Tuesday, November 30, 2004

The World is my Oyster you chumps.

Well I've been working on a commercial a lot yesterday and today and I'll be on set today. Yay. It's funny cause the talent is a bunch of beauty queens and their lines are really cheesy. Lines such as "Join (Unnamed) Gym today and be a winner! What does it take to be a winner? Losing weight! Firm those Buns! Be a winner!". So I don't have much time for blogging.

Highlight of yesterday- the male company I was with agreed to come with me to get a manicure. He didn't get polished or anything, but it was rather fun to bring a guy with me to a nail salon.

Ah yes and I saw Kinsey.
Great movie that's been getting great reviews. And it's a great movie. Really well told biopic on the life of the controversial "sex scientist". And I couldn't agree more that a man like that needed to explore what he explored. Sex is so paramount in human lives- people need to understand it. And fucking halleluyah for some of Kinsey's revelations. I imagine it opened a lot of doors for our generation of sex-havers. I only wish my ex could watch it. He'd possibly learn some things I've been trying to tell him for a while. I definately think its a negative to be old fashioned about sexual activities.

Moving along, the story is well told. I like the chronology of scenes and the time and attention paid to each element and its pacing. To put this movie in a nutshell- it's Honest. Very honest about people and the subject material. And it's really not too dirty or graphic, and the people who have a problem with the movie are idiots, and they must really have a problem with the real life Kinsey cause the movie is totally not controversial. At least I don't think so. It's too honest and direct- simply telling you who he was and what he did. Oh and there's this one very short scene where the director films a conversation with no close-ups, just full away, like down a hallway. Watching the actors deliver the lines from far away like that- important lines- was really interesting to me and I liked it.

Well acted. Peter Sarsgaard is so engaging. And naked. He gets naked. I am not a fan of his hairyness- but it's ok. He's not magnificent, but he's normal looking, not movie star looking. So it was still a nice view. What can I say, I like naked dudes. Oh yeah, back to the acting. I think Peter stands out- he's so real, natural, open on the camera. I love it. A very Brad Renfro/Nick Stahl quality about him. And this chick Julianne Nicholson played a small role, but I felt she had potential too. Laura Linney and Liam Neeson are both equally great, and do a fine, consistent job. I don't think oscar though. I think if anything Laura Linney could be nominated for Supporting Actress. Not sure though. I haven't seen too many good female roles out there this year- so maybe a Best Actress nom. Liam could get nominated, but I don't think he'd win- it's just not that kind of role.

Oh yeah, and it partly takes place in Hoboken, at Stevens Institute. Cool.

Much to my surprise, Kelly Clarkson's new music video is good stuff. I like her look/makeup wardrobe, the video itself is stylish, and the song is well written. It's very indie music inspired, and perhaps a sign that indie-pop is on its way to a TRL near you. And what fun she has in the video. I love smashing stuff. Only wish I could do it more often.
Here ya go:
Click on "Since U Been Gone"
Perhaps it's the pop music machine creating an image for her, or perhaps she's actually cool- I don't know. But while Ashlee Simpson and Avril Lavigne simply sport a punk look and put out entirely pop-fluffy music, this is a pop chick with a truly good song.

And I'd like to give some post-thanksgiving-thanks.
Fucking thank god I am not in law school anymore. Haha you fucking chumps! Enjoy your finals!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

The Pilgrims and the Indians Broke Bread Together

I would enjoy seeing a music video for a hardcore band that is nothing but the music playing over a still shot of pilgrims like these. And then in the final 5 seconds, there would be slutty pligrim cheerleaders running around screaming. I can't wait till I grow up to be a director.

Shooting the Shit on Wednesday night.

I had tons o fun Wednesday night- a night which began with me being fucking exhausted after work, not because work is hard- but because I don't get enough sleep. I got home, without much certainty that after I took off my shoes that I would be able to move off my messy bed. I had given up on the idea of bothering taking the train home on this rainy night, was feeling completely sad and miserable, decided to purchase a big steak and a big bottle of wine. Ate that, changed my mind, hopped on the train to Morristown, and decided to meet my friends at a bar there. I really like the Office and the crowd that goes there. But I really hate the crowd at other Morristown bars (Jimmys is for bungholes). We went to the Office and I had fun and met some interesting blokes. Some I had met while hitching a ride with strangers, but they were really very innocent looking and I didn't have much choices- I thought that the bar was walkable from the train station but I was wrong. Allz I know is that I ended up at some random house in Rockaway where this kid had this awesome projector thingy on his wall and a nice selection of mp3s as well as a nice cowboy hat.

The "Reunion" was rather pleasant. A good group of people came, and I saw some faces that I had missed over these years. Coolest thing- one chick is in the secret service and she gets to use guns and everything! Dammit she's so cool I hate myself. Anyhow. It wasn't a ton of people or anything, but enough different faces to make it worth the effort. But I got really worn out. When the bar closed, we decided to go into the city for the 2-5am bracket. The bar was ok. I was happy when the DJ played Billy Idol's cradle of love. I was even happier when the DJ paid for our cabs back to Hoboken cause super late night Path riding always blows fat ones.

Us in between Hoboken and NYC. The joy of PATH riding.

My mom taught me how to say "I am a little bit retarded" in Dutch this weekend. I can't spell it though. But I like to say it. I can't wait to go back. I can also say that I am romantically in love with the cows. I figure I need to know these things if I ever attempt to court a Dutch lover. Thanksgiving like most holidays always kinda depressed me because we have these 2 distant families- our Dutch family and our Jewish family. Our Jewish family is all split up in distant places across the US, and our Dutch family is, well, in Holland. But we do have some relatives that are my grandma's sister's family, and we always meet up in Long Island on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and that's really the one and only time of year that we do something regular every year, with people we are related to. And as much as it's the same old same old, I like it. But it's getting smaller. Some family moved, some family passed. But we're still doing it, and I guess I hope we keep it up forever.

Finally, I ought to share things that I do not like:
- People who use the word "re-donk-ulous".
- Hairs in the eyes or mouth. Get them out get them out.

Sylvia, Goodbye Lenin


I don’t understand why this movie got bad reviews. It’s one of the best movies I’ve seen in a while. It was directed by a female, starring a female, about a famous female Poet’s life. It communicated something about the female experience that I’ve never seen in film before, and maybe that’s why all those male critics out there didn’t appreciate it- they had no idea what it was touching upon. Some of the moments in this film were so finely crafted by director and actress that I was able to identify like I never have before. Maybe there’s something to be said about who’s watching a movie. Sideways is getting great reviews, but it wasn’t all that special to me- I don’t think I am who the movie speaks to. Also- I thought Virginia Madsen’s wine monologue was pretentious and predictable. I dunno. It just wasn’t for me. Back to Sylvia . . .

I’ve said before that some recent movies have offered up female characters that I can identify with which have never existed in cinema before, Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation, Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine, and Natalie Portman in Garden State. But I relate to those characters in an entirely different way from the way that I related to Sylvia, and Sylvia is a real person, so perhaps there was something realer there for me that these fictional ladies couldn’t offer.

I have to say that this is the finest acting I’ve ever seen from Gwyneth Paltrow, more impressive than in Shakespeare in Love, and definitely more demanding. And I really liked the screenplay- there were some well chosen moments that I think really worked and helped tell this biography. The whole thing was directed well too. Just that some of the moments in this movie were just so damn real- the romantic moments, the painful ones, the happy ones, this one where she’s looking at a ceiling light fixture, or when they are out in the ocean. Arg it really struck me!

The real Plath and Hughes.

Goodbye Lenin

Well done, all around good fun, good drama- gives a great historical perspective of Germany in the early 90s. Watch DVD extra about the special effects. Seamless integration- I didn’t even think about them when watching it.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Stuffing Holes. Happy Weekend to you.

The Aviator

Scorsese and Lonergan

Lonergan interviews Scorsese
Leonardo DiCaprio is amazing in this movie. He's actually always good. I'd say his young career has impressed most people. He can really get to you and tear into a role. Well this time, I'd say, is exactly the right role to win him an Oscar. Depp was fantastic in Finding Neverland- with very realistic subtlety in all the right places- but the script really didn't allow him to go as far as DiCaprio had to go. This was one fucking hell of a role. I haven't seen Ray yet- but this is definitely Oscar winning material.

But Scorsese is inconsistent here. I feel that he put all his heart into perfecting the second half of the movie (which by the way was like 2 and a half hours long!). The first half had no movement. Cuts were dull- I hated the editing. Some of the choices Scorsese made seemed pointless. Rufus Wainwright, Frances Conroy, Willem Defoe, Loudon Wainwright, and Jude Law all made some really fun cameos- Jude's the most fun, as a surprisingly good Errol Flynn. Gwen Stefani fortunately really had no lines- I think she said one thing- and I was glad. Her presence in that role really did nothing for me. But all of the scenes in the first half seemed so disconnected and came across, as -ok- here ya go- this happened, and then this happened. Honestly he needs to cut it down more.

Also, about color and style- in much of the first half he fucks with the colors- in the interview he said it was on purpose, to reflect his love for movies made in the time period that the movie was at chronologically. So part of the movie is just red/brown and blue tones. But it took away from the movie instead of enhancing it. There was a time when Leo is eating blue peas. It's just stupid and meaningless and it doesn't enhance the feel of the piece. I think it should have been a bit more subtle rather than goofy. Also, later there are scenes in a court, and he shoots it to look like old news footage. That works. Oh yeah and the camera work is fantastic.

Anyhow, the whole thing turns around by the second half. There's one remarkable scene where something really bad happens and he does a damn good job on this. He presents a nice balance of glamour and "gritty" realism. The second half is flawless and quite an achievement. One thing though is the difference in performances of the actors. DiCaprio's character is demanding and multi-faceted. But all of the other roles are kind of silly, and not really demanding at all. They are just simple characters. Cate Blanchet should be given credit for doing an excellent job as the magnificent Kate Hepburn. She was fantastic. And there is this moment where Howard Hughes calls Kate Hepburn on acting instead of being real, which I guess is an element of her character. At first I thought Cate was cartoonish as Kate, but I think maybe that's how she really was. And Alan Alda does a swell job in his role as well. Otherwise, all the other parts, including Kate Beckensdale and Alec Baldwin, are simple. Oh yeah, and also in a simple role was Adam Scott. He's got good presence. I think he's got potential.

There's a lot of interesting thematic elements throughout the piece and I am not going to talk about that cause I don't want to spoil it for you. Oh yeah, and I like the mood of how it starts- no credits, etc. I recommend it. As a whole, it's one hell of a movie. I got to ask Scorsese a question too, but it's a spoiler so I'm not telling ya.

I do in fact talk to my ex boyfriend, Brian, on a regular basis. We are friends of a sort. Nuff said. I'm not going into it, but we're on good terms. But in the event I should ever casually refer to him or something he said/did, don't be shocked. It ain't no thang.

Oh- and I decided on a headshot:

Behold- a star is born.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Yay! Yay!

I'm having a really good day.

1. We are shooting a commercial, boss says to me, take 100 dollars from the petty cash for wardrobe and get yourself something at Puma (I got a super fly BMW racing track jacket).

2. I have to return something at Un-named Office supply store- and instead of refunding for that one item, they refunded the whole order. Boss says keep it, and get something from that store too.

3. I am seeing a screening of the Aviator tonight at the Director's Guild with my bosses- and Martin Scorcese is going to be there to talk about it! And last time he went there to talk about his movie Gangs of New York- he was interviewed by Speilberg- and Speilberg is in the area filming War of the Worlds- so it might be him again- either way Scorcese- YAY!

4. And a day after I got some headshots done- I get an audition for this really cool play- character description:
Jill- Heart on a string. Scrambled eggs. Trying to get her life in order. Outgoing and tells it like it is. Very sarcastic. actress.
Duh! It's perfect! I want it! Yay!

Now if only I could have sex with Colin Ferrell my day would be complete. Who knows, this track jacket is super fly. Perhaps he will come and find me now that I've got it on.

Back to work I go . . .

Monday, November 22, 2004

Artest Just Wanted Hugs 4 Real

FUCK I hate computers sometimes. I just lost the whole fucking post I just wrote, time to start from scratch.

I wrote about Jim Henson and how I saw "Commercials and Experiments" on Saturday and how awesome and kickass it was. It fucking blew my mind- it was all from before the Muppets really existed. And it was funnier and more "out there" than anything made right now. This one aspirin commercial was so freakin out there and amazing that everyone was freakin shocked after watching it. And he was the coolest. I couldn't find any pictures on the net of him back then, the one above he's a little older than what I saw, but perhaps you can get the idea. He was absolutely striking. He had this long face and mesmerizing blue eyes and he was so tall. It's kind of funny cause his hairstyle and beard are totally back "in" again. On old late night talk shows he came of with a gentle and funny charisma, and a genius presence like Andy Warhol.

By all means, the humor depicted in his old work would be considered modern and cutting edge today. For example, in a commercial he did, muppets exploded for not using the product being advertised. Perhaps it's just my penchant for things exploding, but it's at least braver than the bullshit on SNL today. (I personally attribute SNL for the declining quality of comedy being produced today, just as the Spears/Spice Girls phenom has paved the way for the intense suckiness of today's music- Lohan WTF?- that stuff should not even have been created- I've made more creative poops.) Oh great. Now I just realized with that combo of words people looking for Lohans' poop might come to my site. I've had some pretty interesting searches wind up here. I'm listed pretty high for people searching for David Hasselhoff in Spongebob, Michelle Trachtenburg's boobs, Kip Pardue people dated, naked Mischa Barton, and some other nonsense with gay people. Ah yes, I have the power to see what you searched for to get here. HA aha haha.

So back to business.
If there's one thing NBA players love, it's to give hugs. Big burly athletic hugs.
Here is a picture of Shaq hugging people, and his teammates hugging him in 2002:

Unfortunately a lot of fans are really kind of rude on account of Shaq being so poor and a lot of the fans with floor seats have a lot of money and are prejudiced against poor people. So a lot of time it's really their xenophobia against the poor getting in the way and they are disgusted and don't want to be touched by someone who is pitted so deep into poverty.

But that's really a widespread problem in the NBA. The fans in the floor seats eat their fancy sirlion hot dogs, while the NBA players sip on Gatorade that has been donated by the Gatorade people. It creates a lot of tension, and since being an NBA player is such a thankless job- they can get really tired and cranky after a lot of game play. And so they want to reach out to the fans they love, but there's all these social hangups and formalities in the way. Ugh, I just hate how people let their racism get in the way of love. And Artest is the most recent NBA player looking to cuddle- and he gets benched for the rest of the season! Unbelievable.

Somebody please give this snuggle bear the hugs he craves!

Finally, I had the talented Kate Shafer take some headshots for me. Next time around, I'll put some more effort into the hair and makeup, but anyhow, quite honestly, I can't see more than good or bad lighting when looking at a picture of my own face. So- since I am going to be using this one picture for the next few months, or at least until Kate returns from Paris, I'd like to know- which one do you think is best- and that would make people want to cast me? Eh? Let me know- here they are at my new and barely used flickr account:
Fink Face Action: warning- un-retouched
I even included 2 of the old headshots- so have I grown since 16?

And I have more stories, but I also have some bullshit to do here at work. I'll tell you about this moment when I thought I had died and gone to some subway car between hell and earth later.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Saturday Surprise: Guest Blogger

From the man I referred to as my muse last Thursday:
First, i would like to say that i greatly appreciate your kind words. And in the same vein, i am going to have to turn you into MY muse. So, i've been talking and thinking about life and what makes it good and worthwhile. Seems that a great many of us really dont know our asses from our elbows. But what i think i do know is that the surest way to happiness is in the act of creating.

This brings me to a memory of good ol' Gee Dub. I used to have lots of ideas, ones that seem brilliant to me. And you always end up hearing about some bullshit invention that you know you thought of before, but never carried it out. I dont want this to happen again. Recall our idea for Mrs. Pussy Pants (patent pending)? i think that if we can somehow get gina on board, with all her undergarment knowledge-she's actually working in a panty office-i think that idea can really go forward. But how do you really start a business? I mean, i think it's somewhat obvious, but could it really work? in addition, but separate to all that, i have been considering the pet industry. you know how crate training for dogs is highly preferred now, and is supposed to be the best method? well, i think i agree. what i do not agree with is how ugly those horrible big giant plastic crates look in someones house, not to mention how uncomfortale they look for the puppies to chill in.

my proposal is this: i plan to invent nice looking indoor 'crates' that act as little houses for dogs. why shouldnt their owners buy them a nice little house instead of a hard plastic jail cell? also, cats need help too. they have those scratching posts, but i hate them even more than the crates. why cant there be some kind of clay like material that is sculpted into something nice to put in your house, even tho the cats are gonna scratch it up anyway? well, there can be. i want to be a businessman. my specialty: lingerie and pet supplies. will you help me fulfill my dreams, oprah...i mean finky?
-Justin M

Friday, November 19, 2004

I'm Just Sittin on the Dock of The Bay

Saw Mickybo and Me last night and loved it. It was really really funny. I am very picky about what movies are funny- and I'd say this consistently provided laughs throughout. These little kids were almost like live action South Park, in Ireland- not the same kind of subject material, but still. It was capable of providing an extremely entertaining adventure, laughs, and shedding light on the conflict in Northern Ireland (at least I think it was Northern Ireland, it might have been regular Ireland, but as far as I know the conflict is stronger in Northern Ireland, right? Plus I got some other clues that it was there, anyhow . . .). We were invited to see a screening of The Woodsman tonight and participating in a discussion afterwards, but honestly I don't know if that's what I want to be doing on a Friday night. Plus I don't really like pedophiles as subject material. Sorry.

At Rothko tonight there's going to be free Red Stripe Beer from 1 am to 4 am and free well drinks from 3am to 4am. (They're celebrating rennovating the place or something) That's . . . really compelling. I don't know if I can miss that even though I had intended to keep my ass in Hoboken. Whatever, we shall see.

And, bonus, you can attend a live online chat with John Cleese today at 1:30pm. Cool. John Cleese is da bomb.

Blink 182's new song Always is pretty good and so is the video. I used to like them accept I hated "All the Small Things" and most of that album. Dude Ranch was really great. I remember seeing them at Warped Tour 97 and nobody there was that into them. At Warped Tour 98, they were mobbed by hundreds of moshing-illiterate jocks. At Warped Tour 98 I thought I was so cool cause I kissed the bassist of Fenix TX, who at that time were named RiverFenix and were sued by River Phoenix's parent's for using that name. But they never did make it big . . . That was the last time I ever crowd surfed, accept for that time at Woodstock 99 when I wanted to get the fuck out of the front part of the audience. Audiences sure do change with the times.

When I got home around 11pm last night there was a batmobile parked in Hoboken. A real, functional Batmobile. I took pictures. Some guy said there were like 5 in the world. And some dude was driving it like a car. I asked were Batman was. Nobody knew where the owner was. If I was to bed any super hero it would be Batman. Ah, it's time to appreciate hot guys, yet again. In the movie last night there were scenes from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, with Paul Newman and Robert Redford. Ugh sooo hot. And also watching that was the first time it occured to me why the Sundance Film Festival was called the Sundance Film Festival. Duh me! BTW- Robert Redford is the hottest older man. Seriously- other dudes have not aged as well (I have never found Sean Connery attractive and never will) ooh but Richard Gere- he's pretty good . . .

Seriously Seriously Hot Cowboys.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

God Bless Us Everyone

I pray almost every day that my ex will end his relationship with the fetus. So many things happen all the time in this world, why can't that be one of the things that happens? I remember earlier this semester when he told me, "Sometimes I just think I should do away with it." I always think he should. If that happened it would be like a small orphan boy getting a loving family for Christmas. Or when Scrooge brings a goose for Tiny Tim. For the sake of all that is good in this world I would be the happiest little wisher if that wish came true. I am not funny today. It's not in there right now. That physical discomfort from earlier this week is lingering and I am just irritable and I want to break free. I was drunk some night this week and just jumping around.

I miss you Justin M in San Diego. I was dancing my eclectic dances last night and I had wished for the good old days of unsuitable dancing back in college. I missed the old house near U street and the puppy. I missed the disdain for other people. Justin M, oh and Dara too, those two people bring out the "Drop Dead Fred" in me to the fullest and better than anybody I know. Or at least a young lady named Marissa told Justin M that I was his Drop Dead Fred. And I liked to be. Justin M is a muse. He was friends with all the most amazing ladies at GW, he had tons of female friends. And his male friends were a more select group, but they were a special bunch. Everyone loved the Jamaican. And his girlfriend is a real Mermaid like in Splash. He brings out the best in people.

The only thing I have in my soul right now is to do my dances that I have shared with few. Maybe I will take a night alone in my room, shut the door, and videotape them and put them up on the blog. No. I won't. I don't know what kind of sick fucks would like that and take it and put it up on some bullshit site for assholes. Like that time I was on a site (against my desirings) under the catagory "teens in tubes and tanks". What kind of sick fuck has a thing for teens who are wearing tube tobs? Naked chicks isn't enough? You specifically desire chicks in a specific cut of shirts??!! I fear those who looked at it. I had this one friend who told me he had alone time with these pictures. It was Don. Don you're a real peice of work. And I mean that. A real peice of work. I'm not taking that back either.

I saw these fudge cups at a sandwich shop and they claimed to be really delicious cups of homestyle fudge. They came in brown boxes. I wanted them, but didn't buy them. I imagine them to be great.

I am going to another movie screening tonight. This time it's Mickeybo and Me.

We are finally in production on a commercial at work. This job is so much cooler when we are in production. The actors are all supposed to be real beauty queens. They are very polite on the phone.

I have had friends express concern that I am not over my ex yet. I have tried hating him and tried pretending to ignore him and his existence. It doesn't work because it's not even what I want. I just trust that when it happens it happens. In the meantime I am not going to pretend that I don't care because I think that's bullshit and it won't last. I much prefer being honest to myself about my own feelings no matter how fucking stupid they are. This way I'll have dealt with all my baggage so that when the time is right, I can really wash my hands clean of all of it. I don't want any residual bullshit popping up for me later on. I say to the pain- hey pain, fucking bring it on. I don't want to be scratched, I want to be stabbed. And then I'll heal a hundred times stronger and maybe even develop immunity. I think the more pain I allow in the more indestructable my heart will be, like Supergirl.

Kitty Cat

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Welcome to my poetry corner

Here's some poems I found that I wrote the first week of college:

So far from you
Forced to get on with it
move on with my life
and find comfort
and trust
in a land of strangers
when I always could find
those things in you
time to forget the way things
used to be
Tossed into a new world
forced to find what I already had.
(I do not know what the fuck I was talking about here)
I am just too
Now for some guys
there is no such thing
those guys
are fucking sick
It's mine
Juicy Steak
Violent exaggerations
soft skin
encasing fragile materials
anatomy enaging in violence
escaping spirituality
the soul is hiding
behind the
eating the whole
soft and warm
Washing it down
with an ice cold glass
of white soft milk
in a dark wet shadow
swallowed by my
swallowed by your body
bodies swallowing
taking what is obvious
be honest with yourself
the fool
the soul hiding
I know where my shit is at.

Ahh memories. My first love. We started dating the last week of high school and we had the whole summer before I started college and it was quite magical. We both decided we didn't know what it was going to be like so we decided to try seeing other people cause we didn't want to mess with "The Freshman Experience". Our understanding was really a pretty cool one. We both had our taste of the many fish in the sea, which really helped us feel good about each other. Now we were on and off a lot- always on when we had summers together, and on later when he transferred to school in DC. The first summer after freshman year we backpacked across Europe together for a month. To this day the highlight of my life was when we rented a moped and went across the coast of the French Riviera, stopping in the small towns across the way from Nice to Monte Carlo. And when we got to Monte Carlo we made like we were "hugging' in the ocean but we most certainly were not hugging. The Japanese tourists made note of this.

Why is it that I have the most amazing memories in the world with my first love, but my second makes me want to slit my wrists being without him? The second didn't do much of anything fun or cool with me. And I imagine he never would. But I know part of the answer is that the second one just made me feel worthless by leaving me for some fucking southern hick fetus.

Yesterday I came up with a very firm conclusion about men. Any man I date must be really hot. This is because even the nicest of men with the greatest of personalities are still men, and all men are capable of screwing us over, and not treating us right, and lying. So. In conclusion he must at least be hot. So then at least I'll walk away having had a nice cut of meat. Don't hate me for it, hate your stupid polluted Y chromosome.

I am spending this morning rocking out to Serge Gainsbourg and eating a chocolate croissant and viewing some French people's commercials (cause sometimes I actually do work here). Viva la France.

I just discovered that on mtv.com you can watch, in full, Faith No More's video, "Epic", which I think is one of the best videos and best songs ever. Keep in mind it is from the early 90's. It's like Terminator or Predator for me. I was but a little girl when I first saw them, with poor taste, and meager tools for deciphering what was and wasn't cool- but somehow I knew these things were very cool, and loved them dearly. And I love Mike Patton today, he is sexy and talented. Dear Mike Patton: I am a cool girl and people like me, well I am not sure of that, but I like me, well actually a lot of times that isn't true and I wish that I was taller and more graceful among other things. Have a drink with me.

He recently put his talents on Handsome Boy Modeling School's new album. It looks good.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

A Very Boring Post

I've been designing a website for someone all day. I feel rather unpleasant.If there's one thing I hate it's Physical Discomfort, and I have it right now. It's too hot in here, my sweater is itchy, my stomach hurts.

The only happiness I have experienced so far today was finding out about this:
Muppets in Brooklyn
I think I want to go see the commercials and experiments. And that makes today fairly sucky. Muppets can only do so much for me. And yesterday I bought myself an expensive bottle of wine purchased to induce the happiness caused by indulgence. But it was merely ok. How can I indulge on something that's merely ok I ask you, how? Maybe I need a magnum of cristal. But I drank that shit before and it just tastes like good champagne, and good champagne isn't all that great. Not as great as good red wine, or meat, or pancakes.

I feel grumpy and bored and uncomfortable. And kind of sad. Stupid fucking Tuesday November 16, 2004- to hell with you!

I had considered placing various pictures of various discomforts in this post, such as social discomfort or moral discomfort. But I don't feel like it.

Also, what kind of sick asshole wants to eat a Hardee's Monster Thickburger? Seriously you have to be a real prick to desire that stupid thing. Don't even get me started on why that is. DON'T Even.

This is so much better than pictures of discomfort, a picture of Johnny after I had my way with him:

Fuck reality.

Monday, November 15, 2004

fun things to do when you are home alone

]pee with bathroom door open
]sit in your roommates bed
]eat in your roommates bed
]sit naked in your roommates bed
]eat while sitting naked in your roommates bed
]chew your roommates pillows while sitting naked in her bed
]touch all of the things in her drawers
]put crackers in her shoes
]hide all of her toothpaste (also in her shoes)
]cook all of her food in one big pot all together melted
]look at her pictures with dirty hands from all the food you touched all melted together and get smudges all over the pictures
]have a laissez-faire attitude towards punctuation

and roommate, if you are reading this, and this serves as some kind of confession, you should thank me for the shoe warning. i could've just let you fall into that trap. i am truly sorry. i only do it for attention.

Moving on, I realized there is a certain specific profile to the kinds of guys I like, but I realize that I also do not know how to talk to these kinds of boys. And these kinds of boys also tend to like stupid all-american blond girls. Kind of like the vapid girl in the Jimmy Eat World "Pain" video. They want well-behaved, obediant, pretty nitwits. These are the movie characters I would most like to date:
1. Ron Livingston in Office Space - this one is the closest to what I like 4 real dude!

2. From TV- Seth Cohen, at his real age, not his fake tv age.

3. Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles

4. Agent Sands in Once Upon a Time in Mexico
(before his eyes come out)

5. Jason Lee in Kissing a Fool (and as Brody)

6. Bodo in The Princess and the Warrior

7. Not a movie, but Nate in Six Feet Under

(the one on the right)
8. Bruce Wayne

In all his forms.
9. Agent Fox Mulder in X Files

And the characters that Colin Ferrell and Vince Vaughn make of themselves as celebrities. And also Justin Theroux in Six Feet Under, and Brad Pitt's character in Fight Club, Ocean movies, and Snatch- all kind of similar. I like them all dark and disturbed, and confident and funny, and boyish, whatever that means. And the good guy who doesn't follow the crowd, and who likes the poontang but isn't "all about" the poontang. Oh, and let me not forget,
10. The Jesus character in Passion of the Christ. SUUPER HOT!

Finally, I wanted to warn some of you about the dangers of the internet. Sometimes there's explosions up in here. And internet pornography.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I'm Cancelling Plans

All I want to do today is stay in bed away from the cold, the best place to hide in the whole wide world, with the best blanket in the whole wide world, that I've had since I was maybe 10 or something.

Sunday. It's all mine. I'm cancelling plans.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Fun Little Knickerbocker Story

At the Knicks game last night, there were about 20-30 high school boys all sitting in the row in front of us, up in nosebleed. They were fairly funny, as high school boys are, screaming and cheering their heads of for this cheesy half-time magic show and stuff like that. And there was this guy, late 20s, looked kind of like the dork from Welcome Back Kotter, and his friend, some pretty boy who looked like he worked on Wall Street, sitting in front of them. I guess he wanted to be cool and loud and funnier than they were, so he started yelling stuff about doing the Wave and other such nonsense. And of course, he was doing this in front of high school boys. They make fun of everything and anything that isn’t them- especially when they are in groups- you have to expect that.

So they are laughing at him, telling him to sit down, the guy gets more rowdy, they throw some pop corn at him- honestly, they were being good considering that they were high school kids. I’ve seen much worse as a high school kid on field trips. And the older guys have no sense of humor about it. Wall Street boy gets all pissed and he’s drunk, and he’s got that bull stampede look in his eyes as if someone was “messin with his girl”- you know, the “hey look at me, I have me some testosterone- seriously, please look cause I am gonna show you!”. And these guys start saying stupid shit like, “Hey you want a beer, oh wait, I forgot, you can’t, you’re not old enough.” And the delivery was weird and hostile and not funny. Then mister pissed steps over the rows and grabs one of the kids by the neck and starts yelling at him like “don’t fuck with me”.

So this is when I take advantage of my female status, cause I can get away with yelling at him and he can’t hit me back. There is nothing that shuts and angry boy up quicker than a girl making an ass out of you. And I only pull it out when I find it necessary. And seeing some loser pick on little high school kids is definitely reason enough for me. So I start yelling stuff at him, along the lines of “Hey you, you need to stop now, you’re making a complete ass out of yourself, .. . . stop embarrassing yourself, it’s pathetic, . . . stop picking on little kids, it’s no big deal, . . . hey, see that thing behind you, it’s a basketball game, watch it . . . chicks think you suck.” Etc. The boys enjoyed it, the guy looked like an idiot. And then you know what happens?

Finally a security guy comes by, and tells me to stop or I will be kicked out. And that’s hilarious, cause here I am sitting in my seat, trying to shut this idiot up, and there’s this drunk angry asshole down below standing up, etc- but anyhow, I don’t get kicked out, peace is restored. It was funny.

And at the end, there were the people shooting t-shirts up into the stands. And one comes to the high school kids, and all 20 of them wrestle their hearts out for the silly t-shirt none of them will wear anyway. And it’s down to 3 kids and they spend a good solid 5 minutes trying to grab the shirt with every ounce of their being. And finally there was a victor. And he stands up, smiles, and tosses it to me.

Ah, high school boys. I guess Brian was right, winning the hearts of high school kids can be fun.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Toothpaste is not good lipgloss and other lessons learned

Good morning.
Lesson learned: some people never change, don't give them the benefit of the doubt.

I have a really bad problem with thinking people are better than they are. I like to think that there is good in the hearts of all people, and that the only reason people are jerks is because they don't know any better- but that people truly mean well- they just don't know how to be or how to show it.

But I should know better. After all, I have met the evil that is Dean Boozang, and stared into her cold black eyes and saw not an ounce of human feelings. Rather, in those little beaty black circles, I saw orphans dying in a river of fire. I should know, after talking to someone like her, that in this world there are people who cannot be given the benefit of the doubt. These are the people that define: asshole.

The story of A and B:
There was a person (A) who I am not close friends with but have known for a long time who found out that his friend (B) did something bad to him- because I mentioned something to A that revealed B's bad deed without knowing that I was revealing anything relevant. A seemed to me to be very sad and unhappy about what B had done. So I emailed B and said- hey listen, I told A about the bad thing you did, and he knows, and you should apologize to him because I think it would make him feel better. Of course I rambled on as I have a tendency to do so. B's response? Basically that I am a crazy bitch, I shouldn't get involved in other people's business and I should never speak to B ever again. So my first reaction was that B is a total jerk. I was just trying to help and I only revealed B's badness by accident. My second reaction was- no- B is right. I should not have gotten involved at all. And I also thought that my earlier revelation maybe wasn't as bad as I had thought so maybe I could make it better by telling A that it wasn't that bad. So I tried that. And basically- now A and B think I am a crazy bitch and essentially called me a crazy bitch for saying anything.

This is the first time someone has called me crazy to my face and meant it in a bad way, and I really don't like it. The only reason I even opened my mouth in the first place was cause I felt bad for A and thought by telling B to apologize it could only help. I also thought I should because B didn't know that I had revealed the bad thing to A. But seriously, looking back on it- I should've realized these people can work it out for themselves, and that it's their problem not mine. But I guess A just seemed so unhappy it made me unhappy. Which I guess is stupid cause A isn't even a close friend of mine.

I should've remembered that B was a jerk and basically mean in high school, and I shouldn't have ever expected him to respond favorably to a request to apologize to A. I should've known my audience. I should've, I guess, stayed the hell out of it.

I suppose what it all comes down to is that I am too sensitive to other people's pain and that can get me in to trouble. I mean, after watching the movies City of God and Requiem for a Dream, I was seriously sad for days. In Constitutional Law I couldn't even read about this case about this girl who was raped without wanting to cry for her. I guess it's just that with knowing how pain feels, I can't help but want to stop other people's pain if I see that it's possible. But the moral of the story here seems to be that I shouldn't. Or maybe that's not even it. Maybe I just went about it all wrong. Maybe I should realize that fixing problems is a much more difficult and complicated task that I imagined. That my "just do it" approach doesn't work in all situations. That it's simply American to pretend not to care about things. Ugh yeah, and that reminds me of my persistent paranoia I've always had that I just don't understand things because I wasn't raised in a traditional American household with traditional American ways.

Did you see Muppets in Space? Great movie. I love muppets and muppet movies and muppet meat. (scroll down to "Eating Muppet")
Anyhow, not to ruin the movie, but Gonzo discovers that he isn't actually weird. He discovers there's a whole planet of Gonzos and there he is one of them. Well I feel kind of like that when I go to Holland. I realize that a lot of my attitudes and behaviors aren't weird when I go there, and that the mentality I proscribe is rather common there. The Dutch are a fearless, silly, talkative bunch. And if it wasn't for the little life I've built in America, I'd move there in a second. Ah hell, maybe I should just try it for a year or something.
Moving on, I had a nice night, checked out a VIP snob place- "lotus". It's fun being on the "list", but sometimes it creates higher expectations than necessary. I didn't go out to the screening yesterday. I skipped it to check this out. I had a nice time and some really tasty drinks. Apparently the party was a film/kung-fu/capoeira party. Me and my cronies were only mildly amused. We decided to leave and eat burgers instead. PS- The Meatpacking district has the most beautiful little stretch of bars. All the little streets have dutch names, my favorite intersection is where 12th and Greenwich and 9th Ave come together. You gotta check it out dude.

Going to a Knicks game tonight, or as mon friere Tom calls it- "watching millionaires fight" with a ball.

Finally, just saw the trailer for Son of the Mask. I swear I vomited. At least in my imagination. But at least the Oceans 12 trailer and Imaginary Heroes made me feel much better. And Primer. Imaginary Heroes has actors I love in it: Signorney Weaver, Emile Hirsch, Jeff Daniels, and Kip Pardue. I am excited just like Jessie from Saved by the Bell.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Movies on the mind

Went to a screening of "Finding Neverland" last night and had a terrific time. Much of the fun to be had took place before the movie however. First I met the coolest lady while standing on line, Jeri. And her website is: www.jericomplete.com. We reflected on the virtue of turning your life upside down and reexaming what you are going to do with it. Her son, for example, went to law school, but does not work as a lawyer. He reviews the arts for the New York Post instead. I'd say he made a good choice. And then these women sitting next to me at the movie shared great burglary stories.

One woman was nodding off on the subway, and she had a dwane reed bag sitting on the ground next to her legs, with a big huge thing of toilet paper in the bag. Someone stole her toilet paper! Awesome. And then the other woman said this guy tried to mug her, and she told him, "Listen, I don't really have anything good in there. Take what you want, but please let me have my keys." He takes the bag, looks inside it, very stunned, has a very embarrassed look on his face, takes nothing, throws the bag on the ground, and runs off. Awesome.

And before the show there were giveways and PRIZES! I LOVE PRIZES. I think that a boy could win my heart by throwing private givaways and drawings for me so that I could win big. And boy did I ever win big. I won the big prize- Sceneit, a new DVD movie trivia game. I don't know if I am going to like it, but it was free and I won it! I won it by answering how many movies Depp and Burton did together and what they are. Do yoooo know the answer?

And while on line this guy said in a very sneaky and sleuth-like way, "Hey, you guys, we are doing a special screening tomorrow of National Treasure, and it's not like this one, it's going to be very small, like 25 people, we are looking for a certain kind of people to come, we want you to see it." I think he invited me cause I was wearing this very smart new jacket I bought and he must have noticed the unique leather detailing. David thought it was because they were going to have their way with me. That's not how he phrased it though. David has a vile potty mouth. And I am going to see it, but I feel regret that I will miss the next O.C. Somebody tape/tivo it please!

Me: I think I just got hit in the head with a quarter
David: Live it up, it's your money now

Best movie websites:
Oscar Predictions
Rotten Tomatoes- best movie reviews
Box Office Guru
Ebert's searchable reviews
Ain't it cool

And here's a treat- a silly little film short from the folks at Asbury Shorts. I'd say the most charming thing about this short is the actor's performance.

Movies are so on the mind I was even talking about em while at breakfast this morning at Grey Dog- great place- I recommend it. But it is no surprise I was talking about them. Movie talk always unites New Yorkers big and small.

Finally, my review of "Finding Neverland":
It's a really well-told story. Good movie, well done, not great, not a new favorite-very enjoyable. It also seemed difficult to convey, so big props to the screenplay. I think one challenge was reflecting JM Barrie's love and appreciation of youth, what he means by never growing up, without making him seem weird or Micheal Jacksonish. And I love the portrait. JM Barrie is a man who did grow up and knows what it means to grow up- but his appreciation of the distinction rather than his appreciation of youth itself is what I found compelling. It's well acted all around- but the very best acting is by the little boys. They are grrreat. And good lord- Depp's charisma. His mark as an actor to me is his subtlety. I find his style of acting more influential than any actor, at least for what I enjoy about acting. He just goes there- whereever it is- owns the character or world he is in- and becomes it entirely. Now there are no gutwrenching scenes that blow you away. There's just a heart-felt sincerity and subtle complexity Depp is able to handle. Most of all, he's able to portray subconscious emotions. I don't think he should get an oscar for this. I think that's in his future. But man, he's the greatest actor of this generation. And damn is he sexy. He's god-sent, almost like the flawless Franceze from SHU Law (for those of you who go there)- you don't know why they are so perfect, but they are.

When you watch him in this totally non-sexual role, he is just non-stop devastatingly sexy. Every second you look at him he is just beaming- it's damned incredible.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Ice Cold

A bunch of dorks on Holiday.

Ok, so George told Dara who bitched about it with Tara and then told me about how Britney didn't intend to plan our 5 year high school reunion (all real names). And you know what happens when someone tells me about things like this. I get all uppity and start doing things. So, I picked a bar in Hoboken, and made an evite, and told people to go. And then I upped the ante by paying 15 dollars to the evil spamming popup-ad fuckers over at classmates.com, and I became a "gold" member. So this way I could just email all those people in one shot and tell them to go. And most people are happy about it. Most people think this will be fun. Most people are curious. But this one chick who was so not on my shitlist is now on my shitlist for her "rsvp".

She replied, "I'd rather poke my eyes out." Oh really? Hmm, well is she some kind of super awesome chick with so much super awesome stuff to do? As a matter of fact, this is coming from someone who I pretty much always, without fail, see at our little neighborhood "MoBar" every single time I come home and go to it. Not that I am knocking it- it's fine- but I am sure that even it's regulars would look forward to an occasion to do something different for a change. But is that what this chick has to do that is so much better than go to some really cool bar in Hoboken and see people she hasn't seen in years? And if she is so much cooler than everyone from high school, why is she always hanging out with high school people at MoBar? Eh? Riddle me that.

Seriously, if you're in the area, and haven't already planned to do something else that night (it's the Friday after Thanksgiving), give me a fucking break. To all the stupid little snobs who think they are too cool to show up at a bar and have a fun time and party it up with the people you grew up with- eat my shorts. Cowabunga dude. You suck, and by all means, poke your stupid little eyes out.

Gosh, the concept of being too cool for something is definately some stupid American bullshit. After my mom dressed me in a hooded fur jacket in second grade with furry little pom poms, I learned very early on that I was definately not too cool for just about anything. Other children hate you when you wear a fur jacket. This is very very true. My mom thought it was so cute and got matching ones for me and my sister. These jackets full of painful memories have thankfully mysteriously dissapeared from my household.

And onwards, Dara told me there's some other classmates.com-like website to look at (cause we want maximum exposure on this one- I want to see the dork who turned into the movie star and etc) and I looked for it and found this:

Could there be anything less interesting and more pointless than NARM?
"The National Association of Reunion Managers (NARM) is "The Voice of the Reunion Industry." Collectively, the members of NARM produce the majority of professionally planned reunions in the United States. Comprised of independent companies across the country, members of NARM subscribe to a Code of Ethics as well as a stringent set of Industry Standards."
Oh good, the reunion industry finally has the voice it so desperately needs in these rough times.

Oh yeah, and my neice asked me this weekend, "Auntie Heather, what's cooler than being cool?" Me- "I dunno, you are?" Her "Ice cold." You gotta love it when little girls listen to Outkast (and apparantly she loves Metallica too 'just like her daddy')

PS- "Snob" is another word for "I care a lot about what other people think of me and how cool I appear". "Dork" is another word for "I could give a fuck what other people think of me so long as I am having a good time."

Question of the Day: Would boys like me more if I was Halo 2?

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I like music cause it sounds nice.

Here is a visual that I found on the net and I don't understand it's meaning yet but it makes me feel a little uneasy. I'm sorry I'm sharing it with you. If you want more satisfaction, check out the links at The AR (still in development).

Last night was a whole lot of fun, and to those of you who were invited but didn't come- you're a bunch of sorry ass chumps!!! See, my original accompaniment backed out last minute, and I had a ticket to give away, and fianlly last minute the Amazin Shayna decided to come. And then some others peoples I knew came too. And we all had a whole lot of fun. Webster Hall is a REAAALLy great venue too. Beautiful, big and roomy, cosy, clean, and I could see the stage. And the crowd was in such good spirits I had quite a lot of fun jumping around like a high school kid. But now I do think I want to go to some crappy punk/ska band show cause the kids rock out a little harder there. Is Real Big Fish still touring? They'd be fun. I love jumping around and moshing and acting like an ADD kid who ate too much sugar and beer. But the crowd was lively nonetheless. Much better than the crowd when they performed the one other time I saw them at GWU.

And there were lots of cute boys. Kind of like the first day of law school and college where there were all these amazing fresh new faces- but the ones in my college were mostly gay and the ones in law school were mostly douchebags. Some were gay douchebags. But anyhow, any cute boy at this show got extra points for being a fan of Jimmy Eat World and had elevated attractiveness status in my book. Cute boys in general are getting elevated status in my heirarchy of important things. The list is now kind of like this:

1. Kitties
2. Cute Boys
3. Cupcakes
4. The O.C.
5. Being Kind to Others
6. Lipgloss
7. The Internet
8. Terminators
9. Dutch People
10. My friends and family

Yeah that's about right.

Anyhow. Jimmy Eat World played really well of course, but I expected that. One great thing about shows is it makes listening to the CD so much better cause there's more heart behind the songs once you see them performed. And that visual of the band members sweating and moaning and tearing their instruments to shreds is a great enhancement to all the songs. Oh yeah, and I didn't like the main opening bands, Razorlight and Recover, but I did like the one before it, Gratitude. I think they have potential. And I ended up talking to the lead singer of that band and he was really nice. My friend liked the drummer and we had almost arranged a rendezvous for them, but I think we were distracted by watching the show and so that little subplot fell through. And I met some lovely people myself. Ah I'll shutup about it now. In conclusion I had a pleasant evening.


I'm wearing cowboy boots today! A source of happiness.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Cheap Voyeuristic Thrills

Some recent fun photos- there's more in my camera, I just gotta get them outta there!
This is from a little while ago. I bet you didn't know I could freestyle like Jay-Z, but I can:

And I have a magical beam of light coming out of my nose cause I'm all magic n stuff.
Jakob's a freestyler too. But I think maybe I upstaged him.

I went to this place called "Max Fish" this weekend and I really thought it was a fun place. It was filled with overdressed underdressed hipsters and too-cool-for-school white people, and some too-cool-for-white-people black people. Notice in the back of this picture is a pony thingy that you can ride for 50 cents. Now I don't know if it was ridable. I was too lazy to find out. But I do know that you can sit on it. And I'm glad it was there because just in case I got too bored there was a pony for me to sit on, and then I assume that I just wouldn't be bored anymore. Oh yeah, and this was yet ANOTHER hot spot in NYC that displays Porno at the bar. It seems to be the cool thing. Actually, the place I was at in the freestylin photo was playing pornos too. This porno was kinda neat though cause it seemed to have been made in the 50s or 60s or whateva.

That's Judd- on the right. He gets credit for taking me to Max Fish a.k.a., The Place With the Happy Pony. You've probably surmised that we are drinking alcohol. It's because I am trying to kill my baby. Judd's carrying my baby. Surpise Judd! I guess finding out via my blog isn't the best way to break the news, but aw hell, I'm having your baby, and you're carrying it. But don't worry honey cause I am almost certain you can drink it out of existance. That's not all that funny of me, huh? I had better stop here.

On Halloween this guy dressed as a doctor and had jello shots for "medicines". I was a fan of this man and his yummy shots.

This is a cast photo from the play I just did. If you zoom in real close you can see that you can see some skin peaking out of my buttoned up shirt. If you zoom in real close you can also see that you're a freakin perv. Perv!

I have more pictures to get out of there. I wish it was as simple as shaking the camera to get them out. Just like in this greeting card I used to love from spark.com where the daddy says to the baby "Give me back my seed dammit", and he is literally trying to shake his seed out of the baby. Too bad you can't find that on the net anymore . . .

Oh yeah, and a discovery from my Dutch relatives this weekend, did you know that they referred to the Janet Jackson thing as "Nipplegate". They think we're all pretty weird over here . . .

And in conclusion, I found out that my mom had a stockpile of amazing boots from the 70s and 80s and now I have 5 new pairs of boots and I am gonna feel so fancy walking about in these fucking things!

Not these kinda boots:

or these kinda boots:

He seems very angry, eh?

More like these kinda boots:

Friday, November 05, 2004

By the way, the song "Work" on Jimmy Eat World's Futures is pretty great.

Ah the wisdom of wording things simply.

I saw this really awesome leather jacket on the ground this morning. I thought about picking it up. But I thought maybe there was murder juice on it or something. Why would someone abandon such a beautiful genuine leather jacket? That's like abandoning a loving child.

My Aunt Ineke and Uncle Ger are coming from Holland this weekend! YAY! MY FAVORITE! So I guess I am gonna hitup my home town this weekend. I haven't seen suburbia since September. I'll bet the trees are pretty. Mmm I love the smell of fall in my hometown. Pumpkins and Apples! Jersey's gotta be one of the best places in fall. It's all hilly and filled with trees and apple orchards and pumpkin patches, and it's not too cold like New England and not too warm like the South. I am biased.

By the way, I used to be appauled at how bad the acting of the "coop" and ryan characters on the OC were, but they definately were sent to acting lessons between seasons. Great improvement on their part. The show is looking like its getting better. And don't compare this to 90120. It's far far better written and better acted and I think the best comedy writing on television right now (besides maybe Daily Show and Adult Swim shows and Curb Your Enthusiasm). And the music kicks ass. And the guys are so fucking hot on that show it's sick. 90210 guys weren't hot. And I love Rachel Bilson/Summer. Great great character. Oh yeah, and I would say that watching Mishca Barton screaming like an idiot is one of the most finely crafted moments in television ever. Yeah, that was fucking stupid. But cool. Totally cool.

And now I refuse to discuss my relations with young men on this blog unless it involves bashing the dickhead ex or it's particularly noteworthy. But I had to share something from yesterday. While sharing a fun moment with a young gentleman, I was blown away by the scenery. We were standing on my favorite NYC street, Bedford, where it's quiet and almost residential, all the buildings are old new york- brownstones and cobblestones, and the street lamps were perfectly shining through the rain. The rain was soft and the water on the ground reflected the lights of the city, and some dude freestyled in the background. It looked like a movie set. I love this fucking place.

And lately, I love my job. Everything is gonna be alright.

At the end of the new Sealab 2021:

"Now, I know some o' you don't like the way I do things. In just a few minutes y'all are gonna be running to your little chat rooms and message boards and sissified little blogs, talking 'bout how you don't like your new Captain. Well, I've just got one thing to say to you: You don't like me? Fine. ...Watch anime. "


Thursday, November 04, 2004

They may take away our rights, but they'll never fucking take our dumplings.

Hey the world's not all bad now, we got these!

So I had a night to sleep on all the energy my mind built up in reaction to yesterday- with the Senate and all it was much worse than I thought. But I really want to push this American Renaissance thing. There's actually a lot of people in the party talking like this already, and a few PACs that I like who are refocusing. I just want to be really positive. I want the Dems to be hopeful. I really want them to keep on believing and fighting for what's right- especially with everything going on in the world. I still believe America can be better than this, and we don't have to leave. And I want to make sure that we keep our spirits up, fight for long term goals, and to push out exciting and amazing new candidates worth the whole nation's vote. I want some new face worthy of engraving into Mount Rushmore. And I have to face that my Clinton is gone, and that my Daschle was defeated. But hell I still have my Obama and my Nancy Pelosi.

Damn, I remember when I was at the annual NARAL (abortion rights) convention celebrating the anniversary of Roe, and I got to talk with Sentor Jeffords. After 2000, and both houses and the Pres were Republican controlled, I was so worried what would happen with all that power. And Jeffords stepped up and quite possibly was one of the hugest impacts on the past 4 years- so at least there was a shred of balance with a Democrat controlled Senate. And he was pro-choice. And his move made me feel more comfortable about the protection of women's rights. And I thanked him. I told him what he did was brave, and I appreciated his move. And he just has this sweet grandpa personality. He was so friendly chatting back. And he told me it was his pleasure, and he had this big smile on his face, he had been coming under such heavy fire, he liked being appreciated for it. But where's my Jeffords now? One seat in the Senate simply can't do enough this time. So I think we all have to be our own Jeffords. We may not have a big enough voice in Congress anymore- but well, we are the most important branch of government. So long as we never shutup.

Moving on, I fear a Guiliani run. Cause I actually used to like him as Mayor and thought he did a great job. He's got that no nonsense, stick to my guns and do what's right thing that I think is so important. But after 9/11 he got so fucking full of himself- like he was personally responsible for anything good that happened- like he was one of the firefighters or something. And the Guiliani these days is a prick and I just don't think he's the sincere man he used to be. I mean the public freakin blows his head up like a prositute on Oliver Stone. He would truly be hard to beat.

And now on to things that are so much more important- the premiere of the OC is tonight!

And anyhow I have been occupying my mind with the non-political. I'm burning the show "Damage Control" onto DVD, and I found all these totally awesome Print ads my boss did in the 80s and 70s before he was a director. And some are for commodore and xerox computers and they are totally awesome. So I am reducing them and making 8 by 14 color copies of them to decorate my room. I love old technology nostalgia.

On one final note, I am not waiting till new years to make a resolution. I have a big mouth and talk a lot, and I am ok with that. But, add alcohol and sexual frustration to the mix, and I say a lot of absurd things when I have been out and about and drunk lately. Now I have always done this, and in the past it's been all fun and games. But lately I've been waking up the next day, like, what the fuck was I thinking saying that! I mean, it's not as bad as doing things I'll regret. I don't really have a problem with that. And I don't get drunk every day, or get too drunk that it's unhealthy or anything- but I'd like to nip this little problem in the butt. So my apologies to the recievers of my lavacious tongue, I'll try harder next time! But in the mean time, feel free to punish me if I misbehave. And if you're hot, I authorize the administration of good old fashioned discipline on my ass.

Ah, the makings of a great future leader . . . don't you think? If I ever campaign, they are gonna have some fun quotes! "And then Fink said 'Spank me, bad boy.' while performing a lewd gesture with an ironing board . . ."
(it happened before, during this and the quote was a lot less racy, this, because of this, but it was resolved in this way. By the way, click on the link on all the "this" words, to know what I am talkin 'bout. Ah what a stupid little college freshman I was . . .)

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

I just bought www.theamericanrenaissance.com
It's up! My graphic designer friend is designing the logo right now, I already talked to a lawyer about doing the paperwork to start a non-profit so we can start raising funds, and I've talked to the DNC's grassroots wing. I'm channelling my energy I tell ya! Last time someone pissed me off this bad it was that comedy group that wouldn't let me in cause I was a girl and "they weren't looking for a girl that year". And so then there was Capitol goga, the all-female comedy group. And it rocked pretty hard. So watch out cause I'm ready for my next big project!!!

Don't ever forget the idea behind Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Goodnight".
Don't go down without a fight.

If we are all screwed by this "regime change" and our world and human rights are about to crumble, so be it. If nuclear war is inevitable, so be it. But if the world develops into some awful worst case scenario- I'm not going down with out a fight.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And the best part of my morning was puking up last night's big mac.

Cause I drank too much beer- not Champagne- beer. Yeah, it's gross, but so is America. We, the democrats, lost. We lost so fucking badly. We lost Daschle. We lost the House, the Senate, and the Presidency, and we will lose the Supreme Court very shortly. And there's not enough Jeffords in the world to save us now.

And yeah, the election was close, and maybe there's voter fraud and Kerry would've truly won. But that doesn't matter. A lot of people voted for Bush this time and last time no matter how close it was, and that's a fact nobody can deny. Millions of Americans spoke, and that was what they had to say.

But here's my messages:
1. Dear Republicans- you won. But please remember, there's a lot of people in this country who don't see things your way. Please please respect them. Please consider that we are out there. Please give a shit about us. Please don't trample on human rights as severely as you now can get away with. Please don't blow up all the countries in the world that aren't America, and that are run by people with darker skin than yours. Please don't make the world a more dangerous place for women and take away our reproductive rights. Don't take away the birth control pills that enable me to have the freedom to chose my path in life. Please don't make the world unbearable for gay people. Please don't go so soft on guns that I wind up seeing them in my face. Most of all, please just try to consider how much power you now have, and how many people out there are different than you are, and that they matter.

2. Dear Democrats and Kerry- FUCK YOU. I am a Democrat deep down to the fucking blood pumping in the center of my heart- but fuck you guys for what you've done. You've turned into bullshit. The fact that this time and last time it was so close makes me sick. Bush? Are you fucking kidding me? The fact that both times he was hard to beat is just ridiculous. It's downright absurd and hey Democratic party- you've let me down. I hate your candidates. You aren't ballsy enough. You are too safe, and too scared- and you've been bullied around. And my god did I love Daschle. And he lost. He was one of the only ones out there who raised his voice. I hate Gephardt, the biggest fucking weak ass sad mofo on the party.

For example- here is an excerpt of an episode of CNN Crossfire where I asked Gephardt a question, and he answered it like Bush's bitch:
PRESS: OK, Congressman, we have a tough but fair question from Heather Fink of Roxbury, New Jersey.

HEATHER FINK: Hi. I was wondering why congressmen and our president are talking about providing another tax refund, or another tax rebate, which would, I guess, provide indirect economic relief, when we could just provide direct economic relief (this episode was about Sept 11, I meant we should apply the funds directly where they are needed to deal with Sept 11) with the existing or remaining surplus?

GEPHARDT: Well, right now what we're trying to figure out is what should, can we do to help the economy respond to this problem. And it's a far-reaching problem. I mean, people are afraid people aren't, maybe shopping as much as they should, going to work, blah blah blah.

So we need to find ways to respond properly. One set of ideas is to add to the rebate that's already out there, so that -- especially to people who didn't get the rebate, people at the lower end of the earnings ladder, so they can -- they'll spend their money and get out and do things.

We're also looking at helping local governments. One of the things we have to look at now are local governments. I met with our fire and police people in St. Louis yesterday, and I said, "Are we ready for further problems?" And they feel the need for more training of their officers, better equipment to deal with some of these problems. So those are the variety of things that we're rooking at, again, hoping we can do it in a bipartisan way in the next few days.

This is the Democrats problem, this is why Kerry "flip flopped". They were scared. They were weak. They were too careful not to piss anyone off. But that's just it. You don't get anywhere without pissing people off. At least not in politics. Just look at Bush. He has said some crazy ass shit and made a lot of people very angry- and he is the victor.

3. And fuck Dean. The only candidate with any balls, and he just acted like too much of a damn hippy, and alienated too many people, we lost the only individual in the bunch. I was a Dean head this time around, and last time I had originally backed Bradley.

4. I am afraid and sad for the next few years. The bad guys have won so so big this year, in the past few years. Bin Laden has won. Look at our fucking country now. Now before I say what I am going to say, let me reiterate that I OF COURSE think what happened to our country on 9/11 is so fucking horrible, and that I hate Bin Laden, that it hurts, that it's so fucked up, that there's not words to describe how awful it was. But what they are saying about America is right. We are bad guys. Not that Americans are bad. And I would never think we deserved 9/11. And I don't think any country or people deserve war or destruction or terrorism. But our government is shameful. Halliburton is shameful. We exploit. As Lenin predicted, Imperialism is the height of Capitalism. And America right now, is displaying the flaws of capitalism clearer than crystal. Now I am not a communist, but ideally, our government should borrow ideals from Communism and Capitalism, and try to be more than what it is.

The bad guys won this year in all areas for me. Bush, Bin Laden, Dean Boozang, Brian and Ashley. And it's something I've got to live with. That there's evil in the world, and you've got to live life, get up out of bed every day, and accept it.

5. It's going to be ok. We can get through this. If anything, the next few years are gonna be like a quick dark age, some medieval times. Aw hell, I like Medieval Times, they have good sodas. It ain't fucking over till it's over. Maybe we aren't ready to be enlightened yet. But I still have hope for an American renaissance. Something is going to be brewing in the minds of the people. After all, the universe was born of dust, and from dust and dirt and ruins, the soul of the people can emulsify, and hopefully from oppression, the voice of the people can stir so loudly and quietly in the minority, that it ruptures into the loudest, proudest voice the future has ever seen. It's going to be ok. We still have the future. The smart people are still out there. And they are just restrategizing. We are going to come back bigger and better than ever. I KNOW IT.

6. I can't do nothing. I am going back to politics, I mean sure I'll still do creative stuff too. But If there's one thing I know how to do, it's exactly what the Democrats failed on. I can raise my voice unapologetically, and embarrassment and fear do not run through my veins. I'll fucking run for office. I'll take whatever attacks could be thrown at me. I'll say anything and everything that has to be said, and I'll say it loud and proud, and clearly. I'll take risks, I'll say controversial things. And that's exactly what any Democrat who thinks they have a chance in hell is going to have to do. Cause safe wussy bitch doesn't work anymore. And while I know I lack the pedigree of a Presidential hopeful, I'm running for Congress. Maybe not yet, but the wheels are turning. I'm planning it out. Come hell or high water, I'm not just gonna run my mouth about the things I care about. And if I have to move to DC in few years, I don't want to, but I'll do it. I may not have gone to Yale, and I don't come from a powerful or influential family, and hell I've done a lot of "questionable things", but I just can't complain this much, open my mouth this much, and just sit back and let other people ruin elections for me. If I want to put my money where my mouth is, I've got to put my own ass on the line. First steps first, I'll need money. So I guess I've got to make more. Hmm, we'll see. But if there's a will there's way. And goddamn. There's a will.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Bush killed Laci.

All this stuff goin on in the news is just a trick to keep your mind off the war. I think Bush sent that girl to Kobe's room. Bush sent that little boy to Michael Jackson's house. Bush killed Laci Petersen. Bush was fuckin Paris Hilton in that video. Bush lied to me! Iraq's the most dangerous country in the world. If they're so dangerous why'd it only take 2 weeks to take them over? You can't even take over Baltimore in two weeks. Weapons of mass destruction? We couldn't even find a wiffle ball bat. Ain't even a fuckin fly swatter! NOT A DAMN THING. I thought we was after Bin Laden? Saddam Hussein? That's so 80's. Feels like a bad VH1 special. Shit before you know it it'll be hammer time again! -Chris Rock

Best election oriented away message of the day.

I Voted!

I Voted! For John Kerry! It was my first non-absentee vote. Them booths is silly. It was all electronic- some old folks really didn't seem to like the little blinky green lights.

Ohh I have so much to tell you all about. I am gonna have to squeeze out some good entries this week.

I guess first things first, last night was the final performance of "Damage Control". Friday and last night's crowds were the best. I was so proud to be in this play too. The script was fantastic, each and every other actor was great. I don't think you could pick out one bad one. There's nothing better than being part of something like that.

Walking away from it, there's something the director said to me last night that, well, I guess left an impression on me. He said "Heather, you have something that cannot be learned, and you should really think about acting." Well that's really cool that I could make that impression. I am happy about that. And this guy was there who was the VP of Columbia Entertainment and he also said something like that to the director. But even more fun to me was how my mom came for the second time, and the lights were lower in this show cause they were filiming it, and I could see her eyes, in my final-big-fat-dramatic scene, and I saw this big smile, and her eyes were all tearing up. And I like that I could make her proud. I mean, they were all really upset for me with law school and Brian and everything, it meant something that they could see me "in my element", and I guess being "strong" again.

But here's why I like acting, and here's why I do it-
I like to do things that are challenging. I want to take a role, and see if I can find that in me, see what's inside there, how far I can stretch it, and what I am capable of. When someone sees me do something on stage, and says- I didn't know you could do that, or how did you do that- that's what I like. I like it if I can find something inside of there to pull out and share with others. I mean, one huge reason I went to law school was to challenge myself, apply myself to my fullest potential- unfortunately, law school was not the best conduit for my personal talents- and as much as I liked the idea of trying to succeed at something that didn't come naturally to me- the powers that be did not, and it sucked for me. So I guess for me it's about the challenge. If I learned one thing from this it's that acting, at least if you are trying to be good, is really fucking hard work. And I like that.

But in the meantime I think I want to work on a little side project of being a rock n roll star, or at least more realistically, singing with a band in some bar in the NYC/Hoboken area. I really would like to try it all while I have the freedom to.

Arg- today is so crazy! Not a doubt in my mind that Ohio is this year's Florida- it's so gutwrenching! Oh our America could change tonight, can you feel it! If I learned anything from the BoSox fans, it's that you gotta believe!!!

VOTE FOR KERRY and I'll buy you champagne, and give you a kiss even, but not on the mouth (rule will bend for all those by the name of Colin Ferrell), but nonetheless, kisses and champagne, everybody loves that!!!

Monday, November 01, 2004

Last Show Today

Last night of "Damage Control" tonight:
Monday Nov 1
8pm (for this performance you can reserve tix by calling 347 526 7275)

at The Producer's Club 358 W 44th St

If you live in Hoboken, it's really easy if you take the bus from Washington Street to the Port Authority, exit the Port Authority on 9th Ave, and walk uptown 3 blocks to 44th. Make a right, it's near the corner there, the entrance is next to "Pub" and the Awning says "PC" for Producer's Club on it.

Otherwise, find your way to 44th st and 9th ave. You'll see it. The A,C,E stops right near there too. (It's between 8th and 9th, closer to 9th)

Hope to see ya there :)