Monday, May 08, 2006

STEP OFF my uterine

When am I going to be some dumb rich artist's muse already? I need some mad guy who lives in an awesome apartment to be so inspired by me that he creates countless works of art. Then all I do is chill and basically do whatevs and he'll give me stuff like good wine and invite me to fun parties. He'd probably be really hot like one of those crazy brilliant guys with facial hair and unkempt hair. Being a muse would be great cause you don't have to be a ho or anything. You just have to hang out and be yourself. One thing I don't like about muses though is how often times they are really coy and for some reason look over their shoulders a lot and often have naked backs. When I sleep my back gets pretty cold. I like to wear a tshirt or something. I also like to wear socks. I need to be really snuggly when I sleep because it's important to me. When I was little I required many things to sleep properly: I wore long sleeves, pajama pants, and I would tuck the pants into my socks, and then tuck in the bed around me really tight. Actually, I would tuck it in before getting into the bed and then slide in. Fortunately, sleeping in beds with boys obliterated these habits and taught me that it could be ok to sleep with not only an untucked bed, but no socks or pants all together. Holy shit you're a moron for reading this. I just made you 23 times stupider. Or did I?

I want to make a video where one guy is doing another guy and he goes, "I'm gonna Fuck You, I'm gonna Fuck in the ass".
And then the other guy says, "Um, excuse me, but, um I believe you are already."

I had a great time gallavating about the city on Saturday with my girl Sara. And then on Sunday I got down to business writing things. I wrote something for the stage. A play of sorts. It's not finished. But it exists. On both Friday and Saturday I got good kind of drunk. Brain cells are for nerds.

I bought a new pair of super comfy Paper Denims at a sample sale today and they feel like pants, pants that love me. They hug me.

Speaking of sexual relations, one time, years ago, I was hanging out with this guy and he was all like "I want to go down on you." And I was all like "Hell no, I have my period." And he was all like "Come on" and then he dove for my cooter. And then I swatted his head away and said "Ew, what the fuck." I actually hit his head away. STEP OFF my uterine lining, bitch.

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