednesday, January 21, 2015