Sunday, July 18, 2004

Who I Am

So I was watching my wonderful new cable today. CNN was running a story about Martha Stewart, and I can't for the life of me understand what the hell is so wrong with her. Her "insider trading" didn't really screw investors, it wasn't any kind of Enron or anything.

And our society is littered with men who are determined and all about their jobs, and that's what Martha is exactly. And I like that, and she doesn't act all feminine and people should stop caring so much. Everyone calls her bitchy and difficult, but I think that's the right of any intelligent woman to be that way when appropriate.

I mean don't get me wrong, I have a big problem with people who are mean or bitchy for no reason, but I have no reason to think that Martha was a bitch. How could she be with such pretty floral creations?

Anyhow, it just reminds me, in the vain of Hillary and Martha, that our society really does not embrace focused, successful women. I mean, I guess their problem is that they aren't known for a chill or fun persona. Perhaps that's what the next generation of successful women need.

The poor Olson twins let me down. I saw big things for them, but ah that nagging body image crap screwed them up. But I dunno, I am pretty sure we haven't seen the last of them.

I am kind of certain that I was too much of an individual for Brian. A lot of women are able to make statements like, I am smart, pretty, funny, and I deserve to be treated right. A lot of my great friends know that much, and I know it too. It's very important to understand your self worth and what you deserve. He told me he hated that I said that. He's just old fashioned and he's not interested in a woman who is a fully developed individual and who has her own agenda, and who just doesn't conform to his whims. Because I know I will never change my last name, move to the south, or say yes mam or yes sir. And if I want to state my opinion, I will pay no mind to whether or not that opinion is flattering.

And that right there is the very essence of who I am and what I am alllll about. I am all about justs laying it all out there. No games, no colorful packaging, no predetermined way of packaging my intentions, just nothing fake. I don't change or apologize for who I am ever. The only time I owe apologies is when I have wronged someone else. But I don't care at all if my behavior is unflattering, or if it is unpopular. I do think that is the number one thing Brian doesn't like about me, and that really shows me that he is just too little of a person to handle a real woman as opposed to a little girl.

And that's what I need, because I think it's a quality I have that makes me who I am. I just have a sense that I have no reason to hide what I really feel (exhibit A- this blog) because I am human, and if I feel anything, it has to be valid, because I believe in logic and universality. I believe that if something makes me feel a certain way- it's ok. So I am pretty much constantly unfiltered.

I think he is a fan of prepackaged bullshit. Perhaps I should have expected this from a man who's favorite restaurant is Olive Garden. Goddamn southerners- I WISH they succeeded from the damn union cause we don't need em.


Anonymous said...

For someone who seems to boast about the positives of being openminded, for you to generalize "the south" as a shithole full of uneducated people is pretty hypocritical. I am from the South, born and raised, and Im assuming from your comment that you've never even lived in the south.

Negative generalization is the small-minded person's scapegoat. I understand you are pissed off at your ex-boyfriend, but its not "the South's" fault. I would never write off a whole section of the country just because of a few bad experiences with people from that area, but hey, that's me.

Anonymous said...

Um yeah, you're taking that comment way too seriously. PS- We jersey/nyc metro area people say that shit all the time. And yeah, I know what generalizations are, and I made one, that's what happens.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, also, I wasnt even boasting about openmindedness, I was boasting about honesty and being a loving person. When I was insulting Brian, I was insulting that he has no life experiences. Don't correllate the two concepts. You can make judgments based on your experiences if you actually have experiences, otherwise your opinions aren't founded in much of anything- no wisdom. And who are you posting here annonymously? Grow a sack.- Heather

Anonymous said...

Maybe I did take it too personally, but I just have seen a good deal of negative references to "the South" throughout your posts, and while I threw most of them out based on your state of mind...this one just bothered me.

There is no point in arguing though, because you are going to think what you want no matter what I say. I just think its a little bit silly to make such a broad statement on people you dont even know. I mean dont you get pissed when people think that New Jersey is a shithole and the people are trashy...and these are people who have never lived there or really experienced it? It's the same thing.

I'm still hoping that everyting is going well with you, but when you make statements like that, I take it personally, because the South is part of who I am, part of who my family is, and what my life has been.

I know you make no apologies for what you think or what you believe, and thats fine, thats you, but defending what I hold dear...well, thats just me.

This is Laura by the way...I forgot to sign in on my last post, thats why it was anonymous.

Night night.

Anonymous said...

I've lived in the South and it "Laura" quit your bitching. Keep writing Heather...good stuff.