Thursday, June 30, 2005

Look! I'll have more time to go be in big pants!

See he's unemployed and he gets to be so happy in there.
I feel so happy to be finishing my last day here! I don't care how disappointed my parents are in me! I am taking time off and being unemployed for at least a month and I am looking forward to all the great things I hope to get done! I think I can stretch my last paycheck till August and I am going to do odd and end days jobs here and there probably. Anyhow I'm not the only one unemployed. These two kids I knew from GW are in today's Metro (the free nyc paper) and they say they are unemployed. It was so annoying to see them in there this morning though. They were always so full of their damned selves they're one of those people you don't want to get any attention. Crap baskets. Who knows, maybe they're cool now- but they were so obnoxious then- eh. Look who's talking. I could probably find a few people talking that kind of smack about me. You got somethin to say peeps? Talk to the hand. TALK TO THE HAND the hand is a good listener and feels overlooked oftentimes I don't know why you dont just talk to it. Come onnnnnn.

I got another boot on my car today- 2 boots in a year- I surpose I finally have a pair! Sing it Jessica!
Ah yes but these are sucky boots if ever saw em.

SO seriously, let's get down to business- it seems a lot of you little fuckers out there are going to be in the nyc tonight! So I am indirectly summoning you via blog. If you're the kind of friend of mine who lives in the area, has my cell, call me- I wanna stay out alll night and party with EVERYONE! If I don't pick up the phone for you it's cause I don't LIKE you btw! And not cause I am peeing or whatever. I don't do that. I'm mormon.

Sneak preview of next week's blogging: A special report of some of my favorite people I know who if you don't know, you're missing out! So I'm happily introducing you to these lil buggers.

Some reflecting I had done a few days ago which I don't feel like completing:
Pain is need
Happiness is fulfillment
Pain is real
Happiness is an end
Fulfillment is death
Death is pain
Death is a release

Can happiness be sustained?

Marriage is institutionalized cultural sustained love.
They say it is unnatural, Brad Pitt says so anyway.
Pain, emptiness and need are all in the same family- pain as wanting, deprivation, depletion
Happiness as having, completeness, or lack of wanting and pain
Satisfaction is having something wanted
Pain is wanting something better or different than what is
Pain is real
Pain is good, but if there is too much of it, you cannot move on and achieve higher ends
Pain is necessary
Happiness is necessary too
When happiness is achieved, nothing more needs to be achieved, it's an end, unless there is a fight to sustain it.
Pain and deprivation are motivations
[Reflecting Finished]


Go America Go!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Made me smile in the last 24 hours:

- Man wearing shirt with comic book guy from the simpsons on it that says "Worst T Shirt Ever"

- Corner store near my apt that claims to sell "Sandwishes" on their big new sign

Made me irritable and grumpy:
- American Apparel conspiracy to show as much T and A to the world as possible- my A Apparel dress is suspiciously designed to catch drifts at perfect angles subjecting me to long lasting bouts of marylin monroe style ass exposure in public.

Made me excited, scared, and want to be rich:
- Virgin Galactic

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

i'm not a policeman i'm a princess

Furthermore, what is Iowa? What is that? Is that a sandwich state? I hate it I don't care either way.

The importance of being easy
Oh poo. A lot has happened with me over the last few days. I hate this job. I'll be moving on. I plan to take July for me to write, reorganize, and position myself for a creative or assistant to creative position somewheres out there. And do stand up and get started on the hundred million side projects I've got unfinished. It was a mistake to jump from one job to the other with no break in between. And I'll not be an office bitch anymore. Blah blah blah there's really more to it than what I am saying here- count on me to elaborate further some other time.

And don't expect these words to be pieced together properly. I don't know what's coming out of my brain right now. I started my day at 5:30 am yesterday and ended it working straight till 3:30 am. But it was a wonderful learning experience. I was assistant director on a short film yesterday that was shot with a real director, cameraman, and real actors. So I really think I learned something. Unfortunately it was shot on location in a small apartment and for sound purposes we had to have all fans and AC off the entire time. So it was like 22 hours in a sauna trying to produce relevant thoughts while playing a role in something I had never played before. Fuck why am I up today? I decided to work till the end of the month is why. Arrr.

But really, though I feel like shit and felt like shit and by the end of the day I think I totally died on everyone, I loved it. I liked when I was told I did something wrong cause I learned the right way to do it. And I really liked that it was a short film because I've really only been on commercial sets in the past year and there's a lot of differences in the way the shoot goes.

But what's very important I think in working at all, is the importance of being easy. I think I realized this consciously when I spent a month in Holland. I traveled there alone for a month in the summer of 2003 after I finished college. I stayed with my family- aunts, uncles, and cousins, during the weekend, and during the week when they were at work I would go off on the trains and stay in hostels in different cities and towns. Of course when you travel at all, you really can't be high maintenance and you just can't expect to have things your way or the way you're used to. But anyway, my cousin Natalie told me she was happy that I was so "easy" (of course not knowing the American double meaning of the word). She meant that I didn't complain much, didn't make demands, and went along with the flow. And that was the first time I had ever been complimented on that behavior, or had it pointed out. But it's important. And I think that if you really hope to be anything to anyone and make anything good in life- you have to be easy. To be fair I actually left early yesterday. I think they still had 2 hrs left to shoot, but they told me to go home since I had work in the morning. But I felt kind of bad. Everyone else there was busting their balls too, one other person did leave early, but her job was more physically taxing. I was so amazed at how the actors kept it together and looked beautiful through to the end. I am so transparent when I don't feel well- I don't know how I could hide that from the camera. Anyhow- I think it's a great virtue to be "easy". To not complain, simply help out, suck it up, do your best, and simply move things along and enhance the world of others. There is a time and place for venting and complaining. But you can't do that to people, especially when you are working. It's taking a situation and making it about you when it doesn't have to be. So I value the virtue of sucking it up, doing what needs to be done, and zipping the lip. Though a boyfriend may not know that about me. I have always considered the boyfriend to be a safe haven for pouting like a chubby baby. The best friend, mom or dad, and close friends don't make a bad audience for that shit either . . .
And I agree with Tom Cruise that brain drugs can be overprescribed and prescribed irresponsibly, but he's so insane it's insane and he could use some ritilin maybe. Dammit why am I talking about Tom Cruise, stupid news- git out my brain!

God I am so hungry for a manicure pedicure my fingers and toes wanted to be painted and pinktified post haste I cant wait till I find the time . . . I love ellipses! and redundancy . . .

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Oysters, some weird drink with mushed up stuff in it, Monkfish and asparagus, Pino Gris, and warm chocolate cake with peanut butter mousse and cappuccino.

In my stomach.

3:30 am In my bed.

My tummy feels like

I dreamt that Mel Gibson was my boyfriend. He met my parents and they loved him. He told me it was cool that I wasn't very religious. I told him that just because I wasn't religious it didn't mean that I wasn't spiritual and that I still believed in things. He kissed me, his abs were amazing, we started to have sex on my bed, I was so excited to have Mel Gibson for my boyfriend, I thought my liberal friends could suck it, things got hot and heavy with Mel, my eyes open midfuck. Fuck. I overslept by a half hour. Agency people are coming today. Can't be late.

Haul ass.

Stomach hates me.

Note to self

Mel Gibson is pretty cute.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I am a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I am a big, bright, shining star.

Rounding out the list at 3 and 4 . . .
Released today- AFI's top 100 movie quotes, for your pleasure, here's their top 10:
1. New York Minute: Jane Ryan: "Well, forgive me for wanting the day to be about me for a change. I make honor roll and Dad doesn't notice because you're in detention! I'm elected captain of the cheerleading squad and Dad can't come to one game. One game! Because he's busy going to your parent-counsellor meetings. You want to know why I want this fellowship abroad? It's because it's 3,000 miles away from you."
2. Earth Girls are Easy: Candy: "If you wanna be a femme fatale, you can't rest on your L'Oréals!"
3. XXX: Kolya: "Bitches, come!"
4. XXX: Xander Cage: "You're in the Xander Zone."
5. The Wedding Planner: Mary: "What?"
6. Patch Adams:Hunter Patch Adams:" We need to start treating the patient as well as the disease."
7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Shredder: "You are here because the outside world rejects you. THIS is your family. *I* am your father. I want you all to become full members of the Foot. There is a new enemy: freaks of nature who interfere with our business. You are my eyes and ears, find them! Together we will punish these creatures. These... Turtles."
8. Crossroads: Lucy Wagner: "All we have is now, and right now we have each other. "
9. Glitter: Video Director: "We ask ourselves, is she black? Is she white? We don't care. She's exotic. I want to see more of her breasts."
10. Honey: Missy Elliott: "I don't care if she just showed Michael Jackson how to Harlem shake. I said I want Honey. Honey Daniels."

Oh my god the fucking pharmacy oh my god I hate you my uterine lining is disintegrating and it hurts so bad it hurts so so bad where are your stupid tampons hiding why arent you easier to find why arent you near the condoms or the mortin where are you you little fuckers I just need to put one of you inside me like right now oh my god youre in the very back of the store that god pharmacy why do you hate me I hate you.

I was an extra for a lil commercial with skinny models in it. One of them mentioned something like "I can have that in my diet." So I say, "What's your diet?" She says. "I was just kidding, I can eat anything I want! I love McDonalds. Can I have some McDonalds? I want some McDonalds." And proceeded to say to everyone how much she wanted McDonalds through the whole shoot. Yet- at breakfast she ate 3 peices of raw broccoli, at lunch she said out loud "Yum brownies . . . I don't want one." and then grabbed and ate carrots. Motherfucker liar model. Oh yeah, and I subjected myself to looking at this footage where I am among the models. That definitely buttfucked my self image. Ugh.

And then when I went to have drinks with a future comedy partner, before he arrived, as I sat outside drinking my drink on a not very busy street, a homeless man decided to stop in front of me and stare. I glared at him with all the evil I could muster, and he proceeded to shamelessly stare. Whilst I became visibly more irritated, he proceeded to roll and smoke a cigarrette while adjusting himself in various irritating ways, the entire time just staring at me with close proximity. Finally when I thought he was leaving, he was just walking across the street, where he sat on the curb and stared from there. I wanted to cry, but I was too tired to.

Stop staring at us.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Ahh the summer winds approach thee well

Rebecca: Listen Nancy . . .
Nancy: Yes Rebecca?
Rebecca: Don't ever show me what you can do with a ping pong ball again.

To call upon the eloquent poetry of early 90s icon, Beavis, this link:
Cruise gets squirted in the face with stuff
is cool because, well
Tom Cruise is kind of a bunghole.
Sorry Speilberg ya know, sorry that you're both a couple a pussies . . .

And I was going to write a father's day special here. I started to actually. But it's so damn long. It's going to be belated and truncated, like yo face. Yeah, look who's talkin NOW, bitch.

Nancy: Rebecca?
Rebecca: Yes Nancy?
Nancy: Can I at least have my ping pong ball back?
Rebecca: Certainly, Nance.
Nancy: Um, well, can you give it to me?
Rebecca: Come and get it.
Nancy: Where is it?
Rebecca: In my asshole.

Romantic interlude . . .

Aw yeah . .

Nancy: You are such a bitch Becs, why do you act like such a bitch!
Rebecca: Let me give you a word of advice. If you want respect, don't go shooting ping pong balls out of your vagina at people. Especially not at my parents.
Rebecca: Sometimes you just don't make any sense.

Friday, June 17, 2005

30 days

From the anti aging episode of 30 days
So I saw a screening of this new tv show last night.
30 Days
A show where people's lives get fucked with for 30 days.

It's excellent. The show manages to fuse the sophistication of a well made feature documentary with the artless form of the reality tv show. It's funny, biting, humane, intelligent, humble, and interesting all at the same time- and here's the crazy part- it's made by FOX on the FX network.

The channel that champions poor taste and human exploitation is putting out the classiest thing that's happened to reality television in a long time. Cool.

Super Size Me's Morgan Spurlock hosts the show, a welcome face compared to the Ryan Seacrests or Rodger Lodges that have been puked all over our favorite guilty pleasure shows- ok- well I take that back. Rodger Lodge is awesome, and that guy from Animal Planet's Funny Videos is cool too- but we really don't need any more of that. Anyhow- Morgan is interesting, funny, and lowkey, so he doesn't run the risk of being annoying like many hosts out there.


And there's social commentary. But that too is not annoying. It simply tells, and tries to let you decide for yourself. It obviously leans towards one direction or another, but it's honest about its bias. It's not trying to be completely objective.

The episode I saw was where a man attempted an anti-aging process with the aide of steriods for 30 days. It was well cast. The man they chose was extremely likeable, relatable, and camera friendly.

Overall, critical me, who doesn't even like the Matrix, saw nothing wrong with this show, at least the episode that I saw. It's plain ol good tv.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

I just ate some cake and passed out.

Rebecca Romijn says, "Applesauce tastes funny."

Invited to yesterday:

Remember the myth from Calypso's Island and the Nymphs? Odysseus and his men were stranded on her island for 7 long years where she and the nymphs held them captive using seduction, wine and PLAY to keep them from leaving. Perfect theme, right?

It is ESSENTIAL that you arrive as either a GOD/GODDESS, or a NYMPH from GREEK MYTHOLOGY. We will provide 2 yards of chiffon material to those that don't come prepared ($10 per person).
No casual clothing is permitted!

Is spectacular, the floors are covered with satin plush pillows, there are 6 playrooms, jacuzzi, steam room, many bathrooms along with a decor to marvel.

Ok, so it's obviously an orgy, and my response was, fuck no, what is this, a fucking orgy? Yes, a fucking orgy. The invitor responded "You need to be more adventurous".

I respond in a poem/tip to those who wish to date (me):
Fuck no.
No orgies.
Orgies are for overpriced DVDs.
They are creepy.
Why are you even going.
In what rich hippy universe is this behavior 'no big deal'.
Not my universe.
Fuck no.
No orgies.
No fake tanned starfuckers are going to touch my boobies.
Or see them either.
And now I am starting to wonder about you.
Sorry if you're reading this.
But it's far too blogworthy to be left alone.

Ahhhh sorry for that excursion into the delicate art of poetry. Lets get back to the sillinesses at hand.

Last night I smoked "cigarettes" with a school friend who I don't know terribly well. And I was really quite influenced by what I had smoked. So I go to express this by saying "God I am so high right now." But that's not what came out. Instead, I told my friend,
"God, I am so hard right now."
With all the seriousness and emphasis I had in me.
We laughed. Hard.

So I was having an awful day yesterday- work was awful, I had a stressful personal issue to deal with, and I was starting to feel like maybe I sucked.
Normally my motto is that if a human being can do a certain task, well then, I can do it. As long as it's not something athletic or based in some obscure talent that I can't quite learn. But yesterday I was doubting myself, and dealing with that sucked too.
I felt so so shitty about myself and my world, I was ready to just bitch about it. But as soon as I stepped outside and out of the office, I swear all my troubled feelings just dissipated into the air like leaked propane. I didn't want to mutter a word of my troubles. A few fancy micro-brew beers later, I had been taken away.
So . . . never give up. Your troubles may be a breath of air away from extermination.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Phil Collins may be a dork, and s s soodio makes no sense, and he may have scary puppets, but I still feel so fantastic when I listen to him.

Pop superstar Madonna regrets letting her ego get the better of her during the 1980s and early 1990s - because she now wishes she hadn't been so raunchy. The Material Girl became famous for pushing the boundaries of what was sexually acceptable behavior in a mainstream pop star. But the 46-year-old, who now has two children and is married to film-maker Guy Ritchie, admits she was courting publicity for all the wrong reasons. She says, "Sometimes I was being overtly sexual for the sake of showing off when I didn't need to be. I think I hurt myself. Ultimately none of us wants to be judged, or approved of, or loved because of the way we look, or how sexy we are. One minute I was saying believe in yourself and the next minute I was saying just be sexually provocative for the sake of being sexually provocative. I was letting it pump my ego, thinking aren't I great, they're writing about me, my picture's on the cover of every magazine, I'm so fabulous." (that was written by not me)

Hey that sucks sooo much! Madonna wtf! How can you regret what you've become!- here's my take lady- when you're young- you don't have the best judgment, and you make a lot of mistakes, and do some embarrassing things- but embrace where your foolishness has gotten you! That's just so anti-Madonna!!! We need people like you to do the absurd things that many of us would dare to do! It allows us to learn more about our society and culture watching you make mistakes! What you did was honest- so you were vain, you were vulgar, you were overtly sexual- you were being honest not appropriate- it was a reflection of some imperfect thing about you- and that's what made you an icon! Today's Madonna wears gaudi Versace and uses a fake English accent- seriously, the brazen sex lunatic of the past was cool- and that was you. I simply can't live in a world where Madonna regrets or takes back what she's done. No apologies allowed.

Dude, Apple wtf?
Whilst looking into buying an ipod on the internet, I read Apple's site selling the product, which says the following:
"All-Day Hit Parade
And you can shuffle your way through a lot of songs now that iPod lets you play your music for up to 12 hours on a single battery charge.(2) Imagine: you could fly from New York to Paris and still have hours of listening time left over as you stroll the Champs Elysées.. . ."

- I approve of:
All Day Hit Parade. Yes I like this. I would very much enjoy an all day hit parade. Parades are a wonderful form of celebration.
- I disapprove of:
suggesting that I may use my Ipod while stolling down the Champs Elysees. Sucks to your assmar! Apple you know why I am mad at you for saying that I dont need to explain.

From a mister Galloway of Boston: I F'ing love these things.

Monday, June 13, 2005


Hello there. I am at work typing on a computer. It's a mac. I hate using the internet and related software and browsers on a mac. I am not in the mood. Here's a limp and uninspired post, coming from my dull mood. It's a lot like when you're all horny and want to get some and you're all about to go for it and then the person says something really fucked up or starts doing something really fucked up or argues with you and then you just don't feel like it anymore so you roll over and say forget about it and take care of it yourself and mutter with a hostile whispered breath "fuck it I don't feel like it anymore".

On Stand up:
I'm just plain ol busy lately, so I'm not doing it every week as I wished, nor am I doing it this week, but I think I will do it next week. I am however, doing it for my third time (gotta do it just once more at least in btwn)
On July 21 at Variety Underground- a really cool Lower East Side venue. Please do come see!

They have some really good beer there that they used to serve at Lindy's Red Lion in DC- I think it's called Turbo Dog or something.

Here's the info for the show:
Click me!

Entertaining link about a crazy mom (thanks Patrick)

Friday, June 10, 2005

It's my Special Day!

I love my birthday. I think I loved the whole idea of it most this one birthday, when I was little, when I woke up, and at the bottom of the stairs there was a barbie. A surprise! I mean yeah, people get presents on their birthday, but right when I wakeup a surprise just for me just because it was my special day! I swear, waking up to a good surprise is in the top 3 things that make me most happy in life. And I didn't wake up to a surprise this morning or anything- but that doesn't change that it's my special day.

And the intern is making french toast for us this morning! He's putting a lot of effort into it too. YAY. Oh and I am having a bday celebration in the city tonight. I never really did that for my birthday before- a bar party. I'm excited but sad about the rain. I chose the venue cause it has this fantastic outdoor space.

What a boring age though- 24? Eh. I'm two dozen. I often get nervous that I haven't accomplished enough by my given age at that age. Oh fuck it, I'm taking my time and doing it right. And bloody hell what a wonderful time in my life. See everyone tells you all your life that college is the best, or high school or whatever. People seem to keep it a secret the the midtwenties are the fucking bomb!!! Freedom, your own paycheck, no spouse or kids, no homework, late nights, money allotted for drinks and personal indulgences!

Thanks, life, the powers that be, for allowing me the privilige to have the freedom and fun that I'm having. Thanks for the safety, thanks for putting me in New Jersey and NYC, I love it here, thanks for the cool parents, the good health, the unique family, and the wonderful people I've known and places I've been, and thank you for the pain and the pleasure. Thank you so much for the ability to have a sense of humor, and thanks for all the variety. What a wonderful, beautiful, fucked up existence I get to experience! Thanks for 24 years of it!

Batman Begins Review

I attended a screening of Batman Begins at the DGA last night, hosted by BAFTA, so Christian Bale came and spoke (yes he is, in fact, super fucking cute). He said two things of interest-
one- that he speaks in his American accent when he's out promoting this film- which got some laughs, but the Brits didn't seem to appreciate it too much.
And two- blah blah blah I hope this is the definitive Batman blah blah blah I'm hot in spite of my odd mouth which makes me look unique, Heather Fink, sleep with me blah blah blah . . .
It was cool.

Moving along, my review: (I'm not going to say anything that will ruin the movie for you)
Christian Bale makes an excellent Batman, bar none. But I can't really compare him to previous Batmans or say he was the best one (prior to this Batman I thought Keaton was best) because it is an entirely different movie with an entirely different approach, and his greatness as Batman is part him and part the movie.
Liam Neeson rocks pretty hard. The last movie I saw him in was Kinsey, and to see him in such a starkly different role shows his range. Nice range Liam, you da man.
Micheal Caine is a wonderful Alfred. Here we see an Alfred that is so much more of a complete character than he's ever been. I really appreciated his performance.
Morgan Freeman couldn't have been a more perfect Lucious Fox. Flawless, simple performance. I am now more interested in him as an actor after seeing him here.
Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon!!! Ok, so much more complexity was brought to Gordon than I have ever seen as well, and this is largely because of Oldman, his body, facial expressions, reactions- he emotes vulnerability and maintains a gritty masculinity at the same time. Impressive.
Cillian Murphy is so creepy/sexy. I saw him first in Intermission and wanted a piece of him there. God those creepy lucid blue eyes are so cool! Anyhow, yeah, he's a perfect fit for the role as well. It wasn't too challenging acting wise, but he delivers.
Tom Wilkinson does a good job, nothing great, but certainly nothing wrong with it either. I'd say he was a good choice for the role- but I would've loved James Gandolfini in the part . . .
Ken Watanabe's role isn't that substantial. The dude doesn't talk all that much so . . . he looked cool I guess. I dunno why but I would've also liked Chow Yun Fat in the role. He's just so badass.
Miss Katie Kate as you could guess, really didn't bring much to the table. She wasn't bad at all, just with such amazing casting, her "just ok"ness kind of stands out. Many people were saying how unimpressed they were while leaving the theatre. And why the fuck does she talk out of the one side of the mouth? I find that really distracting. Her look is good for the part- but she really should've been older since she's playing the DA. I'm thinking Sandra Bullock, or sticking with younger, Zoey Deschaniel, would've been better choices.
Young Bruce Wayne is good, very Finding Neverland style child acting performance, but the writing for his role isn't great.

This movie is unlike any other movie I have seen. That being said, it's great and not so great at the same time. It's wonderful, but still flawed. The exposition in the beginning is kind of hokey- at least in the young Bruce Wayne scenes. I absolutely loved the way I was introduced to adult Bruce Wayne. The most annoying thing in the whole movie is the writing in the beginning, the dialogue, which isn't very smart, trying too hard to be deep regarding the issue of fear. The words afraid and fear are used over and over again to the point that it's just dumb after a while, thankfully it stops later on in the movie. The dialogue where these words are over used had sooo much more potential.

Either way, what's special about this movie is it's entirely unique grasp of reality and fantasy. The fantasy is there- the city of Gotham, a uniquely corrupt world reminiscent of Sin City- it's own rules, it's own reality. But Christopher Nolan's MO is clearly to create a real, emotional, human approach to a superhero. There are explanations for the wonder. The existence of Batman becomes entirely plausible. And I have never seen anything like it. Here are these iconic figures in our world, and here Nolan and Goyer have breathed a whole new identity and life into something that has been a part of pop culture for so long. This is a drama. This is no Adam West. This is the sexy, gritty, emotional, vulnerable man behind Batman- embraced by pop culture as the ultimate brooding and dark figure that any person discontent with society lusts to have someone see in them. People, men in particular, want to be Batman, they want to be thought of as dark and disturbed and as more than meets the eye. They fantasize that someone would believe they have some better life behind what they show you on the surface. I can't blame them. I'm blonde after all. Anyhow, this real, human approach extends to all characters in the movie, not just Batman. It's cool.

It's not the flashy, prop heavy, green screened, CGI, visual jerkoff that we're used to seeing of comic book movies. Nope, it's clearly no Robert Rodriguez or Shumacher or Burton type thing going on here. But what Nolan did was realize the potential of these kinds of fantasy stories. It opened my mind to wonder what Merchant Ivory could do with a fantasy (not that I'm into Merchant Ivory), or David O Russell, or Cameron (he's done fantasy but not superheroes). Nolan discarded precident here and that's what was new. And it made sense for Batman, he's the man, no superpowers, and he feels pain. And that's also real, because humans reveal that which is most extraordinary when they move out of the thick of pain. You can't see blood without a cut.

And this Batman did deliver some cool machinery and the kind of mass destruction which is an absolute feast for the eyes, but it was somewhat careful about this, and it wasn't overdone. What's surprising is that one of the most beautiful images is early on in the movie, a frozen landscape.

The whole villainous plot reminded me of Taliban, as it seems most movies with villainous plots allude to these days . . . but I actually don't think it was on purpose here.

At the end of the movie, some members the audience, which was mostly composed of industry people, screamed and hollered- a message to the creators, some of which had to be present, that they loved it. It's a pleasure.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Dammit intern- make me some ham.

I think it would be cool, intern, if you could manufacture me some ham from office supplies. Get to it!
Hey hey did I ever tell you guys that I have an intern? I do. I made him get milk the other day. But he liked it. I don't have the heart to tell him to do something unpleasant, but I feel like he should cause he is my intern.

What science has to say about chick orgasms. About the average times it takes for men and women- makes that whole coming at the same time thing rather interesting, eh?

Recieved on Friendster from some guy who isn't terribly attractive and is a "QA Analyst" and graduate student.

Hi, How are you! ...I like your profile.
I am going to be honest with you.
I am only looking for a sex partner. I am not
looking to date or any relationships. Just looking
to have some sensual fun with ONE consenting
women with no strings attached. I open to
suggestions and very open - minded. I not some
sex addict that just released from a mental
institution....LOL..just a normal person with an
intense sex drive. I am no hunk or stud,,but I am
very passionate and caring with a wild and crazy
side. I like to hang out and just chill with friends. My
social life lacks the presence of a female
companion with whom i can i have some naughty
fun with. So if you are interested then perhaps we
could meet for drinks or dinner and see if there is
chemistry and kick it up a notch from there. What
do you think ? If you find this proposal offensive
then ..I am sorry..I did not mean to offend..I am just
trying to find my glory hole :-). If this proposal
interest you then please reply back


AS IF! It's downright insulting that you think I'd want that with, um- you. First off- I'm a chick. I could have some other person's elbow growing out of my forehead, and I could still find a man to have sex with me on any day of the week, no doubt. Men are easy. What makes this guy think I would want sex with some totally uninteresting, barely attractive friendster ass? What makes anyone, even if they are super hot and cool, think they could actually get sex from not even an email, but from the lowly format of the friendster message? Speaking of which,

there's a certain someone out there who I was seeing. It's looking past tense because the fucker started texting me like crazy. Texting, has in fact, replaced his phone calls. I don't give a shit how smart and cool and handsome he is. I'm not giving up one of my evenings for some button pushing in a calling device. "Drinks 2Nite" just doesn't quite do it for me like a fucking real phone call. There's something way too cheap about being at the beck and call of dumb little letters read from some shoddy little cell phone screen. I'm not having it! PS I hate when people say LOL a lot. A whole lot.
I contributed little bits to this humorous podcast's most recent show. And I don't even have an ipod!!!


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Fucking Seriously Awesome Pudding
As if pudding wasn't awesome enough already . . .

X Box Crunch


Margie and Kaya told me this weekend that I was very much like a chimpanzee, and PJ told me that I had a baboon ass and that I should watch out for sticking my ass out cause a baboon might come and find me and want to have sex with me. I'm not sure if that was the exact wording, but that was the gist of it. Why do people tell me these things? There was a certain someone who used to tell me to quit acting like a capuchin monkey. I don't get it. I don't crap on the floor like these species. I crap in toilets or under my roommate's pillow thank you very much. But I do like bananas and things flavored banilla. That's so clever. Someone put the word "congraduations" on some cake this weekend. Ah fucking shit cock. That's so brilliant. One word sums up that whole sentiment, cause you, graduate, I communicate congratulations to you, bam, all like that- congraduations.

Hoping for Blood is a good name for a band or a puppy. If you're an asshole and your puppy is an asshole.

The Adventures of Pete and Pete is on DVD now. That's one of the best shows ever. Well written, fun, and almost as many cool guest stars (like Hunter S T) as Space Ghost (Space Ghost totally has the best guests). AND SIX FEET UNDER is back. Watched it last night. That's really the only television show that I am dedicated to and must watch no matter what. The OC I could wait for tivoed versions of. And I was capable of missing a Desperate Housewives, though I prefer not to. Six Feet Under is in my opinion the most well written and well acted show that has ever been on television. Though last night's episode was strangely directed. There were some choices made that I wouldn't have gone for.

If you like Jessica Alba's boobs, you'll love these nip slip pics! Nip Slip Savage, your title is being rivaled! Fight back! Of course it's more of a sheer top sort of deal rather than a bare boobed nip slip, but still. That dress is really cute though. Worth people seeing nips to wear.

New Bright Eyes Video for Easy/Lucky/Free (a really awesome song)
Listen to Coldplay's new album
Rilo Kiley video
Don't ask me how, but even I got a boner from this
New White Stripes
New Muse video- did I mention that my Canadian Kelly tapped the frontman of Muse's ass for a few months? She did. She's fly.
I like it when he said that thing about giving me back my black t shirt and worked at Jackson Cannery. Yeah I preferred when he folded five rather than folding nothing. That's so obnoxious and wasteful. He could be making oragami for the blind.

Oh and there's those NJ Primaries happening today. Corzine's just so delightful. Ever see him speak? Ah yes, eloquent and direct, and about as no bullshit as I've seen. But I don't know who I want to win. Forrester is the lesser of two evils, but he'd be harder to beat than Schundler or whatever that dork's name is. I hate that mofo. He's all wanting to make abortion illegal and stuff and he's all up in the Catholic Church. Keep your church out of my state you mongrelly Republican!!!
Primary Night Party Invite

It's good to suck at nunchucks..

Which do you think is cuter? The chimpanzee or the young Danny Pintauro of Who's The Boss fame?

Monday, June 06, 2005

Just Be Yourself

Lookit, I'm a part of a team! (BTW they are editing the site to make it much fancier, so don't worry, I'm not working at some crap basket shuffle broomcloset of a place). And don't worry, this weekend I got poked in the boob with a stick.

When faced with glimpses of the future it's natural to compare the past.
Unfortunately, I've been reflecting so damn much lately that my mind has been overwhelmed. I am almost incapable of writing in this thing cause I can't choose which thoughts of pressing importance need to pour out first. Ok, so step one, let's reflect on a year of blogging. I do believe that my first entry was memorial day weekend. That was a fairly unimpressive entry, for those who don't know, the milkfaced thing is a "State" reference.

Blog writing has made me into who I am right now. Back when I was at school in DC, I was shy. Yep. When I went out, I often kept quiet and to myself, and in social situations, nervous laughs overshadowed any impulses I had to, well, be myself. Nobody in Jersey would believe me because this was not the Ms Fink you would find in her high school days, or in the last two years. The crazy Heather that resurfaces in social situations today was not refined for all purpose use in adult environments.

But in writing in this blog, I slowly became comfortable with saying what I want, honestly, frankly, and in my own way. And I learned that people actually got it.

Being yourself if the key to success. But the difference between the successful and the mediocre is how refined your skill of accessing yourself is.

Because it's really not about being yourself, it's about being able to be yourself.

That's hard. First, you have to have some semblance of self awareness (some chick said recently that self awareness is happiness, interesting statement)- knowing who and what you are to the greatest degree possible, and then you have to access that self. But in daily life, accessibility is handicapped by a constant flow of new obstacles and strange mediums, so if you're the type that can only be yourself around, say, two close friends and in the privacy of your own home, you've obviously got an accessibility problem. For example, when someone tells you that they would've done something better if they weren't so nervous, they simply had a problem finding that comfort zone where they could access their potential- and be themselves. And that's nothing to shake a stick at. It's a skill, the mark of a master, the seal of an adult, confidence, grace, charm. That's accessibility.

And that's exactly what writing here has helped me do. Not only do I get all of this stuff out of my head and into writing, but it's here for y'all to see, and it's been accepted by others. People have identified, connected, and laughed with me, and all of that has made me realize that what's in this lil head of mine is ok, and that to really be myself, complete with all the kinks and imperfections, is totally fine. Any of the small successes I've had lately, including making good friends and the like, has been a result of my newfound comfort with my own self. This skin is a more perfect fit than it's ever been. Thank you internet. Your fruitbasket is in the mail.

Furthermore and moreoverso, I have to fucking put off the standup another week. I don't have the damn time. I just don't. It's killin me, but I am not interested in burning out right now. However, I am interested in turning 24 on Friday. Fuck you 23 crap years old. 24 is where its at. Two dozen fine years worn into this piece of world. And I still don't know how to rollerblade, and quite frankly I don't want to know. A whole person on those little bitty wheels? I don't think so. White people are so craaazy.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Pleasureably Maladjusted to a Brand New Day

The only pain I feel is in the fact that the "B A N A N A S" hook of Holla Back Girl is stuck in my head (wishes to abort that part of my brain are surfacing . . .), but otherwise, I'm happily receiving the various newnesses that are all up in my business like a thong on a hot summer evening.

New Job New Apt New TellyPhone New Shorehouse
You've heard it before- but it's still throwing me into mild, yet invited discomfort.
Cause ya gotta get comfortable before you, um, get comfortable.
These things come with time.

Wisdom also comes with time, and I think I have acquired the greatest quantity of wisdom this year than I have in any other given time period (excluding the formative years). wait- are these still the formative years?
No way dude. I bought a futon- NEW- for full price- yesterday, with my own money. I have never bought a new piece of furnature before with my own money. Now I'm an adult. Formative years I think not. You are reading the typed words of a big girl.

So my new hood is Tribecca, at least at work. The apartment is still in Hoboken- CLOSER to the PATH- goddamn I feel so fucking fancy! I just wanna slap stuff! Stuff that's not supposed to be slapped! Actually yeah and stuff that's supposed to be slapped too like people with disabilities n stuff.

That song "Jersey Shore" from Promise Ring is so great for me right now cause I am all up in the Jersey Shore right now, and cause the song says "come July I'll be 24". Me too me too! (June 10 ok?) Damn son, new age too. New Job New apt New futon new Telly New addresses New Age. New Order's new song "krafty" is good. New operating system- the computer at work is a MAC- gotta get adjusted to that too



I'm maladjusted . . .

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I have not gone POOF!

Nope, I’m still here, just very preoccupied without computer over the weekend, and then moving apartments for the past 2 days. Now the only trace of the ex that I have to live with has been reduced to a shoebox. I pulled my roommate’s and my name off the mailbox, only to reveal Fink/Knowles underneath. Ha. Well I’ve up and left the whole stupid place anyway. So it doesn’t matter anymore. New apartment I love you and your large sizedness!

So what has happened since I last BLOGGED? On Thursday, I had my last day of work. The bosses took me out to pizza and beer and I closed the door on a wonderful learning experience, my first real full time job, and home to a good deal of my soho mischief. My director boss told me he thought that I had a good eye and that he thought I could be a great director one day. That’s just so sincerely encouraging. I’m thankful for that.

On Friday I got black and blues on my knees. After seeing goga, I met up with some lovely people on the Lower East Side and got some of San Loco’s portable margaritas- a totally awesome thing I totally forgot about and hadn’t done in like 2 years. San Loco is a little Mexican place that sells yummy and strong margaritas in to go cups which is so perfect for warm summer nights. Met some Coloradans. They say there’s more than skiing in Colorado. That’s so stupid. There is not. The black and blues came from subsequent domination of the dance floor at a small bar, during which I fell off the stage from dancing so hard- twice.

Saturday was highlighted by a visit to the celebrated SoHo House in the meatpacking. Well, I’m here to report that it deserves its members/invite only status. It’s got a great vibe, crowd, look, and the bartender mixes drinks perfectly. Unfortunately no picture taking is allowed, so I got nuthin for ya. Word up Mr. Jenka. I'm my own person and I spell how I want to.

Sunday/Monday I spent my first days at my summer shore house. Weather was perfect, my girls were with me. I was out of it- a mixture of tiredness, and substances. Absolutely couldn’t deal with seeing old faces from high school at this big bar there. Bugged out, got pizza, went to sleep. Behaved pretty well.

My new apartment rules, my new job starts Friday, I will be returning for my 2nd go at stand up next week, Dara is home for a little while, and I grew sea legs on the outside of my old legs which attach at the hip bone!!! Summer 2005 rock rock rock and stuff!!!

PS- I have had quite a few interesting and humorous exchanges which are very blog worthy but I think it best that I not overwhelm you with the words. Let’s first absorb what has happened here so we can reflect and move forward, together.

Stupid MTV

-Text messaging: a lovely balance of cool and stupid.
-I get burning anger in my heart when people diss the Crocodile Mile.
-This guy got hot? Surprising, I thought he might pull a Ben Seaver.
-Rawr, I CANNOT stand being without internet for days on end, my inbox is a freakin monstrosity!!! If I uh, neglect to reply to somebody's something- hit me up again or whatever.

And If you want to do something tonight in NYC, see my cousin's music- he's super duper talented:
SOUL CYCLE (w/ Jerome Jennings and Ivan Taylor)
Thursday June 2
9:30pm - 12:30am
No cover!
37 W 26 St (between Broadway and 6th Ave - closest train is N/R/W at 28th St)