Thursday, January 31, 2008

UPDATE - tonight standup @ rififi and later @ julep

Yo dudes, at 8pm I am on Slightly Buzzed at Rififi
11th St btwn 1st and 2nd Avenue

and then on Slumber Party @ Julep, Avenue A btwn Houston and 2nd St ...

So you can totally see me do standup in the East Village tonight

I prepared new things along with old things
a smattering of stuff happening on the stage out my mouf

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I think these inside out bears are beautiful.

Lost is coming back. This video is a handy factual recap of everything that happened in the show. Gawsh that show just gets so freakin frustrating and stupid in the later episodes! But I am kinda hooked and also Matthew Fox is so my type. I like when people are scruffy and sweaty and trying to survive in wildernesses.

Stewie from Family Guy is written as gay.

The same article references Paul Lynde. Paul Lynde was da bomb.

Jimmy Eat World's new music just got so boring. But they put out this 5 song EP "Stay on My Side" in 2005 that was really fantastic. Dunno what's going on here.

A co-worker just asked the question, what happens when humans get rabies? Do they start foaming at the mouth and get all monstrous? Good question.

Girl Power.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

was pleasure just to be nominated

That's what you say! When you are not the winner. I am not the winner! Is true to form.

Apple Sisters on red carpet at the ECNY Awards

But yes it was a pleasure just to be nominated, and I'll tell you why.
- The awards were very well produced and it was really nice to be a part of this whole thing.
- Because I was nominated, people wound up telling me very nice things and that they appreciate what I do. I often think people do not take me or what I do seriously. Like, I do know that people appreciate me as a party girl, a friend, or maybe they are a smelly boy who wants to put it in me or something like that. So they are nice to me. But I'm not always sure that people recognize my capabilities. If people do, well that's fucking awesome. I hope people meant their nice words and they weren't just blowing smoke up my ass.

And on that note - I like what I was nominated for - cause the award was described as being for someone who consistently brings quality comedy work to NYC. That's very encouraging. I fucking promise you people out there in the world- I'm going to keep that up. I won't bring you crap on your stage! I won't bring you bullshit. I will be very mindful of always trying new things, different things, and to experiment in attempts to blow your mind.

Because even if I never 'make it big' I at least hope to have made some mother freakin good ass shit along the way. If I ever bring you lame ass comedy, you have every right to march up to my face and tell me so. You should be downright angry with me for wasting your time.

- More photos
- And more photos

Jon Friedman hosting

And if you haven't heard who won yet, here's some of the ECNY Award winners that I remember: John Mullaney, Kristen Schaal, Michael Showalter and Eugene Mirman, Nick Kroll, I Eat Pandas, Harvard Sailing Team, The Apple Sisters, Kurt Braunholer, The Apiary, The ONN, Greg Johnson, Joe Mande, and Elephant Larry.

PS - This Video clip of Will Ferrell busting in on this NBC news show is the funniest shit everrrr

Monday, January 28, 2008

"We are out of orange juice." - Charles Barkley

If I was a celebrity, I'd constantly be quoting myself. Like if I was Charles Barkley, and I was out of orange juice, I'd bother my woman and my kids and be like "we are out of orange juice, charles barkley" and go around saying random stuff all day and note that the sayer is my own name. Cause people quote celebs all the time. Everything they say is golden and important! Actually. Forget it. If I was around a celebrity I would bother them and follow them around quoting them all the time.

Here are more examples of fun everyday celebrity quotes
"I ate all my whopper." - Ivana Trump
"Hey close the bathroom door." - James Earl Jones
"Where's my keys?" - Vanessa Williams
"What the hell! Where did this parking ticket come from?" - Helen Mirren


- You cannot be a bear if you are not a bear.

- Tonight are those NYC Comedy Awards. Maybe I will have this award tomorrow? Maybe no. I dunno. It would be really nice. But I am not sure if I know how to be a winner. I think I am more well-adjusted to being on the brink of greatness rather than actually great. I'm not the loved perfect girl next door. I am the comic relief, the villain, or the quirky neighbor. More fun? Sure! Yes, let's go with that. I've accepted it and so should you. Boobs.

- I love pretty dresses!

- Read more about Format wars

- Lolcats lost my interest, but this one is pretty nice:

Thursday, January 24, 2008

yeah so here it goes with the blog posting and such

Hey, ok, I haven't been in the mood to blooog for days now. I know that's no excuse, and usually I post even when I'm not in the mood but I DUNNO OK BACK OFF DON'T GET ALL LIKE BITCHY OK?

- Rambo murder chart
BTW I am not so into Rambo. I like First Blood and all of that, but for what he's all about and trying to be, I am much more into Arnold's movie, Commando. That's fine fine film.
PS, Related film taglines and plots:

Commando - "Somewhere... somehow... someone's going to pay!" A retired elite commando has only a few hours to find and rescue his daughter from an exiled dictator.
Rambo First Blood - "One war against one man." A mentally unstable Vietnam war vet, when abused with a small town's police force, begins a one man war with it.
Rambo II - "What most people call hell, he calls home." - not a one liner, but Rambo is in prison now and goes crazy on some bitches.
Rambo 3 - "God would have mercy John Rambo won't!" Rambo's Vietnam commanding officer Colonel Trautman is held hostage in Afghanistan, and its up to Rambo to rescue him.
Rambo 4 - "Heroes never die.... They just reload." In Thailand, John Rambo (Stallone) assembles a group of mercenaries and leads them up the Salween River to a Burmese village where a group of Christian aid workers allegedly went missing.

- This is a weird bear with an angry butt
- I went to a nice party. They took my picture. I love the happy corp a lot. They are made up of best quality people and talents.

That's Paul Pope, he makes comic books. I didn't know till he told me that sometimes he draws Batman! And his Batman is really cool! See:

- I got a new digital camera, and I promised more pics here - but I lost the charger! I am such a bullshit head! Ughhhhh. Well I hope to find it soon and then once again with the pictures.

- This last weekend I connected with people who are really important to me. And attended a ladies poker night. It was the most sophisticated poker night ever with nice art on the walls and wine and cheese.

- My roommate's boyfriend's brother was drunk and wondered into my bedroom completely naked looking for the bathroom. It was very funny to have a completely naked man open my door and look blankly at me and then close it. Very funny indeed.

- I had lots of new ideas and discoveries lately that bring me great creative happiness. Wrote new videos and came up with new website and tshirt ideas. Also learned MOST AWESOMEST THING THAT MAKES ME SOOO HAPPY ALL OVER: How to edit youtube videos into mp3s. Now I have all the best favorite quotes I want and can edit them into sound clips over a beat. It is sooo sooo sooo fun and way great. I am editing using final cut though. Now I gotta figure out how to convert mov to mp3. Currently I can convert to mpeg4 but thats not ideal.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

lots to tell
coming soon

in the meantime


stomping puppy

ps- I am not into bullshit cocktails
why bitches be putting pomegranate in my juice
i don't need no garnishes neither
it's like hey
where's my whisky at

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Here, this words with the pictures

title skills growing anemic, continue on anyways? please

Old clip good clip. Blur "On the Way to the Club"

- Macbook Air, why should I care? Well, because I could take you anywhere and write on a whim. Because the typing makes for better writing. Pads and papers and little notes don't work as well for me at this age. My handwriting has deteriorated with all the typing. And I'm too chaotic and disorganized to invite notebook into my life. Thin laptop- you may be my future.

- Gossip Girl Guide to New York! yeah! I love all tv shows that take place in New York City and are about fancy people. I currently watch Gossip Girl, Dirty Sexy Money, and the new show Cashmere Mafia. I actually really really love Cashmere Mafia. It's well written, and it's about 4 women CEOs that are friends. And Sex and the City always pissed me off cause the characters were such idiots. I think Cashmere Mafia is doing the women in the city thing much better justice. NOT that these shows aren't totally fluffy and silly- they are. But they are also fun and well done all things considered.

- Download Why? - Close to Me Why?'s cover of the Cure song. It's not a lame cover, it's rather creative. They are a favorite new band of mine. I like the weird electronicy beat/rock playful mushymash kinda stuff.

- If you like harder stuff, try these free downloads from Mastodon Pretty gooood.

- I love me some crazy bitches, and Cruise looks hotter than ever here.
Crazy bitches? Why do I love you?
I love you for your instability.
Keeps me feeling young and alive.
You shakey piles of majesty and unpleasantness.

- uh, heeeyyy, so I saw this indie movie, Me You and Everyone We Know. Weird. Not so into creepy chicks like Miranda July but when Evan explained that its about the human will to connect then the movie did make a lil more sense to me. Still. I'm ust not that big a fan of creepy. But i am a fan of this weirdly funny clip from the movie:

poop back and forth

- Ryan Adams: Poet. My verdict? Well done on him. Quite romantic.

- I also really love the Australian party sunglasses kid, and Katie Couric, for that matter.

- Portishead is rumored to be on the Coachella lineup. DOES THIS MEAN I CAN SEE PORTISHEAD PERFORM MAYBE AT SOME OTHER PLACE!? I have wanted this for like, I dunno, 10 YEARS.

- Jake Goldman wrote somethin funny: Text messages during the political stuffs.

- BTW The Street Meat One Year Anniversary rocked! So so awesome what a great turn out! Kickass audience and performers and all. YEAH! Something to feel all nice about! I love this fucking show.

Hey! There's still actually a couple days left to vote for the ECNY Awards cuz I was nominated. Would be really cool of you to shoot me a lil vote if you don't mind ...


On Tuesday I was dying because of whisky
because the overdoing it let the sickness in
so when i was done with kneeling on the bathroom floor
the coughs arrived
deep down with the lung pain
feelin all fugly aileen wournos style


music and age
at this age i think we understand music better
at every age
how art speaks to you grows and changes
nirvana then nirvana now

are the kids listening to all the cool shit we listen to
do they hear how cool it is
ah but we are the ones enjoying them in the shitty little bar whenever we feel like it
before they come to your ticketmastered music festival


watches are romantic
deeply personal
is it because time is sexy and scary
is it because of digital time keeping traditions unpopularizing the watch so now its a nostalgia of the beautiful thing with lost importance?
timeless timekeepers
passed down shiny things
fun to touch and play with


I had a best friend who wasn't there for me at the hardest part of my life and I'll never forget how shitty that felt. We are friends again but it's never been the same.

There's a lot of disappointment in life. It's easy to be let down.

Don't forget to forget this by finding new laughter.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

All I ever hear is people I really like saying awesome stuff about Obama, but I have yet to hear Obama say something awesome.

Can a girl get some quotes please? I invite you to send them my way. Somebody tell me what is so cool about him aside from that fact that he's half-black and a front runner and a democrat.

I've said I don't think Barrack Obama is qualified to be president, but I do think it would be cool to have a black president. Which made me think about black people who are, in my opinion, qualified to be president - and they are both republicans, isn't that weird? I'm talking about Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice. And I'd vote for Colin over Condi, see, I don't always do the women thing. That's just cause Colin is more liberal.

I think.

I don't really know.
I'm just an American.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Street Meat 1 Year Anniversary Show/Party TONIGHT!

Please join us for fun, CAKE! (made by Stephen who is an amazing
person on his insides)
and ROCK BAND the video game! (brought to you by Thumbplay cause they
are super nice company to work for!)
Plus cheap fun drinks.

Street Meat
Crazy Character Comedy and Partying Hard
Hosted by Heather Fink and Adam Newman
Cake Shop, 152 Ludlow St btwn Rivington and Stanton (bar and stage
are downstairs below cafe)
Monday JANUARY 14th

- Rick Shapiro (HBO's Lucky Louie, Pootie Tang)
- Larry Murphy (adult swim sensation)
- Adrianne Frost (Daily Show, Conan, Best Week Ever, CSI)
- Marcus Monroe (real and amazing Street Performer - juggles knives!)
and Uber Luber (DEATH METAL).

Hope to share tomorrow evening with you! We will hug. But you can't be so shy.

Adrianne is super sick! The super talented and hilarious Rob Lathan will be filling in ... U gonna luv it.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

When I feel bummed, and I kinda do right now, Predator always makes me feel better. Thank you Spike TV.

And if you need a reason to like the movie Predator, like you ever would, here's my favorite quote said by Jesse Ventura in the helicopter speaking about his chewing tobacco:
Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.

Friday, January 11, 2008

EVEN THOUGH THE NATION IS RUN BY STUPID JERKS, VOTE ANYWAYS: If you wanna check if you are registered to vote, or to fill out your registration online, go to, well only if you are voting for HILLARY. If you are voting for anybody else, I heard you don't really have to be registered to vote, just show up and show the voting booth administrators a photocopy of a twinkie and a an actual hostess chocolate pudding pie. The pie has to have been purchased within the 2007 fiscal year. You smoosh the pie next to the box of the loser non-hillary totally weiner-having candidate of your choice. And then you smack the administrator in the face with the photocopy and apply it to their head with Copydex brand rubber cement.

if i ever get disabled

this is my wheelchair

"It is historical that Oprah Winfrey, beloved of women, chooses a flashy man with small credentials over a seasoned woman politician with 35 years of experience...and sells that to the female demographic who look to her for inspiration!"
- Roseanne Barr on the Obama vs Hillary situation

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Yeah Jessica Alba Film! Myspace is so cool!


hey hey psst hey

they give us 2 much cupcakes at work
i feel gross

hey guess what

you suck at photoshop

and hey guess what else

andy roddick is really good at playing tennis

hey guess what else

dance dance party party is a dance party workout thingy with fun people behind it like glennis
do you know glennis
shes a glesbian
you should check it out

Wednesday, January 09, 2008


I love this! Remember this? If you don't you have to watch this clip till the song at the end. You HAVE to.

I was reminded cause I saw a drink called Berzerker on the menu at Good World Bar on Orchard. Nice!
I like Madonna, Martha Stewart and Hillary Clinton for what they have done. I do not think any of them are perfect or awesome all of the time, and I don't really need them to be to admire them.

Many people do not like them.

I like them all because they are women who do things their way, no puppeteer pulling their strings, going against what is popular to take the world in their hands and achieve, no matter how un feminine or un popular they may be.

I support the women who pioneer pop culture and the business world, taking volumes of shit from people who just can't handle it.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Gnawin on dem bones 2nite

Tonight I am going with Nipslip Savage to Prune, a French restaurant I've been wanting to try ever since Savage told me that they serve Bone Marrow! I love gnawing on bones - this place is so for me! They also have other gross stuff that Finks like to eat, like sweet breads and monkfish liver. I'm nastay grrll I eat nastay thangs like weird animal parts I git madd freakay on you. YEAH. You gonna eat dem bolognees?

Last night I worked with Adam Newman getting ready for Street Meat's 1 year anniversary show this Monday (January 14th!). It was nice. We reflected on reflections.

I'm sorry.

I love this.

Michael's new cover

I think it's his best yet. Aside from the HX cover that read "I am God, Dammit." Good job.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

This Obama thing

I'm hoping is like the Howard Dean thing. I like the man, but honestly he's just an idea. A concept. Young, smart, fresh new black man. That's cool, but this is not his year. Let's let him hold a serious political office first, like governor or something. The republican candidates suck this year. Let's pit them against someone who can take them on.

Someone weirdly popular and unpopular at the same time.
Someone whose entire life has been groomed for this.
Someone with legacy
and for fuck's sake she's a woman.

How come Pakistan, South America, Asian, and European countries can have women Prime Ministers and Presidents - and America can't?

Seriously - what. the. fuck.

Who gives a shit what you think about Hillary as a person? None of us know her. I do know she's smart and she's born to be President. Vote for her already.

Clinton whitehouse = awesome.


Friday, January 04, 2008

TEETH: the movie about a vagina with teeth in it

is fucking brilliant!!!

Teeth: "Still a stranger to her own body, a high school student discovers she has a physical advantage when she becomes the object of male violence."

I had the privilege of screening this movie with some buddies of mine last night and thought it sorta left me speechless, I feel like I have a duty to tell you people about how great it is.

In this movie, Jess Weixler (whose IMDB says she lives in Carroll Gardens Brooklyn and has her bday 2 days away from mine omg!) plays Dawn - a woman with teeth in her vagina. AND SHE PLAYS IT WITH REALISM! How anyone can seriously tackle this and make it believable amazes me!

This movie has an emotional core. How the hell they managed that is beyond me.

It does have "B movie" qualities, and some ridiculous, hilarious lines - some favorites:
"I haven't jerked off since Easter!"
"I love you. I love your butt."

The movie is chock full of you tube clip material.
There's plenty of hilarious/gross/shocking gore too.

I think it's going to be underappreciated by critics- but I think there's something so brilliant about the fact that these filmmakers and writers were like - fuck yeah we are gonna make a movie about a vagina with teeth, and it's gonna be awesome. There's total commitment here in carrying out the concept. And while I wasn't satisfied with the ending entirely, at least it said something. One other thing people might find annoying is how most men in the movie are bad guys. My friend Evan said she's like a super hero - but I won't explain why cause I want you to see for yourself.

Either way, this is a new favorite movie. I could watch this again and again just to see how other people react. It's going to be so funny in theatres. It definitely definitely leaves you screaming on the edge of your seat.

- Teeth on IMDB
- Rotten Tomatoes

Thursday, January 03, 2008

fuck yes

I have a bunch of half written comedy videos but haven't been satisfied with them enough to shoot. BUT I just finished my next video to the extent that I'm very happy with the script. So there. Probably won't be able to shoot though for another couple of weeks ... yay new video!
I got some Kerastase hair products for my hair this Christmas, a brand of hair stuff that is rather hyped and probably as pricey as it gets. My most recent hair chopper suggested a specific type for me (my hair is described by Kerastase as fine, delicate, and vulnerable). And I used it for the first time this morning. And my hair feels like angels. Like soft heavenly angels.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008


No more meaningful poemtry today, friends.

Today is a new day
Holy crap party in the blog PARTY IN THA MOTHA OOFFERN BLOGGGGGG!

Hey! Guess what?! Time to go back to work! And get into the "swing" of things, eh? Get some writing done cause I was a lazy slovenly good for nothing over the winter break, eh? Yes.

OMG another year came woah woah woah
I'm freaking out
I got hives
I got major major hives all over!

I like to party!

I'm turning against my readers! You guys are a BUNCH OF HO'S

now git.