Thursday, August 31, 2006
I very much care about being strong. When strength manifests itself in human behavior and actions, it's a beautiful thing. I've always felt the things that require the most strength are bravery in the face of vulnerability. I respect the pro-athlete because he performs in front of a crowd, with a team of people relying on him or her. That's vulnerability. Getting on stage, exposing yourself- that's vulnerability. The nature of strength lies in these circumstances. And intimate showings of strength, where people interact privately, take their root in honesty. Honesty is a tricky thing. The subconscious mind often shields us from knowing what the truth is. But when you find it and you feel certain that you know what is what, giving that to another person rather than the ordinary bullshit is a noble thing.
People are always protecting themselves from hurt. They protect their egos so severely that they don't allow others to have an edge on them. Especially in dating. They play inane games that aren't fun, just obnoxious. It's like people live on some fake level, pretending to be the person they would like to be rather than who they are. I don't suggest living this way because anything that doesn't have the substance to back it up will ultimately fall to pieces. It's like a talentless celebrity. Over time, that person will become a sad and pathetic thing.
I am pretty much always honest about everything, and I let a guy know exactly what I am feeling. It's immensely empowering. You have nothing to hide or defend if you admit and embrace your vulnerabilities. If you are weak in some way, and you come to terms with it openly, somehow that weakness disintegrates into a simple matter of fact.
And for him, well, many guys who have their way with me end up learning something that makes them a better boyfriend, for someone else. Because ladies, we all know that there is no such thing as changing a man for your own benefit. You have to like a man as he is, or give him a few years on his own, check in with him, and if he hasn't ripened with age, fuck it. That bitch will never grow up. Anyhow, my point is that no one learns anything from their relationship experience if the two players are passing bullshit back and forth. That's what dwarves people into being unfit for caring about others, leaving them jaded, bitter, and seriously lame. That's what forms eternal bachelors who treat women like crap, and women who are nothing more than trickass hoes. Contribute to the social good- school those motherfuckers on what's what. Be real.
Friends tell me I shouldn't give certain guys so much credit. Well, I just don't think it's all that big of a deal. It doesn't mean I care about a guy more, and if he wants to think that, who cares. It doesn't matter what he'd like to think. What matters more is how I feel. If I am happy at the end of the day because I know I got to say exactly what I wanted, go ahead and let him think he's the shit because he got to me.
Dick comes and dick goes, isn't that what they say? I'm just happy when it comes in the first place, even if it leaves a mess all over my proverbial stomach, if you will. Something tells me you will.