Tuesday, June 28, 2005

i'm not a policeman i'm a princess

Furthermore, what is Iowa? What is that? Is that a sandwich state? I hate it I don't care either way.

The importance of being easy
Oh poo. A lot has happened with me over the last few days. I hate this job. I'll be moving on. I plan to take July for me to write, reorganize, and position myself for a creative or assistant to creative position somewheres out there. And do stand up and get started on the hundred million side projects I've got unfinished. It was a mistake to jump from one job to the other with no break in between. And I'll not be an office bitch anymore. Blah blah blah there's really more to it than what I am saying here- count on me to elaborate further some other time.

And don't expect these words to be pieced together properly. I don't know what's coming out of my brain right now. I started my day at 5:30 am yesterday and ended it working straight till 3:30 am. But it was a wonderful learning experience. I was assistant director on a short film yesterday that was shot with a real director, cameraman, and real actors. So I really think I learned something. Unfortunately it was shot on location in a small apartment and for sound purposes we had to have all fans and AC off the entire time. So it was like 22 hours in a sauna trying to produce relevant thoughts while playing a role in something I had never played before. Fuck why am I up today? I decided to work till the end of the month is why. Arrr.

But really, though I feel like shit and felt like shit and by the end of the day I think I totally died on everyone, I loved it. I liked when I was told I did something wrong cause I learned the right way to do it. And I really liked that it was a short film because I've really only been on commercial sets in the past year and there's a lot of differences in the way the shoot goes.

But what's very important I think in working at all, is the importance of being easy. I think I realized this consciously when I spent a month in Holland. I traveled there alone for a month in the summer of 2003 after I finished college. I stayed with my family- aunts, uncles, and cousins, during the weekend, and during the week when they were at work I would go off on the trains and stay in hostels in different cities and towns. Of course when you travel at all, you really can't be high maintenance and you just can't expect to have things your way or the way you're used to. But anyway, my cousin Natalie told me she was happy that I was so "easy" (of course not knowing the American double meaning of the word). She meant that I didn't complain much, didn't make demands, and went along with the flow. And that was the first time I had ever been complimented on that behavior, or had it pointed out. But it's important. And I think that if you really hope to be anything to anyone and make anything good in life- you have to be easy. To be fair I actually left early yesterday. I think they still had 2 hrs left to shoot, but they told me to go home since I had work in the morning. But I felt kind of bad. Everyone else there was busting their balls too, one other person did leave early, but her job was more physically taxing. I was so amazed at how the actors kept it together and looked beautiful through to the end. I am so transparent when I don't feel well- I don't know how I could hide that from the camera. Anyhow- I think it's a great virtue to be "easy". To not complain, simply help out, suck it up, do your best, and simply move things along and enhance the world of others. There is a time and place for venting and complaining. But you can't do that to people, especially when you are working. It's taking a situation and making it about you when it doesn't have to be. So I value the virtue of sucking it up, doing what needs to be done, and zipping the lip. Though a boyfriend may not know that about me. I have always considered the boyfriend to be a safe haven for pouting like a chubby baby. The best friend, mom or dad, and close friends don't make a bad audience for that shit either . . .
And I agree with Tom Cruise that brain drugs can be overprescribed and prescribed irresponsibly, but he's so insane it's insane and he could use some ritilin maybe. Dammit why am I talking about Tom Cruise, stupid news- git out my brain!

God I am so hungry for a manicure pedicure my fingers and toes wanted to be painted and pinktified post haste I cant wait till I find the time . . . I love ellipses! and redundancy . . .

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