Monday, April 16, 2007

Please click this. It's shocking. If you have your volume turned on.

Have lots of excitement going down for Street Meat, NEXT Monday, the 23rd. We got more video clips on the way, but here is a little bit that me and Adam performed at the last show. In our last video, you may remember that the meats made love.

Well we wrote an onstage follow up bit. The intention was for me to get steaksauced on the face. I sure got a lot more than I bargained for though cuz Adam spurted it out all over the place- you can't really see in the video but it's all in my eyes (BURNING THEM) and my hair and clothes n stuff. Seeeeee:

Anyhow, here's the script for that Bit:
Video shows- I stand on stage and say

Heather- I hope you enjoyed our video.
Carlen/Postman (from off stage)- Hey Heather, it's the postman!
You've got a letter!
H- That's great! I love letters!
C- Here ya go, that one guy- boy is he a card. And you know me- I love cards!
H- I don't get it.
C- Oh little joke we tell at the postoffice .... you know- we deliver lots of cards.
H- Oh. Well thank you postman, I hope you're doing well!
C- Yeah I'm very well. Not disgruntled. Prozac!
H- Oh. That's nice. Bye bye postman!
C- Bye? (angry) No way, let's open up that letter! (smiles)
H- Well all right then!
(open it up and read)

Dear Street Meat,
My name is Timmy and I am a 17 year old Ribeye Flank Steak from
Cleveland Ohio. I just saw your video and it made me so happy. I am truly
moved by the greater acceptance of meats that Street Meat
promotes. With help from quality pragramming such as your show, I believe that someday talking meats
will be treated with the respect and dignity they deserve.
PS, I looked you up on the internet and visited your wonderful website, YOOO GUYSS ARE FUCKING HILARIOUS!

C- Wow. That was intense

H- Yeah, totally. I've gotta respond.
(get out marker and write on the letter)
Dear Timmy,

You should totally come visit our show! We've never had
a live meat before! Please come.

PS- How many Pollocks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2! 1 to screw in the light bulb and the other to fist rape your mom's
dickhole. JK LOL! ***Hope to hear from you soon. ***

Street Meat

Here you go Postman- send it away!
C- Will do, but before I do, I heard that (Jake's character) is
going to be on next! Let's give a warm welcome for (Jake's character).
H- Yes, let's! (C/H- AHHHHH)

H- Thank you (Jake's character)
Adam/Timmy (from off stage) - Hey, hey guys (walks on stage)
H- Yes?
A- It's me! Timmy - from the letter!
H- Oh My God it's really you- and you look great! Thank you so much for coming!
A- Glad to be here! You wouldn't believe how difficult it was to get here - Us meats don't venture into the city too often. I wasn't expecting to have to sit at the back of the bus - this one kid kept trying to slow roast me with his cigarette lighter. It hurt me!
H- I'm so sorry to hear that- but I'm so glad to have you here. Well, now that you're here, is there anything you'd like to say to our audience?
A- Yes, and I think I speak for all meats when I say THANK YOU - we are so grateful for your videos. What hits so close to home is that you portray meats as we really are. We have feelings, and needs, and we like to have sex in lots and lots of positions and coming tangy sauces all over vegetables' faces. (pause) That's something that we do.
H - We do realize that - we actually did a lot of research before writing the script.
A - You know what's funny to think about - before you eat us, you cover our dead bodies in a sauce made out of own tangy meat semen.
H- (teary eyed possibly) Really ?(maybe they hug or
something sentimental).
A- Really. Do you wanna see me make the steaksauce? I'm good at it.
H- I think we'd all like to see that. right audience, right?
A- Makes the streaksauce.
H- Do you think maybe you need some privacy?
A- Can I borrow your face for a second?
H- Sure. (jizz noises)
H- Mm tastes JUST LIKE A1- (pause) Do you wanna introduce the next guest?

Now- would you like to introduce the next


Hope you thought that was muy interesante. My weekend was good. Blazin it up cowboys!

- Feigned Diversity!
- Danny Mothers!
- Entirely not funny and sad- the flooding and fires in Hoboken yesterday.

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