Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Welcome to the Blah-gg

Yeah, so I feel blah

Kind of like how this guy feels.

Here's your musical sample for the day: http://www.mtv.com/bands/az/jem_rock_/artist.jhtml Click on the song title "They".
It's by an artist named Jem, and it's not this kind of Jem:
She's truly outrageous. (although this Jem also has great musical hits with her musical group, which I always liked better than the music of the Misfits or Barbie and the Rockers.)
And considering everything lately, I always enjoy hearing this artist's song- JoJo "leave" on the radio. But it's kind of sad cause her words are so much stronger than mine right now and she's 13 years old. Ah well, I suppose the words could've been written by a 50 year old songwriter up in some office at Arista or where ever.

Yesterday Brian moved the most evil of all couches out of my apartment. This couch is evil because I bought it for him. When we were making plans to move in around June, he had said he wanted a couch, but I wanted a futon. But I was pretty whatever about it. He was much more emphatic about how he didn't want a futon, so I went searching for a reasonable couch so we could have a nice apt when he came back. I went hunting for couches, spending evenings visiting people's apts looking at their couches for sale and found a really cheap and nice one off of www.hobokeni.com, and spent a day moving it with the help of my friend Matt out of an apt building, and it was certainly a bitch. Then when it was move in day it was the most challenging thing to get it into the damned place on the hottest day ever. My dad and I had to remove the front door to get it in, and did a number on the hallway. But finally it was in there. Now my roommate lives in the living room, so with the couch in the way she has no room for her things. So after all the whole multi-day process of aquiring this piece of furniture, the evil couch had to go, and Brian had to get rid of it. And seeing him was weird of course. The moment that we hugged was probably the only time I have felt happy in about 2 months.

This whole being unhappy thing is weird, I make sure to do different things with different people, but I am merely entertained and appreciative of the world and the nice things in it right now. I have been able to enjoy many things lately, but really only in that moment that I experience whatever it is. For example, just with friends, in the moments and time that I spend with different people, I am enjoying myself. But the moment I step back, nothing stays with me. It just fades away. And I know that other people are in much worse situations than I, and that I have so much more to be happy about, but knowing that makes me much sadder. I feel so sad that other people have it worse, and that how I feel and what I experience is better than how other people feel. That just lets me know that it gets worse.

And looking back at who I have always been, I realize that the person I was before this past July was a person who could and would do anything. I was unstoppable for so long- endlessly strong and determined and focused and reliable. But that's just it. I was unstoppable. I have just been stopped.

Anyhow, as I said goodbye to Brian out on the streets of Hoboken, I bumped into yet another person from my high school and discovered yet another person from my high school that lives in Hoboken. I graduated with so many wonderful and creative people and its great to have them around now. It was great catching up with this one chap named Dave from high school, a "film/photo" guy, who shares the more cruel side of my sense of humor (for example, Dave was the kind of person with whom I could point to an ugly person having their picture taken and comment- 'why would you want a picture of that', and could safely make my sept 11 halloween joke with- and I won't tell it here for fear of the wrath it may incur). Particularly interesting to me is two young chaps by the name of Eric and Steve from Roxbury High School who are making a killing off of selling t-shirts that say "Bayside Tigers" on them (as in Saved by The Bell). So now I know 3 entities who make crazy cash off of t-shirts, Shayna, these owners of "Bayside Clothing" and the folks over at www.bustedtees.com. Perhaps we are all missing the cash infested boat of the illustrious t-shirt fortune to be made out there.

And I had a lovely weekend down the shore at LBI, which I will share with you once I upload the photos this evening. I spent some time with one of my top 10 people of all time, Maria, and am excited by the possibility of visiting her in Mozambique in the spring (she's gonna live there for a few months with family)

Mozambique . . .

And here's a final thought for now, my favorite passage about love.
Plato wrote this book called the Symposium on Love

My favorite part is Aristophanes speech.
Here's a little summary:
Aristophanes draws an engaging myth that suggests that we were once all twice the people we are now, but that our threat to the gods prompted Zeus to cut us in half. Ever since, we have wandered the earth looking for our other half in order to rejoin with it and become whole. Agathon follows up Aristophanes, and gives a rhetorically elaborate speech that identifies Love as young, beautiful, sensitive, and wise. He also sees Love as responsible for implanting all the virtues in us. Socrates questions Agathon's speech, suggesting that Agathon has spoken about the object of Love, rather than Love itself.
Here's the whole thing:

I cut and pasted the good parts:
The sexes were not two as they are now, but originally three in number; there was man, woman, and the union of the two, having a name corresponding to this double nature, which had once a real existence, but is now lost, . . . ., Zeus discovered a way. He said: "Methinks I have a plan which will humble their pride and improve their manners; men shall continue to exist, [190d] but I will cut them in two and then they will be diminished in strength and increased in numbers; this will have the advantage of making them more profitable to us. . . . .

And when one of them [192c] meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, [192d] and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment. Suppose Hephaestus, with his instruments, to come to the pair who are lying side by side and to say to them, "What do you people want of one another?" they would be unable to explain. And suppose further, that when he saw their perplexity he said: "Do you desire to be wholly one; always day and night to be [192e] in one another's company? for if this is what you desire, I am ready to melt you into one and let you grow together, so that being two you shall become one, and while you live a common life as if you were a single man, and after your death in the world below still be one departed soul instead of two -- I ask whether this is what you lovingly desire, and whether you are satisfied to attain this?" -- there is not a man of them who when he heard the proposal would deny or would not acknowledge that this meeting and melting into one another, this becoming one instead of two, was the very _expression of his ancient need. [193a] And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love. . .

But my words have a wider application -- they include men and women everywhere; and I believe that if our loves were perfectly accomplished, and each one returning to his primeval nature had his original true love, then our race would be happy. And if this would be best of all, the best in the next degree and under present circumstances must be the nearest approach to such a union; [193d] and that will be the attainment of a congenial love. Wherefore, if we would praise him who has given to us the benefit, we must praise the god Love, who is our greatest benefactor, both leading us in this life back to our own nature, and giving us high hopes for the future, for he promises that if we are pious, he will restore us to our original state, and heal us and make us happy and blessed.

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