Friday, November 12, 2004

Toothpaste is not good lipgloss and other lessons learned

Good morning.
Lesson learned: some people never change, don't give them the benefit of the doubt.

I have a really bad problem with thinking people are better than they are. I like to think that there is good in the hearts of all people, and that the only reason people are jerks is because they don't know any better- but that people truly mean well- they just don't know how to be or how to show it.

But I should know better. After all, I have met the evil that is Dean Boozang, and stared into her cold black eyes and saw not an ounce of human feelings. Rather, in those little beaty black circles, I saw orphans dying in a river of fire. I should know, after talking to someone like her, that in this world there are people who cannot be given the benefit of the doubt. These are the people that define: asshole.

The story of A and B:
There was a person (A) who I am not close friends with but have known for a long time who found out that his friend (B) did something bad to him- because I mentioned something to A that revealed B's bad deed without knowing that I was revealing anything relevant. A seemed to me to be very sad and unhappy about what B had done. So I emailed B and said- hey listen, I told A about the bad thing you did, and he knows, and you should apologize to him because I think it would make him feel better. Of course I rambled on as I have a tendency to do so. B's response? Basically that I am a crazy bitch, I shouldn't get involved in other people's business and I should never speak to B ever again. So my first reaction was that B is a total jerk. I was just trying to help and I only revealed B's badness by accident. My second reaction was- no- B is right. I should not have gotten involved at all. And I also thought that my earlier revelation maybe wasn't as bad as I had thought so maybe I could make it better by telling A that it wasn't that bad. So I tried that. And basically- now A and B think I am a crazy bitch and essentially called me a crazy bitch for saying anything.

This is the first time someone has called me crazy to my face and meant it in a bad way, and I really don't like it. The only reason I even opened my mouth in the first place was cause I felt bad for A and thought by telling B to apologize it could only help. I also thought I should because B didn't know that I had revealed the bad thing to A. But seriously, looking back on it- I should've realized these people can work it out for themselves, and that it's their problem not mine. But I guess A just seemed so unhappy it made me unhappy. Which I guess is stupid cause A isn't even a close friend of mine.

I should've remembered that B was a jerk and basically mean in high school, and I shouldn't have ever expected him to respond favorably to a request to apologize to A. I should've known my audience. I should've, I guess, stayed the hell out of it.

I suppose what it all comes down to is that I am too sensitive to other people's pain and that can get me in to trouble. I mean, after watching the movies City of God and Requiem for a Dream, I was seriously sad for days. In Constitutional Law I couldn't even read about this case about this girl who was raped without wanting to cry for her. I guess it's just that with knowing how pain feels, I can't help but want to stop other people's pain if I see that it's possible. But the moral of the story here seems to be that I shouldn't. Or maybe that's not even it. Maybe I just went about it all wrong. Maybe I should realize that fixing problems is a much more difficult and complicated task that I imagined. That my "just do it" approach doesn't work in all situations. That it's simply American to pretend not to care about things. Ugh yeah, and that reminds me of my persistent paranoia I've always had that I just don't understand things because I wasn't raised in a traditional American household with traditional American ways.

Did you see Muppets in Space? Great movie. I love muppets and muppet movies and muppet meat. (scroll down to "Eating Muppet")
Anyhow, not to ruin the movie, but Gonzo discovers that he isn't actually weird. He discovers there's a whole planet of Gonzos and there he is one of them. Well I feel kind of like that when I go to Holland. I realize that a lot of my attitudes and behaviors aren't weird when I go there, and that the mentality I proscribe is rather common there. The Dutch are a fearless, silly, talkative bunch. And if it wasn't for the little life I've built in America, I'd move there in a second. Ah hell, maybe I should just try it for a year or something.
Moving on, I had a nice night, checked out a VIP snob place- "lotus". It's fun being on the "list", but sometimes it creates higher expectations than necessary. I didn't go out to the screening yesterday. I skipped it to check this out. I had a nice time and some really tasty drinks. Apparently the party was a film/kung-fu/capoeira party. Me and my cronies were only mildly amused. We decided to leave and eat burgers instead. PS- The Meatpacking district has the most beautiful little stretch of bars. All the little streets have dutch names, my favorite intersection is where 12th and Greenwich and 9th Ave come together. You gotta check it out dude.

Going to a Knicks game tonight, or as mon friere Tom calls it- "watching millionaires fight" with a ball.

Finally, just saw the trailer for Son of the Mask. I swear I vomited. At least in my imagination. But at least the Oceans 12 trailer and Imaginary Heroes made me feel much better. And Primer. Imaginary Heroes has actors I love in it: Signorney Weaver, Emile Hirsch, Jeff Daniels, and Kip Pardue. I am excited just like Jessie from Saved by the Bell.

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