Friday, May 19, 2006

Hooray, I'm going on Holiday!

Kelly Pickler is illiterate and it's just so fucking endearing. I saw her on that wonderful Access Hollywood program and they were showing her words and asking her how to say them and she had no idea. I'm glad pretty Kelly is out there showing kids just how cute it is to speak with the proficiency of an oxygen-deprived mind. But no, seriously, it is entertaining.

This reminds me of the little thoughts that dance like sugar plums in my head some mornings, but the chicks are dudes or whatever ... And I like this one too. Read more Viceland Dos and Don'ts.

Isn't it soooo cute of Mr. Cutie Pootie El Presidente to distract the country from the War in Iraq with his interactive "Fuck with the Immigrants" game? I think so too. Remember, if you've pissed someone off about something you can't fix, ruin something else and they'll totally forget.

Free samples.

The Da Vinci Code opens this weekend. Spoiler Alert!!! Supposedly it is a lovely tale of two blonde teenagers exploring their sexuality on the Ivory Cost of West Africa. When one girl loses her virginity, she soon also loses her wallet, leaving her to adjust to a life amongst the native people, where she gets in touch with her roots. As her friend is ready to leave, she finds that she has fallen in love with the simple way of life on the coast, but is also filled with bloodthirsty rage, which is a combination of her sexual appetite along with her anger over losing her wallet, which contained her collection of ironic cards, such as "World Class Bitch" Club, and Member of the Titty Inspectors which reminded her of her first boyfriend because he was good at inspecting titties. Soon she murders a lot of people, and then after all of that, she finds her wallet on her nightstand- it was there all along! In the end of the movie she eats all of the sandwiches the Opus Dei made for their party celebrating one of the Opus Dei guys' having one year of sobriety after his crippling alcoholism. But she's really lovable so they laugh together and the two blonde teenagers are BFFs forever, never forgetting their fantastic idiosyncratic adventures.

Yesterday I packed really quickly and thought I was going to have a boring night, but in the end I wound up having an unexpectedly awesome time in Hoboken. I fly on a plane to Puerto Rico in hours! WOOO WoOOO yay. I can't wait.

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