Tuesday, May 13, 2008

fame for nothing is not for me

I'm not famous
uh ... yeah
but I feel a little more exposed lately
in a bad way
and it makes me feel really uncomfortable
no matter if it comes off well or not
and so just that taste of attention being paid to myself publicly
is quite enough to know it tastes nasty like sweaty balls nasty

I really want to be a successful comedian. I want as much motherfreakin exposure as possible for my comedy. I want my work out there. I want it to be seen. I want more opportunities to share it. So in that way YES YES OMG LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.

And one thing I've always liked in blogging and any other public endeavor is that I connect with people. I do get emails from strangers and friends regularly who connect with the words that I'm putting out there and so it seems like I'm doing something worth while.

But really, after last night - I do feel like I've overshared. I am getting on that stage again, sure. Many more times. But I'm not offering something so personal as to be up there with someone I once dated. It made a good show. The audience loved it. It was a worthwhile learning experience. But I'm not into that. I'd like to take some spotlight off me. I prefer it to be about other stuff.

Reality TV fame is a little gross. Though I admit - part of me would consider whoring my private life so that I could generate interest and exposure for my comedy - BUT I'd like to say I won't. I've come to the conclusion that I don't like getting attention for personal things in my life. The only reason I waiver is because I have an unhealthy obsession with seeing my dreams become reality.

And I'm sick of idiots getting the opportunity to voice their perspective on tv all the time. I'd like the opportunity to be saying something different on that there television. SOMETHING ACTUALLY REAL. You know, if anything is actually real or whatever, WHO EVEN KNOWS?! Time to go cut and bleed the pain away ... like always lol xoxo wuts so bad about being a cutter, IDK?! HEY I'M OUT OF ONION DIP. FUCK.

an audience member's cameraphone picture of me on stage with the jankster last night

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