Friday, May 30, 2008

Dude, there's this crazy hot prince from sweden


They made a ranking of the top hot royals and most of them are kinda eh.
see here

But there's this guy from Sweden named Prince Carl Philip, Duke of Värmland and he's crazy hot - ranked at number 10!

Hey! I'm a direct descendant of French royalty! It's true. My family wuz dukes and duchesses in France and they fled to Holland cause they were exiled Huguenots We still have the family crest somewhere at my uncle's house. So, am I eligible? I want to wear a cinderella dress and cause a trouble in a palace and challenge the old fashioned, yet loveable establishment. Please?! I want to teach him commoner things like pounding beers and lighting stuff on fire.

Mr Prince Duke of Värmland, I can't believe you even exist, it's just kinda weird for really hot princes to be real people. Prove you are real. Show me your wiener and THEN I'll believe you.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

New Video Alert: Something with Spike and Tape and the Streets of W'Burg

spike all covered in tape

Spike may have been eliminated from Top Chef last night, but what does he care? He gets to have his crotch covered in masking tape over the weekend! Yeah! That's what life is about.

And I mean it. Here I am. The year is 1999. It is fall of my freshman year in College. This is the hallway of my dorm. I am taped up. The sign says "Gimmie Money." And I was happy then.



New video coming soon.

Oh Yeah? Well you and your parents can go fuck yourselves.

- said by another student in a scene during improv class yesterday. His scenepartner was pretending to be his girlfriend and she and her folks were ashamed of his job. It's still making me laugh.

Had to be there? You tell me.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I have this same memory at 8 years old
10 years old
16 years old
today

I am standing there
eyes wide
breath silent
and I am still
and I am scared
and cautious

and I am thinking
"shit! oh no! oh no! oh no..."
looking blankly
anticipating

anticipating bad news
my punishment

i have done something wrong
i was bad
i got caught

mischief
pervert

i didn't mean to upset anybody
just trying to have fun
can I make it better?

guilty
but i'm going to do it again
when you are not looking

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Hey! I did a voice over.

Hey there, I did a tiny lil voice over on mc chris' new comedy/rap CD. It's currently the number 9 top selling hip-hip album on iTunes OOOOH COOOOL.

Check out mc chris's new cd here.

I am one of the guest voices along with Andrew WK and some of the talented talents from UCB theatre like Curtis and John - speaking of which I make my "Fat Guy Stuck in Internet" tiny Cameo as Hard Drive Honeys' cover girl on [adult swim] on Sunday Night, June 16th! I made some video promos for the show that might air or go on the show's website. Sam Brown from the Whitest Kids U Know was my co-star in those videos and he is super funny in them too. Stay tuned for more!

NEAT.

Shot two more videos that are being edited right now, so excited to share them with you!
Seriously. This kind of stuff is my joy.

Friday, May 23, 2008

various imagination stimulants

Aw boo. Now I believe that Chase Crawford is gay. He plays straight very well though! I don't like when people are in the closet. Double boo.

Fendi Chainsaws and Dior Machine Guns

Want.

Beautiful things are in here. Is worth your exploration.

LES in DANGER. It's me and my friend's fault. Possibly. ROOF PARTY!

Choco bacon. I would try and probably like, and if you don't know that I would, you don't know me.

Logo humor! This is the sort of thing designers like.

Photos of TV!

(this one gets better, check out the link!)

Oh Andrea with the emo links, thanks girl, everybunny hurts.

Plantlife - Autolux


this just makes me feel like doing
that which i don't know much about

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

when i was little at the childhood birthday parties

it used to piss me off so bad when clowns would mispronounce "scissors" as "sKissors" in their act
why did that do that???
i get so angry just thinking about it

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

This Kennedy News Be Full of Sad



So, I interned for Senator Kennedy when I was a freshman in College. There was always an air of sadness. There's many rooms to his office. Congressional offices are divided between a couple buildings that sit next to the Capitol building. Kennedy has been around a long time so his rooms are lived in, and he's got a bunch of them. The sadness I mention is because there are relics from his family and from his life. You realize how damn real his whole deal is when you see pictures of JFK and RFK, these murdered members of his family. His reality was overwhelming.

I have great respect for Senator Kennedy. He was smart, warm, and weathered. He had a kindness and was extremely sharp. He always did his homework and kept up with everything that was going on. He was like an old grampa you could ask any question and he would know the answer.

He's not perfect. He's got countless skeletons in the closet. But I really like him. His legacy is human and historic.

ladies love their skinny jeans

I have a lot of really important things to tell you all about.
Today when I was eating my watermellon cubes I noticed a tiny piece of broccoli flowerette in there. That doesn't go in there! I growled at it The growl was gutteral, raw, and real. I think that was my motherly protective instincts. I guess I should start having babies. I'm going to be 27 in a couple weeks! It's probably a good idea for me to start my prenatal vitamins now.

I started cleaning out my closet last night of undesirables - just like Eminem but no murder fantasies! I FIT IN MY SKINNY JEANS! Ladies Love Their Skinny Jeans. Skinny Jeans are jeans that a lady fits in at her most skinniest. They sit in the closet collecting dust, not being thrown out because that means you've given up hope on getting back in those pants. I've been exercising regularly for the first time in years, and trying to eat super healthy so that's why they are back.


I remember buying these jeans. I had just lost 30 pounds and the year was 2004. The weight loss was from post-breakup post-not-returning-to-law-school depression. I had 30 pounds to lose cause it was after 4 years of college, and one year of law school - the most sedentary slothy year of my life. I sat around and read books and made carby home made dinners with my 6'5" hungryman boyfriend. I'm 5'6" and was at 145. So anyways, when I lost the weight I didn't realize how dramatic it was, but was curious about trying on new pants. I went from size 10 pants to these jeans that are on me right now! Size 3 Levis. I love these levis. They are probably stretched a little from wear. But they are on me. OMG SKINNY JEANS. I JUST WANNA WATCH THAT SEX N THE CITY MOVIE I AM GONNA BUST A NUT IF I CANT WATCH THAT MOVIE SOON. CARRIE, SHOES RAWRAWR. THEY ARE TEH AWESEOM FANCY SLUTS Uff If only what really happens in the movie is they all get rabies and stab each other and eat each other's fleshes. In cute outfits, natch ...

Speaking of me being a total fag about stuff, I am rocking out to the most amazing suckfest ever. At work we get some free cds from labels. And I got my hands on the 2 disc BUZZ BALADS! Including all this bullshitty stuff that was always on the radio in high school. But I don't drive anymore or listen to the radio! So now it's a nice treat. Right now it's Toad the Wet Sprocket. Next is 3EB and Verve Pipe. I AM ENJOY FOR IT.

Monday, May 19, 2008

you're watching this

this

why?
because it's a furry stuffed animal man giving a sexy striptease set to aphex twin
that's why

thanks C.D.
;)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

the kids! on the youtube! they liked this video

heyall

check out the honors for my gossip girl video - woooeee!
i suppose i am most in tune with what south korea wants.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Gossip Girl Comedy Spoof Video



xoxo
Written/Directed by Heather Fink

Cast:
Dan - Doug Mand
Serena - Heather Fink
Nate - Adam Good
Blair - Sara Benincasa

Crew:
Camera - Paul Rondeau
Editor - Ed Mundy
Producer - Ben Joseph

PAs - Frank Hejl
Evan Silverstein
Stephen Fagen
Hair/Makeup - Shawna Greenleaf
Location - The Happy Corp

NOTE - THIS VIDEO HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM YOUTUBE :(

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

five is alive


2 evidences that 5 is alive

1) Giant Mechanical Nutsack

2) What's better?
- MTV's Liquid Television
- Adult Swim

I'm asking.

3) urban outfitters commercial with song by M83 "We Own the Sky"



I like this. It sounds nice. It looks nice.

4)

Chanson d'Automne by Verlaine

Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l'automne
Blessent mon cœur
D'une langueur
Monotone.

Tout suffocant
Et blême, quand
Sonne l'heure,
Je me souviens
Des jours anciens
Et je pleure;

Et je m'en vais
Au vent mauvais
Qui m'emporte
Deçà, delà,
Pareil à la
Feuille morte.
Listen

TRANSLATION:

Autumn Song

The long tears
Of Autumn's
Violins
Wound my heart
With a monotonous
lethargy.

All suffocating
And pale when
The hour strikes,
I remember
The old days
And I cry…

And I am going away
On an ill wind
That carries me
Here, there,
Just like a
Dead leaf.

5)

The first song is a great Sonic Youth cover. The second references exhibit 4.

No Country For Old Men

I finally saw this beautiful movie last night, and I didn't love it.


Good:
I was so impressed by the dialogue - really understanding how a cowboy talks, saying stuff like "any swinging dick." The ordinary words these otherwise ordinary characters are using are ballsier and always interesting.

Brolin did a great job. Oscar snub indeed.

Visually, No Country For Old Men showed stunningly gorgeous openness, the earth, the men, all the natural colors. Dirt and road became absolute art.

I loved these men.

The Coen brothers' greatest skill is taking you into another world of people. They did that well.

Bad:
What I didn't love was the reluctance to cut. Tommy Lee's monologues were central to meaning - but at moments they just sucked to listen to and follow. We could get the idea, feeling and meaning from more of the silence - and visually the message was consistent throughout. These meandering moments were boring, and took away from the overall intensity of the picture. Should have been tighter. They softened the impact where the body of work was gripping for the most part.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

fame for nothing is not for me

I'm not famous
YET WOOT WOOT
uh ... yeah
but I feel a little more exposed lately
in a bad way
and it makes me feel really uncomfortable
no matter if it comes off well or not
and so just that taste of attention being paid to myself publicly
is quite enough to know it tastes nasty like sweaty balls nasty


I really want to be a successful comedian. I want as much motherfreakin exposure as possible for my comedy. I want my work out there. I want it to be seen. I want more opportunities to share it. So in that way YES YES OMG LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.

And one thing I've always liked in blogging and any other public endeavor is that I connect with people. I do get emails from strangers and friends regularly who connect with the words that I'm putting out there and so it seems like I'm doing something worth while.

But really, after last night - I do feel like I've overshared. I am getting on that stage again, sure. Many more times. But I'm not offering something so personal as to be up there with someone I once dated. It made a good show. The audience loved it. It was a worthwhile learning experience. But I'm not into that. I'd like to take some spotlight off me. I prefer it to be about other stuff.

Reality TV fame is a little gross. Though I admit - part of me would consider whoring my private life so that I could generate interest and exposure for my comedy - BUT I'd like to say I won't. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like getting attention for personal things in my life. The only reason I waiver is because I have an unhealthy obsession with seeing my dreams become reality.

And I'm sick of idiots getting the opportunity to voice their perspective on tv all the time. I'd like the opportunity to be saying something different on that there television. SOMETHING ACTUALLY REAL. You know, if anything is actually real or whatever, WHO EVEN KNOWS?! Time to go cut and bleed the pain away ... like always lol xoxo wuts so bad about being a cutter, IDK?! HEY I'M OUT OF ONION DIP. FUCK.


an audience member's cameraphone picture of me on stage with the jankster last night

Monday, May 12, 2008

tonight!


come to Cake Shop at 8pm!
152 Ludlow St btwn Rivington/Stanton
the stage is downstairs
Hosted by Adam Newman and Heather Fink

w/ Special guests

COMEDIANS:
Brett Gelman (Little Bit of Luck, Human Giant, Cracked Out)
Luke Cunningham (The Colbert Report, Caroline's on Broadway)
Esther Ku (NBC, The Comedy Store)
Rick Shapiro (HBO's Lucky Louie, Edinburgh Festival)

GOSSIPED ABOUT:
Paul Janka - my "co-star" on the Dr Phil Show, also seen recently on the Today Show, Tyra, Gawker, and all over the damn internets.

BAND: The Naked Hearts


And at 10:30 PM Cake Shop continues with a special showing of Cavalcade! w/special guests Mike Birbiglia, Kurt Braunohler, Hannibal Buress, and Kristin Schaal!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

today was a good day

a long one
and it's been an exhausting couple days
but now i'm feeling alright

even though a lot had to get done today
and even though i got pooped on the head by a bird,
i feel pretty nice right now
sitting on the couch with my laptop
haven't bothered to turn on the light in my apartment
it's quiet and still aside from the blinky green lights on my wireless router

i see that gawker posted about dr phil and my show on monday
and i see a weirdly mean commenter "traceyflick" says
See...that;s funny. When I meet a sociopath? I just, like, never talk to him again. Kinda hard to buy the whole "I didn't suck him off" BS when you're inviting him to your little shows, Heather.

Either cop to the truth or maybe don't use a sociopath as a way to get PR to your event. Just a suggestion.

and I want to respond, because I don't really have the self control not to
and because I can
and maybe there's still things that are confusing about the story. after all it's only bits and pieces.


paul on the today show

Paul Janka is not a sociopath. He is a man who is saying heinous things for one reason or the other. Perhaps he was bored with being an investment banker and wanted a more interesting life. Perhaps he feels he has a unique perspective - and he does. I do believe he says certain things just to get a rise out of people and get attention, and it is not a reflection of what he really thinks.

Much of what Paul says and has done repulses me, especially as a woman, and especially as a feminist. But - he isn't all bad. He is smart. He does respect you because he is honest and up front about his dirty ways. That doesn't change what he does or make it ok - but at least he has the balls to be honest about who he is, and he deserves credit for that.

Believe me, I've given Paul shit - but I don't hate him. He does need to be put in his place, and he does need to know that his moves won't work on everyone, and that he can't have every woman - yes. But sometimes we need to think about the bullshit a man like Paul says, because it challenges our ideals and makes us think.

I would have slept with Paul that night. After months of getting to know each other I was ready to sleep with him based on the person I got to know AND NOT based on any silly womanizing tactics. But that night when he answered the door jerking off like a sleazeball, he threw away months of me getting to like the womanizing monster for the good that's inside him. It's sad that it turned out that way. I never "sucked him off" because after knowing how many women he'd been with, it's not exactly an appealing option.

I didn't go home that night either because at the time I lived in Hoboken. Paul isn't such a monster that I felt in danger by sleeping there. I wasn't going to ride the PATH home by myself, drunk at 3 am. I ducked out of there when the sun came up, and stopped speaking to him - seeing him for the first time in 2 years on the Dr Phil show.

Sorry but Paul isn't all bad as much as you'd like to demonize him. He is outrageous though, and does need to be put in check for all the shit he pulls. I would still never sleep with him though because his situation is too convoluted for me to be attracted anymore. We do have a chemistry, and I think it's a shame that he is the way he is. But I can't change that, and I have no desire to.

Today Paul and I are just friends. Sometimes, we email.

at the gossip girl summit last night

Sara Benincasa did a top notch job pulling together the gossip girl summit last night, which was a really silly event. It was really odd, yet wonderfully energizing and positive, to be in front of a big audience whose only wish was to revel in a specific bit of pop culture. There was something so innocent and charming about it.





Photos by Maryanne Ventrice
More photos from the summit here

Friday, May 09, 2008

woah that genius man totally gave me a semi

so ... i have a thing for scientist geniuses and mathematicians and techy nerds
and i find it SO HOT
that this guy is going to test Einstein's theories about the way the universe works at Switzerland's Large Hadron Collider.

droool
Nima Arkani-Hamed, u got a myspace?
LET'S BE INTERFRIENDS
u can describe to me about split supersymmetry pls thx
ok bye

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Time Out NY's Joke of the Week

Pick up a copy on newsstands and see this (I mean see me, by 'see this' I mean that I link to an article from Time Out NY that's the joke of the week and I'm there because it's me saying that).

----
follow up:
Ok, I didn't realize they were gonna pick the racially insensitive joke, yikes! But to clarify my intent of the joke "I have a dream. That some day white people have a day off work." I mean that isn't it pretty silly how the meaning of MLK to many white Americans is simply a day off work? And how for all of MLK's hard work for the advancement of black people, now white people get a reward? Get it? Eh?

And here she is: the Dr Phil clip.

from "Male Egos Out of Control" on Dr Phil May 7th w/ Paul Janka and John Fitzgerald; with my clarifications over their SILLY CENSORS!



If you watch this you might think I have a lot of sass, a lot of attitude, and that I too am a pompous ass.

Maybe I am, at least a little.
I'm attracted to the idea of being as tough as, if not tougher, than the boys, and I do like putting them in their place.
Here I think my lady testosterone kicked in. I was on the defensive. It was a hyper, surreal environment. There were lights and cameras and flash.

So, there you go. I think it makes for good television. It's kinda funny and all of that.
Does it make me wince?
Yes.

I'm uncomfortable, but this is fun. I see that.
And honestly, this whole to-do was worthless if it didn't garner some attention. Watch my comedy videos! Come to my comedy shows! (After all, Paul will be at Monday's Street Meat show, oh wow here's a link. http://going.com/StreetMeatMay12)
Please thank you bye.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

New Video: Think Different



Behavioral conventions, lol.

Written/Directed by Heather Fink
Featuring Kevin Allison as Mr. Anderson
with Rob Lathan, Ed Mundy, Dan Fontaine, Julia Segal, and Heather Fink.

Producer: Ben Joseph; Camera: Paul Rondeau; Editor: Ed Mundy
PAs: Evan Silverstein, Stephen Fagen

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

The Bromance

I am a huge fan of Bromantic bromance.
A growing behavioral trend in comedy and youths is the general warmth and adorable lovingness between dudes. This is a great thing. It's funny, playful, and a sign of the times. That men are more able to joke around about loving each other, the less homophobic society is. Yes, dudes can love other dudes. It's also forward thinking when it comes to gender relations. It's a sign that men aren't threatened or put off by typically feminine behaviors. They are embracing themselves as whole human beings, without being weighed down by archaic ideas about what a man is supposed to be.

There's something innately great about men acting like huggable teddy bears, and being dudes at the same time. It's just 100 percent great.

So congratulations boys for getting over stupid hangups about "OMG CAN'T BE PLAYFUL AND HUGGABLE WITH MY BROs, PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M BEING GAY!" I am proud of you.

Some excellent examples of Bromance in Comedy:

1) Olde English's newest music video, sung by the delightful Adam Conover


2) All of Judd Apatow's movies.

3) Dan Gregor and Doug Mand's show at UCB theatre: Banging My Dick Against a Wall, and video that is incorporated into the show


4) The guys at my work. They frequently joke around about "meeting each other in the bathroom." In fact, here is an IM conversation between two gentlemen that sit next to me. Both happen to be hetros:
Dude #1: Hi there buddy
What color Underwear are you wearing man?
Dude #2: whats up buddy
im not wearing any

Gotta love the bromance.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Ballbusting College Humor: A Follow Up

I got my panties in a really big bunch over Streeter's article on behalf of College Humor in the NY Times that said "male comedy translates better online."

After talking to Streeter, I still don't like it, but I do take back my "fuck you."
Why?
Streeter's intent wasn't harm or to be anti-women's comedy.
He explained that he was referring to a term he had seen used elsewhere to refer to comedy involving "male themes" and bro humor. His belief is that bro humor translates better online. (I dunno if that's true by looking at youtube's most viewed videos of all time, which are not bro humor.)
Streeter makes a valid observation regardless of the youtube.

Once again, I STILL don't like the term "male comedy" and I don't think it's harmless regardless of intent. I do not think Streeter is an asshole though. He sees certain types of joking around to be uniquely male, and as a girl who crushes beer cans on her head - like many goofy womankind out there - I don't see what is termed "bro humor" as a male thing. I can't expect people to understand this as it's not a commonly shared viewpoint.


It's very very very important to me not to just let people talk smack - or use negative connotations - about women and their creative potentials - and relatedly, their potential to be fun and awesome.

To me, the most imporant next step in the women's movement, is for women to actually be liked, looked forward to, enjoyed, and thought of as fun - not just as sex objects.

Because who really wants to hang out with a bunch of chicks? Who really wants to see a woman perform comedy? Who really thinks women do cool stuff? Who really wants a woman boss?

Yeah, many people think those things. There's a lot that needs to change and I will do what I can to see it happen.

RELATED:
Eliza Skinner, "If this is It"

New NIN album

Free!

So far I like it better than his last 3 albums, but not more than any of his work before the year 2000.

Ticket pre-sale Weds! Who wants see em rock the meadowlands?

Sunday, May 04, 2008

We shot a comedy spoof video of Gossip Girl this weekend!

It was lots of fun. Here you see:
Doug Mand as Dan Humphrey
Me as Serena Van Der Woodsen
Adam Good as Nate Archibald
and
Sara Benincasa as Blair Waldorf

bad ass

xoxo

We pose for mah new Gossip Girl Spoof Video

Extra thank you to:
Ben Joseph for producing, The Happy Corp for location, Paul Rondeau for camera, Shawna Greenleaf for Hair and Makeup, and Evan Silverstein, Frank Hejl, and Stephen Fagen for PAing. All of these people are of high quality. Including the talented Ed Mundy, who shall edit. Click their names to check out their work!

UPDATE - here it is!

Friday, May 02, 2008

you look like you need a good song

here have this one
"Palimend" Benoit Pioulard

Dolly Parton at Radio City last night!

She was incredible!

Seriously. That woman is full of joy. The entire place was just beeming with cheesy fun and positive energy. That was by far one of the awesomest shows I've seen. I'm not even all that into country but I love Dolly. She is pure fun and a total delight. When an entire crowd erupts in excitement over a classic spiritual like "when the saints go marching" and Dolly puts her spin on it - it's this crazy innocent feeling of excitement. Her music is just traditional, solid, well written American goodness. And her VOICE! It's like she's 16 years old. Amazing.


Dolly Parton 051
Originally uploaded by prepboy54


She's all glitz and flash, and all of her instruments were white with rhinestones. She talked a lot with that loveable personality and just made everybody laugh. So uplifting! This woman could sing or say anything and be damn delightful.

It was nice to let go in that crowd, let me self get off my snobby New Yorker hipstery high horse and be a total cheesy dork. Really, it can be totally freeing to wave your hands up about some song about Jesus. But her love songs are what are really great.

Dolly Parton rules and if you don't realize that, you are missing out!

about that dr phil thing

I can't say much, but here's some basic answers to some basic questions about the doctor phil thing:
- I had not seen Paul in 2 years before seeing him on the show
- We have made friends and he will be a guest on my comedy show Street Meat on Monday May 12th, 8pm at Cake Shop; 152 Ludlow St
- The dr phil show found me on the internet after hearing about me from Paul. Every tv show extensively interviews guests before having them appear on shows. He didn't realize they would contact me
- It's all true
- No I actually never did end up on his spreadsheet
- Use of strong language and "telling it like it is" with sass and attitude were encouraged
- Paul was not the only guy with an "out of control" male ego that was featured on the show. I may have been sassin on someone else ...
- Watch the show to find out what did happen!
May 7th at 3pm on CBS "Men With Out Of Control Egos"


see the clip here

Thursday, May 01, 2008

hawaii time

OOOH
Here's my visuals from Maui

pictures rather than words
enjoy :)

the whole time I thought about this clip from crank yankers (its the right audio but not the video):