Monday, September 18, 2006

Let's Start Over.

Here's a woman with basketballs for boobs. It's unfortunate because she can't wear many good shirts and her chest tastes like rubber, but she's got a good attitude about it and she teaches me a lesson. That when life gives you basketballs for breasts, you've got to lie upside down with good hair and smile. Which is a lot like the tale I'm about to tell- are you ready, ok!

So- if you've been reading this blog recently, it's pretty much "blah blah blah I'm busy and boo hoo I wanna cry" and then something about some sort of butthole bear. I've been busy before, but never like this- where I have so many amazing opportunities in my personal life, from my comedy to social stuff- and I have to blow them all off. Usually when I'm in busy mode, that means I am doing all the important stuff, and usually I just neglect to clean my room, do my laundry, or return some phone calls- but nonetheless I can tackle everything I really care about.

But no, I've had to cancel out the things I enjoy. Terminator 4- put off, Hoboken Comedy Night- has to wait till October, Sexytime Comedy Show- under rehearsed, blog- suffering, secret stuff I've been up to- not up to it ... you get the idea. Couple that with phone calls from friends being all "Hey why don't you come do this awesome thing with these awesome people?" and I'm all "I can't", and the fact that the summer's over and it was just too inconvenient for me to have any real vacation- well I felt like shit. It's drilled into my mind to always always make the most out of every situation and find some way to enjoy it. To let a summer pass me by without making the best of every sunny day, well ... I'm not ok with it. And throughout the summer, anytime I had a free moment, I just didn't know what to do with it. Which big thing do I work on? And when I did go out with friends I got nervous about not being at home, writing.

Well all of that's over. LA was pretty much the pinnacle of my shit-tastic adventures in being a lameass. At the end of that long crapfactory of a trip, I decided that my job was not worth letting it get in the way of my ambitions.

LA was like that.

But I finally came to terms with the fact that leaving my job is not the answer for various reasons and after a certain conversation. For so long I just couldn't get over all of the dissapointment I harbored for myself. But at this point, I've let it go. I actually let it go last Thursday. Since then I've sucked it up and accepted that I might be making a bad decision sacrificing my comedy like this. But this is just how things are working out and it's too fucking bad for me if I don't roll wit it.

And the thing that I always laugh at is when people say oooh gay porn- what on earth do you do for that ... and think it's some kind of nothing job- well, let me explain this: Do you know what Vivid is? We're like gay Vivid in NYC. A big studio and a major company and I am the head of PR- which means all communication with media that our company makes. I got it more on my ability to kick ass in an interview and have a diverse background than actually being qualified in a traditional resume way.

So aside from the daily needs of the company, being: getting movies into the hands of media who write about this (adult and gay outlets, occasionally mainstream when I can, and do find a way to make it interesting for them), and managing Michael Lucas who becomes more of a celebrity day by day- right now we are shooting a major production indeed is the biggest thing ever made in the gay adult industry. We did something of this scale last year and this year we are doing it bigger and better. The only problem is that unlike non-adult entertainment where people will drop anything to work with you, we have a lot more obstacles to deal with since certain people don't want to be affiliated with what you're doing. Which also means more work divided among less people, and last minute issues and problems galore- meaning we're all on call to take care of major situations all day every day.

IMG_7602.jpg (From the shoot)

Plus I'm not only planning events and coordinating things with major press and celebrity cameos involved in what we are shooting right now, I'm also in it. I play Heather Weathers, reporter. And when I play extra roles at work I feel extra stressed to do it well because it's my coworkers on the other side of the camera and I don't want to fuck anything up for them. Today we filmed the first scene- you should read about it here. The filming part was fun and certainly all of the non-sex scenes were just like a real shoot on location and all. Anyhow, this takes me out of the office when I've really got to be on top of all these things. I guess it's like this- take a regular office job, add another job working on a feature film (something notorious for crazy hours), and add the job of on-camera talent ... and- well maybe you'll get why I'm where I'm at.

But- I'm able to blog now at least. Cuz like I said, I'm sucking it up and a lot happier for it. I can actually think, it's like I've given myself a sort of clean-slate. I let go of so much just coming to terms with the fact that this is my reality. And now I'm actually able to enjoy it.

Other things ...

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is a great show. Loved that they referenced "Network". You should see that movie if you haven't yet. Here's hoping that it changes SNL. Anyhoo Studio 60 is easily one of the best shows on TV now, though I do wish that Matt Perry was still cute. And I'm glad for DL Hughley that someone gave him something to do. I like me some Amanda Peet. She's a swell kinda gal. A gal's gal. Not like a lesbian just that I think she could give me good head. And by head I mean friendship. Uh ...

Learn about Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome.

Songs you should download:
Johnny Cash- "If you could read my mind."
Bright Eyes- "Devil in the Details"
Death Cab- "Someday you will be loved"
Edith Piaf- "La Foule"
Pedro the Lion- "Almost there"
The Vines- "Winning Days"
Sufjan Stevens- "That Dress Looks Nice on You" and "Kill"

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