Sunday, November 30, 2008

This is my Unemployment outfit!

My roommate got me this one in leopard print, and hers is in the zebra stripes.
It's fleece. I'm wearing mine right now and applying to jobs and finishing my grad school application.

Monday, November 24, 2008

yes you can send hams to do bacon jobs

If you are trying to save money, sometimes hams can be bacons. You don't need ham and bacons.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

OMG Obama picked me for his cabinet!

It's pretty cool, but I feel like changing the subject.

Here you can have this lovely song - Mogwai - Auto Rock.

Today my high school boyfriend sent me this video from times of mischief. We were part of the group that got taken into the police station for trying to view the haunted house on friday the 13th, August 1999. Those darn angry nuns. They made us pay $2000 and we didn't even get to see the house :(

Jeff Fasano took my picture when I was working at CMJ.
Jeff Fasano took my picture when I was working at CMJ.

Jeff Fasano took my picture when I was working at CMJ.

And yesterday I took way too much pleasure in making and giving a box full of mashed potatoes for a birthday present. Yes yes I gave a "real" gift after that. But the potatoes! They're in a present box! OMG.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Some important stuff I've learned now that I've been unemployed for a couple days:

1) Even though you CAN pee on the phone during an interview - you shouldn't.

2) I am a yuppie!
I'm the reason for American Psycho, I'm what made Bret Easton Ellis imagine a murderer who tells a prostitute to eat a woman's asshole.
Here's why:
- I buy organic tampons (true)
- I have expensive 5 blade razors!
- I take cabs all the time because I'm worth it
- I'm addicted to fancy new lotions and creams. Going through Sephora withdrawal.
- Laundry. I haven't done it yet since they deployed me. I'm scared. I've never done it in a laundrymat. It's not as scary when you have laundry in the building. But in this crazy Manhattan place there's all these stairs and strangers and carrying of heavy things. It's so nice and easy when I give it to the nice ladies who ask if I want to pay extra so they separate darks and lights. Yes of course I do!

I feel a lot busier now that I've had my job removed. There's all of these various tasks and errands and things that need doing urgently. And adjustments. And the doing of things by hand without spending money for other people to do them.

Here's some pictures from the weekend.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I'm Not Dead!

Saturday Night you can find me at the Gossip Girl Summit where a cast member will be a guest and the creator of the show will be there and all this other fun crazy party time stuff - at the PIT.

Sunday Night you can see me at
downstairs at Paris Commune
99 Bank Street at the corner of Bank & Greenwich Sts
Sunday November 16th
@ 8:00 PM (and this time really at 8)
Don't get lost--its Greenwich STREET not the nearby Greenwich Avenue.

Please RSVP to the venue at 1-212-929-0509 if you can (and/or shoot us an email
at and we'll do it for you.)

No cover, two-drink minimum.
w/ guests

And one other great fortune - On Saturday I will also be shooting my first video with My Damn Channel, where I'll be joining the likes of David Wain, Andy Milonakis, and Harry Shearer!

I haven't announced this excitingness because I want to wait to share the video with you. I will say that I am thrilled about my cast - it stars one of comedy's greatest duos as 2 of my favorite characters that ever existed.


So, as the terror of a bleak future rips apart my unemployed guts, I manage to pretend that I am happy and not full of fear as I place myself on stages and in front of various cameras. It's going to be fun!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The economy hurt me so I'm available for you.

Dear friends and colleagues,

My company just laid off a lot of great people today, and I was one of them. Damned economy.
I am now available during the days!

Cast me in your video, let me shoot something with you. I have a Panasonic DVX 100b, tripod, Arri 3 Fresnel Light kit, and a Boom mic. I also have final cut pro and some basic editing skills. I can also write for just about any of your needs. I'm a trained comic/dramatic actor who can also do voiceover and voices.

Professionally I have: PR experience, Legal background, Business skills, Mad good internet and computer skills, Sales, etc ... I can do a lot of things rather well.

Happy to send my professional or creative resume along. I'm a perfectionist of sorts who can be trusted to make things better than they currently are and not be a bitch about it or difficult to deal with. Umm, ok that's my pitch for now.

I'll be working on videos, finally finishing that book proposal, and applying to grad school (why the F not live off loans!) in the meantime.

Ok, thanks everyone, and I hope you're doing well.

- Heather

PS - I no longer have anyone's number in my phone. I have it on some printout file thingy though - so please say who you are if you text or call me.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Tonight is Street Meat, please come

ok? Here. Now it's time to talk about other stuff and show you things.

Let's see. This weekend I passed out/fainted for the very first time and it was Awesome fun! I was in the arms of a trusted man person so it was only 5 percent scary and 95 percent fun. He was a little mad at me because I scared him, but I can't help but admit that all those crazy colors were really neat.

I also ate these sexy little bitches at a dinner party type thing:
succulent little bastards

And I watched a deranged person devour the 6 beef patties that come in a triple cheeseburger combo deal.


In the modern world, Ninja Kittens try to sell you cars.

Also, you should buy listen up. Do yourself a favor and watch their advertisement video.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

New York Magazine likes Street Meat (and photo cutouts!)

Click me

Daisy Rock Debutante Rock Candy Princess Electric Guitar

It's a top seller. Say it out loud or it's not even worth it!
Daisy Rock Debutante Rock Candy Princess

Oh my god! I am loving hams right now. I always love hams, and I especially do right now. Prosciouttos specifically. DUH.


There is more greatness where that came from: here.

MUST READ: Jake Goldman's Text Messages on Election Night.
Bill Ayers to Obama, 6:51pm: I bet u think I voted 4 u.

Obama to Ayers, 6:56pm: Now is not the time, Bill.

Ayers to Obama, 7:01pm: Well, I didn't. I wrote in Harajuku Girls, because, fuck it. We are all satan's hell-children.

Obama to Ayers, 7:03pm: Great, thanks.

Ayers to Obama, 7:04pm: I am pissing on 19 American flags right now.

South Park's timely response to the election:

and this!


My legs are gonna explode off if you don't come to Street Meat on Monday.

PS- Debra Messing stole my purse on the subway today. I had my trail size tube of embrolysse skin emollient in there. God I wish this was true. Somebody please make my life more exciting so that I can stop with all these fibs.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

The win feels a little weird

it's just so shocking to me that people believe and care now who didn't care before.

Why couldn't they care on their own, from their own hearts?

Why did it have to take a huge movement and an exciting new leader?

I wish that these people cared in 2000 and 2004.

I wish they didn't let that happen. Because they let George W Bush happen to our country. It's sad that now they care and now they see the light.

Yeah Obama showed many people the light and inspired them. I am really happy at what America is going to be now. I am excited for our progressive nation on the world stage. I'm glad that there's a sense of hope and inspiration.

But I resent how late it came and how much work a campaign has to do to get people's brains to work. It really hurt our country to be lead by the Bush administration.

I think that people who only cared in this election, and not in others, are just sheep who care too much about the packaging of their message. Kerry and Gore stood for the same progressive values as Obama, they just didn't come in a cool or exciting enough package.

Also, there's that gay marriage ban. Makes the whole sentiment of this election a little more superficial, don't you think?

Thank god though, that Obama won. Finally.
The story that stands on its own, aside from the politics or government, is that this is an inspiring story for the civil rights movement. I feel that.

obama fans celebrate

Really? You consider this face the face of celebration?

(how's about this?)

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Obama, your big fancy infomercials and buzz words make me feel nothing

but looking at this picture of you and your family makes my heart well up with joy.

It matters that you're black. It's exciting beyond words that we could be free of the conservative identity that binds us. The idea that for once we will have a truly new leader. Hope that we aren't always going to be stuck with a narrowly defined status quo. That we are progressive. That we are forward thinking.

One thing I still really don't understand

is how people ever voted for Bush.

It still makes no sense. Unbelievable idiocy. American dark ages.

voting is important because you can get a free coffee or ice cream, or other things like that

but they didn't give me an "I Voted" sticker when I voted.

Here is a video of my voting experience:

Monday, November 03, 2008

from an old high school friend

"I thought about you on halloween too. I had this Obama mask and I wrote a speech about HOPE and CHANGE that was really about sharting."

Glad I am close to your heart when you think about sharting.