Anyway. It feels so ... peaceful. The areas that were once not put away are now put away.
And I started exercising again. Hope I don't stop. I want a slammin rock hard ass and body. Assbody.
art by evah fan
FRIENDS MAKING ME THINK:
I'm curious to know your opinion - as a woman - as to why men pay for sex with hookers when sex from their partners is available...
Hmm. Well, I think it varies for each situation. I think the person is genuinely not sexually satisfied in some way- he greatly wants something he isn't getting, whether its a fetish, new pussy, a feeling of power (I think that's a common reason), a thrill ... Maybe he feels he needs more sex, or at that moment, and a woman isn't available.
But I will say I can't begin to understand longterm monogamy or what that is like. I have been satisfied and in love for a year or a couple years- and I would say in those relationships, to be with someone else means something is wrong with the relationship in some way - but I don't know if that's true after a couple has been together for over 10 years. I don't know what that's like or what anything means over so much time.
I also think there's something undeniably exciting (for a man) about exchanging money (inanimate, abstract) and seeing a woman undress and make herself available, sexually. It's such a loaded exchange (in terms of power), on both sides. Rarely in daily life are human interactions so formalized, the roles so well-defined.
I think my excitement around it (on the few times I've done it) is fascination with that aspect...
- From my friend
So you get off on the power and exchange - it objectifies the act a great deal. It's becoming a commodity and you are stripping away the intimacy/human connection. It's got nothing to do with love at this point at all. If a couple were to role play this way, part of the excitement would be to make the act about sex only - sex without love, without even the human interaction needed to create a one night stand.
I do understand that there is something specific about the experience, and that some men might desire it. There's a lot to be learn in the act of sex and the different ways it can happen.
But some people desire certain aspects of sex more or less. Some men might feel sleazy paying for sex and not get off on it. Some men might be into it.
You must enjoy the power play and the objectification of the act. If you do it more than once, perhaps you fetishize those feelings. I understand why you like it. But people like many things that are bad for them. I'd say paying for sex might be bad for your heart and your soul ... maybe not. It depends what you care about and who you want to be in life.
SEARCHING FOR MEANING AMOUNTS TO A DESIRE FOR COMPASSION?
I was having a conversation with a friend today about how much I struggle to find meaning in all that happens in life - because, especially when life can be cold or painful - without meaning - the pointlessness of life's colder moments - makes me want to puke and die and all of that.
When life seems meaningless, it just seems like the higher powers are being smug and making you feel powerless - like no matter how much you try to do everything right, you can still fail.
And he asked me - what do you want?
Meaning, if I had that power. And so then I realized what I want.
me: why must life remind you of your powerlessness? that no matter how hard you work to do everything right in life you still may not be able to get what you want?
Him: do you really want that much power
with power comes responsibility
me: its just an arrogant god
Him: what is it that you want?
me: a kinder more compassionate world
Christian Bale got all super crazy skinny for the Machinist.
The Machinist was so haunting that I almost couldn't watch it. And then I read Ebert's review, which contained a paragraph, also haunting, and unusual from a film review.
We get up in the morning in possession of certain assumptions through which all of our experiences must filter. We cannot be rid of those assumptions, although an evolved person can at least try to take them into account. Most people never question their assumptions, and so reality exists for them as they think it does, whether it does or not. Some assumptions are necessary to make life bearable, such as the assumption that we will not die in the next 10 minutes. Others may lead us, as they lead Trevor, into a bleak solitude. Near the end of the movie, we understand him when he simply says, "I just want to sleep."
And just because: a much more fun Bale Photo:
This Terminator 2 Swede is a hilarious retake on my favorite movie for a Be Kind Rewind competition. Seriously.
Last night Michael Showalter and TJ Miller stopped in as last minute performers on Street Meat. They were amazing. All of our performers were. And the crowd was packed - but Adam and me had weaker banter, and the energy in the crowd was less warm than usual. Still, I love that show, and it picked up as it went along.
Here's a nice one from Team Sleep, same frontman as Deftones: