Tuesday, July 31, 2007

New website that's really so very awesome for you.


It's not terribly impressive yet but we have high hopes for the future. However, it is rather informational. You'll see when you get there and if you're still reading this you're certainly not there yet.

but come on people, not cute is just fucked

"I want to tell girls that cute and dumb isn't as good as cute and smart," Winnie Cooper

Sunday, July 29, 2007

dudes, i'm like the master at dealing with hangovers
you get up a little early
make a poo
sleep a lil more
drink water
have excedrin and pepto bismal
go get pizza and soda
sleep a lil more


Thursday, July 26, 2007


I've written an article published in September's Playgirl. Scan coming soon :)

The Hudson is not a River in Egypt

it's not.

- Saw Venus last night. It was rather hilarious/touching/creepy. You should watch it.

Although my most favorite of Peter O'Toole's work has to be in one of my most favorite movies, Supergirl:

There's also a pretty good clip on youtube from when Faye Dunaway sends Supergirl into the Phantom Zone.

- Speaking of Helen Slater, she is the star of one of my other favorite movies, The Legend of Billy Jean.

- By now you've probably seen it, but just in case you havent, the video with Zach G and Kanye.

- Also, I found a Picture of you on the internet.

- Last night I went to a party for the upcoming premiere of Savanna Samson's new wine, Sogno Tres.

- Arcade Fire tickets on sale tomorrow mornin!

- 100 greatest cover songs of all time? It's an ok list.

- I didn't think the latest Harry Potter movie was all that great.

- This Pistol Shrimp is off the hook!
The shrimp snaps a specialized claw shut to create a cavitation wave that generates acoustic pressures of up to 80 kPa at a distance of 4 cm from the claw. The pressure wave is strong enough to kill small fish. The snap can also produce sonoluminescence from a collapsing bubble, also known as a cavitation bubble. As it collapses, the cavitation bubble reaches the surface temperature of the Sun.

- Dolph Lundgren is also really very cool

He was the original Punisher in the 80s version of the movie
I'm reading The Punisher right now by Ennis. Here's a trailer from the more recent version of the movie:

I haven't seen it but that dude looks really hot. I have feelings of attraction toward comic book characters.

- Also, rumor is that the Watchmen and Y the Last Man are going to be movies! Those stories are incredible. You will love these movies when they come out. I know you will. BTW- Watchmen casting is unbelievably good with lots o hotties in it (who can also act rather well) like Patrick Wilson, Mathew Goode, and Billy Crudup. 2 guys in it from Little Children, the perv from Little Children plays the most important character in Watchmen. He's a kickass actor so that's good. Kinda sad though, he played a pervert and now he gets to play a character whose marked characteristic is being painfully ugly.

Oh and btw the Watchmen is hailed by many as the best comic book of all time. The special anniversary edition was given to me as a gift by Mr. Wolkin. Thank you dear.

- Other dork news from this year's Comic Con:
Marion- Indy's original love interest from the 1st film will be in the new raiders of the Lost Ark, possibly as Indy's wife.
Iron Man trailer screened- from Jon Favreau, supposed to be super funny
Rosario Dawson is a huge comic book dork and has a new comic coming out based on her likeness and she will also be an Amazon in a Barbarella remake, and in Sin City 2
Heroes' Silar and Lenard Nimoy will both play Spock in a new Star Trek.

K that's all. Go brush your teeth.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

hate gossip

Dude, the gossip people like TMZ and Perez are fun sometimes, but with this Lohan thing it's absolutely disgusting and fucking gross how obsessed these people are with other people's lives! It's absolutely more gross than the patheticness of the Lohan/drug situation.

I hope to god I get famous so I can pee in their wallets. Seriously. I want to take their wallets and pee in there so they got pee all over their license and credit card and money and stuff. I bet they wouldn't like that! No they wouldn't.

I always always hate when idiots talk about celebrities like they could possibly know them. I mean a joke here and there or a comedy spoof is fine but I don't pretend to really know enough about these people to pass any real judgment on the celebs. It's also sick how they are photographed doing private things. People get your shit together!

Monday, July 23, 2007

hey guess what?

i saw hank azaria at the comic book store yesterday! he stood in line behind me and bought some stuff. he is so cool forever.

oooo also i bought some fantastic outfits from rainbow!

I just thought you should know.


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Hooray There Was An Explosion!

Hey everybody- we're so excited there was an explosion! That means we get to use our serious voice today and talk continuously for a while now! We'll show lots and lots of continuous coverage even though we'll be repeating ourselves and there's not really any real developments or anything that you the viewer can do about it!

And hey, we hear somebody "expired"! That's our fun term we use to remind you that death means your time has run out on earth.

Enjoy all of the pictures and video clips we'll be deluging you with. We LOVE all the attention you're giving us right now. Have a solemn and sympathetic day!

The News

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Testes Fiesta, Tuesday July 24th!

TUESDAY 7/24 @ 9PM!
34 Ave A near 3rd St. (F/V to 2nd Ave)

The title "Testes Fiesta" is an obscure "the State" reference (to the State Book) and a reminder that good things come in 2's - which is precisely why this evening celebrates amazing Duos and other such fun.

Hosted by me, Heather Fink, with special guest Adam Newman
and it's a show alllll about Duos! With:
- Tom McCaffrey and Greg Johnson
- Eliza Faria-Santos and Pat Stango
- Jake Goldman and Adam Wade
- Mike Rose and Gavin Shulman
- Jodi Skeris + Karsten Cross
- Cody Hess and Edward Rueda

Plus Andrew Wright and Nick Maritato stop by along with a video from
the Heather and Ben show!

Zach Galifianakis shot a Kanye West video!

enjoyable links

- "the place where merriment is king!"
- For your consideration
- tasty foods
- poop sign
- Gross
- Music
- These lesbins hack at this tree in the woods and drink apple juice out of it and then the tree turns into a man
- romance
- Teenager stuck in a mailbox
- er, i dunno

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Monday night, 7/16 in the burg

I'll be performing tomorrow night at Pete's Candy Store in Williamsburg Brooklyn:
Monday, July 16th
Pete's Candy Store, 709 Lorimer St. in Williamsburg

I was in an "experimental/weird" phase with my jokes for the last few months and now I am entering a "storytelling" phase. I hope to fuse the best of these styles into one cohesive act.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

On Putting Yourself Out There

Oh I'm out there. Way way way the poop out there. I don't always like it but it's what I do. I muster up chunks of myself into heavy heaps and toss them way out there into the world, leaving me stripped in places, detached, a voyeur of my own self.

It's because I want things, and when I want them I go and take them, so long as I can't think of a good excuse not to. And I don't allow shyness, fear, or "what other people think" get in the way. Which is a problem. Since I act without regard for the judgments of others, I experience immediate consequential feelings on a regular basis. This behavior is conducive to self-doubt. I doubt myself.

I embarrass myself. I put myself in positions to be shot down. I email the shit out of people. I always opt for "saying it" rather than appearing aloof and mysterious. I reach out to old friends. I like to "make things cool" with exes and sometimes fail to achieve their friendship. I give and show and talk about and share. There seems to be a bottomless pit of me to give, a pit that is replenished by the unpredictable turns in each day of life.

I doubt myself and then I feel doomed to repeat it. For this is me and I am good at being this way.

I push people away when I don't want them around and then I try to pull them back in again when I want them to come out and play. They don't know what to make of all of this.

Truth is, I want to play with all the kids and have all the fun all the time. I LOVE other people. I want to see what happens.

Putting yourself out there.
It serves a purpose. It's an important part in achieving in life.
It's addictive, as it allows for more "things" to happen.
It's foolish.
It's revealing.

I show my ugliness and weakness a lot and I do enjoy that. I think flaws are compelling. And I think we all enjoy them a good deal.

Peeling back the flesh to reveal a bloody wound.
That's all art.
That's "edgy" defined, isn't it? Something gritty? Impure? Stained? Unpolished?
Gangsta Rap - about pain
Grudge Hardcore Screaming Metal Indie Rocks n Rockn roll- All live in the intensity, the testosterone, the ugly pounding sound.

Out there I go, weirdly walking forward into open fields. Here we have a big restaurant table and I'm sitting there alone, exposed. Out there.

But where you'll find all of my weaknesses also happens to be the place where you'll find all of my strengths.

Women Comedians

Here's just a couple of lady comedians with hotz web videos making it happen.

Variety Shac

Sherry Sirof

Lisa Nova

Kristin Schaal

Jackie Clark and Julie Klausner

Charlene Yi (Jodi in Knocked Up)

Jacqueline Novak standup

Written Directed by Eliza Skinner, Just Talk

and you know, don't forget about Sara Silverman, Amy Poehler, Amy Sedaris, Chelsea Handler, Molly Shannon ... Heater Finks.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Street Meat on Monday


Cake Shop
152 Ludlow St (near Rivington)
July 9

7pm opening act: Cedric Brooks SkaDub Allstars with JahFurry & Bill Sims Jr.
8pm comedies
- Glennis McMurray and Katina Corrao
- Max Z-T, Hammered Dulcimer Player
- Sean O'Connor and Nick Maritato

Hosted by Heather Fink and Adam Newman

Thursday, July 05, 2007

hey I was on MTV tonight

I just found out! It was a comedy spoof by Elephant Larry of Grey's Anatomy and played on Nick Cannon's Short Circuitz.
Watch it here.

oh and also

- this pickle I am eating is of superior quality
- more pictures from my 4th of July, hosted by the gracious Yasmina, from Brandy
- anybody who doesn't go check this out is a total fartknocker
- this is quite impressive

On the 4th of July

i rode on a golf cart

i wetted my knees 2 at a time

and i did some important trampolining

all in all it was a very nice day

Monday, July 02, 2007

i was looking at the new video features on myspace
and entered the term "meat" in the search field because i was curious what my street meat videos looked like in the new myspace view
ordinarily simply searching for "meat" will bring relevant search results
not today
i discovered the meaning of
"booty meat"