Saturday, May 10, 2008

today was a good day

a long one
and it's been an exhausting couple days
but now i'm feeling alright

even though a lot had to get done today
and even though i got pooped on the head by a bird,
i feel pretty nice right now
sitting on the couch with my laptop
haven't bothered to turn on the light in my apartment
it's quiet and still aside from the blinky green lights on my wireless router

i see that gawker posted about dr phil and my show on monday
and i see a weirdly mean commenter "traceyflick" says
See...that;s funny. When I meet a sociopath? I just, like, never talk to him again. Kinda hard to buy the whole "I didn't suck him off" BS when you're inviting him to your little shows, Heather.

Either cop to the truth or maybe don't use a sociopath as a way to get PR to your event. Just a suggestion.

and I want to respond, because I don't really have the self control not to
and because I can
and maybe there's still things that are confusing about the story. after all it's only bits and pieces.


paul on the today show

Paul Janka is not a sociopath. He is a man who is saying heinous things for one reason or the other. Perhaps he was bored with being an investment banker and wanted a more interesting life. Perhaps he feels he has a unique perspective - and he does. I do believe he says certain things just to get a rise out of people and get attention, and it is not a reflection of what he really thinks.

Much of what Paul says and has done repulses me, especially as a woman, and especially as a feminist. But - he isn't all bad. He is smart. He does respect you because he is honest and up front about his dirty ways. That doesn't change what he does or make it ok - but at least he has the balls to be honest about who he is, and he deserves credit for that.

Believe me, I've given Paul shit - but I don't hate him. He does need to be put in his place, and he does need to know that his moves won't work on everyone, and that he can't have every woman - yes. But sometimes we need to think about the bullshit a man like Paul says, because it challenges our ideals and makes us think.

I would have slept with Paul that night. After months of getting to know each other I was ready to sleep with him based on the person I got to know AND NOT based on any silly womanizing tactics. But that night when he answered the door jerking off like a sleazeball, he threw away months of me getting to like the womanizing monster for the good that's inside him. It's sad that it turned out that way. I never "sucked him off" because after knowing how many women he'd been with, it's not exactly an appealing option.

I didn't go home that night either because at the time I lived in Hoboken. Paul isn't such a monster that I felt in danger by sleeping there. I wasn't going to ride the PATH home by myself, drunk at 3 am. I ducked out of there when the sun came up, and stopped speaking to him - seeing him for the first time in 2 years on the Dr Phil show.

Sorry but Paul isn't all bad as much as you'd like to demonize him. He is outrageous though, and does need to be put in check for all the shit he pulls. I would still never sleep with him though because his situation is too convoluted for me to be attracted anymore. We do have a chemistry, and I think it's a shame that he is the way he is. But I can't change that, and I have no desire to.

Today Paul and I are just friends. Sometimes, we email.

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