Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Beautiful Things Have Come For You

Photos from Lorie Novak's Projected Vision

The Barbeque, 1983

My Mother, 1984

Family, 1990

Quotes from Jean Chretien, 20th prime minister of Canada:
"It's like the story of the Hippo and the Zerba. That Hippo, he paint the stripe on him to look like the Zerba. But at the end of that day he still a Hippo."
* In response to the Canadian Alliance, and Progressive Conservatives creating one party.

"I don't know what is marijuana. Perhaps I will try it when it will no longer be criminal. I will have my money for my fine and a joint in the other hand,"
* A quote made jokingly in an interview with the Winnipeg Free Press.

"I don't know. A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof, and when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."
* When discussing what type of proof Canadians wanted from the US before assisting in a war with Iraq. This is considered one of Chretien's most memorable quotes.

Ok now a thing of lovely disturbtion is coming:

The Art of Alex Sandwell Kliszynski.

Monday, July 28, 2008

I am a Brunello

at 17 In a wine shop in Montalcino
the woman told us about the wine that sells for 500 dollars a bottle in new york city restaurants that is the finest red wine in all of italy and only a couple hundred bottles are made each year
the brunello
and it has a story
and women are like wine
even box wine is drinkable
and so i bet he can get his chubby chubby
from the Franzia in the fridge
but i am the brunello
isn't that right?
i would not be so cheap and hollywood as the bottle of dom
but the refined rare amazing wonderful thing, right?
yes I am the brunello
that is what i have to tell myself
have to
so that i can pretend away jealousy
and pretend away fear
because oh my god i am all that, girl.
with the pretty in the mirror
and the makes you laugh
and the things i did to impress you
and have you seen my funny pictures?
oh yes I can do everything
and sing
I am the brunello
oh yes yes GURL you know it
and every man knows how to treat me right
like the fine wine i am
and i have all that i will ever deserve
while i am at it
tell myself
my tits are perfect

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Story of How the Ice Cream Eating Shirt Came To Be

oh no my ice cream cone exploded on me

you know what, i'll just wipe my hands right up on my shirt!

the shirt is experiencing transitions

beauty emerges

Friday, July 25, 2008

Pineapple Express

I got to see a special preview of Pineapple Express last night with the director, David Gordon Green, who also directed the amazing "All The Real Girls."

It was fantastic. Apatow produced, and written by Seth Rogan and Evan Goldberg - choosing David Gordon Green as a director is an interesting choice. He directs heartfelt indie dramas. It was a perfect perspective to add to comedy.

Anyhow about the movie - this is a movie about friendships. Fun friendships. It's not really about pot so much as it shows how fun and important the bond is between people - whether it's our stars, the bad guys, or a drug lord and his cop girlfriend - it's all about how fucking awesome buddies are. And not just any buddies - the buddies you can really get into some shit with.

The jokes are fantastic - the acting is phenomenally natural from the whole cast. God I love James Franco. The combination of suspense and violence in the movie had me at the edge of my seat leaving me completely vulnerable and submissive to all of their amazing jokes. They took everything far and went all out - but they didn't just do all these gross out jokes. There was some grossness but it wasn't that cheap Ben Stiller shit we've been accustomed to seeing.




My Favorite Comedy Movies of All Time (in no order):
Wet Hot American Summer
Pineapple Express
Old School
Knocked Up
40 Year Old Virgin
The Jerk
Annie Hall
Office Space
Billy Madison/Happy Gillmore (same movie)
Wayne's World
Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Thursday, July 24, 2008

that little bitch rihanna

and her songs
i work for the ringtones and so i hear all the hits that make the kids go crazy
and that little rihanna
man she's a firecracker
and her hitpower cannot be denied
stuck in my head
and i'm listening to it on purpose
wait a second
am i caring what other people think?
probably maybe
but i'm generally put off by over processed things
ya know
i want to be able to hear the artist
the rawness of that artist
pop music can make you laugh and smile
but it can't make you connect to its maker

baby one more time is actually lyrically quite intelligent
but its singer glosses over it
and so you feel nothing but bubble gum and knee socks

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Tomorrow Weds July 23rd
@ Rififi 332 E 11th St
Standup @ Gelmania w/ Andy Blitz, Todd Barry, Jim Gaffigan and maybe Judah Friedlander from 30 Rock ...

Monday, July 21, 2008

today i was feeling full of pain
i think it was hormones
that's ok because
hurt is the self reminding you that you exist
you can't escape it after all
and then in the glimmering hateful reality
emerged a fountain of ideas

and so today i wrote the most new standup all at once than i've written in almost a year
there lives a sillyness at the bottom of all little deaths

oh and have you heard about the cakefarts? they exist if you google them

Thursday, July 17, 2008

The new Watchmen Trailer: Spectacular

If you don't understand how this is going to be different from other fancy comic book movies, I'll tell you - it's in the writing.

Example - here's some quotes from the book.
Rorschach: Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It’s us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world.

Dr. Malcolm Long: I looked at the Rorschach blot. I tried to pretend it looked like a spreading tree, shadows pooled beneath it, but it didn’t. It looked more like a dead cat I once found, the fat, glistening grubs writhing blindly, squirming over each other, frantically tunneling away from the light. But even that is avoiding the real horror. The horror is this: In the end, it is simply a picture of empty meaningless blackness. We are alone. There is nothing else.

Laurie Juspeczyk: But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!.
Dr. Manhattan: Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away. Come...dry your eyes. For you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

they poisoned me at work today

there was a delicious bowl of cherries
they were sprayed with the keyboard cleaner spray
it tasted like i think pvc piping would if it was a mist
enough of these pranks!

i am sorry i lied to the it guy yesterday about there being stuff smashed the computer and keys ripped off

such unprofessionalism shouldnt be tolerated

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

fixing the internet

Internet Positives:
- Learning and discovery
- Advancement of culture
- Very free speech
- Empowering to the masses
- Encourages new forms of creative expression
- Forum for connections
- Instant access to answers
- Time saving and efficient, solves many logistical problems
- Easy to track, record, and save information

Internet Negatives:
- Ambiguity
- Ability to highlight mistakes and human flaw
- Disconnect of meaning and intention from action
- Increased visibility, decreased privacy
- Sometimes too powerful and too permanent, too available during moments of impulse, once fed to the internet, they live forever
- Obsessive behavior - feeds a hunger for constant change and updating of information
- Enables abuse for criminal or harmful means
- Depersonalizing
- Annoyance, Interference, and Interruption from internet, blackberries, etc
- Massive variety and infinite availability of data and content creates a fuzzy, distracted mind
- Information about others readily available
- Information easily winds up in the wrong hands
- Too much surveillance

What could be done to maximize the positives and minimize the negatives?
Where can we hide and how can we hide when we really ought to?

this is worth reading

In its entirety
take a nice moment for it

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Unbreakable Umbrella Goes Everywhere

Picture 36

Last Show of the Summer!

(last show of summer - back in September)
Character Comedy Show
Hosted by Heather Fink and Adam Newman
Cake Shop, 152 Ludlow St
8pm - FREE
Monday July 14th

with these great character performers:
- Chris Gethard (UCB, Conan, Weird NJ)
- DC Pierson (of Derrick Comedy!)
- Ann Carr (UCB, ECNY Nominee)
- Rob O Reilly (Live at Gotham)
- Sean O Connor (Tyra Banks Show)

Cheap beers and great funtimes. Hope to see you there.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Fond New Jersey Memories from Childhood: Action Park

Action Park was a scary waterpark designed for thrillseeker types in the ski resort area of Jersey. There were many absurd and unsafe rides and the danger was all a part of the fun. We loved to go and it was my favorite amusement park.

From the Action Park Wikipedia:

Its popularity went hand in hand with a reputation for poorly-designed, unsafe rides; inattentive, underaged, underpaid and sometimes under-the-influence employees[2]; equally intoxicated and underprepared visitors — and the poor safety record that followed from this perfect storm of circumstances. At least six people are known to have died as a result of mishaps on rides at the park, and it was nicknamed "Traction Park",[3] "Accident Park",[4] "Class Action Park", "Danger Park" and "Death Park" by doctors at nearby hospitals due to the number of severely injured parkgoers they treated.

And I found this comment on a youtube commercial for the park:
I almost drowned at Action Park in the 80's, I was 8 and my sweet life almost came to an end in that crazy F*CKING wave pool... when I woke up in the hospital ER I was surrounded my a ton of people... the lifeguard was high on coke which was found out later that week by police but then again, everyone int he 80's was i guess...my fear of water never changed after that...

We always left with scraped ankles. I remember that. I also remember feeling a chubby man or woman's body against my feet who was stuck in a dark waterslide as I went down.

read more about Action Park's awesome danger at the Weird NJ page

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

words are like our dependency on foreign oil and i get pissed that we have to rely on them for so much

cnn is behaving like a bunch of terrorists posting stuff from the government to get ratings from fear based panic,

the fuel needed for govt to justify going to war against Iran

this is some seriously irresponsible journalism

Monday, July 07, 2008

These people get hit by a car and they are like dead, but dancing, and it looks cool:
Adele - Chasing Pavements
well shot

This song gives me the BIGGEST hard on:
No Age - Teen Creeps
No Age is just really raw and sexy, it feels like you're getting rubbed in a kickass way.

This movie is amazing and captures the 90s New York I used to visit in high school; and the sweet hotness of getting some for your first time, and features some chill hop hop, mad creativity, hilarious dialog, good acting:
The Wackness

Saturday, July 05, 2008

beer foam spit party

starts like this

and then


yucky fun

kids make great discoveries

Notes on Sonic Youth Concert

click photo for credit

Kim Gordon forgot lyrics to Drunken Butterfly - so she just stops and tells Thurston she loves him and they kiss and it's all cute and silly ...

Thurston Moore is really funny with his comments. And he has perfect rockstar floppy hair that's magically made for headbanging. And he has great posture for a tall dude. Kinda powerful to be so tall and towering while you destroy a guitar. He went into the crowd and smashed his guitar around. People like that.

Kim Gordon is so cool. When I watch her dance around and kick ass, I fantasize that I am her. Her voice sounds like breathy orgasm. That's a good way for a woman to make her voice sound when doing rock vocals.

Dude. That drummer. He does very good things.

sonic youth battery park picnicing with long fork
We had picnicing! Thanks to Maya for her potato salad efforts - there was bacon in there! And watermelons.

The sound quality was great no matter where you were or how far away. Much better than at McCarren.

Bull in the Heather is my favorite Sonic Youth song. They wrote it about me cause I always have Bull in me, am pretty sure. Remember seeing this music video on MTV in 7th grade ... bought album, taped the square cards that came with the CD along the top of my wall.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

i feel really independant

i don't need no man
i don't need nobody, man
i just need my tamp'ns and a fat ice cream cake and 2 ml aqueous polyelectrolyte mixture
i'm idenpndnt womn

Happy 4th of July from the Meats! I made this last year with Adam. I don't think he thinks it's funny anymore. But I think they're cute. And they want to talk about their love of our country.
See more funny videos at Funny or Die

A Place to Bury Strangers played the seaport recently. And I wore seafoam green.

Sara is a tastemaker and she always knows about the cool things. Like angry french girls:

Soko - I'll Kill Her

I love Kanye like you don't know, more for his tastemaking than his music (which I like too). If you haven't checked out his silly video yet, please do. He is a rare contemporary artist in the most modern of senses. Here we have a music artist who is in tune - cross genre, outside the box - with modern technology, trends, and methods of communicating. I read his blog every day. And you should too.

Chris Gethard, a guest on the next street meat - July 14th, is an excellent storyteller, and this is a must read.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

bitches be throwin votives like they was tomahawks and shit

- spoken last night

before the prosciutto

slices for us at The Ten Bells on Broome
Dear my darling
you make me feel that I want to puke
and nothing is right
and everything can go wrong
at any moment
and that is why I adore you so.