Thursday, August 03, 2006

My name is Heather Fink and I am an expert on dick. In fact, I am a dickologist. This is true.

My new roommate has great stories. First she told me about a man who tried to jump off her train (not subway but train train) today. It was a delightful story of an African man who was angry and hanging of the side of the train screaming that he was going to jump, and also screaming in an African language. What was great was that the train was moving very slowly.

Then she told me an even better story.

Today she decided to sleep under her desk at work (a lawfirm). She shoved something under the door so that it would make a noise and not open properly. She slept for about an hour and a half when someone tried opening the door.

"Hold on a second" she replied.

"What's wrong with the door?" said the senior partner of the law firm.

"I don't know, I think it's broken."

He flips the lights on.

"What were you doing, sleeping" he asks.

"No ..." she said.

HOW GREAT IS THAT! What's even better is that she never saw that episode of Seinfeld. Anyone that would do something like that is my kind of people.

My favorite restaurant in Hoboken, The Jefferson, has closed out of the blue. What upsets me most about this is that my friend and I would visit occassionally just to see this waiter who was the cutest man ever. And I was way too shy to ever say anything to him aside from smalltalk, but he was so freakin attractive. Goddamn it! We had the intention of going back more frequently so I could man up and say something at some time, and now our time is gone!!! Oh Kevin! Kevin of perfect body and modelish face and hardworkingness as he was putting himself through grad school! How respectable and adorable of him. Tell me about the wines again, please! You always knew how I liked my full bodied and rich SuperTuscan or a respectable Meritage. Oh how you would describe the goat cheese and endives, I adored you so ... tell me about the arugula just once more


There was a dead mouse in the office so my boss thought it would be funny to put it on my desk and tell me that he had left an important document there for me to review.

It's the second anniversary of Seth Herzog's show- Sweet, tonight and you should chiggedy check it out.

THURS (8/3)
SLIPPER ROOM (SW corner of Orchard and Stanton)
8:30, $5
with special musical guest, ANGELA McCLUSKY.

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