Thursday, May 25, 2006

Yay Puerto Rico

This vacation to Puerto Rico was one of my best trips ever! At least it was the most fun. Shayna (who is well known for being like warm cupcakes) was an amazing travel companion and she shared my insatiable thirst for adventure. One theme paved the way for the entire vacation. Everytime something seemed like it might suck, it ended up either turning out awesomely, or just plain working out.

Yay airport!For example, our flight was delayed for 3 hours due to a Thunderstorm. But I bumped into a fun friend from high school, and he happened to be a member of the President's Club, so we hung out in the lounge drinking free drinks and catching up on old times.

Numero Uno at Ocean Park, San Juan
Then we get to our first hotel at night. Numero Uno Guesthouse. It's a perfect and really cute little place that was only 100 bucks for the night. It's right on the beach in Ocean Park. We had a day there in the sun where we got our first bit of sunburn. Our skins were on fire but it was ok cause there were yummy drinks and soft sand. Before we left for our ferry to Culebra, the most whitest man in the world started talking to us. He was very bland. So much so that we liked it. He made a point to apologize on behalf of the Puerto Rican people for being poor and uneducated, and hoped that he could set an example as a good Puerto Rican since he had no accent, went to college, had lots of money, and had most likely just hopped off the Yacht up in Hyannisport. Then he proceeded to name facts about the island. Highlights included population density and information about the nation's Gross Domestic Products.

Finally we left for the ferry to Culebra. We got there too early and it was entirely unpleasant waiting in the hot sun. We were really cranky and uncomfortable. But much like our airport delay, fun was around the corner. These two 18 year old Puerto Rican boys who just finished high school sat down next to us and started talking. They win the award for most hilarious. They were very energetic and had lots of funny questions. Although their favorite question was whether American girls were easy like in American Pie and whether or not we went around kissing other girls (answers which we would not induldge to the teenage minded boys because it seemed icky), they had a lot of other things to say. And they were drunk. One boy was amazing though. He had gotten into fancy schools like Harvard and was going to become a surgeon. If I was 18 I suppose I would have fancied him hardcore. Anyway we finally got on the island, thoroughly entertained, and hopped on over to Flamenco beach, driven in a Publico (big shared van) where the driver had a bottle of rum he drank while driving. FUN!

Flamenco Beach
The next day we enjoyed Flamenco. It's pristine and perfect and all sorts of awesome. We stayed at Culebra Beach Villas and got a private villa for 125 a night. Also awesome. We went into town and while there, a guy overheard us talking about how we wanted to see the little islands (you can take a water taxi to them). He offered us to join him and his sailor friend. It only cost 30 bucks per person vs. 100 per person which they normally charge for a private charter. (but that's the next day) Everywhere we met there were tons of interesting people who would just go up to us and start talking. This night, some Puerto Rican guys in their 20s started talking to us. One was cute and the other totally sucked. They actually just sat on the hammock outside of our villa waiting for us to o the door, where they waited, smiling patiently. While the cute one was perfectly entertaining, the other one was awful, yet hilarious. He only said three things and he said them repeatedly:
1. I am veteranerian from Ponce, Ponce Veteranarian.
2. This is my bulldog, see my bulldog. It says my name on it (as he pulled down the corner of his shorts to reveal his tattoo, showing us uninvited crotch action).
3. (as translated by his more fluent friend) He says he wants to sleep with one of you.
These 3 things were repeated in rotation every few minutes. His voice strongly resembled the Fez character from that 70s show. We did not sleep with him.

DSCN2400 Then we went on our boat trip to Culebrita! This island is incredible. It's an uninhabited little place you can only get to by boat. It has perfect white sand and perfect clear waters. You can see all the way to the bottom of the ocean from 30 ft or more- you don't even need a snorkel. The guys we went with were great. Pedro was an American guy who now lives in Culebra and is just plain friendly. He just wanted some company and was happy to come on the trip. Federico was so awesome. He was our own private pirate. He looked exactly like Christopher Meloni, but he had a thick leathery tan, had to have been 50 years old, had a lovable belly, and sounded like a pirate. He was the sexiest older man I ever met, but he never hit on us or anything. This man had travelled the seas and had wild adventures. He loved talking about eating seafood and enjoyed cold beers. They were so fun. While there we explored some crazy rock formations and walked across the island to the other beach. It rocked.
Later that night we went and got drunk at a seafood restaurant and it was just lovely. Unfortunately, there were no cabs on this side of the island back to our hotel late at night on a weekday, so we were stranded and it sucked. But then these Americans had a car and gave us a free ride back. Thumbs up! They were super nice and happy to help out.

Next we had our final day in Culebra, just enjoying the beach and a super yummy meal at Mamacitas. We went back on the ferry and arrived at our last hotel: Water Club in San Juan on Isla Verde. It's San Juan's version of W Hotel and we got a deal where it was 150 for the night. It was fantastic: rooftop pool and bar, waterfalls in the elevator, and all around fun decor. Later that night we went to Old San Juan. It's a gorgeous, slightly sketchy part of town that looks just like a European city. We wondered around into this place that is for seafarers to have a place to chill while in town. It had a great view. Then we searched for a restaurant and happened upon this Indo-Carribe place while looking at the menu at the same time as these friendly guys. We shared a table where we got great food, drinks, and a hookah. There was even a belly dancer. Yay! Later my friend Tom and his girlfriend Jessica who live in San Juan joined us as well. They were the nicest guys and we went back and hung out at the hotel bar on the roof. Later we went on the beach, and, well. I went skinny dipping with one of these nice, young, cute guys in the middle of San Juan and made some memories. All in all, it was a great night.

On our final day, we pretended to be guests of the Ritz Carlton and enjoyed their luxe pool and ammenities. We then met up with our new friend, Jesse, for lunch. We had a great day and a wonderful meal, chillin in the sun. The rest of his friends did not make it for lunch. Jesse was so sweet he even ended up giving us a ride to the airport. Anyway, he and his friends were in San Juan cause they were airforce guys, their base happens to be in Jersey. Anyway, in conversation, Jesse, who did not know about my skinny dipping excursion, revealed that all of his friends were married. In fact, the boy I thought was sweet and wonderful, actually was a father of new born twins. It was at this point that I knew my vacation was fucking over.

So yeah, for much of the plane ride I was left with utter disgust. I am completely horrified that I made out with a married man, no less, a daddy. This guy certainly initiated things and though I am happy they didn't go all that far, they went far enough. It's just awful being on that side of the equation. That would have been a happy memory, hot naked guy in the moonlight and the warm ocean at our feet. But UGH. Just thinking of this guys unknowing wife, a new mother nonetheless, and how he lives his life just acting like she doesn't exist ... it's soooooo depressing. I don't know how "other women" do it- women who know that a guy is taken. I found it absolutely heartbreaking to think how shitty it must be for this woman that this is her man. And it just drilled that point into my mind, when you get jealous over someone or know they were with someone else- "Did you like it?" "Was it as good as me?" Well I don't know, but in this case, he seemed to fucking love it all, and he very efficiently hid all evidence of having someone else in his heart in seconds. Ugh. Why people even get married (aside from babies) is beyond me. Either you're in it or you're not.

Anyhow, here I am on Thursday, and with sleep I was able to shake that yucky guy. I am left with one hell of a fun vacation- exactly what I needed, and I feel refreshed and happy as can be. YAY. Fucking hell yeah yay.

And I learned a new phrase:
Tu grande ano es muy bonita.
Your large anus is very pretty.

Actually, I just learned the word ano and took it from there. But I mean it. It's lovely.

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