Monday, October 30, 2006

All Apologies.

I chose to be JonBenet Ramsey for Halloween.



But instead I looked like a lady in a silly dress and cowboy boots with a rash. Cause I wrote "JonBenet Ramsey" on my chest in pink highlighter. I'm a clever one, I know.

It was piss poor exection and for that, I am sorry. But Saturday was practice for tomorrow. I will be Kill Bill Uma again (prior years costume) tonight, and tomorrow, I will be well executed JonBenet, complete with horrifyingly unattractive wig and all. If I get laid on Tuesday we will know it was by a man with no taste.

And even still, that will not bring her back.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

I have GREAT news.

I opened up my myspace account today to discover a new friend request from none other than fitness celebrity JOHN BASEDOW. That's right. You can see his profile here. He wanted to add me. Maybe this doesn't come as a surprise to some of you. After all, I have been known to share a drink or two with members of society's elite. I just suppose that today is the first time I've come to realize that the rich and famous will be going out of their way to get to know me, and I guess that as I grow to be a more notable person day by day, it's something I've got to start getting used to.

Victoria's Secret bitches be creepy right now


Stop the hugging all village-of-the-damned with the crazy smile eyes. I don't want the lipgloss anymore.

i'm not actually drinking beer, yet

the distinct and prounced taste of beer spontaneously arrived in my mouth just now

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Willy Warmers!


I ordered the chenille rooster for mine.
(click here for more)
At least now I know what dad's gettin for Christmas this year.
Regardless of the fact that I grew up on dirty New Jersey punk rock boyfriends, I just now discovered that Deftones is great.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

desires


ha ha! what up Cold Shoulders, ever think of wearing a sweater jacket you freakin tool!

I was just wondering how the fellas feel about the idea of doing this one armed woman. She's a very attractive and athletic young lady. Seems pretty cool with the surfing and all. But I wonder how awkward it is to do a lady with only one arm. I do think it's kind of hot that it was bitten off by a shark. As far as one-armedness goes, shark bites are fantastic explanation for it, as opposed to other possibilities like an angry man with a rare disease that makes his urine burn human flesh urinated on your arm and ran away.

One thing I hate at work is when I come across gay erotic literature written in some magazines I clip articles from or read to keep on the up n up of the industry. I actually am not a big fan of erotic literature. Erotic stuff is so serious but they are talking about penises and vaginas!!!! What the F! I just want to giggle at it. I giggle at penises all day long, how can these people take themselves seriously? Seriousness is the worst. Anyhow, here's a quote from one of these things: "I kissed him sloppy and I kissed him wet- I did it until his face was a glistening as his ass." GLISTENING ASS? No thank you.

Ok, sooo the weekend ... Well I think I have some fun pictures but I left my camera in a place that it does not belong. So expect a delay in such photos bring brought to ya mothafuckin face. Oh dear I'm sorry for the obscene words, I don't know where they came from. Anyhow. Saturday was great because Dara, one of the best people that there ever was, came and visited, and Brandy had another impromptu party and I loved it a lot. All of my favorite folks made appearances. And Hoboken Comedy Night was fantastic. These high school folks performed and I told them a story about the first time I touched a wiener. They liked that story.

So I woke up feeling good about the weekend at first on Monday but quickly got majorly bummed. Random crappy things kept happening and it was all gloomy out side. I was so irritable and moody I kept thinking "I must have my period" cause everything was pissing me off, but every time I checked to see if it was there, it wasn't. Later that night I filmed a "sex scene" for a comedy video with some homies and it made me giggle so much I think I felt better. And I never really realized or thought about it before, but I have a giggling problem when it comes to boy-girl touching. I'm often a really hard person to try and kiss cause I get sooo awkward and think it's so funny to see that look in a person's face change to "ok it's business time and I am going to touch you and caress you now" when they go in for the kill. Don't get me wrong, I adore sex and naked time, but it's just sooo silly to me! All the parts look so funny. I guess you'd think a girl with a job like mine wouldn't think about it this way but I do. It makes me laugh so much and I often can't look guys in the eyes I am having relations with cause if I do I'll laugh, and I wouldn't want them to think I am mocking them. Especially not when they are so nice as to be "giving it to me" and "giving it to me good". I really quite appreciate the gestures. Anyhow. I know I don't giggle as much when I know a guy better or have gotten past initial hookups ... but last night was a learning night. Cause as I pretended to engage in sexytime I quite unprofessionally laughed my ass off almost the entire time.

Final thought:

Oh god I've been lusting after freshly steamed spinach. I love it and miss it so much. THERE IS NO GOD. First you curse us with the pain of existence and now this! Creator, I spite you! I'm ripping out my cells in protest and squishing my mitochondria into my ribosomes to show you how you've wronged me. (gods hate that)

Monday, October 23, 2006

Had great weekend, lovely time, Hoboken Comedy went very well ... much happy times.

A little bummed today, have to go to Chinese consulate, seems that there is something wrong with the port authority, very unhappy with the turnout of this. And that's a very bad picture.

Will be back with more words later ...

Friday, October 20, 2006

Monkeys HATE Barbasol


But worry not you sweet and loving monkey. I am going to dedicate most of this email to things like comedy and funny videos so you can laugh and laugh. And really monkey, if you stop thinking about the barbasol and start giggling, you might actually feel better.

I had a pretty great day today. Not only did I wake up and not bother to shower, but I got good news AND there was birthday cake a work today. Ben and Jerry's ice cream cake, woo hoo! And I saw that in over the course of a measely 2 days, 13,000 people watched the La Dolce Vita teaser! That means I done did my job well.

Oh my god and if that's not good enough I learned about a great new game for friends and family to rejoice and have happy times:
click here to purchase. Boys will be boys!

Still thinking about what to be on Halloween. I can always be a "Desperate Mother" because apparently there's a wig for that.

And I have another Youtube video that you just gotta try from comedian Lucas Held. He's pretty hilarious. Check it out! He has other funny videos but this one is my favorite. I can't watch the others though right now cause I can't, but later.

Also check out this video from Jake and Dan of Cleanest River and Olde English. It makes me laugh.

Hammerkatz
, another super funny sketch group, has a show this Saturday at the UCB theatre. 7:30 pm. It's really important to them or something like that. You should go.

Oh and click here for a free download of one of my summer's favorite songs: Bitches Ain't Shit from Ben Folds.

Finally, I'd like to say, go to Hoboken Comedy Night on Sunday.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Just hangin out bein sassy



Yay! I found a rubber ball bearing in my oatmeal this morning so the establishment gave me free food. I got one of those pick and choose salads, not caring how many items I picked. I mean, I was all like, hmm, sugar peas or artichokes- nay- sugar peas AND artichokes. Oh what a morning. Unfortunately I thought "thai basil" sounded like a delicious dressing. It's not and it tastes yucky. Sigh. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them all and then you have chubby school girls.

Hunkmania Hunks seem like really nice guys. Plus they're certified so you can be sure that they are authentic.

A frog jumping onto a log.

Rico is my friend. He writes me song lyrics. Here is the grand premiere of the Bright Eyes song lyric of the week by Rico:
"replacing the toothpaste with my love so that you can taste it in your mouth and spit it out but remember that brushing for two minutes and thinking of me is the only way to a healthy smile."

Thanks Rico!

My very first ex and I are so "just friends" that it's hard to imagine we were once romantic partners ... but every now and then he reminds me why we were together in the first place when he says stuff like this:
"every day i have a yogurt with bifidus regularis and then at 930am i have a granola bar and it makes me so regular its unbelievable."
and
"yeah, this bifidus yogurt is supposed to regulate your digestive tract. Add some non sugary granola and your set."

Mark told me all about Monk-e mails. I made one, see! You gotta have volume on this here.
(Editorial note from Mark: hearing the monkey say things like "this dick aint gonna suck itself" is funny)

And another reminder as I am known to provide- Hoboken Comedy Night is this Sunday. Bitches love Hoboken Comedy Night.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

We made a movie at my jobby job



See? I don't lie.
Here's a special teaser trailer. You might see someone you recognize there. If you recognize me. I'm fairly cognizable.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Tonight was pudding time.




Closer:

Why Aren’t We Shocked? By BOB HERBERT

(Here is a cut and paste from New York Times Select of an article that I wanted y'all to read)

“Who needs a brain when you have these?”

— message on an Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt for young women

In the recent shootings at an Amish schoolhouse in rural Pennsylvania and a large public high school in Colorado, the killers went out of their way to separate the girls from the boys, and then deliberately attacked only the girls.

Ten girls were shot and five killed at the Amish school. One girl was killed and a number of others were molested in the Colorado attack.

In the widespread coverage that followed these crimes, very little was made of the fact that only girls were targeted. Imagine if a gunman had gone into a school, separated the kids up on the basis of race or religion, and then shot only the black kids. Or only the white kids. Or only the Jews.

There would have been thunderous outrage. The country would have first recoiled in horror, and then mobilized in an effort to eradicate that kind of murderous bigotry. There would have been calls for action and reflection. And the attack would have been seen for what it really was: a hate crime.

None of that occurred because these were just girls, and we have become so accustomed to living in a society saturated with misogyny that violence against females is more or less to be expected. Stories about the rape, murder and mutilation of women and girls are staples of the news, as familiar to us as weather forecasts. The startling aspect of the Pennsylvania attack was that this terrible thing happened at a school in Amish country, not that it happened to girls.

The disrespectful, degrading, contemptuous treatment of women is so pervasive and so mainstream that it has just about lost its ability to shock. Guys at sporting events and other public venues have shown no qualms about raising an insistent chant to nearby women to show their breasts. An ad for a major long-distance telephone carrier shows three apparently naked women holding a billing statement from a competitor. The text asks, “When was the last time you got screwed?”

An ad for Clinique moisturizing lotion shows a woman’s face with the lotion spattered across it to simulate the climactic shot of a porn video.

We have a problem. Staggering amounts of violence are unleashed on women every day, and there is no escaping the fact that in the most sensational stories, large segments of the population are titillated by that violence. We’ve been watching the sexualized image of the murdered 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey for 10 years. JonBenet is dead. Her mother is dead. And we’re still watching the video of this poor child prancing in lipstick and high heels.

What have we learned since then? That there’s big money to be made from thongs, spandex tops and sexy makeovers for little girls. In a misogynistic culture, it’s never too early to drill into the minds of girls that what really matters is their appearance and their ability to please men sexually.

A girl or woman is sexually assaulted every couple of minutes or so in the U.S. The number of seriously battered wives and girlfriends is far beyond the ability of any agency to count. We’re all implicated in this carnage because the relentless violence against women and girls is linked at its core to the wider society’s casual willingness to dehumanize women and girls, to see them first and foremost as sexual vessels — objects — and never, ever as the equals of men.

“Once you dehumanize somebody, everything is possible,” said Taina Bien-Aimé, executive director of the women’s advocacy group Equality Now.

That was never clearer than in some of the extreme forms of pornography that have spread like nuclear waste across mainstream America. Forget the embarrassed, inhibited raincoat crowd of the old days. Now Mr. Solid Citizen can come home, log on to this $7 billion mega-industry and get his kicks watching real women being beaten and sexually assaulted on Web sites with names like “Ravished Bride” and “Rough Sex — Where Whores Get Owned.”

Then, of course, there’s gangsta rap, and the video games where the players themselves get to maul and molest women, the rise of pimp culture (the Academy Award-winning song this year was “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp”), and on and on.

You’re deluded if you think this is all about fun and games. It’s all part of a devastating continuum of misogyny that at its farthest extreme touches down in places like the one-room Amish schoolhouse in normally quiet Nickel Mines, Pa.
-------------------

P.S.

The Weekend: Now Digitally Enhanced




People throw away the most amazingest things!



Dear throwers awayers: You bitches know how to make a drunk girl feel good. Thanks for the smiles.

PS- Check out this amazing poster for my friend's comedy show. I think it's the nicest poster I ever did see for a comedy show of any sort.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

The rhythm is going to get you and find you and your family and kill them.


exercise caution with the estefan

This weekend I stayed up till at least 5 am both nights and I feel great about that. Sometimes I am a whiney little baby all like "I am tired now, I want to go home, I am too wasted to stay up any longer, this isn't fun, I'm bored now." And so then I retire around 2ish. But this weekend I had funstamina, largely in part to nights turning out well. Friday night was my big wasted night. I was happy to learn on Saturday about all sorts of things that sounded really great that I didn't remember. I do remember wearing my lobster hat. I do remember being on the floor at Brandy's party and thinking that was an absolutely great place to be. I do remember the fact that I could have slept at Brandy's, but decided around 3am that it was necessary to go to another bar, a move which contributed to me ending up in Park Slope, which contributed to me wasting my Saturday taking too long to get home. I do remember finding a working vaccume in the street on the way to the bar and a rolling chair, being pushed about in the chair with the vaccume at a fast pace, and then smashing the vaccume into a brick building. I know that there's pictures. I am pretty glad about that.

On Saturday I was all hungover with little sleep and in pain and all cranky. But I went with Christy and Matt to get dinner at this place on 9th where I once saw Keri Russel in the bathroom but never ate there. I had some steak. It was good. I stayed primarily sober the entire evening yet was in really good spirits and enjoyed myself much more than I expected considering that I was mostly sober, hungover, and it was rather late in the evening, AND the fact that I wound up in goddamn Brooklyn again. But the people at the Brooklyn party were good people- the kind that are all friendly and talk to you when they don't know you. And there was suggestive dancing on tables, which is inherently good.

At this moment there is some kind of street fair RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. I am listening to a live band play Louie Louie, oh baby, Me Gotta Go.....Ay yi yi yi yi Louie Louie, oh baby, Me Gotta Go.

How your mom rides bikes.

You all must envy this amazing life I live. So amazing and so full of richness and life affirming lifeyness. Don't worry, some day you too could be a 25 year old with a blog who occasionally does standup and works in adult entertainment. Don't give up on your hopes and dreams.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

attitudes on death and dying

That was the name of a course my friend (and frequent blog commenter) took at GW. As I prepare to attend a funeral I am encountered by the need to react to a death, and I know that I will be witnessing the way that other people deal. This is an easy one to screw up. If only your thoughts and feelings on these types of things could stay private ... but they can't. If you don't react properly, people could think you awfully cold and uncaring, or insensitive and brutish. It's high stakes possibility of offending so it's easy to wind up privy to people over compensating and saying a wide variety of awkward things to each other.


Sympathy, sometimes expressed with gift baskets.

It can be troublesome to express grief and sympathy. There's that overarching obligation to others to let them know that yes in fact there's something in that heart of yours that feels appropriately sad- sad as it should feel because if you don't feel it to the proper degree you're just no good. I often think it's most compassionate to change the subject.

I had a boyfriend whose dad had died and I never wanted to ask him about it because I didn't think I should make him think about it when he didn't have to. I figured that he would tell me whatever he wanted to talk about whenever he wanted to. Turns out he got upset once that I didn't seem to care. I did. I just couldn't imagine him having to think about it for my expense.

And upon reading this story about the recent death of a high school student where a nj.com reader posted in the comment section "we love you jamie you the man", I fear that some responses are rather not so good. He ain't "the man" anymore, Fern. He's dead.

And speaking of death and violence, I am fascinated by the apparent brutality at La Esquina. The citysearch thingy is even more fantastic.

And did you know that on iTunes you can change stores to other countries? It's a pretty awesome way of discovering new music and buying cool imports.

Oh dear. Was that an inappropriate time to bring up iTunes? Should I stay in a more somber mood for the duration of this post? Ack. I don't know. I just don't want to mess with the deathiness.

UPDATE- I'm posting this after attending the funeral. I find being sincere and saying as little as possible works best. But I still have troubles judging between when and where hugs vs hand shakes vs cheek kisses are most appropriate and when is the right time and duration to discuss your sorryness for the loss. I just wanna be sure people feel as alright as possible! And by the way I don't feel like reflecting here about who died and what I felt about that person. So don't ask, thank you very much!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

If you like reading random crap, this is for you.

On Monday I saw some good comedy with good people. First it was Lunquist Entertainment's first solo show at Mo Pitkins. I love those guys and look forward to seeing how they develop their thang. After that I caught this show with Gabe, Dave, and a nice young lady that gave me cupcakes. It wasn't run particularly well, but I was able to see some comic artists that I adore. I totally LOVE David Rees and Sam Brown so I enjoyed seeing them present their work. This was the show:
EMILY FLAKE - creator of Lulu Eightball (http://www.eflakeagogo.com)
DAVID REES - creator of Get Your War On (http://www.mnftiu.cc)
NEIL SWAAB - creator of Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles (http://www.neilswaab.com)
TIM KREIDER - creator of The Pain––When Will It End? (http://www.thepaincomics.com)
SAM BROWN - creator of Exploding Dog (http://www.explodingdog.com)
and a cartoon by Mark Newgarden (creator of Garbage Pail Kids)
I hadn't heard of Tim Kreider before and was most impressed. He was also kinda cute even though he wore a suit.

After that, I happened upon 5th Avenue and 8th street, where the streets were lined with fucked up destroyed cars- windows open, kinda mangled and dirty with debris. It was for a big budget zombie movie (I think "I am legend") that was being shot there- though nobody from the movie was watching the cars. It was some big elaborate setup and I guess they weren't worried about anyone fucking with the cars so they left em all there. It looked pretty damn cool.

Yesterday my boss tried to make me watch a video of a man being decapitated. I closed my eyes thankfully, but I heard the screams. I can't take graphic violence and always close my eyes at scary movies. I can take gun violence but not human torture or body mutilation. And I could take Kill Bill cause the violence had a surreal cartoonish quality to it.

And last night I went on a big gay cruise (it was for HX - a gay NY magazine) through New York Harbor and saw the statue of liberty up close for the first time. I realized she's one of the rare female symbols of virtue in society and it's unusual to see boobs on something that stands for such high principles. Liberty has boobs. Symbols are cool. They served fancy wines and a great free dinner. And later this dude punched this other well-known dude in the face and the cops had to come before we could leave the boat. That's just not how big gay cruises are supposed to end.

A close relative died and I am going to the funeral tomorrow. Arranging how to get there and who to go with arouses feelings of guilt that I don't spend enough time with my family.

Oh my god, I was daydreaming so good this morning- so much that I forgot what I was thinking about and realized I was smiling and looking up in the clouds. My 3rd grade report card read in the notes "Daydreams too much". How did she know? Could she see me doing it? Today I was thinking about things in my room that I like such as my terminator doll and my framed black and white picture of Ali G. When I was 14, I shoplifted lots of indie magazines from Barnes and Noble because I hated big corportations and I learned a lot about counter culture. I used to sculpt a lot- stuff out of the clay they had in high school art classes. I liked sculpting the female form because I thought my own body was interesting, it was just turning into something that looked more like what I saw in magazines and movies. I like the way my bones felt under my skin. I liked feeling that and finding it in the clay. I also liked dissecting things, but usually ordinary things and food. I disliked the disorder of viens and organs in animals for science class. I liked putting a grasshopper head on a metal pointy thing and making it talk to other grasshopper heads. My mom and sister used to hate when I got curious about the animal body parts I was eating at the dinner table. Me and my dad usually share when we go out to dinner cause we like gross stuff like oysters and livers.

Alright I need to cut this shit out. I am too tough and cool for any more reflection at this moment.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

heads up

My first non-hosting standup set since August:
at the Rouge bar in Paris Commune
at 99 Bank street (corner of bank and greenwich street)
in the west village
9 pm this Sunday October 15

I'll get more details later on but I know Christian Finnegan is on the line up and there's some kick ass hosting going on (will post more info shortly) ...

gittin back on the wagon. yee haw

Monday, October 09, 2006

On second thought

There's way way too much sexual content on this page as of late. If it's not "adult entertainment" there's a dildo and a fake blowjob and a shirtless young man. I feel dirty and need to cleanse the page with a sex-free entry so that I can still get into heaven and god won't make me do the 100s of pushups he will inevitibly force me into against my liking.

Here's a picture of bumble bee figurines from the 70s and 80s that aren't sexy or sexual at all.

The Dildo made me do it, and other Sunday stories.

A weekend that started with a relatively crappy Friday developed into an especially lovely Sunday, and why shouldn't it be so, when such things as this develop:



Donovan decided to use the prosthetic device to flip a hershey kiss into his mouth. That was silly. And look, it's in a mini video!

Earlier that day, I filmed a comedic sketch written by Trevor Williams in an alleyway in Hoboken. Andrew Wright was in the scene and their friends Ed and Parker joined us. Adam Newman (man in fancy outfit) also came along for the fun times cause Trevor and Adam were booked on Hoboken Comedy Night. There were some rather funny moments from that because it involved a fake blowjob in an alleyway, and well, miming sex is always silly.

During


After

Look at the acting!

Anyhow, back in the day I wrote a sketch called "Mangina" which required the purchase of a prosthetic gennie, aka, dildo. This was prior to my current job, so it's existence is purely for the purpose of comedy, rendering it entirely santitary for youngsters to play with it. The other fellows questioned, "why don't you use it?" Well, I much prefer to have sex with human men. Always have, always will. I'm not all that turned on by rubbery bouncy things that aren't alive. And can't do me. Plus dildos seem awfully boring. I don't think they would be very exciting partners. Not that I judge. I am willing to accept that my dildoclosedmindedness is barring me from a world of amazing. Moving along, when push came to shove came to drinking whisky in my little apartment, comedy dildo joined us for the evening.

All in all, a fun shoot, a lovely dinner with a group of folks who were pro-Hoboken, and a comedic comedy show followed by whisky and costume made for a nice close to the week. Things were not looking so good my friends on Friday when I went out to Brooklyn and it was really cold out and I wasn't partying yet. Even though I was with good people whom I liked. Just didn't cut it to make up for skirt wearing in bastardly cold breezes in an area of Brooklyn that isn't Williamsburg or Dumbo. And on Saturday I saw the very funny Cleanest River do sketch comedy. And then I drank a lot of Jager. I guess that's a sign of low self esteem. Cause I really don't like drinking Jager. Am I still talking? I think I should've stopped like 4 sentences ago. Ahhhh. That's better.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

This Sunday night at 8pm it's Hoboken Comedy Night!
At the corner of 10th and Park- free and fun, also full of yay.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Why do things gotta be so, ya know ...


Ok, so I've had this problem for the past few months that keeps getting worse. I've been so busy that I'm really backed up in all these areas of my life- all these "to do's" that I've got to catch up with and take care of. So when I finally do have a moment to myself I'm like a total blank. I can't pick which thing to do and I often end up doing none of it instead of having to deal with it. This problem has pretty much been dominating me and holding me back for the past few months- how do I get over it? No freakin clue dudes ...

Last night was fun. I had some work that needed to be done on set, but I didn't have to be there the whole time. I actually had fun so I stuck around. There was a lot of silliness- best moment of the night:
We are filming outside of City Hall again. Cop goes, "Whatcha filmin"
Us- "Independent movie"
Cop- "You know, last week they had that pornstar Savanna Samson in that fountain, isn't that crazy? You know who Savanna Samson is?"
Us- "No ..." (Savanna is across the street with hair all blonde and done up and noticeable)
And filming went on without incident ...

We also filmed outside this building and the building manager (who was a really hot normal looking 40 something woman) came out looking excitedly at us, asking questions and she started saying all this stuff, like "Why aren't you in front of the camera, you are so beautiful, you are prettier than anyone ever" and she went on like that for some time- it was so funny and the stylist and makeup artist were laughing cause then she says "I mean I am not gay and I'm married with kids, I'm just saying" And then the stylist told me that when I wasn't looking she ran out into the rain and shimmied her boobies so they got wet. While I was on my cellphone, she ran up to me and shook em and said "ooh they're wet!" Really- that's what happened. Then the stylist told me that as she walked away she totally checked out my ass! It was completely odd, but at the same time she was so nice and friendly- every time she popped on set we we were laughin it up.

After that we went to Home and Guesthouse nightclub to film some more. I gotta give props to Dominik for free drinks- that was awesome.

And then today, someone from Exit magazine (a NJ nightlife thingy) took pics of me for an upcoming article about my "whacky job". I FEAR this article cause though the writer reassured me she was only going to print it Q and A style based on what I said- the questions were racy and I KNOW I can count on myself to have said something really embarrassing.

Ok, y'all are gonna have to deal with my writing being very 16 year old girl right now cause I don't have time for this "maturity" and "adulthood" at the moment. Plus I just spent like 4 hours *** girltalking ***!!!! on the phone like totally yeah. Tampons.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Last night: good.



Man, I had the greatest time last night! I went with Brandy and Shayna to Soho House to celebrate Andy Borowitz' book, The Republican Playbook. It's not a real Republican Playbook, but instead a comedy that hilariously gives it to the right wing. Bravo Mr Borowitz, Bravo! It was in the Soho House Library, and lovely as it may be, the library contains depictions of books on the walls rather than actual books. While I am no official tastemaker, I must criticize the House on this part. Moving on to more pleasant things ...

I was in the greatest mood while there- I have been so busy and have been going out so infrequently lately, that when I do I get really over excited and hyper. Every little detail of pleasantness just catapults my mood like a bajillion times higher. I was so happy to see Shayna too- it's been so long. Shayna is one of the greatest people on earth and it has been unanimously decided that she is warm cupcakes personified. She's so nice, sweet, and genuine ... Check out her site! And I love Brandy too but you blog readers have seen her lately so right now is Shayna time.



Yeah, so I had good company in a lovely environment with really really good free food and drinks! The cabernet they had was Coppola 2001- that's a great wine! Free! Yay! And Shayna's friend, author Periel Aschenbrand was there too. She makes one hell of an impression and we ladies decided she was good people. Click on her name to discover her world of cool. Also there was Moby. He was in a suit. I didn't think Moby would wear a suit but he did. For some reason I imagine him exclusively wearing things make of hemp.


Later we went upstairs and met with Brandy's friend David. People were everywhere asking if we were members and allowed to be in the place- well ha! Our friend David is one of the founding members thank you very much. So after getting past the guards (numerous petite lovely women who ask a lot of questions) we sat on an ordinary couch ordinarily drinking beers. But it was fun. More good people, and they had the beer from my mommy's hometown of Enschede, Grolsch. Thumbs up you sentimental flippy top beer!

Ah Jesus I'm just happy to be alive. Sometimes. During leisuretime. Othertimes I was I was dead. But now is not one of those times.

You better not forget that this Sunday is Hoboken Comedy Night or I'll punch you in the legs.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Vote Democrat in '06

Cuz stickin cigars in 'ginas is a lot more American than cybersex with little boys.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Oh Boy it's October!


Oh October, I'm so excited to be here, I came extra fast on this aeroplane to be in you. OMG I'm so silly the way I parked my plane but everything I do, I do it for you.

So we got another Page Six mention today. I am happy with the way it turned out considering that I didn't want them to run that in the first place. As you can see, the Lucas Entertainment spokeswoman "declined to comment". Believe me, they were not happy with me for that! But there's no way I am ok with being a person who contributes to dragging people's names through the mud. That's not fun or cool or nice or worth it.

Last night I went to a Sufjan Stevens concert. Our seats sucked way up in the balcony, and we had some friends near the front of the stage. I went with my roommate and we decided to be naughty and sneak into the downstairs area and try to steal some seats near them. It worked! First we kinda stood next to our friends like we were chatting and then sat in some empty seats in their row. We were almost in the clear until right before Sufjan went on then these people came for their seats. Without making a commotion we just got up and said nothing, then went to the other side of the aisle and just looked at the people like they should all move over for us and they did! I think it's human nature to avoid confrontation or discomfort in public. I'm pretty happy they went along with it ... cause those seats were much much better.

The show was good as expected, but Sufjan kinda freaks me out. He's supposedly all religious, and much of his music is so innocent and childlike I feel like we wouldn't get along. Maybe that's some kind of guilt I harbor about being inappropriate. Part of me is that kind of girl you can bring home to mom, but religious people and their judgements are so scary. Actually, anyone with strict ideas about what is and isn't acceptable behavior always frightens me. I just look at a guy like Sufjan and I feel like he'd want to make me sit in the corner for being a bad girl. But then he also has darker songs from his earlier albums, and there's that incredible lyric from Illinoise about the famous murderer John Wayne Gacy, "And in my best behavior, I am really just like him. Look beneath the floorboards For the secrets I have hid."

Anyhow, when I watch an attractive man make music, I like to fantasize about making sex on him. It bothers me that I can just tell I am not puritanical enough for a man like that. I'd really like the opportunity to be proven wrong. Dammit my mind just loves being in the gutter- LOVES IT!

Last night we were in the damn port authority until 2am. My roommate got a hot chocolate and I thought it smart to get this cinnabon pretzel thing. But it wasn't from a cinnabon store, it was from a weird pseudocafe in the Port Authority Bus Terminal basement and it came in a microwaved wrapper. It was the most disgusting thing in the world, but the fact that it tasted like crap was so unexpected from something brandishing the name "cinnabon" that I finished it. The dough was like melted nerfballs mixed with sugar into a pasty dough. And the icing looked like melted shoe rubber. I've never been able to force myself to puke. I don't want to stick my fingers in my throat, you can't make me. I can't make me either, but I wanted to. Anyhow. Heather's tip of the week: avoid wrapped cinnabon pretzel temptations in the bus terminal basement no matter how stupid you are. Especially if you're not a forced puker lady type.

Ok, I got other stuff on the mind, but I do think I'll have time to update later. Probably. Hopefully.