Friday, December 30, 2005

Bunny Death makes an appearance


So tonight I will be attending the Super Heroes Ball as none other than Bunny Death. I am a reformed villain who rids the earth of the world's bunny problem. I have a super bloodlust for bunnies! I can also fly. That much was my idea, the rest, well, they laid out for me:

RISING STAR
You are a rising star in the super hero world. Your ambition and determination
have taken you from the meager beginnings of a start up, smalltime hero to the exciting life of a full-blown super hero.
BRUCE TO THE RESCUE
Early in your super hero career, BRUCE BUCKINGHAM, the millionaireturned-
super hero convinced you to use your incredible powers and ambition for good. From that point on you have dedicated your life to fighting crime. For this reason, he is a role model for you.
ANDROID DEFENSE
You are a model super hero and the next rising star in the hero community.
THOR, up for reelection as leader of THE INTERNATIONAL COALITION
OF JUSTICE, has promised that if reelected, he will create a new office
entitled “Head of Android Defense.” This is an important position because
the Android Alliance has been terrorizing both the Hero and Villain communities
for a long time. He has publicly announced that he would like to appoint you to this position. You plan to whole-heartedly accept his nomination, as it will solidify your
status as a primary force in crime fighting. You are confident that you
will reveal the leader of the evil android alliance and return order to
the planet.
THE BALL
You are very excited to attend The Super Heroes Ball. Your success as a
super hero has been tremendous. You feel as though you have really accomplished
something and you are ready to flaunt it. You would not sacrifice
the appointment as “Head of Android Defense” for anything. It will make
your hero career.
-----------
This certainly appeals to my comic book luvin-ass. I have been reading Fables, and in that book the super heroes/fables have a ball and this is kinda like that, so it's pretty cool. And I am going with my BFF Dara!!! I always love it when she is in town.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Please come see me make comedy

Ok hobags, here's a show I just got confirmed to be in. You gotta come. I need to be sure at least 8 peoples show up. Christina told me to post while drunk. I had a little too much wine, but honestly I think it's not making much of a difference. Oh well, time will tell. SEE THIS COMEDY- DONT YOU LIKE COMEDY?????? I HAVE NEW JOKES DAMMIT WTF!

Monday, January 9th
Stand Up New York (just off the corner of 78th St. and Broadway)
212-595-0850 (reservations requested)
9:00pm showtime - you and your friends should be at the club by 8:30pm to check in and for comfortable seating

Match Point and Free Privates.


Match Point proves to us that Woody Allen still knows how to give us what we want, he just so rarely does it. It's satisfying in the fact that he gives us a story with purpose and movement. The rhythm of the whole piece is so easily digestible, it's really easy to enjoy. It's trademark Allen-ness is that it's clever. Woody Allen is a clever and naughty SOB, and its very obvious. While Jonathan Ryhs Meyers' character is not like Allen, in that Allen doesn't do things he does, I don't think- I am sure that his character (and sometimes Scarlett's too) most strongly plays him in the movie, as he always does. Their similarities are mostly in their passion, control over situations, and just how naughty and self aware they are. I felt JRM could have just as well winked at the screen.

The movie is interested in the idea of fate, and luck. Woody's the philosopher, as usual, obsessed with existentialist ideas. He'll just never let it go. It's been there since Annie Hall, in Melinda and Melinda, Match Point too. It's ordinarily more dogmatic in his films, but here it isn't quite so obnoxious, actually he nicely justifies his existential assertions- even more strongly, his assertions of determinism. And so so cleverly. It's nice to see his skill using different tools- painting with London rather than New York. People say this is a departure from Woody's usual work, but if you've seen Crimes and Misdemeanors, which I actually like even better, you will see they are quite similar. Of course the movie is not without his trademark dinner table conversations about the world, life, etc. Conversations that create the tone for the whole movie. But here they are a lot less pushy, kind of like England itself.


It's just interesting, endlessly. Like my favorite phrase in all philosophy, "Being Is". I could live an entire life continually satisfied with its daily relevance. Allen pushes and pushes it, like I said. Determinism/Luck vs Fatalism/destiny. Luck vs action or ethos. And he brings justice into the mix. PS "Being Is" was said by Parmenides like a super long time ago (nothing comes from nothing- cause it comes! DC's I think therefore I am- all the same type of idea). Anyways. If you try to wrap your head around existence and explain what truly "is" and how you can know it for sure- like do things really exist or are they just sensory perceptions, how do you know you aren't dreaming, what's the real reality, blah blah blah- well you only know one thing is that existence "is". Being "is". That's really where those crazy questions end up. And also, when you talk about fate, I think that all things are fate. All things are justified- why? Because they "are". All things that turn out and exist. Each second, as it actualizes and transforms from a second that is in the future to a currently occurring second (jeez, is there ever a present tense?, see time can't even be, only existence), anyhow each second "is". People say that things fall into place- let cards fall where they may- or if it wasn't for one thing happening this other thing wouldn't happen.

Like, if you really backtrack- think about where it takes you- here's a fun example:
I wouldn't exist if Vietnam was not a communist country in the 1960s. And if my dad didn't just finish college, allowing my him to be drafted for nam. Cause he was, and then he got stationed in Germany, and then he happened to catch a train that my mom was riding on, and he happened to share the train with her to Holland, then they got married and made me. Now that's determinism. Whether it's purposeful or not is irrelevant because I am saying that purpose is created by the nature of existence. I mean, thanks 'nam for the communism. Thanks Marx for the communist ideas! Cause without the world being the way it is, I wouldn't exist. And as of late, I rather enjoy existing. It's pretty cool.

Anyway, my point is that we really don't know if things happen one way or the other because they should, or because it's fate or luck. We just know that they do happen the way they do. And a situation's existence- or things turning out the way they do- in themselves are justified because of the nature of reality and existence. Like- it is because it is the way it is. Being is! Extistentialism isn't wholly depressing, like Kafka and Nietzsche and Sartre might lead people to believe. Those dudes just needed to get out more, if not just outside their heads. I think it's actually quite pleasing and hopeful, though not perhaps in the context of this movie.

Oh yeah, and Scarlett is like so super great in this movie I just admire her personality cause she's so cool and also I am jealous of her. And the tall English dude (Matthew Goode) is like super hot.

Dammit. Ok, so perhaps after this I might have lost some readers. But stay tuned cause tomorrow I am gonna show nudity! Oh why do tomorrow what you can do today. Here is a naked sheep.

And here are the sheep's privates:

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Wave of Bunnies!



by Kozyndan

If only hundreds of adorable fuzzy bunnies hit instead ...

I saw The Family Stone, and now I am gonna write words about it:


It was shot in Madison, NJ. Now that's my area of Jersey. If you see it, you can see a little of how pretty this part of Jersey is. About the movie, great cast. I really love Claire Danes, Rachel McAdams, Luke (and not Owen) Wilson, Diane Keaton, and Craig T Heard. There was another actor playing a smaller part who was totally awesome in All the Real Girls. And I was like- where have I seen that face recently? That guy is in the background of one of my party photos, and I remember seeing him there and wondering, why do I know that guy? Did I hook up with him? I've just been a little scared since that happened to me this one time when I was talking to this dude and he looked at me funny and I remember meeting him but I didn't remember the brief making out that occurred this one time until after I left and was like duh, wha? Anyways. Glad I am not losing my head.

Ok, so, it's not what you're expecting from the trailers. It's not one of those totally upbeat streamlined blockbusterish family comedies. It goes to some riskier subject material than I expected, so I'd say it's a very modern, current family tale. The first half of it is very clever and well written. I was really impressed. But the ending is really stupid, hokey, melodramatic, predictable, idiotic. Most of the movie is worthwhile in spite of it's stupid ending. And there is one serious topic that is discussed that was actually very moving at points, and then they freakin milked it over and over and over again until you hated stuff. They should have ended that movie a few scenes earlier and it would be a much better film. I recommend seeing it anyway. It's pretty fun. Unfortunately some really funny parts are in the trailer. I hate that.
-------------

Bush plays with his iPod.

A silly businessman

Sunday, December 25, 2005

What Kwanzaa means to me. by Heather Fink


When I think about Kwanzaa, I think about how particularly unintelligent people are. Black people don't celebrate that holiday. With the exception of Whoopi Goldberg and Farrakahn, black people celebrate Christmas. It's true. Ask a person of the African flavor if they celebrate Kwanzaa, or wish them Happy Kwanzaa. They won't like it. It's like saying "Feliz Navidad" to a person just because they are smelly and dirty. It doesn't mean they are Mexicans who celebrate Christmas. Nope. And the Kwanzaa thing is just a trick some people played on nervous white people who don't want to offend people from other races. Every time a white person includes Happy Kwanzaa in their holiday greetings, somewhere out there, a small black boy is laughing at them.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Latest Headlines- Breaking News; Monster Neglect; Prime Number Pooping Bear

Yesterday I griped about the NYC transit workers striking. Thankfully it is over now, but I have some really sad news. The Doozers have also decided to go on strike today. This is their first strike in nearly 100 years of business, building bridges, towers, monuments, and roads using vegetable protein sticks, processed by mining turnips and radishes in the Gorgs' Garden, as their building material. Now they are some of the hardworkingest folks out there, but really I don't know how these next few days are going to be without them. Cross your fingers folks, shit just hit the fan.

The latest pictures from the strike:

The leaders of the Doozer Union arrive to address cameras this afternoon.


Workers leaving the site last night.


In a dramatic attempt at calling attention to the cause, another doozer threatens to kill everybody with his little but angry hands.

On another note,
I really love the muppets. But this woman has a very interesting thought about the cookie monster (in this article), which I will quote here (I suggest that you read the whole thing):
I have watched him run a gamut of emotions from happiness to desire to guilt to shame. Each encounter with a plate of cookies ends in the same way -- Cookie Monster yields to the temptation of the "accidentally" abandoned cookies, and in a flurry of cookies and furry monster, the cookies disappear -- "eaten." Then, wrapped in a maelstrom of emotion and crumbs, Cookie Monster walks on.

Mark this though: I have never seen that sweet monster eat a cookie. Anyone who tells you they have, lies.

I have, as you have, seen the cookies broken, seen them shoveled into that starving monster's mouth, and heard him declare his satisfaction with his treat.
by Megan Tynan


And finally
Prime Number Pooping Bear!
Seriously. Click here for Prime Number Pooping Bear.
I am so excited to have 100% more Prime Number Pooping Bear on my website than prior to before.

Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Here I go again On My Own


like Joey Potter

It's been a busy few days. The holidays are near, the air is really cold, work is a little mad, and the transit workers made things pretty crappy round these parts. Fortunately my dear sweet port authority workers were here to make my Hoboken-Manhattan intervals perfectly cozy.

And I am so not interested in telling all the details this time. But as another year comes to a close, I am facing another relationship breakup. This time of course is much different. I'd like to shroud my last breakup in the guise of a ridiculous emotional learning experience. This time there was no cheating or dumping or deceit or meanness. No, just something that couldn't work and needed to end. But it's still kind of sad. We'd started dating in May, were boyfriend/girlfriend for real in September. Today he left for another country, and when he gets back, we'll be "just friends".

All that I will say is that I am really glad that he was a part of my life in this way. He's a very sweet and wonderful person, and considering how sad I was last winter, I am really happy that he showed me I could love again. (Yes, I really just said that, but don't get mad at me. Get mad at bad movies for stealing my thunder.) I know that before him, I had dated a shitload of guys, none of whom ignited any particular spark in me, and I'd often find myself more depressed after spending time with a guy than happy. And some of the others were perfectly good people, just no spark, no chemistry. And I know that I meant something special to him too, but that's his story. Neither of us hurt the other, and I know he's really a good friend above all else. I know that this is very rare. Yes, there's some hurt associated with the whole situation, but it had to happen because staying together was just not going to work. This is really the first time in my life I felt I entered a relationship as an adult. Sure, I was a little emotionally detached and guarded, but he opened up a whole range of good places and played a good part in me getting to know myself again. So behind this woman for the past few months was a wonderful man. And he'll now always be a part of my history.

One last word:
The strikers are assholes. Rights and being treated well is great and all, but I am not interested in hearing it from these perfectly well-paid SOBs. I have no doubt that some of these workers get treated badly but it happens everywhere and I doubt it's any worse there than anywhere. They are griping about greedy little details. And they are denying a city of people a basic need during the holidays and ruining people's vacations, plans, and work weeks. Poor people had to take cabs when they already paid a lot of money for monthly metro passes. Some asshole worker said something about "Hey at least they get a day off work." No buddy, not really. I don't know anyone who had a day off in any industry accept for yours. Teachers striking- sure. The cleaning lady scenario in Bread and Roses- yeah I'll buy that. But this? We aren't France people! And PS, you've just made all of us hate you rather than sympathize. You can get what you want without worsening the daily lives of millions.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Lychee Nut Robots and Other Inside Jokes You Don't Want To Know About

SNL has a decent new guy.
The Chronic of Narnia

And I am going to be going to a superhero ball. I will be dressing up as a super hero or villain. Any suggestions? I was thinking a villainous bunny eater. I love bunnies- so much I want them to die! It's like a personal conflict or something.


Anyhow I also thought I would take this morning to tell you about Hagelslag. Hagelslag is in my top 5 fondest memories about Holland. I was raised on these magical bread sprinkles that taste so awesome and look so awesome too. Just like pussy. Ha ha just kidding. Anyway.

It's these awesome chocolate sprinkles that you put on bread. There's other flavors and types too. And they taste different and better than american sprinkles which are mostly just sugar and no chocolate.

There's these two main guys who do it- and .

I like all the different flavors! My favorite are puur and the white/dark mix.


Here are some people who got a little crazy with the hagel.

There's a lot of awesome stuff at http://www.typicaldutchstuff.com/ and
http://www.hagelslag.com/

Ok that's all. Go fuck yourselves.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Gay and Me


Well, I am not going to completely cover my thoughts and feelings about homosexuality in this one post, but seeing the gay cowboy movie compelled me to at least start talking about this topic. And it's one which I have so many thoughts about it's sometimes hard to wrap my head around it. Moving on ...

Brokeback Mountain Review:
Brokeback Mountain is just plain good filmmaking. Aside from in Six Feet Under, this is the only thing in the media I have seen where gay men are not portrayed as clowns or charicatures. I hope that straight homophobic men do not think this is just a "gay movie". I hope they understand that it is a well-made and well-told story that is not about an agenda or propaganda.

I remember in my first days of college, sitting in my intro to acting class, and we were all chatting and this one guy said he liked the Backstreet Boys. Then I blurted out, "Yuck, they are so gay." Then I was like DUH, the guy saying it is gay. And since most gay people are in the closet in high school, this was the first out of the closet gay person I ever knew my own age. Truth is, I made it most of my life without closely knowing anyone gay. I've only kinda known and met gay people. So yes, I too was not comfortable with open gay sexuality. If I saw men kissing, I thought it was gross and I didn't want to see it. These days it doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel any gross feelings towards it. And I know why.

Well, Six Feet Under helped actually. Seeing these great gay characters who loved each other have a relationship and kiss was actually nice. I liked the characters and was happy for them and wanted them to love each other. That was the start. And now I work for a gay porn company so I see a lot of men doing all kinds of fun romantic activities with each other and I don't mind it at all. I don't exactly get turned on by gay men when they are with each other- for the very basic reason that I can't really fantasize about them because I know they wouldn't want to touch my body. But I no longer get grossed out either.

Here's the thing. A lot of our ideas about sex come from media and society. We are shown men and women doing all kinds of crazy shit. I think most Americans do not survive their teen or college years without a hearty serving of porn, ellicit sex scenes in movies, or music videos. The naughty things that men and women do with their privates can be downright nasty if you think about it, yet we can stomach quite a variety of things. The media is homophobic as far as showing honest and real gay sexuality. They are afraid to tell real stories about real gay men targeted to mass audiences and not gay niche audiences. I just think we aren't as exposed yet as a culture to men kissing in natural ways. I think that if our culture becomes more comfortable with it and we just see more of it, people won't be threatened or bothered by it.

Anyhow, back to the movie. Overall, the striking message to me is that love is so confusing. It hurts, and it's so complicated. Love is so beyond our control. We try so hard to love well and to love right and all we can do is try. Because nobody knows if what they are doing is right for sure.


Another thing, Jake Gyllenhall is quoted as saying he thinks his character isn't necessarily gay and that it's just about love. That is such complete idiotic bullshit. You could say that about Heath Ledger's character and not about Jake's. Heath plays a great loner by the way. I didn't like the movie Monster's Ball, but Heath has this one amazing scene that makes the movie worth seeing. His performance in that one scene is more moving than the movie as a whole. He plays a great loner. Even his choice of voice in Brokeback Mountain is a good one. Anyway, the movie and the character that Jake plays doesn't make any sense if he's not gay. In fact his story is really about the experience of living as a gay man in the world of 60s Wyoming. Michelle Williams does a good job too, but she's not in that many scenes.

And there's more boobs in this movie than there is any male nudity. This displeased me.

And one final thought- being in the closet is horrible for the soul. If you're in there, please please come out!

Mini-reviews:

Narnia: Imaginitive, impressive, fun. Cute kids. Second half is kinda tired and predictable compared to the fun pace of the beginning. Still, overall it's very good. For the Harry Potter/LOTR crowd.

40 Year old Virgin: Great writing, very funny, fresh, original movie. AMAZING cast. One scene that I found poorly written and annoying among other great scenes and I would've cut is the scene with the virgin and the daughter at the sex clinic.

I Heart Huckabees: Not that good. I hate Jude Law's american accent.

In Good Company: Great. LOVE Dennis Quaid. Good cast and story. More about companies than the romance the tv commericials showed. Well written.

Here's an interesting link:
The Chappelle Theory.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Karma Attacks!

If you see my last post, you'll see that I wasn't sure if I should post this or not. Well, based on some anonymous emails and otherwise, you want it, so here ya go. I edited out one part. Enjoy.


So, for those of you who have followed my story for over a year now, you know how much I hate the Assistant Dean at SHU Law, Kathleen Boozang. That woman is bar none the meanest thing I've ever dealt with. This woman has absolute power and abuses it. SHU Law has been apparently trying to move from 2nd tier to top tier status, and this uncreative little devil uses one strategy and one strategy alone to make the school look better. This Boozang is obsessed with creating high bar passage rates for the school. It is their pride and glory to be able to claim that theirs is higher than NJ's only other school, Rutgers, which is harder to get into and is ranked a lil higher. So how does she seek out this goal? By eliminating as many "weak" first years as possible.

At the end of my first year I had a C average, and you need a C plus average. The fun part about that was that at that time there was a C curve on grades. They have since changed it to a B curve. Either way the bitch booted my ass no questions asked. I was like .02 points away from being kicked out and that was unquestionably it. And it's all some bullshit moneymaking scam it seems, because they are rather lenient about letting you retake your first year for full-price. Anyhow, it's kind of verbose and annoying to try and explain exactly how mean this woman was to me, but I'll try. See- this woman has absolute power it seems over your destiny at this school. And she seems to not like people. There are a handful of people she likes at the school. She only seems to like students if they have high GPAs. Perhaps she is a robot. Perhaps this is how she judges "like" and "dislike" because she has a cold, black heart. Anyhow, this anger I have towards this woman stems from two significant places- 1) That she makes you feel entirely powerless. She can do and say whatever she wants to you, and you have no power to do anything about it. 2) She's relentlessly mean in the things she says.

Now, since my time at SHU Law, I have learned to let it go, and have obviously moved on. So why am I rehashing old crap? Because I've gotten the great news that what goes around comes around this weekend. Yay! I like when mean and bad people get what's coming to em. Ever feel like nice guys finish last? Well don't let that discourage you. The world has justice in it- don't give up hope. And for you hopeless people- at least here's an example of a bad guy getting the boot.

So I hear they are saying she's going on sabbatical but she's really quite fired. Actually the head Dean, Professor Hobbs, a super hottie, but total politician of a man (meaning you gotta love this guy even though he's totally full of it) is now going to work for new Gov Corzine. She's supposedly being replaced by this really nice and talented Professor Cornwell, and the head Dean is supposedly being replaced by the school's most prized possession, Franzese. This woman is nationally famous among the law school circuit. She's like super humanly awesome. If you're not impressed by her, you're not human. So this is an amazing direction for the school because these are two really likable academics who I think have the best intentions. See- so the school has been getting so much better since I left. I am sure I'd have done better under the new regime- proving to me that me not being in law school was very very much meant to be!

I like to talk about all this here cause I know SHU Law students can't talk about it for fear of pissing off the school.

Anyhow, the rumor is also that there's some sexual harassment lawsuit being brought against her, so now she gets the boot. And an entirely different rumor about this woman is that back in the day she was sleeping with this Professor who was not only unattractive, but he also emailed "Word of the Day" emails to us like all the time. He would flood your email box with the most annoying crap emails. And then now and then he was try to make jokes that were so bad it would make you want to throw up EVERYWHERE! Imagine dating this icky man? Super yuk!

Anyway, what goes around comes around. I'd like to congratulate Seton Hall Law students on not only finishing this semester's finals, but also on this new change for the school.

And for your information, here is a quick recap on Miss B's most heinous insults to me personally. I can't tell you anything she's said or done to anyone else cause that wouldn't make em anonymous. Anyway, here ya go:
1) As she told me that I was kicked out of law school, and if anything I would have to repeat my first year, and there was nothing I could do about it, instead of dealing with it with sensitivity, she said the following, "Why are you crying? You see, you could never made a decent lawyer. Do you think you can cry in front of a judge? You just don't have what it takes." and
2) After I was out of the school, one of the SHU Law students started harassing me. I'll leave out the details of how incredibly insane and scary this person was to me, and how we found out it was him, BUT, this is how she dealt with it. She sent him an email saying something along the lines of please be sure not to give out her address or take it further than the harassing emails and the shit you've already done, etc. He wasn't punished at all, and they just sent him an email asking him to basically calm down on the harassment. Didn't bother her one bit that their student was a complete psycho who had gotten in trouble at his last school for harassing another student over the internet. Why? Cause he had a good GPA. How do I know? Cause the harasser bragged about it and showed the email to a friend of mine.

Who knew law school had so much juicy gossip!

And let's just say that this woman googles herself and winds up here reading this and not getting the message. Well here it is- you're mean. And you just don't understand that many successful people do a great job in their line of work and are also able to be human at the same time. Discretion in dealing with people, tact, and sensitivity are essential. Being considerate of others is extremely important and not even lawyers or any other powerful people are above it. I don't care who you are. A person in a position of power and authority can respect another person even under disagreeable circumstances. You power hungry bitch!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

To Post or Not To Post

So, I am still friends with a lot of people from SHU law school, and there's a lot of new juicy gossip about my least favorite person from that school, Nastytastic Boozang. I wrote a blog about it and then someone told me they thought I shouldn't post it.

"Aren't you over it? I mean come on, look at you now, you still care?" he said.

Hmm. Well yeah, I am over it. But I still don't like the person. I don't like President Bush or Rob Schnieder for example, and if they did something that made them look bad, I'd happily go on about it in this here blog. Why shouldn't I apply the same policy to someone who offended me personally as well? Especially since Miss Thang has been getting away with it all this time.

"What if they trace it back to me?" he said.

Well, a few people told me about these rumors. So it's knowledge within the school by now I think. But this question got me thinking about how nervous that whole community is about talking about just anything. I mean, in my mind, most of the people who read this site including myself just don't care all that much about what goes on at some law school. But then isn't it more reason to post something? I mean the whole community is tight lipped about it. People don't seem to know just how catty and nasty and biting people can be about things. I am surprised there isn't some silly law school TV show yet. There's a lot of drama. It would be nice to post something that illuminates the "inside world" of this law school to regular folks.

But then I also thought about how I named some professors' names. These people don't get attention from outside gossipers. Is it bad to do that? Does anyone really even give a shit at all?

See, I don't care at all if people think I am a dick for posting it. It doesn't affect me, and I certainly don't care if people think I am petty or immature for it. This is a blog. It is concerned that which is frequently ignored by the academics and mainstream. It is concerned with talking about stuff that isn't talked about everywhere else. Blogs don't have the burden of being important.

So what it really comes down to is this, is it worth bothering? Does anyone want to hear this stuff, or is it boring, unimportant, uninteresting?

I'd like your feedback. Email me or post a comment below. This time I don't mind if you want to be annonymous about it.

Friday, December 16, 2005

The Howard Stern Sirius Thingy

So I met Howard Stern, Lizzie Grubman and Omarosa in the last hour. Today was one of those days I was like- eh I'll just wash my face and brush my teeth and go into work scrubby. But then I get a call at 11:30 from my boss saying- be at my place in 20 minutes, we have to walk the red carpet for a Howard Stern event. So thankfully I have my clothes at work from the recent photoshoot, and I have some makeup in my bag for those nights when I don't sleep at home. So anyway, I went with my boss and drag queen Lady Bunny. Well it was rediculous. Even being in the car with a decked out drag queen was silly, with tourists smiling and pointing. We get out, there's mad traffic, Bunny had the time for the red carpet wrong so we missed it. But we were in the VIP area, and Sheryl Crow was playing so it wasn't a total loss. Man oh man, I just met 3 of the least likable celebrities ever. And then some dude who said he met me in South Beach. I must've been really drunk on that spring break in 03. I remember not liking it cause I thought all the guys were lame and unattractive. Anyway those Stern fans are fucking nuts. People were surrounding us with cameras because we had VIP thingies on, that and the fact that we were with a freakin drag queen. All in all it was a hilarious and fun time.

A shitty pic of me and these cool dudes about a half hour ago ...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Quickie McQuicklywritten

Ok, so I didn't find time to write for real today and I still want to write about Brokeback Mountain but I had a whole lot of thoughts I wanted to write about it so I just have to find the time. You may notice new pics of me on my flickr page. I am quite happy with them. It feels nice to look nice in photos. NICE!
In this picture I think I look my best:


Random thoughts:
I never liked Earl Grey tea but I remember the moment when I first enjoyed it: Sitting in The Old Ebbitt Grill across from the White House on a cold day with Justin. We ordered a slice of fresh blackberry pie and I got a cup of tea. They gave me Earl Grey and served it to me in a pretty little porcelain tea cup. I have liked it ever since.

In this story, it's the first time I have heard the phrase "American fundamentalism". Has an interesting ring to it.

Ok, I'm off to my show tonight at Variety Underground. Later dude.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Happy Holidays


Greeting provided by PDB, the single worldwide repository for the processing and distribution of 3-D biological macromolecular structure data. Check out their site which features the Molecule of the Month: ATP synthase.

In the News
Banners outside Lowe's stores advertised "Holiday Trees" until customers complained.
Don't these stupid Christian fucks know anything about marketing??? Why not make a tree for everyone? Like your stupid Santa or tree has had anything to do with spirituality EVER. You want sacred churchy stuff surrounding the holiday? Well I've got some ideas- there's these things called plastic nativity scenes and churches and Christmas Midnight mass- go there if you don't want America to rape your tradition. Keep the Holy stuff Holy and the glittery goodness for everyone. Christianity is all over the world and the whole American Santa Claus wasn't invented by God's buddies Jesus and the Pope. It was invented by Coke. Some marketing mofos got some graphic designer or stylist and reinvented Santa for American tastebuds. Yeah- the biggest symbol of American Christmas was created by a soda company. Where's the Jesuslove in that? Nowhere. So don't be surprised about this "Holiday Tree" or Happy Holidays- sorry Christians- the Tree ain't yours no more. This is America- now grow up and realize that you Confederate losers don't have the country you wanted cause the North whooped your KKK embracing ass.

Now I don't hate the Christians, there are some smart ones and some good ones, I mean I love my Mom- she's really cool. But I don't appreciate these people getting all pissed off about other people having fun with the holiday season- from all religions. My grandma is a jew. Well she's dead now, but she was always a jew. And she loved her "Holiday Tree". Would you people really have taken away her pleasure in hanging sparkly ornaments on a beautiful lit pine tree? I mean come the fuck on, she's an old lady! Old ladies' happiness should be preserved!

I love me my raindeers and frosty singing snowmen and jingle bells and making stockings with elmer's glue and glitter and construction paper cards. God I am getting hard just thinking about these awesome activities. Somebody grab me some icing and gingerbread STAT. Christmas is fun for everyone. And until our society realizes that it's all about fun and family and not about some dead son of some important guy's birthday, we're all going to be a happier America. I mean come on- "Happy Holidays" is a totally nice thing to say. It has the word "Happy" in it. That's freakin GREAT! Merry Christmas, come on, who even says Merry? WTF.

Coming soon- a review of Brokeback Mountain. Saw it last night.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Stupid Ponies


I threw my stinky yet lovable boyfriend a surprise birthday party this weekend and it worked thanks to him being stupid enough not to figure it out!!! No I don't really think he's stupid. But he is from the midwest.
And though I am terrible at keeping secrets I kept this one. It was so hard, like a pony's head. Pony heads are so hard, or "muy durable" as the Spanish would say. But they pronounce it differently.

This is interesting to me-
AFI MOVIES OF THE YEAR-OFFICIAL SELECTIONS
AFI Awards 2005:
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
CAPOTE
CRASH
THE 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN
GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK.
A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
KING KONG
MUNICH
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
SYRIANA

Free Download- it's a super great song from my musical flavor of the week, Luke Temple.
"Someone, Somewhere" - right click, Save as.

Also, I really don't support the straight p*rn industry, because I abhor how women are treated in the biz. And the LAST thing I want is to attract an audience of h*rny peeps (meaning an abbreviation of people and not s*x-crazed marshmallow chickens). See- I even use stars in words cause I don't want people googling those phrases to get here. But, there is this site our company may provide content to and they have a straight site that I am pretty impressed by. I am going to link to it here, because it's surprisingly good for what it is. I appreciate when nudity and sexuality are dealt with in a tasteful manner. I like nerve.com too for the same reason. I prefer to live in society where sex is dealt with in a healthy manner, rather than in the violent, humiliating, and perverted/creepy way cultures frequently portray such things.

On another note,
I am so pissed off about debt and student loans. How the hell is a person supposed to be educated these days? Many of my friends are in grad school and acquiring enormous debt, and I really only still owe like 10,000 from undergrad, and one full-priced year of law school- totaling about 40,000- and it's freaking impossible! I recently got a raise, and with Christmas, credit cards, and damn student loan payments on top of regular rent (my rent by the way is really very low as I live in a cheaply priced Hoboken apt) and bills for cable, cell phone, and pseg- it's kinda hard to feel the difference. How do families live these days? I know I currently make more than a lot of teachers and stuff like that. I don't know how people do it. Being an American is expensive. Such is the lesson of my first year of financial independence. If my parents hadn't helped my spoiled ass all prior years, I don't know what I would have done. Back to my point- I hate loan companies. They are so difficult to deal with. Sallie Mae is a stupid dick face. So are the "student loan people" and ACS. All on my shit list.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Banana Cake Shaq Attack HAVEANICEWEEKEND


So I'm sitting in my office at 9:30 on a Friday night eating banana cake and wearing crazy makeup. Ahh, this is the life.

At about 4:30 today I went upstairs to our studio (it's a bare, ordinary studio that we shoot with this amazing photographer). This amazing photographer told me that he had some down time in December and he'd like to shoot me (with a camera). YAY! Ultimate Teen Girl Fantasy Time! I got to play dress up in silly clothes and wear super exciting makeup and wear Manolo Blahniks! I truly believe that this is every girl's dream. That and to have a ham sandwich the size of a wall. One day I hope that I can realize that dream too.

One interesting thing I learned from the shoot was that I have a really hard time not smiling. We finally realized that the pictures worked best when I was being more myself- which translated into smirking very mischievously- that that is the real me. Hmm, ya learn something new every day. Wow. I just realized that I pull a SexNTheCity thing when I type this and make faces and react as I type. How dooshy.

Anyhow we just finished up- hair and makeup take their time! We had fun, but there's some shit that must be done. And the cake, well that can be explained like this: Happy Birthday Will!

Hmmm, what else has been cool since then?
I took my momma for a makeover and all new stuff at Makeup Forever and that was pretty glamourous. I got only 1 new thing for me. I got a bright purple eyeshadow that looks so cool and fun. Can't wait to show allll my friends my fancy new purple eyelids. Then me and mom went for dinner at Mercer Kitchen. Their food tastes good. And they are yet another place if you are a lover of the warm chocolate cake. They are tied with Pastis for best warm/flourless/oozy chocolate cake in Manhattan.

Check this shit out, I read CNN!
:

Ann Coulter has nice hair and is also a crazy evil bitch. BUT what she said is pretty funny.


SHAZZAM
It's Motha Fuckin Shaq Attack!

Heh heh, Dumps.

Ok, well I haven't been outside of my office since the morning when the snow was slushy in a good way. And oh how I liked it! And I liked the puffy cloudy sky. Now it's dark. Yay winter. Thank you winter for giving me a reason to get bundled up. It's like my clothes are hugging me!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

This Is How I Fancy Myself


Gmail used to say "trash this message" and now it says "delete", wtf, it's got my hunting senses thrown a whack. Did you know about hunting senses? When you are looking for a sock, and you know it's red- your mind searches for red. Scanning is a visual hunting skill so you can find your prey when you know what it looks like. Wolves have better hunting senses than us though, cause their sense of smell is more reliable. I am not that great at smelling the blood of a small mammal from far away, but I've been trying to improve. All I am really saying is that I can't just be perfect, you know? I realize I am not one hundred percent great, and that there's some areas in my life where I am just not as strong. But seriously, I am trying. And by trying I mean that I smear the blood of small mammals on my nose and then I smear it far away and see if I can remember which kind of animal was what. It's pretty "sexy" if you know what I mean. I think you do.


Moving on, The Museum of TV and Radio, located at 25 West 52 Street, New York, NY 10019, open from 12-6pm and closed on Mondays- Is hosting a Jim Henson retrospective. I saw a film retrospective on him at Brooklyn Academy of Music, and it's one of the most enjoyable things I ever did. It's only in town till tomorrow- shit!
Also very worth seeing there:
In NY and LA: December 30, 2005, to January 5, 2006
Jim Henson Drops By:
A Compilation of Guest Appearances by Henson and His Characters, including Sam and Friends
A package of clips features Henson and the Muppets making appearances on The Steve Allen Show, The Mike Douglas Show, Cher, I Love Liberty, and Pure Goldie, among others. Also included are scenes from the very first Henson-Muppet series, Sam and Friends. (90 minutes)



And as a follow up to yesterday's hot drinks in NYC link (which if you clicked on it you would see a listing of NYC restaurants that serve hot alcohol drinks)
Here is a list of snuggly fireplace having restaurants and bars.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

This Goddamn Pony is Breaking The Law



In other News:
UMA in HOBOKEN!
N.J. GOV.-elect Jon Corzine should have paid special attention to the movie being shot outside his Hoboken apartment building on Friday. The flick, starring Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson, is titled "Super Ex-Girlfriend," which is described online thusly: "A man who learns his girlfriend is a superhero soon breaks up with her when she gets too controlling and neurotic. She then uses her powers to torment and embarrass him."


HOT DRINKS in NYC!

GODDAMN YOU FUCKER DMV. You charge me 1 dollar convenience fee for paying my parking ticket online. Arrrrrg. Money sucking government jerks! You're just doing it because you can- you hate your people! Fucker governments.

These dudes are having this cool party.

And thanks to Alexis at for a great show last night. It was a very enjoyable vibe, crowd, and the other performers were rather pleasant, too.

The Onion Holiday Party- always a great event.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Historical Stuff

Scholars took a moment this morning to place down their pens, and cast a silent, reflective gaze upon uncertain distances. A solumn moment of silence was shared as academics and laymen alike took the time to look back on what many are calling the end of an era. Writing her final chapter in a wildly touching part of her life, Tyra Banks announced that she has walked her last runway. Calling this career moment an end to her modelling, the world wonders what life will be like without Tyra Banks modelling clothing, underpants, or otherwise, on the world's runways. Like toostie roll pop lick quanity until termination of said pop, the world may never know.

I had 2 standup shows on Thursday and Friday and I felt much much better about them. What felt really great was that at Friday night at Standup NY, there was an older crowd, and they really seemed to like my set. This one table with old grandma aged ladies and gents came up to me and told me how much they loved it. I was so surprised and really happy that my material made them laugh. A lot of it is pretty gross and modern, so I wasn't sure it would reach the older set. It felt awesome to make them laugh. And on Sunday I watched a tape of my last 4 performances. That was just awful. But it was surprising to see my nervous habits. The show has changed so much from performance to performance. You can really see all the learning. There's so much to learn! I also started a 3 sunday sketch class. So I'm writing more sketches too. Gotta keep on keepin on.

See, comic books are great.

For the narcissist in all of us.

GWU pimps security hardcore.


From Gothamist


Syriana

Syriana is extremely educational. It opened my eyes to a new way of thinking about the oil/MidEast situation in this world. It's based on a work of non-fiction, which makes me pretty nervous about which of these things are true. It's very complicated- lots of characters that look similar- lots of old white dudes, etc. And there's a lot going on with few moments of explanation. It's not really the most exciting and fun movie. And there's one torture scene I couldn't see one second of, but just hearing a tiny bit of it was enough to make me sick to my stomach. There were a lot of faces scrunched up and scared when I turned around. Anyhow, it's one of those eye-opening, but not exactly enjoyable films.
PS- Check out Alexander Siddig, who David lovingly refers to as "The Middle Eastern Nick Stahl".
Here is Alexander in Star Trek Deep Space Nine.
And here is Nick Stahl.

Finally, I got super good news at work today, but I'm not sure what I am not supposed to talk about here, so I'll opt not to say. But all I will say it this, yay.

Oh and also I am performing in this tonight:


Oh and It's gonna snow, it's gonna snow! Yessssssss.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Racists! Racists! Party Time!

Just because a black woman has big muscle-y arms, doesn't mean she's Serena Williams. In fact, a dead giveaway could be her beautiful, feminine face. Yet my friends were convinced this woman we saw at a party last night was Williams. Crazies.













Speaking of black people, this conversation actually happened last night in the bathroom at Pop Burger at approx 11pm:


(Christina washes her hands, woman exits bathroom stall.)


Woman: God, black people have the worst B.O.!

Christina: I am a black person.

Woman: Fuck. (Storms out of the bathroom with utmost seriousness.)


In other news, Tom Arnold made one of those kitty eating faces when I took a picture of him. I like Tom Arnold.

The hilarity just doesn't stop, does it Tom?

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Cool Stuff:
Brooklyn born Rock N Roll kareoke makes it's way past Manhattan and into Hoboken finally. Whiskey Bar on Washington St now advertises Rock N Roll Karaoke- which is quite cool because it involves singing on stage with a live band. Good. I wanna do it. Tuesday nights.

Cool display

Sony Wonder Technology Lab

I like Emily.
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And I saw the wonderful Ms. Joan Rivers do stand-up last night. My boyfriend thanked me for taking him to see her. Most of you mofos out there just think she's annoying and don't realize how awesome she is. Very funny, this woman. Such a pro- goin at it for so long. Very happy to see her. I very much reccommend her show. Catch on Wednesdays at "The Cutting Room" on 24th. That old bitch knows what she's doing.

<--- pre surgery on Carson. neat.


Just a reminder, you can see me tonight in NYC doin standup at Variety Underground.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

jaw-dropping moments of whimsy run amok


Crap- it's a musical.
Every morning I see a commercial for the broadway musical "In My Life" and this critic says it has jaw-dropping moments of whimsy run amok. That doesn't sound like the kind of moments I'd be fuckin comfortable with. I looked up this movie, and here's what other reviewers had to say:
"Boy meets girl; boy gets brain tumor; boy's dead sister intervenes with God, while angels roam around a big room filled with silver filing cabinets (that's heaven) and occasionally put on lavish period costumes to perform mock operas."- Ben Brantley of The New York Times

"In My Life is awful, but as disasters go, it's minor league"- Howard Kissel of The New York Daily News

"Long before a giant lemon (not kidding!) descends to dominate the stage in the final song, the suspicion arises that this might be an elaborate joke… But no such trickery seems intended…" -David Rooney of Variety

"It's more fun to talk about In My Life, the bizarre new musical at Broadway's Music Box Theatre, than actually sit through it."- Michael Kuchwara of The Associated Press

I agree with Mr Kuchwara, it is fun to talk about this musical. But being how I don't like musicals much as it is, (Les Mis for example, has many guns, little shooting, too much crying) I will not be seeing "In My Life". Click here to read more hilarious reviews.
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The frumious Bandersnatch!


I am often emailing myself from my home email to my work email. Today I sent myself this link: Jabberwocky
Last night I was sitting in bed and the phrase "Twas brillig, and the slithy toves" popped into my head. I was trying to remember where that was from. Then I thought about the movie Alice and the Looking Glass. Man that was great. Alice in Wonderland is my favorite Disney movie. Really crazy stuff in that one. And the dancing oysters always make me hungry. Anyhow I am pretty sure I memorized that poem as a child in school. What a great one, with such words as "vorpal sword" and "manxome foe". Another awesome poem I memorized in high school, also read by Mr. Bean in 4 Weddings and a Funeral:
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
It's a nice poem when you'd like to feel tragic or pout.

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I saw the movie The Upside of Anger this weekend. First thing to say about this movie- Excellent rental choice. Good for all ages, varied tastes. I could imagine watching it with any mix of friends and family, which I can rarely say. It's a great movie. Great mix of drama and comedy. Artfully acted by a great ensemble cast, and it's even got a twist. Joan Allen and Kevin Costner are so outstanding- I see both performances as one of those obscure possibilities for some kind of nomination. Very well written and well directed. I really liked the lighting too. They used a lot of sun. Man oh man that Joan Allen- have you seen The Contender? You really should.
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Bodies, The Exhibition. Looks cool.
Ex Machina movie gets an imdb page, legitimacy- yes! Which reminds me that Aeon Flux is coming out this weekend. They better not ruin that for me. Damned hollywood. It looks cool in commercials but it lacks the erotic, sharp style of the animated Aeon. Trevor too- doesn't look anything like the character.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Chocolate Lies and Other Stories


My parents are without a doubt the most disobedient people. The most notable element of my Thanksgiving was when the terrorists won, via taking advantage of my parents' weakness- disobedience- doing things their own way- not following directions terribly well. I am no dumb cookie. I know a terrorist act when I see one. So the woolens were not pulled over my eyes as my family tried to enjoy an innocent new purchase this holiday weekend. The chocolate fountain. I know what you are thinking-
"oh nice! happy fountain of chocolate! yay I am looking forward to sticking things in there!"

And while my office hasn't attempted to make use of this tempting invention, my parents innocently purchased the chocolate fountain in a well meaning attempt at filling all of our lives with more animated liquid chocolate than was previously in our lives. Perhaps my parents, disobedient as they are, did not follow the proper recipe for making fountain worthy chocolate, but I suspect otherwise. The machine did not warm the chocolate enough to make it very liquidy. It was much more like plops. The unpleasantness of it all- what with such grand expectations and excitement for what was supposed to be a pleasant evening of dipping and coating, was surrounded by bitter remarks and general grumpiness. There were also excited, very messy children.

Now my family handled this with general disappointment and some "ew, gross' and a little bit of "you're doing it wrong!" But I couldn't help but think about all of the other families out there with less fortunate attitudes. The ones undoubtedly screaming, children crying, with chocolate all over treasured carpets and party dresses. It's unfortunate, but obvious, yes yes, the terrorists tried their damnedest to mess things up again. But we are wise to it, and we Finks don't let anyone drag us down. When recognizing that you have been foiled, it's best to keep in the best spirits possible, and meet adversity with a smile. But by all means, do not let this evil invention into your home.
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No one is immune from the joys of posing with the famous.

So I was at this party on Wednesday night that had a high per capita concentration of celebrities. And I see Heather Graham, and I am kinda drunk, and I ask her if I can take a picture with her. And she's kinda like falling over drunk and says "nah". I always feel so stupid asking celebrities if I can take a picture with them. But I've got quite a cool collection of pictures with the famous from the past few years, and though I've always felt so stupid asking, I've always been pretty happy with the results.

Why? Why do I care about these kinds of things? I've had friends tell me, "eh, I don't care much about celebrities or hangin with them." Because in places like New York City, it's not all that odd to see or spend time with some reknown individual. It is actually something that we city folk have grown accustomed to. Now I don't know if they are being snobby, pretending that they don't care and are cooler than the famous people. Or maybe I am the snobby one with occasional bragging rights. But I know why I like it. It's that Forest Gump effect. The story of a life woven in with so many universally interesting moments. Celebrities, historical figures, icons of pop culture- these people shape our society. They make history. They impact and influence our daily lives. And many of them got there for being really great or outstanding in some way. We watch shows about them and our sense of fashion is changed by them. And historical figures, well, they're colossal in their own sense. To be able to look at my life and say, hey, I had this moment with this great person- just makes me smile. To share the earth with great and talented people. Or just newsworthy. I've got a pretty funny picture with the nasty Donald Trump.

I respect the best of the best. But more than that, and above all else- these silly encounters and pictures make great stories. Stories are great. Stories last. I get excited at the thought of having kids and telling them some day about that time that mommy shared a plane ride with President Clinton, a man who'll just be in their history books. When my dad tells me his stories of when he used to know Jackie Kennedy as a kid, or Steve Forbes in the army, or Harley Davidson Jr in college, it's just mesmerizing. Pop culture is just great. It's like- look at what we people have come up with! Great stories. Stories are something we all treasure, what's got me thinking about that is this great play I saw last night
"Walking in Memphis, The Life of a Southern Jew" written and starring Jonathan Adam Ross, or JAR.
---------

The greatest thing I got from JAR's play was a renewed sense of just how wonderful our stories are. Everybody has theirs. Every family has their stories that have been told over and over again. And he has made a play about his. Now at first I asked myself, is this guy really doing something any of us could do? Just telling our great stories we treasure- the ones shared at dinner tables over and over again? Yes, he is- but in "Walking in Memphis" he actually pays the stories the careful attention they so rarely receive. Our stories are glorious, and here he is, sharing them with his obviously well instructed gestures and intonations. Every time he imitates another person in a story, he really acts them- becomes the character, effectively taking you to his moment and his memory in his mind far more vividly than your dinner table fare. It was disconcerting to learn that some of his stories weren't entirely true- but he addresses this to the audience saying that he's aware of it and he "doesn't give a shit". Good stories are embellished and changed over time, and I guess it's what makes fairy tales magic. Though for the gullible folk like me, it always makes me sad to find out things aren't true.

------
Performing Stand-up at Variety Underground again-
www.varietyunderground.com
This Thursday.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

HAPPY THANKSGIVING WEEKEND

Why do people eat dinner so early on holidays? Why won't they call it lunch? Cause they are afraid it doesn't sound as fancy? Why do we lie to ourselves so bad sometimes? Because the true truth hurts.

It makes me so happy that the pilgrims and the indians had a nice dinner together and they each cooked a big meal and gave thanks for all kinds of stuff. Did you ever kill an indian? Isn't it funny how ethnic people eat such weird foods? It's pretty cool to kill ethnic people. Especially as a white woman. White women make great killers and I feel they are an under represented social group in killings. I wish I could find an indian to kill to make tomorrow more festive. I know some people who have some small percentage in em, like this one guy who is like 15% cherokee blood. But then I would feel 85% bad about killing that man. Oh what to do what to do . . .

I am making comedy tonight again. That's my way of doing something for my country and against the terrorists. What have YOOOO done to fight the terror today? I believe in America. I am so excited about being American! Every day I look in the mirror, stretch, glance at my lean white skin as it hugs my meaty curves, and think, good god- you have a stomach and a torso too- and you're an American! Yep every morning, I rise and shine to the American flag I have waving above my bed and when I sit up on the edge of thee bed I take crayons to the wood floors and scratch the words "America America Eat My Ass If You're Not America" and then with marker I draw Uncle Sam all over my legs and one quick marker etching of male genitals on my back. I am proud to be an American. And I want to keep this America love in mind as I celebrate this wonderful thanksgiving and think about the beginnings of this great nation.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Yay P*rn

Today's another one of those busy days. A certain gay celebrity is directing a scene for one of our lovely movies today while a certain reporter for a certain prominent newspaper observes. The office is chaotic with stars, stylist, makeup artists and the daily grind. A well liked co-worker's desk is now empty. The mood is mixed. And I'm nervous about tomorrow's show. I want to be good. This will be new. The last time I performed at UCB, it was located in a different theatre, and I was doing improv. My parent's birthday is coming up (same day). So is Christmas. So is the end of the year. What am I going to eat for dinner? One p*rn star turned chef brought me some homemade cookie dough. The other showed me his drawings, some amazing comic book style etchings. I'm eating chocolates from Barcelona in crazy flavors like curry and they're almost the best I've ever tasted, aside from these ones I had in Brussels. The weather is so cold it burns my pantyhosed legs when they get rained on. I'm wearing an unusual raw silk sweater that I bought from Daffy's in Eighth grade and used to get made fun of for, but it's pretty great. I never wrote about how much I loved "Preacher" when I finished it. Too good for words. I've started reading Fables. Snow White is fucking nuts. Good nuts. Did you know that at Bonobos, a raw food restaurant on 23rd street, a popular menu item is the Nut Meat? Nut meat salad. I prefer the one with the arugula. I wish I woke up early enough on a Saturday to go to Union Square's market and buy fresh arugula. Fuck it, I can just just go to a restaurant. Do I have any money left in my checking account? Boy I am I glad I switched to Commerce Bank, those Bank of America fuckers are fuckers. Am I eating wings tonight? The girls are eating wings. Why can't I eat those without getting sauce on my face. What's wrong with the human mouth? It should be more precise.


and in the news:
Teacher S*x
Of course she's not going to jail- that shit is way hot! Man oh man where are all the 14 year old boys when you need em? Not at the schoolhouse on 24th street.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Walk the Line + Closer Reviews

I saw two movies this weekend- both supposed to be really good, both not bad, but disappointing.

Walk The Line

This is a boring, long movie, but I do think it's worth seeing and I really like what Witherspoon and Phoenix did. The performances, the music, and the acting are fantastic. The story is not. Johnny Cash is an extremely interesting person and the story gives you very little insight on him as a man. There's some moving moments, but there's very little movement in the piece. One day you see him singing some of his cool ass lyrics, and you're hoping that the movie will give you a taste of where this comes from, but it hardly does. Just all the sudden he's making music. The movie really just focuses on Johnny and June and what went on between them. But it really doesn't go deeply enough into their stories to be compelling. It's well made, but the story does shit compared to its potential. All I am left with is this feeling that I still know nothing about Cash and Carter. It's just a bunch of things that happened. It did make me more interested in their biographies though.



The real Cash and Carter

Mark Romanek's Hurt Video by Johnny Cash


Closer

Finally saw this. Also not compelling. It's like- ok- there's all this shitty breaking up and cheating and all, but I don't really care because the story hasn't made me care about the characters or their relationship. Jude Law's character was never attractive, sexy, or charming, like it should have been. Natalie Portman's character wasn't as powerful as it should have been. Julia Roberts impressed me most. The scene where she and Clive argue in the house is the best in the movie I think. Some others stand out too, like Clive at the nudie bar in the lil room with Natalie. It's not a bad movie. It's well done, interesting. I just don't think it really goes as deeply as I wanted it to. Someone told me it just hurts to watch. But I didn't care about these people. I found my own personal shit more dramatic than all this- and I expect my movies to be more dramatic. None of these relationships seemed worth saving or caring about. I just wished these idiot characters would get out to a bar or take up a hobby and meet new people.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Stick it to the Man! The Man is a Jerk.

So another night of standup. That would make it my 5th time, not counting a recent "preview" at a dinner table a few days ago. At this moment, it feels like more than 5 times, so perhaps that means I am getting more comfortable with the whole thing. I'm glad I didn't chicken out the other times cause I almost always felt like I wasn't ready for it. But now I enjoy it, which is a good thing. This time the show was short and small, only 4 standups. So I did a little longer act, but the audience was really small too, which makes for less energy in the room. I really like to feed off audience energy, so I am really looking forward to some larger audiences, like the one that should be there this Wednesday.

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Did I forget to mention? Next Wednesday I will be performing at the UCB Theatre!
Wednesday 11/23 @ 11pm.
http://www.ucbschoolnight.com/
The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre
307 West 26th Street, corner of 8th Ave.
It's a FREE show so there is no need for reservations.
So tell your peeps that they can just show up and grab a seat.
Plus there is no drink minimum at the bar.
I will be part of a line-up that also includes the UCB house improv
team "Killebrew" and the sketch comedy team of "Chuck D & Jawnee".
I recommend coming to this show early, as shows at this theatre usually have a line, fill up quickly, and sell out. And I'm first billed so I imagine I might be opening. Come on time!
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Anyhow, back to the show last night. There were 2 different things that made last night extra special.
1- I had my camera and recorded it. So I got to watch myself to standup for the first time.
Verdict- Too many nervous laughs. I think I need to cut that out. One problem is that I tell jokes I really enjoy telling, and I know the moments where my friends have laughed, so when I get to certain points I have a hard time not giggling. But I try, cause I think that can ruin a joke.
2- I tried new material with more substance. The kind of bit where I actually speak from my heart and in my joking, I reveal political views or ideas that I am passionate about that also have a jokey punchline to it. Now this is the direction I've been wanting to go with all of the comedy in the first place. I want to be that kind of comedian who has something to say. Well it went well enough that the joke worked. But I've never been so terrified on stage before. Because the things that I was saying could be so patently offensive, but moreso that I was revealing these personal things I felt strongly about. It was scary just putting that out there. And also having that control on stage where everyone was listening to every word, and having this fear that in the end they would just be mortified and there would be no laughter and then I'd feel really stupid. Anyhow, that was a happy first time. I will be taking this direction with my material much more. And I look forward to doing this material on Wednesday.

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Moving along, check out this cool music video:
http://www.nylonmag.com/radar/watch_this.html
It was directed by the editor at Nylon magazine- a really gorgeous cool mag that is targeted at women but has a lot of stuff men would enjoy too. It's from Eisley, called "I Wasn't Prepared". The girls voices remind me a lot of Tanya Donnelly of Breeders and Belly. But the sound of the sound is a lot sweeter, smokier, and bluesier like a soprano Fiona Apple. Brooding and high pitched doesn't usually mix, but I think these chicks have a little of that with their sweetness.

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In the news: Elementary School Principle is a dickhead. See this is the shit I am talking about that made me disrespect authority from a young age. Yes, I was always a rabblerouser. But I was a well-meaning, happy little girl, and fairly sweet too. But I was always mischeivous. Always very much wanting to make jokes and goof off. And some teachers freakin HATED me. And some picked me out so hardcore I was totally fucked with. They helped give me a thick skin, and while many of you out there don't have problems with authority, I'd noticed quite young that adults can me more immature than me. Examples: In 5th grade I was the only disobedient (meaning a harmless jokester, never mean spirited or actually damaging or ruining stuff- more like talking out of turn and making jokes, often dirty and innapropriate) kid cause it was the Gifted and Talented class and all those kids were good kids. So the teacher sat me in a chair in the center of a classroom while the whole class sat in a circle around me. The topic of discussion was "Why is Heather so bad?" Answers included "Heather sells candy at school" and "Heather drew pictures of trolls having sex" and etc. Or the first day of school in the 6th grade when the teacher saw my nametag and in front of the class Mrs. Appelbaum said, "Oh, Heather Fink. I was told about you. You won't be getting away with any of your nonsense in this classroom this year." The first day of school! I cried. Jerks. I don't trust authority and I never will! Dammit let's talk about something else.

This Sunday:
Turkey Hunt NYC

All city scavenger hunt. Everyone is welcome to attend: There are
several requirements for participation. Every team must have a
digital camera or camera phone (you will be taking a lot of pictures
so come prepared). You must bring some sort of bag to carry items you
have collected. Transportation is up to you. You can bring your bike,
skateboard, unicycle, car, or unlimited train pass. You must have
fun. This is a city-wide scavenger hunt so plan to be moving around.
Teams of three.

South End of Union Square
14th Street and Broadway, Manhattan
Noon; $5 entry fee per person.
http://myspace.com/turkeyhunt


Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen are boyfriend girlfriend. Engaged in fact. THAT's SOOO COOL!
The crazy chick from the Wedding Crashers, and Ali G. I mean she is so likable, so funny and made an otherwise totally crap movie totally funny. And Ali G? Come on! He's like above and beyond my most desired celebrity crush, well at least at Trent Reznor level. And the actors I have crushes on don't compare- cause who really wants to marry an actor? Not that I'm discriminating Peter Krause and Ron Livingston, you can call me anything anytime. Ah I get so distracted in these thoughts. Where was I? Ah yes, Isla and Sacha. What a freakin cool couple! I'm like so jealous, those two are so awesome, and such great looking people too. They must be the funnest ever to hang out with. Man o man some people have it good. I have a dream that some day they will come to my birthday party.



Get me a birthday present you guys! I like ice creams and running shorts. Write it down, you'll forget!