Saturday, September 11, 2004

Guinea Pigs Suck so Hard

Don't forget- Party tonight at City Bistro in Hoboken.
If you wear your underpants on the outside of your clothing, it's half price buffalo wings for all.

Awake this morning to the September 11 memorial. What it shows is how much one person means to another. A lot. Many people go through life pretending that some people don't matter to them- that they don't need anybody- or that they are too high and mighty or independant to care, and too bad that many people take those they love and who love them for granted when they are there. Maybe we all affect each other so much, too much, that life would be unbearable if we let each other really know how we felt. Either way, people affect each other. Human relationships are the realest thing that society offers. And there's nothing emptier and more scarring than when a relationship ends, or one person is gone.

Oh god, at this memorial, this choir is singing "There's a place for us- Somewhere" or whatever it is called from West Side Story. It's so fucking sad. It's fucking beautiful. It's such a crime how these people's real loss is used as a political tool in the election. That pisses me off.

I have been trying a lot to take things in the world that I once shared with Brian and making them my own, but it's really hard. Basically the whole time I lived in Hoboken we were together, and I am stuck in this city trying to make it my own again. I see law students all over the place, some I am still friends with, some I am still entertained by. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to see them for a while, get some distance from that really bad year I just had. I was in Brian's old apartment recently, other people were there I knew, and I wanted to go there, as a part of trying to dissassociate things from him. I don't think that was a good idea. The Apprentice is starting up again, and I have to make that my show to watch- not our show. Going to the supermarket is the worst. We went together like every other day- and he would always be there to carry the heavy milk jugs. And I go to the same store still. I am stuck with all of it. This apartment he stuck me with, this town- and he is in another town, with nothing there that he and I shared. He even has a new cell phone, where he apparantly stores pictures of his Barely Legal slutbag girlfriend which he shows the boys. And the italian festival is starting up- we went to that fucking thing together too.

I have to remember how it began. I wasn't interested in him at first. I had ruled him out. I was actually trying to set him up with one of my friends. He didn't seem smart or to have anything to say- so I told myself, ah well, he's just another boring one. But there were 2 reasons why I changed my mind. First off, he had told me the web address of his blog. And I read it, and truth be told, his old blog was hilarious and great- he had exactly my kind of humor, which I was surprised at- and I was impressed by his creativity, and some sign of ambition in what he had. Second, I found myself looking forward to seeing him all of the time. I realized I just got so excited if we wound up on the same path train, or at the chance to sit next to him in class. Or that sometimes all I would think about during class was when we would meet after class and talk, or ride the path home together.

I guess I don't know why I fell in love with him, or why it was almost love at first sight. When it first started out I recognized that I couldn't really have intelligent conversations with him, and that he wasn't really a thinker- like- at all. But he wasn't voting for Bush and was from the South, so I thought maybe he was ok in the cognitive area. Plus he told me he loved me so early. Forget how much I loved him. He loved me so so much. That was great. I mean however it fell, however fucked up he is- he loved me with all of his heart and he made sure that I knew it. But this is a man whose priority is having a certain path in life. Now he has chosen law school over any life, and he has picked out his wife and he even knows what town he will live in, and already knows where he will work in 2 years. And he didn't think I would ever move with him. He is too tiny, and he desires a tiny and secure world with no room for uncertainties. I guess he has no room for me in all of it. I am bigger than that.

And I have found a happy medium in the "gettin with boys" dept. I've kind of gone back to a more old fashioned style. I don't really like doing more than kissing. So I'm a kisser now. That can actually be nice so long as it is with nice young gentlemen. And I discovered that I am not too old to be bringing boys (not strangers of course) back to my place and just kissing them. I kind of thought that people don't do that any more. But it is acceptable. As it should be. They are lucky they are getting any in the first place.

Did I ever tell you I hate guinea pigs? They suck!

You suck you little guinea pig, I hate you!

1 comment:

Натали Кобрарвота said...

yea i agree. guinea pigs are fukking horse shit. theyre not fukkin cute whatsoever. they take 347394873983739847 shits per minute, will piss directly on you while staring you dead in the eye...theyr expensiv, boring, make obnoxious sounds, stink like fuk, have beady lifeless eyes..the list goes on...they need fukkin manicures and are about as far from cool as animals can be. they look like metrosexual beavers. they got nasty shit infested chicken feet. they live in perpetual fear, even in houses where there is no threat of harm an everyone likes them. spoiled douchebag pokemon. my mom got 2. they deserve to be taken to the chinese restaurant. theyre much more cool as general tso's chicken than a pet. cute?nah. thats not an accurate description. they all are nothing but different shitty haircuts with a face. i believe thats what crawled atop donald trumps head an died there. horrible bullshit creatures. to those that like them, i will never understand what you see in them. and their fools. they must eat their own shit or they will die. that is testament to its inherent stupidity: when presented with the choice to either eat shit or die, they choose to eat shit. i dont know where they could ever exist in the wild. something would kill n eat them the moment them beady eyes hit the sunlight. but maybe their epic n legendary vile nature makes them unappetizing to predators. no snake wants a mouthful of brown shit flavored tic tacs. cheers. my advice to people lookin to git a pet: git a snake, spider, or something else kickass. or maybe a cat. those are fukking awesome. but git a guinea pig, you will more than likely regret it. so lame. later. <3 natalie cleotatra kobrapuke