Sunday, February 27, 2005

I got me some hardcore sniffles

And man that Chris Rock is great.

Thumbs up Oscar producer man for standing behind Mr. Rock. Exactly the energy Hollywood and the Oscars needed.


Anybody notice how shocking Cate Blanchett's looks are? She's like absolutely stunning with that platinum hair, perfect everything, and ice blue eyes. She doesn't look real I tell ya. She's pretty bad ass with the acting skillz too.

Man I love looking at stars, the colors of their hair, eyes, chiseled bright healthy young faces, lip glosses, the fabric, cut and color of their dresses. People are beautiful on the inside.
But man it's nice to see how beautiful they are on the outside.
We present ourselves as a fusion of nature's creation and our own ingenuity (fashion, makeup etc).
And we see ourselves in others. So I suppose it's fortunate that others can be so awesome. And as humans we can easily find ourselves disappointed in other people, sometimes you look around and think to yourself, damn I hate people and they suck.
But at least at the oscars people seem so damned neat.
Thank you celebrities, for reminding us that humans can be so exciting.

I thought Robin Williams was funny when I was a little kid. I no longer find him funny at all.
Beyonce should not sing French arias.
Yay for Charlie Kaufman!!! My favorite win of the night. Eternal Sunshine ruled. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet ruled in that too. Michel Gondry knocked my booties off. Everything about that movie was perfect. (moving on)
Nobody should ever give Hillary Swank a microphone.
I love Antonio Banderas, but he, like many men, can do with less hairgel.
As a matter of fact, boys, unless you are rocking a soft and subtle shortmohawk thingy- do not use any f'ing "product" at all. Thanks. It would make y'all a little bit hotter.


If you boys are good about the hair thing, maybe just maybe I'll let you embrace me with tenderness.

I am all sorts of sick. Rockin the tissues up the nose tonight, Natalie Portman ain't got nothin on me. Aw yeah.

Friday, February 25, 2005

I Share This From The Safety Of My Snowy Isolation

Ah fuck. Throat hurts, I'm hungover, and I gotta make the bed at the office, wha? Hold up hold up son, make the bed at the office? Listen son, I don't need all this interrogation. It's no big deal dawgs. I can sleep at my office. There's blankets, pillows (which reminds me of this time this woman in a movie yelled at this chick and called her boobs "dirty pillows") and a futon. The office is a converted loft in a residential building- so it's not so outlandish. Now- this is outlandish:


Wew, who rocks the party like my blog rocks the party!!!
Well, maybe this crazy ass motherfucker rocks the party:


Oh god I gotta stop doing that with the examples of stuff and all. It's making me itchy in the pocket. Psych! Pockets don't even have the ability to feel itches. That was just a lame excuse. I don't wanna show examples of stuff anymore.


Stuff

Ah FUCK!
I can't even stop my own self.


I told these guys I would blog the shit out of them.
In all honestly, my true feelings about them are far far too intense that I am afraid that once I started sharing them, there'd be no more need for words anymore. And I'm kind of not ready for that. That guy on the end looks a lot like Micheal Imperioli, but it's not him. How do I know? Because his name is Jonathan.

But I am ready for the weekend! Hell YEAH! Now it's time to let it all hang out.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

DownLOADables !exclamationpoint!


Yum!
Downloadables are similar to uncrustables (A cult hit among hipsters and lunch boxes). Unfortunately, while uncrustables were slated to be the next big thing in a hot pocket dominated marketplace, the uncrustables only took off in the male 7 year old and the female 86-92 demographic. What further tarnished their reputation was a scandalous tell-all where their strength was tested and the results shocked the nation: Uncrustables Strength Tests. I still appreciate them, as their good name almost lead me to victory in last year's NCAA tournament. At least they helped me guess the final four. And I sure hope you enjoy these downloadables too:

Stella
http://www.collegehumor.com/?pg=stella

If you haven't watched these yet, I am so pissed off at you. I have these on DVD, and it is a DVD which frequently gets borrowed and takes forever to get back to me cause it's so dawggone neat. And now you can see em all on the net. WTF! What are you waiting for?

Ok, so one great band, Muse, has a bunch of their music videos online- here:
http://www.microcuts.net/uk/multimedia
And this one in particular is amazing- starring one of my favorite actors:
Hysteria Director Cut

New Postal Service video (song is old)

I predict that in "The Future", your ipods will stream music videos with the songs. It's gonna be cool and create jobs in the production industry. Yee Haw.

Paris Hilton's Address Book. Interesting. I guess they all have to change their shit?

and you can rate this site here:
http://www.diarist.net/cgi-bin/links/rate.cgi?ID=16571
feel free to give it whatever you like, meaning, give it a ten or I will hunt you down and kill you and your loved ones. Ha . . . ha.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Just another self-hating (half) Jew I guess . . .


absorb my damn hostility you gangsta ass dairy holder

It's fucking hard to be a person. I have been taking issue with personal flaws lately and it's been tearing me apart. Making life decisions is hard. Knowing how to be is hard. But I let someone who doesn't even put any thought into who he is rip me apart for my own flaws. I have a really hard time accepting them. And I can't let anyone crucify me for my own problems. Let he who is without sin cast the first fucking stone, ya know? But,

I am sorry, world, that I am loud and obnoxious sometimes.
I am sorry, world, for how fucking narcissistic this website is.
I am sorry everybody, for frequently being the center of attention,
for offending all the people I offend,
for not being more fucking appropriate,
for getting awfully wild when I am drunk,
and for all this damned intensity.

I am very sincerely sorry, world, if it's annoying you. This is not sarcasm. I really don't want to annoy you. I am sorry if it offends your values or turns you off. I am sorry if you get irritated with me.

But I have had this personality for a very very long time. And as much as maturity and critical self-evaluation has weeded out many of my own vices- I cannot drop these. I am loud, I can't avoid the narcissism because I want to succeed in entertainment and therefore have to market my own self as a product, and you just get a lot of attention when you are loud and weird.

But I am loud and weird, and believe me- I have tried to tame it. And of course I can in certain situations. I turn it off completely in office environments for example. But otherwise, the suppression makes me miserable. Because then I am not being myself. I am being other people. And that's a personal nightmare. I mean, there are so many souls in the world, who's gonna have this one? This one is mine- I gotta own it. I gotta take it on, right?

It's truly ok to be hated and rejected by some people. That's absolutely not the worst thing in the world. I mean, you've probably got a problem that needs to be dealt with if you are entirely friendless and hated. But I can deal with a handful of non-fans, and well, I have to. There's no choice. I'm just coming to accept that I can't be me and also change these things about me.

SO sorry world, and in the same breath- suck me world. Embrace me or eat me alive, but I refuse to eat myself alive.

I must just listen to that guy in my yearbook who said "Stay cool. Don't ever change! Have a great summer- Call me! xxx oooo" Fuckin right. I'm not changing.

Anyhow . . . on a more peaceful note, I'm quite happy. Had a lovely weekend and the whole nine yards. Here's a little story about a lowlight of the weekend.

It's also sometimes just so hard to get the fruit in the bottom of the yogurt cup to come up and I don't like when it stays at the bottom in the little creases of the cup cause the unmixed fruit flavors are way too intense. Fuck you yogurt cup. Sorry acidophilus.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Ah, the penis envy always resurfaces somehow (read to the end you jerks)


People love to see this shit.

In recent discussion I found out that I was not alone in my habit of post-going-out-room-annihilation, by which I mean that when I get home from going out, somehow I manage to completely destroy my room. Somehow shoes are in drawers, stuff is in the fridge that's not supposed to be in there, there's dvds in my makeup drawer, my underpants are hanging from the ceiling, my cds are in my bed, my keys are in the garbage, and everything has been knocked over. Over time, basically everything manages to get knocked over or moved in places they don't belong. And my room is a fucking pitiful mess.

when you didn't know what you know now
So I am cleaning it
and
then I start going through old photos. Because you can't simply move piles of photos. Once they get into your hands, you have to look at them. It's just so amazing those snapshots. They are little pieces of much bigger things. I remember when my face was chubbier. I remember when her hair was that color. I remember when he was going out with her. That snapshot that was taken right before something happened that I've never forgotten, or that story was told that blew everyone away. You see a little piece of a world you once lived in. A place where that photo once represented something present tense. Where that picture used to be in a frame, where that person was the center of your universe, when you were younger, when you were more inhibited, when you didn't know what you know now. The countless faces of younger years, that night you saw that person you haven't seen in years and haven't seen since. The smiles. Those nights you'll never forget. And you have a little piece, a little second of that night, in a pile of pieces stacked one after another.

I remember when I was there.
I remember when we were friends.
I remember when I loved you.
I remember having a great time.
And I see my smiling face and your smiling face right in front of my eyes. I forgot that we had been there.

And memories are just little pieces that our brain filters and selects and chooses to represent in our minds. All the other details fade away accept for a few. And those are the building blocks of your future action and choices and the person that you are today.

Fucking technology, dude. I have seriously got to scan these pieces of crap. What an excellent way to waste time at work.

The Lawrence Welk show comes on TV on Sundays. Watch that shit. Definitive weird ass crap.


These people are gross.

Cumming.
Good Idea.

My final thought of the day: You know those cool chocolate fountains they have at banquets? If I had me some man junk I would totally want to stick it in there.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

the sun
she stays out later now
i can see the light when i leave work
thank god

seriously,
"thanks" "god"
for the snacks too

a world with snacks is indeed pure and good

A Haiku for the scared:
don't be so scared
pussy

THAI ART!

Some might say that Asian influences became more apparant in Fink's February 2005 work as she developed great anticipation in light of her pilgrimage to Thailand. Others speculate that this was the beginning of the end, when she began to fancy herself King of the Siamese Empire and sacrificing those naysayers who dare set foot in her path.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Shabu Shabu

Discovered yesterday: Shabu Shabu at a restaurant called "Swish". Near NYU. You get a selection of meat, fish and veggies to dip in a boiling broth in the flavor of your choice, and dipping sauces. Shabu Shabu Shabu Shabu. So much fun to say, I could say it over and over in my head to produce pleasant feelings. And the food? Recommended and delicious. I know what you're thinking- you want me to stick raw meat in that there pot? But the Japanese have been feeding me sushi for years, and it's done nothing but make me happy and send me off free of tummy aches or food borne illnesses. I trust the Japanese and what they feed me.

If she's Japanese and she wants me to eat it, I will eat it.

Somebody just poked a camera out of their window from across the street and took a picture of me. Am I under investigation? Neat. I hope so. I like when people acknowledge my existence.

These people exist too.


This is Ray Charles. He exists in our hearts and memories.

Kevin Federline is hot.

So, Last night this girl sat next to me and my friends at a bar and started talking to us and I hated her. I felt kind of bad for hating her because she was nice and harmless and meant well. But I hated her. I was drinking Guiness, which is kind of thick, and as I sipped it down, the words coming out of her mouth started making me sick. I thought that if she uttered one more word I would start puking, or at least get gas pains in my abdomen. She was just so annoying. She had one of those dumb southern hick voices. You know- the bright eyed face with the bubbly, really fake, all alabama sounding voice that might come out of a beauty pageant contestant. Not that I think all southern accents or alabamans sound like this- just certain ones you fucking complainers. The vacant, glossy, "Hi!!! I'm not from here!!! How are you all!!!!" kind of thing. And there were a lot of "aw"s. And she was an aspiring actress/singer. And acted like one.

She was very annoying. And she talked more than I do, but the problem to me, with all her talking, was not the quantity of the talking, but the content of her words. She was trying to make conversation. But it was about inane and boring things that are so far from anything I would ever care to hear about that it made me sick. It bothers me when people talk about things that are uninteresting and that nobody should care about because it's wasted brain cells and wasted words. It's murder of our human ability to communicate. And it's depressing that all these brain cells and synapses fired off in someone's brain and this is the utter crap it created. It's depressing when someone is so stupid, that it's not even cute or funny. I appreciate when stupidity is funny. But this, this was something else. Examples of things she said:
"What kind of chocolate do you all like?"
She also told us the street she lives on. And what streets she takes to get there.
"I like Sex and the City. Do you all like Sex and the City? Oh, how about Desperate Housewives?"
"I am married. Why aren't you guys married?"
"Is he an investment banker? You should date an investment banker."
"I used to live in LA."
And I just forget all the other crap, but mostly it was endless facts about crap I don't care about, and non-stop questions about boring crap. If you don't think there's problem enough with a woman trying to start conversation by asking what kind of chocolate you like, I hate you too.

Which reminds me. I am mean in my head. I feel bad about it (very briefly), or question myself like hey- am I a bitter bitch?-, but judgments are so instantaneous. Sometimes I just really don't like people at all. And what I hate most of all is when unoriginal and uninteresting people succeed and when people take them seriously and buy their crap. That might be the number one thing that pisses me off in the world.

PS- This guy's stuff is my new favorite thing in the whole wide world. http://www.explodingdog.com/ Opposite of hating.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

The Good Kind of Wet


I don't really get bothered by Valentines Day. That was until I started hearing the girl who lives upstairs have loud and fantastic sounding sex last night. There's just something about that that makes a girl feel like she's missing out on something.

Try this amazing Vanilla Cognac. It's yummy.

Cool music downloads: Cocteau Twins, but don't download the live stuff cause it's a crappy recording. And Dresden Dolls

Also discovered by my radar- Stonyfield Farm's Chocolate Indugence yogurt cup. At the bottom there is a really pretty high quality chocolate that you mix in and it tastes phenomenal. Just as satisfying as a pudding or custard and I like both puddings and custard. And it's healthy and chocolately. Also, if you like cheap chocolate, instead of going for Hershey, might I suggest Cadbury chocolate bars. They are cheap candy bars you can get almost anywhere, but of far better quality than Hershey or Nestles. Might I? Ah hell. I am full out suggesting it.

The German Trailer for Willy Wonka. Speaking of Johnny Depp, Secret Window isn't that good of a movie, but it's enjoyable to watch.

As IF
I have been coming across people either thinking I made out with certain other people, or people actually thinking I would make out with them. And when someone makes out on you, (i.e. they start kissing on your face and out of shock you don't pull away instantaneously because you don't know what the hell they are doing, and so therefore they get away with a few seconds of kissery)that's not making out either. Normally, these kinds of things are no big deal. But in the past week or so I have been overwhelmed by a number of false assumptions or flat out lies. Why do people think I would make out with all these people? As if. All these people I have been hearing of lately don't stand Micheal Jackson's chance in hell. No I would not make out with them.

I am a choosy lady. Always have been. And people have always been making up that I get it on with either more people or to greater extents than I have. Like in high school I heard that I blew all these dudes. But I never blew anybody in high school. I had determined, in writing I believe at some point, that high school boys are too stupid to deserve blow jobs or sex for that matter as of yet.

By the way- If you're a lady of high school age and reading this- read me loud and clear- don't blow those losers. Don't have sex with them either. They are all idiots at that age, and while many still are in college, at least by then they have at least taken freshman level english, thus enabling them for somewhat more reasonable conversation. Just learn to become handy with your hands, and if they are real complainers just break out the lube. Read my lips: Boys love lube.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Boredom Ensues the Rendering of the Missed Point

Ah fuck. I'm so fucking bored. I have plenty of things to do. All boring. Oh there goes the phone ringing. I should answer it.
Here goes.
Ah, I'm back, also boring. Boring "Barbara" telling me some bullshit that I don't care about. Goodbye Barbara. Thank you for calling, snatchlips. Hmmm. Snatchlips. That would be an inappropriate name for a fruitsnack. Oh but it would make me giggle. Strawberry fruitsnacks don't make me giggle. Ever.

I just ate about a pound of yogurt from one of those large yogurt containers. It was the most boring thing I have ever eaten. But I liked it. So boring isn't all bad. I like my calcium. I like my acidopholus. I like to know that these things are getting inside of my body and doing good work, the lord's work perhaps. Perhaps these nutrients are messengers of god. Oh my god, did I just say that? What am I a fucking cracked out crack head? No. Still just bored. Better snap out of it you little complainer.

Hey, do you people believe in God? I think it's time we had that talk. Here's my religious beliefs:
I believe in being a good person and living by a code of morality and always doing the right thing regardless of god. And you should do it because that's what living a good life is all about. It's bad to make other people feel bad. That should be reason alone to do the right thing. It's ok to make yourself feel bad if you are at fault for something. That's called taking responsibility for your actions. Also a good thing because it results in feeling good and living well in the long run. I think it is bad to do things because you fear god or fear hell. I don't think that will motivate people well enough cause it requires too much thought and it's too foreign from a person's immediate emotions. If a person truly believes in their heart that there's a good reason to be good and treat people well and do the right thing, then they will do that. But if it's because of fear or tradition or organized religion that guides a person, I don't believe that person will consistently behave as a good human being. I just don't think outside influence is as strong and powerful from a person's pure inner motivation. I don't think people should be doing good things simply because they want to get into heaven. I don't think people should do bad things because they don't believe in anything.

If you want to live a good life, you have to be a virtuous person, to your greatest knowledge and understanding of what being a good person is. I disagree with secular religions. I think it is pure evil to say things like that if someone doesn't believe what you believe that they will go to hell. Those kinds of things are terrible and cause war and hate. I blame certain organized religions for breeding hate towards people who don't share that religion. I don't agree that a real god would be spiteful. That's why when I read in the bible that periods are essentially punishment for Eve offering the apple to Adam, I knew I was reading bullshit. Forgiveness is holy. Not spite and revenge. That breeds contempt. No true god would lead by example of contempt.

All things in the world, nature, people, mountains and all- they are all amazing in themselves. Our universe, as one living, breathing, interacting thing, is so fucking amazing, that I believe that all things and all atoms share existence as something that we all have in common. Simply that we are alive and exist, we are all sharing time. This time right now together. And the sum of all things existing, as a whole, works together to create a sum greater than that of its parts. So the world is so amazing and phenomenal that things perceived as supernatural or miraculous are actually a part of this world, and not something else.

Maybe there is a god and an afterlife, but to me, to believe in those things is missing the point, and it overlooks what's here and what's inside of you. It overlooks the gut, the heart, and the human instinct which lies inside all people, which clearly distinguishes what is good from what is bad. We know when we are being considerate, doing the right thing, and that we are capable of self sacrifice for the good of others. We know that such action is instinctively good. When we are bad, we know it and feel it too. The difference between a good person and a bad person is a person who listens to, acknowledges, and accepts feelings and instincts regarding how to treat others and how to behave in the world. Focusing on god or afterlife is simply arbitrary. The point is not what isn't here, but what is, and to live and exercise, illusion or otherwise, that pretense of free will. If there is god or afterlife, I don't think we have the faculties to properly conceive of it. If we did, there would be no dissent.

I think that there's a creator, but maybe we created ourselves. I believe something probably happens after we die too. I think there's god. But I don't think I need to know what god is like. If there is god, I think god just wants us to be good and to live life well and make the best of the life and world we are given, no matter what. If you're good and you do good in life, you're good, and god can't want anything more than that. There's no point in all the other stuff, which I view as cultural and I respect relgious traditions as a sacred element of social behavior, family, community and unity rather than anything else.


Get a load of that camel toe, literally! HA HA HA!

Friday, February 11, 2005

Kissies for everyone!


Adults have really got this Valentine's day thing all wrong. Listen up people, there's a lot of great things about Valentine's Day if you don't lose focus as to what it's all about. Cupcakes, pink frosting, little hearts, candies in the shape of hearts, things decorated in pink ribbons, cute little cards, glitter, and construction paper. Valentines Day isn't about couples or feeling lonely if you don't have a special friend. That's boring. I've been a couple on Valentines Day and it's never all that cool. Maybe it's because I had cheap exes who never treated me to much more than french fries. Or maybe it's because I prefer spontaneous roses and chocolates. Valentines Day almost highlights the patheticness of a boyfriend, cause it's the one and only day they bother doing something cute- and when it contrasts to all the other days they are lazy self centered takers rather than givers- well, it's just not all that cool.

It's the single and the young who get to have all the fun- if you only harness one secret- that it's fun! And that the couples aren't having a better time than you! The snoozefest of overpriced dinner is just the kind of thing you should be happy you are missing out on. Unless your man is whisking you off to some neat ass place for the night and some neat ass thing happens and he gives you some neat ass little gift- forget it. And the chances that a boyfriend actually does something that requires thought- well- it's just universally rare. Why am I delving into this bitterness? Cause I want you all to know that the key to Valentines happiness does not lie in having someone to love or someone who loves you. It lies in the inherent festiveness that often gets overlooked by little bits of loneliness that hide inside.

But you can't forget the fun. It is from this realization that I intend to have the best Valentines Day party ever, next year when I have a big enough apartment to have people over. I am going to have everyone have little paper lunch bags decorated with little glitter hearts and contruction paper hearts. Everyone who comes has to bring little paper valentines and put them in the bags. There will be cupcakes and lollipops and everyone has to wear pink and there will be strawberries and strawberry champagne punch- bonus time- recipe for yummiest ever champagne punch:
champagne,
some vodka,
sprite,
frozen strawberries,
raspberry sherbert,
cranberry juice.
FUN LOVE JUICE!

As you embark on your pre-Vday weekends, including the day itself- I urge you to embrace the days. If you love pink flavored shimmery lipgloss as much as I do, surely you can and should love this day. If all you do is eat lollipops, enjoy them. Or even pink colored m&ms, cause those are much more fun than regular colored m&ms. And if you can somehow work a little bit of kissies in, even a kissy on your friend's cheek, or on a furry little animal (closed mouth please) that's also a bonus.

Furthermore, I like the way the OC is taking the lezzie plot. They seem to be approaching it with a new kind of realism that hasn't been portrayed for girl-girl relationships on tv before. It doesn't hurt of course that the two ladies involved are hot as hell.

ah . . . friendship

Thursday, February 10, 2005

The hills are alive.

If you want to make an unbelievably great addition to your music collection- for FREE, go to Saddle Creek's website:
http://saddle-creek.com/nf_home.html
Click on each band name, go to downloads, and get the mp3s. Pretty much all of it is great. I know it takes some time and a high speed internet collection, but it's one of the few places you can get tons of great free music.

If Only I Lived In Palm Springs. arg. maybe i should spend my "food" money.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Basal Metabolism


That's me, and I have always sucked at sports.
I feel like I did when I was a kid and they made us do physical fitness tests in school and we had to run around a track and I was always last. I was a little runt. And I hated sports. And I hated when they made us do stuff. And I was always last pick. Even when I tried, I could never quite absorb all the rules. Why can't there be more pushing in basketball? And god almighty, I couldn't catch a ball. I hated when a ball was coming my way.
Here's what it was like for me:

La la la, standing around in the outfield, I like the grass, pretty birds are chirping, oh fuck, oh no, the ball is coming my way, why why why, I was having such a nice time, oh no, now the boy I like is going to start yelling at me and telling me that I suck cause I am going to do something I am not supposed to do with the ball, I wish I could just catch it and throw it where I am supposed to throw it, where do I throw it, that would be so great if I caught it and threw it where it was supposed to go, what if I fall down and hurt myself and what if the ball hits me in the face, leave me alone you stupid ball.

My only pride in gym class was this one time in sixth grade when we had to sit/lean against a wall and see how long we could hold it. I lasted the longest in the class. That was in fact the only time I did anything well in gym class.

And today I see all the kids around me running faster. I know a lot of successful comedy writers, artists, go getters, and just all around greatly talented individuals. Some of these individuals tell me that I am talented too. But I don't know how to purge and apply these talents, and once again I feel like the little runt I was, shortest kid in the class with my chubby little face.

I told myself that it's ok to take things easy. I don't have to vigorously pursue some grandiose ambitiousness. I can take my time and figure things out. But it makes me feel really uneasy to do so. I have to start being spectacular or marching down a definite road to spectacle, and I have to start now. My existence seems pointless. Can't I be more useful to the world? Somebody, something, please validate my life- please? Oh shutup self, you know you like your job. Just stick it out, build up the resume. Get a fancy job with a conference room where you have to have a little magnetic id card so you can swipe into the door.

I don't want to be a machine of consumption, I want to be a machine of production. I fear my stagnance. I am even more afraid of it cause it doesn't even sound like a word, but it is a word.

By the way, isn't it fascinating how all forms of life rely on consumption? What's up with that? Is the point to create some sort of dependency on others and other things? That we are by nature a part of something bigger and we cannot exist on our own, we cannot exist with out consuming other things? We must and we should depend on others and build from social capital? That desperation, starvation, ambition and desire are all tools of nature to make us need each other and other things? Does technology and innovation make us more or less independent when by nature technology is the product of dependence on past innovations? See that's the only reason I could think why.

The opera was a good time last night. It peaked my interest to see more, even though the music in this one was somewhat of a let down. Did you know that operas are 4 hours long? They are.

An official recommendation: Chocolate soy milk is, by nature, delicious and nutritious. I know what you're thinking. Chocolate soy milk? Heather's not the kind of person who drinks that. But I am. I SHOCK and I AWE!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

la dolce vita

sometimes, working for two small production companies at once, trying to maintain an informative and entertaining website, trying to be a comedy writer, getting all dolled up for the opera after work, trying to look for a new apartment, getting things in line cause I am chipping in money to have a super fun beach house all summer with a bunch of girls, getting ready to go to Thailand, making plans with friends, unsuccessfully maintaining an air of aloofness and mystery when you're a big fucking internet dork, keeping up with the shenanigans of your whacky parents and the trouble they get into, and staying abreast of current events and hot styles and flirting with boys all at once seems a lot.

but I'm happy to be doing it.

why, after all I could've written something like this:
sometimes, having two children without appendages, working for Waffle Hut, having both male and female genitals, studying for the bar exam, maintaining a successful affair with two men who are incapable of pleasing me so then i have to find time to please myself, getting gum out of your hair, fighting against the robot warriors that have invaded my basement, dodging the relentless popperazzi, owning a horse whose body is composed of cancelled checks and he craps bank notes, and learning how to eat again ever since my recent freak accident where my cheeks dissolved and transformed into chicken parmigiana seems like a lot.

I have a lot to be thankful for. God Bless America. And Freedom.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Fine, then. We're Just Not Showing You Our Boobies Anymore


Watch it, or this is the only boob you're gonna get.
Ok America, is this really how you want it?
Soldier shows some boob in Iraq.
So you're telling me that a soldier, who is serving our country and putting her ass on the line in Iraq, gets a little crazy, shows some boob, which I am sure her fellow soldiers appreciated, and she gets fucking demoted? You don't think her fellow soldiers encouraged the behavior? And what the hell- they are so quick to punish this chick who they should really be giving a fucking break- seeing as how they are publishing her name and all this stuff- but they are so quick to punish her while it seemed to take a little longer to punish the crazy fuckers who were torturing Iraqis. This is some bullshit. Showing some boob ain't no thing. And the world with its picture taking does ruin some moments. Can't a girl show a little boob anymore without worrying about showing up on someone's private computer? Motherfuckers.

Is this how you want it world? You want to punish chicks for showing boob? And what do you think the Paris Hilton sex tape has done? Helped? No, it hurts. You men want your booby, and you like the hotness of making "home videos", well we aren't going to do it for you anymore if you punish and denounce us.

So here's a simple plea- you have to choose one way or the other. And it's broader than even showing booby and sex tapes. Cause you're the ones who seem to like to use words like slut and ho-bag when it's often unwarranted- and it's totally your fault if you you're not getting some, cause decades of women are haunted by the fear of being a slut. You either embrace the booby, or forget about it. You can't be wanting booby and then disrespecting the booby once you get it. That's just fucked up. Think about it.

And let me also chastise some more people-
Stop smoking cigarettes all you cigarette smoking assholes. Remember that thing about it killing you?
Finding Nemo's lead animator Dan Lee has died at the age of 35 after a 17-month battle with lung cancer.

Great collegiate news.

Furthermore, I'd like to say that football is boring. Football fans however, are not. Like this wild and crazy guy! Just look at him watch that superbowl. Go go go!


Bonus- About the Superbowl commercials.
I would like to personally thank ad agencies for coming through for me and providing me not one, but two incredibly hot dudes in two great commercials. The Pepsi commercial where all the chicks check out the hot guy was great (directed by Joe Pytka who also did some other company's spots for the superbowl), and Brad Pitt's Heinekin spot sold me on the wonderful Dutch beer. You might find it interesting that Fight Club's David Fincher directed the Brad Pitt commercial. Also, Spike Lee directed the Lays commercial where the kids hit stuff over the Fence. That one was not particularly appealing to me. One final commercial observation- the tobasco bikini- I couldn't help but wonder, if under her bikini top she was all red and firey, what was under her bikini bottom? A red itchy crotch? That sure makes me crave hot sauce.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Bum bum

No not like the talentless bum bum song of Tom Green (Did you know the trivia fact that Tom Green kissed me once? It was disgusting.)
And no not like the song Violet sang to Screech on Saved by the Bell.
And no not like the high fashion of B.U.M. equipment.
And no not like this lazy good for nothing:

Just feelin' bummed. Sedentary. Mmmph.

Last night's O.C. was directed very poorly and might have been the worst episode so far, although I was entertained. And Rachel Yamagata only played one song. I was also pissed that there was no making out in that episode either.

Eating Haagen Daaz is like eating a stick of butter cause it has so much fat in it. Kind of like Pot Pies which are fat people food.

Alright you sons of boxes. I'm out. Too lazy to write more right now. And also, I got rid of that new feature. You're welcome.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Beloved Aunt.


I sure didn't have to read this German snowboard mag to get my pleasure in last night! Oh sweet italicism and your gentle powers of suggestion.
The Keane show last night was such a pleasure. Hammerstein Ballroom is such a lovely venue too. I almost felt like I was at some big outdoor summer concert there. Keane has to be the most gentle and sensitive band I have ever seen. No jokes were made by the lead singer. Only sensitive sweet and sentimental comments were made by the lead singer, Tom Chaplin. He kind of tries to move and rock about the stage like a rock star, and I don't question that he's into it, but he has such a cherubic little angel face it's hard to see bad ass when you look at him. Their music is beautiful. The crowd was well-groomed, much of it was English, and they were all rather lovely mature hipsteresque people with jobs. A lot of group rocking and swaying was experienced. This was by far the most mellow concert I have ever seen, but it felt really nice. I imagine a Coldplay or Radiohead concert might feel like this. And god that keyboard player they have is unreal. Ugh, he definately exudes the greatest sexual energy of the band. Brooding backup vocals and the most intense keyboard playing I've seen since Tori Amos- though he doesn't top Amos' mad skillz. The lead singer's voice is so beautiful too. Clear and perfect as a studio recording. A mod-Billy Joelish thing, not quite Rufus Wainwright, more angellic.

The opening act, The Zutons, I had heard before but I wasn't sure where. They had this rocking chick sax player who really stood out and grabbed the audience's attention. I would describe them as British Ska-Mod-Hipstertastic music. It's fun upbeat stuff.

Last night there was also an Arcade Fire show in the NYC. Their latest album is my most recent Itunes purchase. I am very very pleased and recommend it. Also tonight is a Pedro the Lion concert. They have been criticized for having all their songs sound the same, but they are rather good. Not my favorites, but worth looking into. Also check out my events and suggestions calendar if you're looking for something to do.

Me boss has me making print ads for some account we have that wants tv and print ads. Not the real ones, just test ones. It's really neat cause I didn't really know anything about print ads before and just laying out the text the right way seems to make a lot of difference. Anyhow, it's interesting.

The Apprentice is seeking GWU alumni. Finally I feel wanted.

I'm pretty sure I'm staying in tonight. I've cancelled plans because I don't want to lose sight in general of the importance of having a night where you do nothing but snuggle up and make food out of a can or get delivery and just relaxing. That's always kept me grounded even at the busiest times in my life. No matter what, don't neglect your cosy do nothing tv snuggle time. No matter who it's with, or if it's alone. Life isn't worth living without at least one of these per week. And it is important enough to cancel plans. It is.

This blog entry isn't finished. I intend to come back to it later but I have shit to do first. Very important. On the hush hush. And I'll get rid of that stupid feature with the click to read more. Caution- on this entry and yesterday's, there in fact is not more. It's really misleading I know. I am a cunt.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.



You know what. I hate the new feature. I am getting rid of it later today. It just goes to show you that you have to accept your self and your blog for who and what it is. Don't go chasing Waterfalls, you know?

I am going to share with you a little period peice that I like to call, "My Friend Who Likes to Refer to Me as the Blog Whore". Back in like the end of November or early December, I went to The Onion Holiday Party. I was placed on the list by an Onion person, but was told that I couldn't bring a friend cause the list was tight. So fuck it, I went alone. So I was getting kind of antsy and wondering around and all of the sudden this young chap stops me and goes "Can I buy you like, 9 drinks?". My mind paused on the question. I thought to myself, wow, what a perfect line. Lines are never ever good, but that one was. Surely I would love you to buy me 9 drinks. I don't have that much money these days and the process of ordering and purchasing the drinks is such a pain in the ass, I'd really appreciate the gesture. I mean it's a great take on the classic "can I buy you a drink", and the "9" ornamentation reflects a kind of enthusiasm about you buying me drinks that I can really admire. And so after that line was delivered, the witty banter began and now we are the best of friends and I even let him touch my boob. He calls me a blog whore because I plug my blog a lot. And I readily admit whenever confronted about it- hey- do I really have all that much going for me right now? No. So this blog. This is like, kind of it. So, um, either you can ask me what I do for a living and you can tell me your fabulous fucking job and I can tell you I am an entry level wombat, or I can say, hey, I do this semi cool thing- my bloggy- look at my jazzy free business card I made at vista print dot com!

And Mr Calls Me a Blog Whore, are you fucking happy now? You're fucking blogged. You've been sucked into the blog world. You're fucking welcome, bro.

I am wearing pants that are too big for me today, and my boss told me they looked too big and then bought me a snickers. True story.

Oh and did I mention- I had a lot of fun at Stella last night- as previously reviewed. The show was slightly more exciting this time cause it was their last show ever there! And I'm sure it will never be the same again because their show is becoming a TV show, and then it won't be thought of as a live show, and well, I think that they won't be able to do it similarly once they are all ultra famed out.

DAMMIT DAMMIT. I was just reminded that I missed last week's OC with the hot girl action in it. WTF. Well tomorrow's show is supposed to have Rachel Yamagata so I guess that's cool.
Blah blah blah, life is fun . . .

new feature

I just made it on the blog so you click on a little link to read the whole entry, but on the front page it's shorter, for your navigation pleasure. What do you think?

Is it cool or does it suck?

And for your trouble, I have included a link to the worst blog I have ever read. Found by me today.
He wears a size 9 shoe apparantly.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

e. e. is my involuntary guest blogger for the day

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

- e. e. cummings

Also, in response to Uncle Jessie (click the link):
Hey Johnny boy- over here. I'm not jaded. I am almost incapable of playing it cool. Am I right or am I right? (ha! I only gave you two choices there. I am right!)