Wednesday, February 28, 2007

New Photo Set

Hey there, Ryan McFaul took a bunch of silly pics with me and a computer for his work with Gemberling and he just sent me the photo set. I'm gonna play with some of em and go through them, but I thought this one was pretty fun so I put some text on it. The text references the very website you are reading right now.

I like Conan

And Conan talked about that there movie I was in, neat! If you go to Michael's blog you can see some pics from his the awards. Savanna looks glam as all hell too.

PS- The improv show last night was really a pleasure. Thanks to Rachel Hamilton and all my great classmates for making it special. As for my feelings about doing improv, it's a little weird. I'm very much about the "don't think" tennet of improv and so I feel really outside myself when I do it. It feels really different than doing something I've planned so I dunno ... I like it a lot as an exercise. It's like going to the gym for your comedy muscles.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I'm so excited!

I'll admit, I was feeling a little bland. A little serious. But then I learned that a woman admitted that she coached her two children to fake retardation! So cool!

Anyways I have a show for my improv class at the Magnet tonight. 7pm
I haven't done improv on a stage since 2003! WOooo that's like 4 years. I'm still not decided as to whether or not I like doing it, but my class was good and so was the teacher and the folks in it. So there's that.

Monday, February 26, 2007

And speaking of other, more important awards ...

Lucas Entertainment's MICHAEL LUCAS' LA DOLCE VITA swept every single category in which they appeared (including one tie) for a total of fourteen hunks of Lucite; no other company has done it ... including Best Marketing Campaign. Well, there's accomplishment, eh?

Thoughts from an evening walk

Enduring the painfully produced Oscars till the very end was well worth it for the walk home. The characteristically bleak Christie street was covered in a perfect, peaceful sheet of fresh snow leaving the normally dirty, pathetic city trees looking completely elegant. It was once of those simple moments of something extraordinary and private, so completely satisfying to enjoy alone. I listened to some beautiful song and remembered how much I enjoy listening to music in the snow. It reminded me of one night in high school when I came home after I was supposed to meet up with some guy I was dating but he dicked me over somehow, and I pulled into the driveway as it began to snow hard. I just sat there with the parking lights on, listening to the new phish album I just purchased, some song with the word velvet in it, something really pretty, not their usual jamband hippy bullshit. I remember feeling so good, peaceful, happy. That stupid boy didn't matter to me anymore as the snow and the music diffused all hostility and confusion.

And I thought about how addicted to dating I am. Here's where I admit that for the past couple of years I've pretty much been dating on average two guys at a time, usually at the max three and then I stop taking new prospects in any given rotation. Sometimes there's an empty period before a new group comes into the picture, and since I am a boycrazy man-addict these periods can be particularly painful. But in general it works so well. It helps to stop the possibility of dependence and later disappointment, something I come to expect at some point. And sometimes its downfall is pushing the good ones away so that they might not stifle my autonomy. I have many ambitions in life but love and making a family is not one of them. It's just something I know I want and probably need to happen, but I'm not willing to look for it or seek it. No my ambitions are a different kind of thing. The kind that make me fear influence and compromise with the will of another. And so I come to enjoy the moments I share with the people in my life for all their present tense glory, more than thinking about the future or what will come next, since I know any hopes I might have of predicting who will be there tomorrow can ultimately fall flat with no opportunity for redemption. Therefore I prefer avoidance of disappointment to avoidance of conflict. And furthermore, I prefer to party all the time.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

My friend and I pointed at a picture of Delaware online last night and laughed at it. Hard. The laughs were genuine and due to it's smallness. It's not funny, it's just something that happened.

Anyhow, watch this till the end:

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I'm not your bikini girl

Lately I've gotten an increasing number of requests to do stuff as a bikini girl, in my lingerie, or as some kind of "t and a" for the comedy world. Of all these requests, I said yes to only one, because it was being done by some very funny dudes who I trust as creative people, and whose show I trust. Well here's some news for y'all - I will be turning down anything where I don't get to speak or get showcased as a comedian - except for the occasional very reasonable sounding request.

And to those of you who may not realize this- it's insulting to me as a comedian to ask me to be your bikini girl as opposed to your comedian. (see more)

I love sex and enjoy talking about it and joking about it- but it's not about ME- it's about topical sexual situations that people can relate to. I don't care to be sexy or complimented in that way. I enjoy being in photos that are fun or interesting, but I could care less about being depicted as sexy to others. Sexyness is something that I only want to utilize in practical pursuits - meaning the only time I care to be percieved as sexy is when it's by the guy I am trying to do it with.

As for my opinion of bikini girls, we do need them and I love them. The world needs people who specialize in being hot and sexy. But that's what they are all about. These are people who want to be objects of desire. I've met many porn stars and the like and many of these people are fascinating cool individuals. I don't judge them for what they do or write them off- that's just not me. It's not what I find interesting for me to be doing. Like investment banking. I don't like the idea of being an investment banker, but if you want to go about banking investments, I'll surely support it.

It's a choice I made and I'm just going to have to move past it. What's more culturally relevant about me in the greater scheme of things will have more room to surface as I peel away the layers of who I am and who I am not. It's also time that I take responsibility for my part in this whole mess. So, Sexytime Comedy show will be put On Hiatus indefinitely at this time. It was great while it lasted and I had a great time working with my comedy partner, Brandy- but it's just not what I want to be working on right now.

I'm still someone who can talk about sexual topics when I think there's occasion to do so, but since I feel it's overshadowing the other aspects of my creative material, all of that is getting shelved via gingerly lubed fist onto the back burner of my throbbing loveparts.

Sincerely,
Fink

Monday, February 19, 2007

America, One of the Worst Americas of the Century

America is so complacent that it no longer exercises its democracy. Don't get me wrong, America is like REALLY GOOD at its Anna Nicole Smith coverage and Paris Hilton newsfeed. Oh and don't forget large toilets and entertainment programs that comment on daily life. But basically everyone important has come out and called this presidency and war the worst and most incompetent ever. Yet no impeachment nor is anything done about it. Can somebody powerful please place a young naked boy in Bush's bed so we can have a Presidential-Impeachment-Inducement-Sex-Scandal for the 21st century?

Who fucking cares



Yeah, I enjoyed seeing what it looked like, but have a conversation about it?

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Street Meat on President's Day

Check out the new teaser video for a series we will be shooting for Street Meat:



And check out the show tomorrow/Monday
8pm
Cake Shop
152 Ludlow near Rivington
with

SEAN CRESPO (DrinkatWork.com )
BILLY SCAFURI ( Harvard Sailing Team)
MURDER FIST (MurderFist)
ORANGE MIME ( Orange Mime)
CRACK ADDICT GLOW WORM (aka Carlen's mom)
A HORN DUO FROM THE STREETS

Hosting/interviewing/drinking by me, Adam Newman, and Carlen Altman!

www.StreetMeatComedy.com

Friday, February 16, 2007

I was good at my old job: "Mr. Lucas’s picture is more visible and seems to rise above the median tide line of pornographic releases," - Wall Street Journal

It's tonight.

You know. IT. It's happening tonight.

Have you ever felt like less of a man? Me too. It's depressing.


now you've done it
Originally uploaded by trixiebedlam.



By the way, have you seen the blog of Mr. Lucas Held? Or equally as important, his video, Gregory of Wachovia, which lovingly mocks the tards?

And have you seen the Librarianist? It's made by some very nice people.

FINAL TIDBIT

After making at a graphic visualization of a brainstorming session, I shared it with my boss. He said "Is that in crayon?" I now have to make more spreadsheets and powerpoints at work. This is not my strength. And for the record it wasn't crayon, it was markers.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Tip of the Day

Here's where you can buy tickets to a special event at a cool new location. It hasn't sold out yet and I have other priorities this evening. You should get the tickets so I can live vicariously through you.

It's Imogen Heap at The Box.

My Valentines Day


This was one of my favorites by far.

1) I learned to shoot a gun. Then I shot the gun. I did not suck at it! I hit the bullseye a lot. My friend was better at the long distance but I was better at the closer up. Either way both at close up and far away I was able to shoot the bullseye. With real bullets! We fired 5 magazines (10 bullets each). We shot rifles and I'd really like to shoot handguns but you need a license for that plus you have to spend like 300 bucks. Seems like the sort of thing I'd like to do.

2) Ate red meat.


3) Did, you know, other stuff.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

A message I recieved today that I particularly liked

Hello Heatherfink.com!

At that cocacolazero nonsense last Friday, you appeared rather drinked, so you may not remember meeting me. Especially since by "meeting" I mean me laughing from uncontrollable joy for your hotshit dance moves. Then you called me "pretty lady" and your friends shouted your name at me.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

hello brown eyeshadow
i put you on my eyes today
then i wore tweed suit pants and pearls
i looked in the mirror in the corporate office bathroom
under that dispassionate light
and thought to myself
hmm
that looks kind of nice
maybe i should switch to brown eyeshadow
but i've been resistant to you for so long
youre the color that the boring ladies wear
the grownups and adults
i like putting my eyes all in black like someone took a crazy marker to them
or blue or green like i'm part muppet or space person
or all sparkles like a gay fish's caviar exploded on my face
i'm pretty sure gay caviar has glitter inside
i've got strong intuitive skills

anyway
these days i do yoga at the gym i belong to and go back to my manhattan apartment
i pay my bills and own a vacuum cleaner
i think i am an adult
i mean i've got so many meetings all the time day and night and then sometimes while i am sleeping i've got meetings with investors god i hate those they are so stupid but i know they are important
hey
hey
HEY brown eyeshadow i think you stopped listening
that is not cool

you better have a good excuse
maybe you do
maybe it's cause you have gout
well dont worry brown eyeshadow i will save you
here with this goutinol
you really should click the link
its safe for work and will heal your gout
you gotta read the whole thing though
it talks about stuff i can relate to
so you know
knowing that i think you can get to know me better
ok bye bye brown eyeshadow i'm sleepy

Sunday, February 11, 2007


I found this picture with words on it and it began to tell me a story. It's a tale of acceptance, belonging, and love from the most unlikely places. I mean yes, it's obvious, this dog and this kitten come from different worlds entirely. But that doesn't mean that a common bond can't form between these two beings just trying to get by in this miserable world (heh heh I mean who doesn't want to kill themselves really? am I right?). The world around them just doesn't understand but they don't need to hide their bond. And here they are, embracing each other out in the open, flaunting it, giving us all the reality check we so desperately need with their feisty bit of sarcasm- "I'm sorry you think this dog poses a danger." But are they sorry really? I think not.


- This just seems like something great:
Butternut Squash Ravioli with Sage Brown Butter and Bittersweet Chocolate







I saw Little Children (which is a great movie) this weekend and I swear I almost busted a nut right in Patrick Wilson's face. This man is so incredibly hot it made me and my friend want to puke. It's not just his gorgeous face and perfect body, the man just has that lil somethin special. Ugh he reminded me of this dude I dated who had a freaking perfect body and knew exactly how to use it. I absolutely hate thinking about him because physically that man was gods gift to women and I had him for like a few months but it was nothing more than physical so it couldn't last. That's a funny struggle in the human experience- the experience of extreme pleasure is something that expires. All pleasures only last for the moment you experience them, and then you either basque in the afterglow, feel pain, emptiness or missing, or sometimes you have long lasting satisfaction. Satisfaction seems like the ultimate end goal, but there's also something depressing about satisfaction since it functions like a period at the end of a sentence. Satisfaction goes hand in hand with completion. When something is complete, building and development ceases. And that is one of the ways that pain and pleasure are codependant. The pain or lacking of pleasure is the motivation to achieve pleasure and the process or journey towards satisfaction are substantive. They are motivation. Satisfaction is usually temporary and fleeting. There is a strong relationship between the content and the lazy.

Anyway sometimes it's hard to wrap your head around the experience of something great. It's like "to an athlete dying young", why wither away post-excellence? What is there really after something extraordinary? Other extraordinary things I guess. I ask myself if I should accept it as fact that I probably already had the best sex of my life. Is this aging? To resign certain feats to your past rather than consider them in the future? Is this pessimism, or is it realism? I certainly still have great sex but I did experience what I considered to be ideal. That's something I take deep satisfaction in- knowing that I am experiencing an ideal outcome of a given situation. Those rare perfect days, perfect meals, perfect meetings. There is such variety in the human experience that at least we know there can always be more of something else.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

The most accidentaly relevant woman is dead.

All she wanted was a little money honey, she just kept seeking it in such high profile ways.

PS- Prize goes to the person who guesses the NY Post headline- mine is "Anna Nicole Stiff". Your turn.

UPDATE: They actually did it. They were able to write an article with something to say about Anna Nicole Smith. Oh, and the Post headline disappointed. Something about murder. Murder is a funny word.

Welcome to Thursday


- Announcement: I am going to the shooting range on VDay this year- While the rest of you homos are eating cupcakes and hugging, I am going to be firing cold hard steel!
At a time when America is at war and blood is being shed on behalf of sinister world leaders, I can't think of a better thing to do than learn to shoot violence machines. I'll certainly have to blog ALL about the experience. Do check back for the report.
- Sexytime lineup announced! Check sexytimecomedy.com.
- I'm seeing Calexico at the Allen Room tonight.
- Because I watched that Web 2.0 video (2 posts down), I decided it was time for me to tag my posts. How do you feel about that?
- My mom is a business woman superstar. She works at a big fancy company as a Manager of corportate accounts (I think) and just when I thought my mom couldn't impress me more, she was awarded MVP (Most Valuable Player), Account Manager of the Year and other stuff for her department and some fancy prize. God it's so inspiring to have a mom kick so much ass all the time. More about my working mom.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Global child porn = lame.

Just check out that crappy black/red image- I can't even see any of the good stuff.



No offense kiddie pornographers, but your work is kinda boring.

watch it



Yeah, the music is cheesy and so is the ending, but it's damn well written and thoughtful.

Astronaut Sex


I really like the recent news because it has me thinking about astronaut sex, a sex that I don't get a chance to think about all that often. Though I do think about Eros in Orbit an awful lot so I guess it's not tooo far off.

See that guy on the right in his space suit? Right now I can't help but think about him rubbing up against another suited person, their passions burning beneath their plastic prisonlike outfits. Oh the lust burning like gentle embers inside me. I should probably seek help. Are you there god? It's me, Fink.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Missed Opportunity

I see so many pictures from Mercedez-Benz fashion week and not one picture of neither models nor fashion tents getting hit by Mercedez-Benzes. FOR SHAME.

Monday, February 05, 2007

show tonight

I'm doing this show tonight-
* WHERE:The Delancey, 168 Delancey, between Clinton and Attorney
* COST:FREE
* SUMMARY:”Hosted by Abe Jellinek and Nick Henderson, Debasement is a New & FREE comedy/rock concert. Each Monday we spotlight a newfangled lineup of established and deserving artists. And as if FREE admission wasn’t enough, Abe & Nick are juiced up to announce Debasement’s OPEN WELL BAR. Hang with us beginning @ 9 pm for an hour of free booze, followed by our “Poor Man’s Drink Special”.”
* THIS WEEK:Reggie Watts, Carolyn Castiglia and Heather Fink

Gonna do NEW standup. It's been a lil while ...

PS- Japanese govt man refers to women as "birth giving machines"

also- new Nine Inch Nails Album in April: Year Zero.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

They are Internet Millionaires.

It's puppybowl all day today! The PERFECT background for my joyous day of staying in and writing- something I'm taking in as the ultimate luxury right now. (One sidenote though, the kitty halftime show was a real disappointment this year. Last year the kitties were much cuter and itty bittier. These kitties are almost cats which is a huge let down.)

Speaking of the superbowl, my funny and awesome pals made some fun fake Superbowl commercials related to a new TV show they created. The idea for their show is that these young guys created a site like facebook or myspace, and now they are super rich and fancy and they try and be all corportate but it's kind of a joke. I saw a bit of the show and it's fucking hilarious. These clips are funny and what I've seen of the show itself is even better. They can't put it on youtube yet but when they do I'll keep you posted.

These youtube videos are made by the production company- Chubby Skinny Kids Productions (Doug Mand, Adam Pally & Dan Gregor - who you may know from the NYC sketch group "Hammerkatz")- in conjunction with their sitcom pilot- "We Are Internet Millionaires". The main characters in the show become overnight millionaires, and are now in charge of a major corporation. The only problem is, they have no fuckin clue how to run a major corporation. The show was developed with ABC & Touchstone, and with Gabe Sachs & Jeff Judah (Freaks & Geeks, Just Shoot Me).

These are the dumbass commercials their fictional CEOs would have made for the Super Bowl.

CHECK EM OUT:






Friday, February 02, 2007

Big Football Thing: My 2 Cents.

Listen, I don't like sports or anything, but I consider myself a contemporary and sports are something I'm prepared to discuss should it be occassion to do so. Now I'm not going to go googling words and things like that to find out more, but I'll just say so that you know - I am already aware that the bears are in the superbowl without anyone telling me. I'd like them to win. I like bears a lot- you take bears, put em up against most anything- I don't see how I wouldn't choose them. Unless maybe it's Cubs- everybody knows the appeal of babyizing mammals. So scratch that. If the Bears are playing the Cubs I'll root for the Cubs. Save for this example, I support the Bears. I support them because I like them.

Here is a bear in a tupperware storage container to keep him fresh:


These bears are a bunch of wiseacres:


These bears are just being themselves and letting loose:


Flirt Alert!


Bear Cubs- I told you so:

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Listen guys, I've pretty much got A LOT of useful links in here. I'm not trying to brag or be all cocky or anything, but, well, blam:


I am really diggin miss Esther Ku's song on Youtube.

And I love this Muse "Hysteria" music video which I didn't realize was on Youtube until just now. Justin Theroux sweaty body is made up of 100% I-wanna-bone-you juice. It takes like freakin strawberries.

I had a Nestle chocolate bar- I thought it would be like a Hershey's chocolate bar or a college boy- cheap but good. I was wrong. It sucks pretty badly. I do like crunch bars but this "milk chocolate bar" is no crunch bar by any means.



Saw Sarah Silverman perform last night. I do think she's a brilliant genius/hero- She was like the only hot woman doing standup in the late 90s (when the modern alternative brand of comedy started to dominate the scene) with real confidence, bravado, and talent. Now there's a lot more hot lady comedians but she was the first chick to take a stage and own it with the same cocky bravado as her male counterparts- and it's that kickass machismo that has influenced me since I was super young- something I first saw in Madonna, Kate Hepburn, Linda Hamilton in T2, and my mother. Sure we've got a lot of bikini babes with machine guns these days (Charlies Angels) but it often comes off campy and not believable. Naturally because it is all an act. Peeps like Sarah are 4 real.

Related: Sarah in Way of the Gun (the only good thing in that movie)

But the show wasn't so great. Sarah didn't do anything new, but I really enjoyed previews of the Sarah Silverman Program. That looks fantastic. The highlight of the show was Sarah's opening act, Tig Notaro, who did an amazing job and the crowd just loved it. I also saw Tig perform at Mo's on Monday night, where TJ Miller and Pete Holmes had their new show. She also made quite a few laughs come out of me.

Ooh speaking of Monday- I saw a young Wainwright girl, Lucy Roche, make music at the Living Room. Her voice was extremely lovely.

I am really into this artwork- the wallpapers make some fantastic computer desktopping.