Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Mark of the Beast

Me and my sons own a really fancy building. (thanks Stacey)

Ben is a cool dude. Ben also has lots of Rejected Jokes. Check them out. His non-audience gives him adorabilities.

Brandy found out the shocking truth about Lohan and the Pink laptops.

Sue Johanson is Canada's foremost sexual educator and counsellor, recipient of the distinguished Order of Canada. Watching her on television is like, well- hey, how does this old woman know everything about sex? Cause she's had it all crazy like and in every which way? Cooool.

Watch a clip from The Sarah Silverman Program which debuts this summer.

Come Saturday I'll be 25. For some reason this makes me feel like a loser who is losing at stuff. I'm not a little girl anymore. I want to be a little girl. Those bitches all younger than me. I want to win the race. The race to be awesome first.

Hey you little girls. Yes. You. You suck. I take your string instruments and talk you into eating disorders. Stop being so fat. I am a winner.

A few weeks ago, the evil ex who has been the subject of discussion on this website, disappeared from my life completely. I had this thing in my mind about seeing him one last time before he moved out of the state. He seemed to want to as well. We had kept in touch all friendly-like over the past few years. And then he pretty much ditched me. I actually stared at the back of his head as we ended up at the same party. But I knew he had no intention of seeing me, so I gave up and watched him walk away. Complicated, right? But not so complicated.

I was mad at first when he initially cancelled our plans to hang out last minute. But really, the fact that he didn't care at all- it just put things into perspective. Why be so sentimental? I mean, yeah, at one point we meant everything to each other, but that's not now. And we really play no role in each other's current realities- so why hang onto the sentiment of a past connection?

But I get this way about friendships as well as old loves. It often makes me sad to think of who people once were in my life, and how time has changed what once was. And things change so quickly. Even much of my Hoboken crew who occupied much of the last year- well- we've all gotten so busy lately. I've been hanging out with other friends.

People are no longer fixtures but shadows. Shit moves onward. I am never sure how sentimental I should be. I feel stupid for caring so much. I never know how valuable one human connection is over another. Sometimes I can't tell if it's better to embrace someone or push them away.

But I'll tell you this much- there's nothing I like less than someone who isn't enthusiastic about spending time with me. If I can sense an inkling of someone having an unpleasant time in my presence, it makes me sick. I get paranoid. I either want to entertain, leave, or freak the fuck out. Often times I'll just go for my standard "say something disgusting that's going to embarrass you". It doesn't work. But hey, at least I score, you fat fucks.

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