Questions for my dead cat who I loved very much if I could talk to him in heaven

If I could talk to my cat today, I would ask him many questions:
- Why did you like to be pushed around in a box so much? You would always totally flip out at the corners, patting at them with your little paws. You would pat and prod whenever the box moved, accomplishing nothing. What was in it for you?

- How come you derived such pleasure from sitting so close to my head. My head is not anything like a seat or a bed, which are excellent places to sit.

- Why did you hate magazines and books so much? Any time I opened one, you would instantly jump on top of it and pat it down, making it very nearly impossible for me to turn the pages. Is it because you spite my literacy?

- You always killed little rodents and birds and brought them to us to show off. But you wouldn't eat them. You would eat your catfood. You really like catfood better than a fresh kill? I have a hunger for fresh blood and so I'd think you would too. Please explain.

- Was it embarrassing for you when I watched you poop? You seemed to not want me there and I wasn't sure if embarrassment was a cat emotion.

- Where is your penis? I've also seen you pee, but it looked like it came out of a little pink nub. Is that nub really capable of making little baby kitties? Because I would think that female cats had ultimate pussies. Cause they are pussies. It's pussy on pussy. How do you stand up to that with that weird little nub of yours?

Ok, that's all the stuff I wish I could ask you. I hope you are enjoying kitty cat heaven. Maybe they will give you a bigger dick. I bet there's lots of big dicks in heaven so if you haven't gotten one yet just ask god and maybe he has an extra for you. I miss you my sweet little meow meow kitty. I'm really sorry about that lolcat thing too. I know you can have a cheeseburger whenever you want and you shouldn't have to be made a fool with that fragmented language.