Tuesday, December 29, 2009

quick reminiscing with photos

i still update flickr

Leo, Jeff, Me, Edna shooting Edna's film

That's what I look like when I'm a DP Cameralady person! I look cool!

watch out Fonze
Leo AC, Fink DP

NOOoooo go away I SAID WATCH OUT!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

LoLing so hard, I cry.

Yes. This:

Some visual imageries for you

If you are wienering around (isn't that more pleasant than saying "dicking" around?) and haven't got much to do - or just don't feel like doing it - reward yourself by watching scenes from Alan Berliner's documentary "Nobody's Business"

enjoy these clips here because it's hard to find anywhere!

And enjoy this clip from the Documentary "American Movie" about some Wisconsin guys trying to make a low budget movie, where pretty much everything goes wrong that could go wrong - this is a scene where the director is trying to get his dad to do a voice over:

And here's an excellent film about cat massage:

I truly love this new Massive Attack song and very NSFW music video:
New Massive Attack Video - "Paradise Circus" (Feat. Hope Sandoval) (NSFW) Adult movies used to be shot on real film and were completely visually different, and a truly unique look at 1970s human behavior.

Speaking of NSFW - Chef Academy's Emmanuel!!!! I love reality shows about cooking and now I love them more.

My first semester of film school is just about over. Tomorrow the faculty evaluates my film, and I've already started shooting my documentary project and writing my adaptation (we adapt a short story into a short film) which will keep me well occupied till May!

That's about as personal as it gets right now. I shall lead you to believe that I am a goal oriented and focused young lady.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Love letter from Kurt Cobain to Courtney Love

(it's real, not a joke)


When I say I love you, I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating, persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise.

I wear you on my sleeve. I spread out wide open with the wing span of a peacock, yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head.

I think its pathetic that the entire world looks upon a person with patience and a calm demeanor as the desired model citizen, yet there’s something to be said about the ability to explain ones self with a toned down, tune deaf tone.

And I will say it: I am what they call the boy who is slow. How I metamorphosised from hyperactive to cement is for the lack of a better knife to the throat hu, annoying, aggrevating, confusing as dense as cement.

Cement holds no other mineral. You can’t even find fools gold in it. Its strictly man made and youve taught me it’s ok to be a man and in the classic mans world

I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no mineral.

Love Kurt

Monday, December 07, 2009

I'm gonna sing again

This weekend I decided to sing again.

to enjoy it.

The last time I sang I was 18. I had about 10 years of voice lessons, mostly classical, and used to sing in all sorts of choirs. I miss it. It felt good, it kept my mind active in a partly soul warming partly mathematical way.

So I will start taking private voice lessons again, 1 hour a week, get my voice back into shape - because it is out of shape, and I want to relearn all of my favorite classical songs. I prefer to sing Italian arias and have a couple favorites in French and Spanish too. So I'd like to relearn those, and if I get good enough, I'll perform them on a stage! Maybe mix classical Italian pieces with comedy. Could be something fun to play with there - already getting ideas!

I'll start lessons in a couple of weeks.

Here's one of my favorite songs by Claude Debussy

And I will definitely relearn this one!!!
Beau Soir (Beautiful Evening)
Claude Debussy, arranged by Linda Steen Spevacek
When, ’neath the setting sun,
flows a river in evening,
and the warm summer wind blows out across the field
Then from all things a thought arises to be happy,
and it counsels the troubled heart.
And it tells us we should enjoy the gift of living
while we’re young and the sun is setting in full bloom.
For we shall go away,
like water that is flowing.
It to the sea,
we to the tomb.

See - hilarious.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

One of the reasons my ex best friend dumped me is because he said I've been too sad and too negative all this year.
And he's right.
I've been much more sad and negative than in the past.

I'd lost my job.
I left my favorite apartment where I used to love life.
I was getting too old and not amounting to anything yet.
And I was in a terrible relationship with a wonderful man who I loved deeply.

Today the sky is giving out coldness and beautiful interesting drops of half snow rains.
I love the rain and love the snow more.
I miss the view out of my 5th floor window onto Delancey Street.
I miss going out into the living room with weird Annemarie and the ease of laughter that came along with it.
I miss the warm oven and the meals we made.
I miss Stephen and Evan and Adam on Saturdays eating my cooking.
My fridge always stocked with beer and my cabinets always stocked with whisky.
The stemless wine glasses before they all broke, they would sit on my windowsill in the mornings after.
My iPod alarm clock played all of the songs we loved.

Last Christmas I bought a wreath made of fresh pine.
My bank account was full and fat and the streets of SoHo invited me to buy things made of leather.

I'm still in love with the man who made me cry too many times.
Still in love with the view from the fifth floor window and the music of the people and cars below. I always dreamed about the empty penthouse across the street with the big windows and spiral staircase.

I'm absolutely nowhere right now but in between.
There's really no love, just labor.

This is the year of doing the right thing.
Goal Oriented
Road for Traveling.

Friday, December 04, 2009

On Humanity and Terminators

My best friend doesn't like me anymore. No, seriously. And it would be weird to go into details, but he basically thinks that we aren't like each other, that he's grown out of me. His reasons that he gave hurt. Bigtime. It feels deeply terrible to be judged and rejected by someone you really care about, and especially as I feel blindsided by it, and that it is a surprise.

I've also broken up with my boyfriend recently.

And this year I'm no longer affiliated with the fashion designer I used to support, nor am I a part of their world which includes events that many of my friends take part in. That's due to an offensive incident that was too offensive to forgive without an apology.

A closed door, a person with whom I need to stop speaking to because it's not healthy, and a burned bridge.

There are some people in my life I've experienced great difficulty with. Some that I need to love with distance because we don't get along, and I love them nonetheless. But ending love where it doesn't need to end is quite the beast, which is how I feel about the ex friend.

Human connections and relationships are deeply valuable and shouldn't be taken for granted or thrown away. Especially not completely. I think, for the sake of humanity, it's important to try to connect, sometimes especially when it's challenging. At least in a case where a sincere connection existed.

I'm really hurt - I mean how could he? Right? That's there. It's sad, disappointing. How could he. It's pain, it's ugliness, it's bad stuff - and that bad stuff is so hard to understand.

I'm going to try and learn from the things he told me he didn't like. I'm going to try to focus on the friendships I do have and strengthen them. I'm going to focus on myself, my career, school, developing my abilities. That's all I can figure out, and I have to remind myself of it because it isn't an automatic instinct. There's definitely petty, angry, discouraged moments - which are fine to experience - those honest emotions should be dealt with.

In Terminator 2, Arnold said "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves." as a robot speaking about humans.

I'm not sure if he's right, but if we are a people who devalue human connection, who cannot see the humanity in each other - no matter if someone is a bad guy, weak, or misguided - then we will fail. I believe there is a balance between destruction and creation. The destruction of love between people probably sends pulses of evil through the ether. But there is joy and there is happiness and there is creation. It exists.

Both god and the devil are inside us, and we destroy and nurture ourselves throughout our existence. I'm sure that the destruction of love hurts our souls. So in conclusion, I say - try not to.

And I don't think the robots will take over in the end, but there might be lots of lasers, which seem awesome until they are searing your flesh.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

tonight I am experiencing terrible insomnia, largely because sad things and stressful things are distressing me and making me toss and turn

I didn't want to get up out of bed

I wanted the sleeping to commence

but I'm thankful that I did

I found my way to some really great kitten videos

thank you kittens
for being cute and being proof of goodness

I needed a reminder

cause there's poopies in my tea
really, that's what I'm feeling like, to an extent

That I had a really nice cup of tea and there's an actual real little poopy in there.


the kittens. the lack of sleep. that's why I said that
just forget it.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

The Awesome and the Meloncholy

Gwar is coming to town Dec 13 and I think I want to go to that.

Rob Lathan did something very funny for Improv Everywhere! Rob makes the best confused face.

Those UHO jars are a scam.

This is sad and scary. This photo is especially haunting.

Speaking of sad, scary and haunting, I finally saw Schindler's list, which I avoided because who is ever up for sitting down to experience the holocaust in film? I will say that I was more afraid of it than I should be. It's more historical, and trying to be uplifting, especially with the ending, than I expected. I feel like I learned something from this depiction. I was afraid that I'd just be sitting down to hours of horror, considering the subject material, but it's mostly hours of humanity - yes showing horror but not in a way that is simply meant to be terrible. Get it? See it.

Emails from Crazy People.

Jan Terri!!! Please watch until she starts to sing. This song is so catchy. Gotta love her.
"Jan Terri (born December 31, 1960?) is a former musician from Chicago who gained notoriety for her VHS music videos. She recorded two albums, High Risk[1] and Baby Blues[2] in the early 90s, along with VHS cassettes including her music videos, which have recently become popular with the advent of YouTube." - wikipedia

Also saw Funny People while at home for thanksgiving. So many bad words! And naked boobs! My parents insisted on watching with me. SOOO embarrassing. Thought it was a well written story and good film, not especially funny, but also I think overdoing on the dick jokes on purpose to realistically portray what you will find in standup these days. Still a big fan of Apatow and Rogan.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I love these

Here, have some:

Bear in Heaven - Lovesick Teenagers

Yeasayer - Ambling Alp

Both links give you mp3s.

And these lyrics to Ambling Alp just feel so good to hear:
Now, the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their complement of highs
And if anyone should cheat you, take advantage of, or beat you
Raise your head and wear your wounds with pride

You must stick up for yourself, son
Never mind what anybody else done

The track has a joyous 80s feel, and is so positive, uplifting, and fun.

If you really want to take off to another level, have yourself some Feel Flows

I was also really excited to see this video from a fellow classmate in my film program:

Pink from Sarah-Violet Bliss on Vimeo.

The dialogue is really awesome and smart! There's a lot of talent among my classmates, but it made me especially excited to know I'm in the company of someone who wants to make great comedies too.

How are you spending your sunday? I'm having a nice evening at home licking my J&D's Bacon Flavored Mmmvelopes.

Friday, November 20, 2009


Musical ones. I don't really know how to play them.
I tried guitar when I was 15, and sang and read sheet music and all that.
But I've never absorbed an instrument successfully.

It's crazy how you have to learn something with patience, diligence, and precision, in order to burst it apart and make hysterical noise.

I think musical instruments are artificial appendages that must be learned to be used.
Sad that one must be calmed down for the learning process.

Mostly I'm just sad, I'd really love to get inside Dave Grohl's brain like in the Malkovich movie, and feel what it's like to drum Lithium, and I'd really like to feel that RIGHT NOW!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

another moment with us together

I've started up classes again and have lots of things to do, which is fueling me with energy at the moment. All kinds of energies - positive and negative.

There's certain things you need to know.
One is that The Private Lives of Pippa Lee is an excellent and sophisticated film in spite of its title. It tells a story from a female perspective that is honest, not black and white, but true. There are many very subtle, delightful jokes in the film, everything from a funny framing to a wardrobe choice. The acting and directing are also superb. I hope Robin Wright gets an Oscar nom. I think Rebecca Miller, writer/director, could get an adapted screenplay award too.

I met Harvey Weinstein recently. He's a hilarious and friendly man. Which shocked and awed me.

And I saw the film NINE, and got to meet the cast. I'm not into musicals, but this was really well executed, and FULL of sexual energy. Penelope Cruz is going to make an impression on a lot of people's pulses. The finest moments to me were the opening with Daniel Day Lewis, and a scene during the screening of dailies with Marion Cottilard and DDL.

I've also seen the Wild Things movie when it opened. If you'd like diversity in this blog post - I did not like this film. Monsters should be monsters, not melodramatic turdburglers. I thought a story was forced out of the subject material that lost the original appeal of the book. Also, my favorite moment was missing - where the boy's room transforms into the forest. So sad, I do love Spike Jones. So I blame Eggers.

- Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing: full of vibrant energy and life. A critical look from the inside of brooklyn culture.

In school, for the next 4 weeks, we edit our 4 minute B/W film, we start pre-production for our upcoming 5 minute observational documentary, and we start reading the short stories we will adapt for our last project of 1st year - an adaptation. Busy month!

- Gregor's blog about great food of NYC/reflections on his life here before hopping over to LA


Joy Division and Buzzcocks, punk rock circa UK late 1970s, have been pumping up my jam majorly lately.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Movie Review: The Messenger

I saw a screening of the new film "The Messenger" followed by a Q and A with director/writer Oren Moverman and stars Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster - and I couldn't have loved it more. I've been seeing so many movies lately by all of the masters in film school - and this film really impressed me.

It's about the soldiers who have to tell families that their son/daughter/husband/wife has been killed in combat. It takes place in the present, with the war going on right now.

It's largely about the working relationship/friendship between Harrelson and Foster - and their acting couldn't have been any more natural, real, both funny and moving. I've always loved Woody Harrelson for his balance of humor and sincerity on screen. Foster got to me as the irritating Russel in my favorite tv show, Six Feet Under. Foster totally blew me away in this role.

Samantha Morton and Steve Buschemi also played so movingly and realistically in the film.

A lot of small choices added to the reality of the film. Samantha Morton gained some weight, so she looked a lot more authentic. She has a half black kid, which speaks to the fact that hey - there's also a lot of black men in the military too, though they weren't the main characters. I was surprised by the use of sex and nudity in the top of the movie. If you like Jena Malone's butt, you're going to love seeing her in a very realistic sex scene. I think the reason for this is it sets an emotional tone, and heightens the level of intensity of the charactor's experience.

There is an intimate scene between Ben Foster and Samantha Morton that seems so real, such a balance of pushing toward and pulling away - and I've really felt that in different circumstances. Moverman explained that he got it all in one long take, placing the camera through a window outside of the room, and actually used one long rehearsal take because he thought it was perfect. Smart thinking, and a pretty clever way to get around producers messing with your edit.

The story is well rounded and offers a thought provoking exploration of the soldier's reality.

I hate war. I think if the world was run by women, we'd have UN meetings and verbal battles instead of combat. It's primitive, unnecessary, and not progressive. BUT it's reality. And it's a part of the world we live in. Many young men and women live this reality, and Oren Moverman helped me understand a lot more about their experience.

I'm sorry for the soldiers that this is the way the world is. I wish the politicians and angry terrorists would stop sending them to die.

They will have a screening this Friday and cast and directors will be there as well. Go!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

sufjan quote and bright eyes

"Why are songs like three or four minutes, and why are records 40
minutes long? They're based on the record, vinyl, the CD, and these
forms are antiquated now. So can't an album be eternity, or can't it be
five minutes? ... I no longer really have faith in the album anymore. I
no longer have faith in the song."
- Sufjan Stevens

Way for Sufjan to try opening my gosh darned mind. I will say that something feels natural and right about these times. The same thing bothers me about movie and tv show lengths and how arbitrary they can be. Then again something seems to feel right experientially about them. Uh. Go Yankees.


Finally a new Bright Eyes song that's good ... cause I didn't really like the last album/solo stuff as much :(

BRIGHT EYES - LIME TREE from Alex Turvey on Vimeo.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I'm going to perform some comedy again in early January.
So that's when I'll perform again.

And then I'll stop again for school.

And then I'll perform some more in the summertime most likely.

So that's when I'll perform some more again.
And then I'll stop for school.

This is a young Martin Scorcese LOOKING AT YOU.
He played a creepy man in his own movie, Taxi Driver, which I just watched.

To me taxi driver is about loneliness and the need for meaningfulness, specifically love and human connections, as a vital part of human existence.

Otherwise, the mind is chaos, and anything is possible as a consequence of an aimless and unloved human soul. Joys are random, the soul is detached.

This is a Windows 7 Whopper in Japan. It is a real thing.

- This is an article about Tim and Eric Awesome show which is pretty much the best thing going in new comedy.

- I really like the idea of Sonic Fabric but have yet to experience it. It's absolutely beautiful to revive old data.

- Read about the concept of Data Rot aka Bit Rot. Watch Google's great Vint Cerf talk about Data Rot among other things.

Friday, October 30, 2009

why women aren't writing for the late night comedy shows

Below a section from this article: http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/10/28/scovell.letterman.vanityfair/index.html

There are no women writing for the Letterman, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien shows, Scovell said, and it's not because there aren't any who are interested in applying.

"[Women] certainly don't [apply] in the same numbers as men. But that's partly because the shows often rely on current (white male) writers to recommend their funny (white male) writers," she wrote. "I'm also aware of several worthy females who have submitted material and never heard back."

She wonders if women aren't on the staffs because male writers believe they would throw off the workroom dynamic.

"[Men] want to be able to scarf an entire bag of potato chips while cracking fat jokes and making lewd comments without fear of feminine disapproval," she said. "But [women writers] are co-workers, not wives. Crack a decent fart joke and, as professionals, [women] will laugh."

to add to the fantasy to-do list:
BE the gosh darned late night comedy talk show host.
(but honestly I'd rather write/direct/perform in episodic comedy television and films. still. there's people who've been considered for these jobs when i was at their level. so. i'm still doing something about it. just that, well. better freaking be able to crack the system sooner or later.)

also related:

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

NEW VIDEO: The Uniform?

Female comedians can't be too distracting with their boobies and such! Or can they? Maybe they just have to be funny or talented and nobody cares what they look like.

I met Angela Trimbur back in June at UCB and thought she was amazing. We commiserated about the experience of being a lady comedian. When she visited NYC this summer, we thought - let's do a video together! So here's what we whipped together. Enjoy.

Written/Directed by Heather Fink
Angela Trimbur
Heather Fink
Trevor Williams
Jordan Brown
Bob Acevedo
Sarah Nusya -Natochenny
Lizette Garcia

Cameramen: Dan Zimmer and Trevor Williams
Edited by: Ed Mundy

Filmed at Cake Shop

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

So as a part of my film program, classes stop for 4 weeks when we shoot each other's films. We are a class of 36 divided into 6 groups of 6. We each take turns doing all of the roles in the crew - writer/director, director of photography (cameraman), assistant camera, sound, and producer/ad. And we each get one shoot off. Most shoots are 3 days. We did mine first! Now I'm sound person. It involves a lot of stress and running around and hurting your back and being up at 5am and standing outside in the cold. I'm tired, but I'm also quite happy. I had some scary times with the handling of my film itself, but I think all will end well. Best of all we had lots of fun and my parents spoiled us (our shoot took place in suburbia near my parents house), my actors Ann Carr, Rob Lathan, and Adam Good were amazing, so was my makeup artist ... ugh I'll wait till the film is done and share all of the great credits cause now I'm getting tired again.

In the meantime, a photo of young Martha Stewart when she was a model:

an article about lots of dead bodies in Washington Square Park

a creepy weird Martin Lawrence monologue for SNL back in the day

an interesting discussion on the topic of O sounds

and a photo of your parents

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

the masochism of doing the right thing

When you break up with someone, it feels unavoidably terrible. And you just have to get through it.

So. There you have it. I must accept that terrible feeling of repetitive stabbing pain as necessary and essential.

Living each day to the fullest doesn't quite apply when you subject yourself to the masochism of doing the right thing.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The damned kids these days and their Lady Gaga.

Look at her here.
Don't you SEEEEE!
Don't you seeeeeeeeee!
See it!


Darn kids and their blinking sneakers and portable cd players. They make me wanna sit on my own hands so they can't be useful or pick up any stuff.

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VERY A LOT CUTE please please please

please I have to have sexy abused child costume please!

Monday, September 28, 2009

sometimes late night snacking gets epic

what started with a little grab n dip of chip into salsa launched into a full on nacho mouthfuck as I realized I had cheese, chips, and jalopeno

in the oven little chips sit with cheese melting, a jalapeno on top
and soon i'm dipping that

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

a blog entry! that's really bloggy.

Ugh, I did my assignment wrong for Production today. It made me feel like crap because I'm trying so hard to get everything right this time around - meaning that I screwed up law school and I'm not going to make the same mistakes again. I'm a person who's had success in cutting corners and doing things "my way." But that's not what I want to do now. Not now that I'm paying so much to learn so much and progress so much with my life.

Someone said that NYU's grad film program teaches you in 3 years what working would teach you in 12. Intense, wonderful, I see how that's possible here. My class is 36 students, all full time, and it's an intense conservatory. The way it works is that you have a film you have to make periodically, and so all classes, production, sound, editing, directing, writing, camera, etc - inform how you will make these films. The film is not treated like a simple assignment, but as a piece of work to be taken seriously, shared with the world, submitted to festivals, broadcast on television, etc.

There's a lot of work. More work than I ever had in law school BUT I like this work so much more but as I'm developing a craft, it's a lot more practical than memorizing a court case that I could look up online.

And it's very personal, as art is personal, and film is collaborative and it involves people. All day long there's people in front of me, telling me things, asking me things, actively engaging me, not leaving me alone. I must be present, alive, productive, forward moving.

It's draining, scary, intense. I'm being made to face the things inside me that inspired my script and it's a lot more personal than I expected.

And in some moments, it's all going to be ok.

I'll be shooting my first project on BW 16mm FILM! At an apple orchard oooh! Here's some photos of the location.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

youtube keeps yelling at me about all of its awesome contents

I really must post a couple new favorites. carry on amongst yourselves!

Major Lazer "Pon De Floor" from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

From my friend comedian Jen Kwok

And I've come to reallllly love "sound" in movie making after my sound classes and examining the role of sound in film. Check out this video:

"Tetro" Sound for Film Profile from Michael Coleman on Vimeo.

I've also started to love Milos Forman, after seeing the very funny "Loves of a Blonde" and then looking up his other work.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

My 12 Favorite Albums of the Decade: A Love Story

I graduated high school in 1999, so this decade is the decade of my 20s, starting with college, the internet, and subsequently being an adult and living on my own in NYC. Though I took a high school HMTL class called "The Internet and You," and quite enjoyed looking at the Space Ghost adult swim websites in the high school library, I didn't really have the internet or use email until 1999, my freshman year of college.

I'm starting with the year 2000 and including how I discovered these albums, which is turning out to be somewhat of a love story.

My 12 favorite albums of the decade (12 because it felt right):
1. Arcade Fire - Funeral
Possibly the most talented new band of this decade, Arcade Fire does it right. The trend of pop-folk using big bands with nearly orchestral talents, a multitude of instruments, and blending classical sounds with pop, electronic, rock - they execute it all perfectly. Funeral is a must experience album. I discovered Arcade Fire when "Rebellion" was used as a song on a digital invitation to a party back in 2004. This album is completely free of any association to men in my life and is from a definitively single time in my life. The invitation came from a boy who liked me, but I didn't like him like that, and I didn't want to touch him there. He was more innocent then. Now he's an - albeit impressively creative- semi-famous egomaniacal beast.

2. Postal Service - Give Up
No not Death Cab, this album is more perfect. Each song is so carefully designed, and the sound is unique, not to mention its pop-culture relevance. This generation held on to these songs in it's sound tracks and mushy moments. I remember listening to DC Sleeps Alone Tonight off some mix CD my ex-boyfriend Brian made for me when I drove down to visit DC for the first time post college. I'm sure this was an important album to make out to in cars and lose virginities to. This mix CD was important to me, and opened me up to a vast new catalog of artists I'd never heard of. Brian was alone in his room a lot with many movies and music that were important to him. I think it was his own way of escaping the desolate burnt grass wasteland of central florida. I could hear him escaping to somewhere cooler in almost every track.

3. Sufjan Stevens (all of it)
For me to pick a favorite Sufjan album would be arbitrary, and all of it counts cause it's from this decade. He's got a new one coming in October, so maybe that one will be it, though Michigan, Seven Swans, Illinoise, A Sun Came ... all good stuff. I imagine Illinoise is more celebrated and "important," but there's too much genius in all of the other albums, it's difficult to choose just one. He's got quite the diverse sound, carefully planned, deeply felt, artfully composed. My exboyfriend David enthusiastically taught me about Sufjan, he used to love listening to Illinoise on his ipod when he jogged in the park. That album is more cheerful than my usual taste, but so was David though he doesn't see himself this way, and luckily Sufjan had plenty of darkness for me to discover "underneath the floorboards."

3. Portishead - Third
Portishead is my second favorite band of all time. They had 2 amazing albums in the 90s that left fans salivating for more. When they finally released Third, it didn't at all disappoint. It's simply fantastic. They are skilled artists with a vibrant, unique sound. Every song is so sexy and personal. It was once said that Tool is great BJ music. Portishead is great make out music, though Third is crisper and less sensual than prior albums.

This band found me in the 90s and I can't say for sure how I discovered them. Maybe it was because they had a song on the Tank Girl soundtrack - which was important to me (Tank Girl the movie was not). Maybe it was 120 minutes or Alternative Nation. They also had a great song in the movie "The Craft" but I loved Portishead before then. I took an interest in trip hop and Massive Attack at the time. I remember seeing this CD case on the floor of cool boys' cars in the 90s.

4. Jimmy Eat World - Stay on my side Tonight
My favorite Jimmy Eat World album is Clarity, but that's 1999, and of everything they've made this decade, which is plenty, the Stay on my Side EP shows them at their best. These songs are tremendously interesting, beautiful, and strong. JEW is important because they are more than emo, more than emo sweetness - and they are definitely important in this genre. Their commercial success might lead some people to believe that their music is saccharine crap at the level with Dashboard Confessional, but give a real listen to them and you'll see that the composition is far more sophisticated.

My first listen of Jimmy Eat World was a vinyl single for "Lucky Denver Mint" at my ex-boyfriend Justin's house. I was angry with him and I just kept blasting this single throughout his parents' house partly because I loved it, and partly to annoy him. Lucky Denver Mint also showed up on a subsequent mix CD that a boy made for me while Justin and I were on a break and he was in study abroad in Prague. It was from a boy I grew up with and he meant a lot to me. As a friend he influenced a lot of my music in the 90s, when we would go to punk and ska concerts in Asbury Park and NYC.

5. Bradford Cox: Deerhunter and Atlas Sound, all albums
Oh god, Deerhunter. Beloved by hipster culture - especially all of Brooklyn and the blogs - and a shining example of great taste/modern sensibility/true talent that has emerged from it (because I truly believe that this hipster generation has great achievements though it is so severely mocked). Bradford Cox, the colorful character (songwriter, guitarist, lead singer) at the head of Deerhunter and Atlas Sound, is a truly gifted individual.

The first time I saw Deerhunter live was at a secret show at Market Hotel in shitty Bushwick Brooklyn. I went with my now boyfriend Adam, who is extremely influential on the music in my life. At the time we were trying to be just friends but there was something magical about that night that didn't allow for such a thing, and I'm pretty sure that music enabled the youth inside us to rise to the top. Then again that might not have had anything to do with Bradford and his music, and everything to do with the weird voodoo shit that disables us from keeping our hands off each other. Recently (and more soberly) I saw Deerhunter's Bradford in a round robin playing with Dan Deacon and No Age at Brooklyn Bowl and it was invigorating. Every Deerhunter song was so beautiful and alive. He played his guitar like a rockstar, his musical ability upstaging his meek physical demeanor with every chord.

6. Bright Eyes - Digital Ash in a Digital Urn
Bright Eyes came to me at a time when I was just starting to learn about the modern world of "indie rock". I've always been drawn to whatever is the "coolest of cool" or unusual, but my favorite music in the 90s, when I was a teenager, came from late night MTV shows like 120 minutes, and weird magazines I stole from Barnes and Noble when I was 16. I didn't use the internet until 1999, and that's huge when it comes to the modern indie music scene. I discovered Bright Eyes and Saddle Creek records in 2004, and I'd download whatever free mp3s they had available from their artists on the Saddle Creek website. I loved all Bright Eyes and Desaparecidos (a Conor Oberst, aka Bright Eyes, side project) releases instantly. I don't love Conor's new solo stuff because for the most part it lacks the guttural intensity of earlier work. He has an extremely raw voice, as though it's been ripped out from deep inside him. His lyrics are so heartfelt it's almost too much at times. The songs are passionate, sincere, and creative. Digital Ash in a Digital Urn is a favorite though he's put out many other great albums in this decade. It's a great pleasure to scream with some of his songs with friends who want to sing along. Highly recommended.

Brian included the Bright Eyes song "The Calendar Hung Itself" from Fevers and Mirrors on a mix CD he made me, and it ironically made its way onto my essential breakup mix, I'd blast it after our messy breakup. It made a really good angry-about-it juice.

7. Jay Z - Black Album
I love this album. I like a lot of rap and hip hop and this one carries the best energy. I thought about including Kanye, because I think he's extremely relevant, and an important tastemaker for this decade. But the Black Album really killed me. 99 Problems is one of the best hip hop songs ever written, not just for the fresh beat and sound, but also those incredibly witty lyrics. Jay-Z and Kanye are on par with smart, funny, and indelible lyrics. There's just something about Jay-Z that seems so real, not deluged by ego, though he has a couple typical braggy lyrics, he mostly has fun and sometimes attempts to make real statements. His album is a great experience drawing from a wide variety of Americana, including Madonna in "Justify My Thug."

I have some friends who say they think of me when they hear "99 Problems." This is also from a fun single time in my NYC life. I used to play it at roof parties, and throw lots of roof parties. I used to take an interest in all things Vincent Gallo, why I even spent an innocent night with him once, a fact I never put in print as it's dangerous to leak personal celeb "gossip," but with that guy honestly I doubt he gives a damn. Anyhow Gallo is in Jay-Z video, a pretty stylish move on Jay-Z's part if you ask me. I distinctly remember blasting this in the car a lot when I would drive to the beach in the summertime.

8. Radiohead - In Rainbows
I first discovered Radiohead when I was watching an episode of "House Of Style" on MTV when I was in middle school. I remember, it was probably 1993 or 94. The credits of the show ran to the song "Street Spirit Fade Out" and I looked it up and ran to Nobody Beats the Wiz and bought the album, which later brought us creep and the amazing video "Just." When I think of Radiohead I also think of my high school friend Russ Reed who wore a knit hat like the OK Computer guy and would play it in his shitty car, a car that reminded me of the one in the Karma Police video.

When I first heard In Rainbows I was unimpressed. Then I listened to it. It was everywhere. And we listened to it, my now boyfriend, and it was fall, and then winter, and we loved it. Videotape, that's our song. I don't need to say much about Radiohead because so much has been said already. They make great music - they are extremely accomplished and celebrated. Albums like these make the new kids on the music scene cry in shame.

9. Nada Surf - Let Go

My friend Evan told me I had to listen to this album, last summer at the beach house. I usually don't agree with all of his music tastes, but this one blew me away. It's just perfect, personal, sweet, heartfelt. Such a gem. The track "Blizzard of '77" will blow your butt out with how pretty it is. Also, they remind me a bit of Blur who would make it on my favorite 90s list.

10. Silversun Pickups - Carnavas
Pretty sure I discovered these guys video a blog or something. Their single "Lazy Eye" got decently distributed and I wouldn't be surprised if it got radio play. I listen to this album over and over again and it never gets old. I would always play it at my last job at Thumbplay. I had the pleasure of seeing a flawless live acoustic Silversun Pickups performance and it cemented my adoration for the band. A lot of their songs balance pretty with energetic in a very fresh way. The weird alien pixie like voice of the lead singer ads to their appeal.

11. Muse - Absolution
I wouldn't call this album influential, just extremely enjoyable and well made, and an all time favorite in my earliest iPod years. I was in a phase of music discovery in 2005 when I started making "Finkmixes." I had a desk job where I listened to internet radio all day. MTV radio at the time had an "indie" channel and it was pretty well made. I used office supplies to make mix cds and every couple of months I'd come out with a new volume. I'd print them out and carry them in my purse and bring them to bars. I even gave one to Justin Theroux who was at a party at B-Bar one night. He is also the star of the awesomely sick Muse video for "Hysteria" which is one of the most exciting and viscous videos of this decade.

(Related interesting: shot by shot comparison of Muse's Hysteria video to Pink Floyd's The Wall Video)

I remember listening to Muse's later album "Origin of Symmetry" when I was reading my 2nd favorite comic book of all time "Starman" by Robinson which featured some interesting explorations into the main characters inner psyche as well as outerspace. It was the perfect soundtrack. Muse doesn't remind me of boys. But it does remind me of my Hoboken years.

12. Rufus Wainwright - Poses
I first saw/heard Rufus when he opened for Tori Amos, must have been about 2001. I remember reading a feature on him in the New York Times back when I read print. His crystal clear voice was so gentle, clever, perfect. I had the privilege of seeing Rufus along with his legendary father Loudon, and his sister Lucy, all singer songwriters, in a small show at the Living Room in the Lower East Side a couple years back. Rufus brings what he learned from his dad, a celebrated American folk artist, and ads his ideas, and I do think his perspective modernizes the music. Successful out gay single NYC male - that's something of this decade. The 90s were still a challenging time to be gay, famous, and out - whereas it's not really until this decade that it's normalized at least in the urban landscape. To hear him sing "I'm a One Man Guy" an interpretation of his father's music, is a fun exploration in sentiment and meaning.

Almost made it to the list for being good, but lacked greater sentimental value:
The Wrens - Meadowlands
Deftones - White Pony
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular (even if you dislike their following, this is well made music)
Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism
Blonde Redhead
Cat Power
A Perfect Circle
Sigur Ros
Elliott Smith
Phish Billy Breathes
Grizzly Bear

NIN is not on my list of best albums because their best work was in the 90s with Pretty Hate Machine, Broken, Downward Spiral, and The Fragile BUT they deserve credit for this decade for their innovative business plan which I think will be greatly influential on the future of the music industry. I also think Trent's management of his career is going to prove influential on future artists. See this as reference: http://stereogum.com/archives/tour-dates/trent-reznor-reveals-final-tour-dates-teaches-younger-bands_078871.html

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

taking things rather seriously

my mind is completely amorphous, listening, absorbing things from my school program
listening and not blogging so much
i paid for this
paid plenty
and i just want to get out as much as i possibly can
i must say the first few days are already completely great - wonderful classmates, great professors, exciting assingments
and become the - wait, I wrote an essay that explains exactly how I feel in order to be admitted to the program. Here's my personal statement that I submitted for admission to NYU's Grad Film Program:

What a dream it is to take the weirdness out of my mind and sculpt it into video.

Something resonates in my gut, like I'm a lion in the wild devouring a zebra. The blood, the beautiful striped fur, the meat, ripped open in my winning mouth. That's how I feel when I make a comedy video. I've hunted the idea in my mind. I want to share it. Then I get others to believe. I execute every detail to let it develop. It's shot, it's chopped, it plays. The feeling is a mixture of creation, destruction, and satisfaction: I've hunted and devoured, and I am full. In the end there's video, which lives and breathes outside of myself.

The satiated feeling I get from creating film is my gut telling me that I'm doing what I was born to do. I know now, after trying law school and years in the working world that I want to create films. My belief is so strong that two years ago, I ran up my charge cards buying camera and editing equipment so that I have the power and freedom to create what I want, when I want. I'm currently left with two thousand dollars to pay and no regret.

Film is so special to me because it is the most satisfying conduit for ideas. It's beautiful how minds collaborate to compliment each other for a final product, each contributor enhancing the work of the other. The undeniable permanence and relevance of video strengthens its allure. Because of film, we exist in a world where we are able to show and hear imagined worlds. All people with heart fantasize about the film version of what they see in their mind's eye.

The life I want is as a comedy television writer, director, and performer. I have made a number of videos as a novice. I want to attend NYU to obtain a Masters in Film Production because I want to be an expert. My videos have been featured in TV Guide, Gawker, MTV, the DC Comedy Festival, the front page of Myspace, and have been in the top ranked comedy videos on Youtube. Recently, the selective comedy video company My Damn Channel commissioned me as a writer/director/performer to create original content for their website. Within the comedy community I am already known as someone who creates high quality videos. The success of my small passion projects gives me confidence that I can succeed as a professional filmmaker.

I cannot, however, consider my life goals or my past accomplishments without taking into account the fact that I am female. There are not enough powerful female directors and writers, especially not in comedy. The role of a filmmaker is powerful, as it mirrors perspectives and reflects the character of the status quo. It matters that women shape our social fabric. Mine is not just a female voice; it's a ballsy, brazen, bellowing female voice.

Many people say that you don't need film school to achieve in the entertainment industry, but I don't care about that. I want to have as much finesse and skill as possible so that I can share my voice with the truest possible sound. I want to make the best work that I can, and the NYU Kanbar Institute is the best film school in the world.


Anyhow, I'm in absorption mode - taking things in, not putting them out so much at the moment. The only thing I want to come out of me are my projects and assignments and I want to give it my 100%

I'll be performing rarely. You can see my show schedule and pre-film school videos here: http://www.myspace.com/heatherfink
(Think Different and Meats - Underpants are my favorite creations)

oh and also twittering sometimes - thats on ur mobile and oh so easy

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

And now I'm a student

my days of being all super unemployed have come to an end
still unemployed
just balls deep in an academic program that I intend to take rather seriously

I'll be blogging less, but I don't doubt there will be things worth posting from time to time

WEDS Sept 2, 8pm
Topsham Pantsuit @ Pacific Standard 82 4th Ave (b/w St. Marks and Bergen) Park Slope, Brooklyn
To be taped for an upcoming show on British TV (which also stars EUGENE MIRMAN)! The details:

WEDS Sept 9, 10pm
Bowery Poetry Club
Skits and Tits Comedy Variety Show
308 Bowery
Manhattan (East Village)

FRI Sept 11, 11pm
Very Fresh Comedy Show
UCB Theatre 307 W. 26th Street
Manhattan (Chelsea)

- Alton Brown's kitchen hacks
- Olde English's Snickers ad spoofs

- a pool and sundeck in manhatts
- the newest snl members

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I waved Goodbye! NIN: Wave Goodbye Tour, final shows at small clubs, Terminal 5 show 8/25/2009

This morning I feel really happy about my experience at the NIN show last night. I mean this is MY BAND! My favorite band in the whole wide world. I was shut out of tickets and that really upset me, but I made the move to go for some scalper tickets and found them at a decent price.

Trent Reznor is a man who LOVES MUSIC. You can't fake that kind of passion or pleasure. He loves sounds, he naturally makes the most aggressive testosterone driven intense noisy music - and at the same time composes absolutely beautiful soft, yet still complicated and refined songs - mainly for piano. He plays with whatever instruments and technology he can get his hands on to make his desired sound.

There's something incredibly perfect about the band, the man, the music, the career. I can't explain how or why it all comes together so perfectly, I'm happy it's ending on a high note.

As for last night's show at Terminal 5, I am very happy about where we stood and the comfort level. We were way up front the whole time and it was totally fine, not nearly as hot or smooshed as I've been before - and a good zone to experience the best of T5's sound which I've heard is bad in some places. I wasn't pleased that he played a good deal of With Teeth/The Slip - I like these albums but they don't excite me live like the older stuff. I also don't care for Peter Murphy so I wish David Bowie was the special guest! I have a feeling he might be tonight. Anyhow I really loved it, I love this band so much. I'll always remember last night's show very fondly.

More about last night's show on BV.

Now for some random interesting NIN/Reznor related things:
Check out the totally great photoset of Trent Reznor Yearbook photos on Flickr


The song "Wish" was one of the last hard songs he played last night. This song won a grammy in 1992 for best metal performance and also contains the lyrics "fist fuck"


Reznor Air Conditioners indeed have something to do with Trent, it's his grandpa's company

"Trent is a direct descendant of George Reznor, founder of the Reznor Company (founded 1888), a heating and air conditioning company. Although the family sold the business in the 1960s, Reznor equipment is still manufactured in Trent's hometown of Mercer, Pennsylvania." -- Wikipedia


My reports from past NIN concerts
- Front row at Garden State Arts Center 2006
(this is how front row I was!)
- Nov 2005 at MSG, my first show (note that when I was younger and in college I couldn't really afford their concerts - regret not going the - AND this show review is better than the one I've written here)
- Show this summer 2009 at Garden State Arts Center

RIP Ted Kennedy

Dorkin it up with the Kennedy Meister in the year 2000

I interned for him in spring 2000, and he was seriously kind and smart as hell in person. The man knew things, could speak eloquently about any number of subjects, and was just a warm and friendly dude. I appreciated that he fought for all the causes I was into in my days as a diehard Democrat.

Still a Democrat, just not diehard. Cause the political system has become too much like a reality tv show for me to take it seriously anymore.

Anyhow, RIP Ted Kennedy, good dude, tragic and extraordinary life.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I'm GOING TO NIN TONIGHT! Bought a ticket off ebay, it was a fair price. Spoke to the seller and all seems legit. Yesss. I can't freakin stand it anymore, reading how great Bowery and Webster were. This is the definition of a once in a lifetime show with your very favorite band.

Look at how people are saying how these shows are the best ever:
- on BV
- on Pitchfork


Friday, August 21, 2009

Interview on the Apiary about Street Meat and Monday's show

Read here!

them crooked vultures is getting me so excited

If you didn't already know, Them Crooked Vultures is the super group of Dave Grohl, Josh Homme, and John Paul Jones, and they have most likely made an awesome album. Nobody has heard it yet but they just performed in Amsterdam and this video has surfaced:

Related - watch Josh Homme do accoustic "No One Knows"

nice work buddddy.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

knowledges: just had some

Sometimes people have great ideas for blogs. Sexy people pictures is great. Though I believe it is a ripoff of the one with family portraits. Here is an example:

The song "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen has been in my head the past couple days. It's a great song to fill the air during hot heat.

If you are a Leonard Cohen fan then you might find it interesting to know that there exists a short film "I am a Hotel" comprised of 5 Cohen songs. This video clip is from that film.

Top Chef is back on the air, I'm so excited! One of the contestants is Google's head chef. Interesting.

Speaking of foods, I have a new favorite restaurant! Cosmic Cantina on 3rd ave and 13th is amazing fresh healthy homemade affordable organic Mexican! And there's outdoor seating, and a good bar! And basically everything I like. Delightful, can't believe I never tried it till now.

other good news New tv shows for Louie CK, Paul Sheer, Nick Kroll.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

august is slow

mind dripping molasses again
but not the same as always before?

Right now I'm thinking I might not BLOG so much anymore. But perhaps when life returns to "the swing of things" and I'm in school, I'll want to do it all the time. That starts very soon, so we shall see.

Or else it's farewell.
Life just feels busier later.

Did I forget to mention? I love trader joes fat free feta cheese crumble. Added to any salad, pasta, or soba dish, it's fantastic tasting and oh so few calories.

I also dearly love the world's largest digging machine

and the dancing of "The Madison" from Band of Outsiders

Friday, August 14, 2009

Street Meat
Monday August 24th @ 8pm (ends at 10pm)
@ Cake Shop 152 Ludlow St
Hosted by Heather Fink and Rob Lathan
character comedy w/ Special Guests:
- Jon Glaser (Adult Swim, Conan O Brian)
- Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt (NY Times, NYC everywhere!)
- Adrianne Frost (The Daily Show, Law and Order, 30 Rock)
- Mitch Magee (UCB, Channel 101, Andy Kaufman Awards)
- Hannibal Buress (Late night TV shows, fancy comedy festivals)
and more!

Called one of "the city's best indie-comedy showcases" by New York
Magazine, and selected as a Village Voice Choice.
Happy Hour 7-8, cheap beers all night long
A monthly character comedy show w/street perfomers and weird stuff.

* Heather starts grad school in the fall so the show will be taking hiatus, with possible future shows once or twice a year. Rob is too sad to carry on by himself.

PS - check out this trivia from one of the movies on my summer watching list for school:
"The legend has it, that, after the incident when Klaus Kinski wanted to leave the set and Werner Herzog threatened to kill him and himself, Herzog directed Klaus Kinski with a gun pointed to him for the rest of filming."

Also, this is epic:

and this is also quite enjoyable:

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I'm in boston. I ate large clams

hey! hi!
I just did 2 nights of comedy in Boston and tomorrow is my last one.
I'm twittettern stuff while I'm Bostoning

See me at the Rob Crean Show tomorrow/tuesday night 9:30 pm - at Obrian's at 3 Harvard Ave
Rob Crean is the tops, seriously - totally the tops.

I'll tell you more later.
I took pictures.
Ate some really large clams.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

(it's go time)

1. snuggie for dog
2. Hipsters people still writing about hipsters like they are an "other" uhh it's just kids being modern and getting fashionable, that's all, no big deal
3. New York Noise original quality television programming
4. Lawrence LaDouceur: The Bedford Ranter
5. Ellie Kemper has made it! Oh man is she a freakin talented young woman. First time I saw her was in a video by my friend Dan Gregor and Doug Mand and I was like - woah who is that? Here's her in a great video from Derrick Comedy:

6. I saw this No Deachhunter performance at Brooklyn Bowl

One of the best concerts I've been to in a long time. Venue was perfect (even though it was a last minute replacement, it was so fun!). Bloody Marys were perfect. The positive energy in the room was astounding. The view was great even for a shorty. It felt the most like the fun concerts I went to when I was 16. Bradford Cox and the No Age boys kill their guitars. So fun how you didn't have to wait between songs. Rock out. Opener Ed Schrader reminded me a lot of my very favorite muppet: ANIMAL

7. Frank Hejl, my concert and comedy buddy, got me an extra ticket for a secret Silversun Pickups show last Friday at 4:30
They were PHENOMINAL LIVE. Dude's voice is like an awesome psycho pixie. It was a flawlessly played accoustic set.

Here's a music video of theirs:

Download their albums, first ones are the best ones.

Chripstopher Meloni.

I told him I loved his dick cream. Yes really I did!

9. Phil Buccellato is a talented documentary filmmaker and here is his latest video "The Adventure of our Butts" check it out and vote for it! This man also hosted a killer pool party/bbq at his parents house in scenic Hillsdale NJ which brought my weekend to a pretty kickass level.

10. The terror crazy girl who lived with me has finally moved out. This is the very best thing that has happened omg omg holy crap fantastic I am beside myself.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I've got shows, In different area codes.

Boston this Sunday!

- Sun 8/9 8pm @ The Comedy Studio in Harvard Square
- Mon 8/10 8pm @ Underground Comedy at Cantab Lounge 738 Massachusetts Ave
- Tues 8/11 9:30pm @ The Rob Crean Show - O’Briens, corner of Harvard
and Cambridge, 3 Harvard Ave

- Weds 8/19 8pm @ Topsham Pantsuit Wednesday in Park Slope @ Pacific Standard 4th Ave. b/w St. Marks and Bergen

STREET MEAT in NYC at Cake Shop!
- Mon 8/24 8pm - hey that's the show that I co-host with Rob Lathan w/ special guests Jon Glaser (no really this time), Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt (no really this time), Mitch Magee and more! Last show before taking a break, next show will likely be at the end of the year.

I start grad school Sept 1, and I plan to use my brains on it and learn as much as possible - so I won't be putting new work into my live act, and there's no time to put together Street Meat shows - the show will become seasonal, a Christmas show, Summer show, etc. But no longer monthly. As for my performances, I'm happy to be invited to
shows, and come and do my current material here and there because it is a minimal time commitment. I'm not quitting comedy whatsoever, I'm using film school to develop as a comedy writer, director, and performer - and I'm really excited to learn greater cinematography skills so that I can create some really interesting stuff, the best
stuff I can make - and share it.

See talented boyfriend Adam Good's musical creation in an art show this weekend in Williamsburg! Friday 7-11 pm HERE

oh really? how can the experience of toothpaste be better than it is?

love is a close friend of fear
to be without love is the experience of hunger, sometimes starvation
to be with love forces you to reconcile wants and fantasy with reality.
object of desire vs real human being
ideas about what something should be vs what it actually is
to being what you can be
not knowing really really how to be what you are
look what she did
and is my mind less pure
or more real
more connected
because i'm not in a bubble
I'm allowing myself to get involved
many of the things that give my mind energy I now give to someone else and not to you

this toothpaste tastes so good.
the lady at the shop said it was special
i didn't know this kind of mouth flavor was possible.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Wow ok so it's been a while.

I'm all exhausted and "spreading myself thin" lately so I've neglected you sweet and important blog machine.

What been me for up to doing?
- Been tortured by a nightmare succubus hose beast psycho roommate who has been terrorizing my life along with my 2 roommates lives. Trying to deal with her shit and make away without having too much money damages.
- Been having lots and lots of things going on at the same time!
- My Dutch relatives are in town all month (mostly August) - I've never had all my Dutch relatives here at once so this is kind of a big deal and makes me really happy they are here.
- Must watch 50 movies from a specific list for film school before it starts. This is realllly time consuming! So far my favorite film watched was "The Killing" from Kubrick - fantastic!!! I was also really into "Be With Me"

A couple fun things that happened recently:
- shot a video with LA comedian Angela Trimbur (to be edited this month)
- saw Abe Vigoda and Grooms (liked Grooms!) play free live show at the Whitney, and then had a drink at the famed Bemelmen's bar at the Hotel Carlyle (you know, the place where Woody Allen plays clarinet with his Jazz Band)
- Went to 2 Williamsburg Pool Parties - the free shows at the lovely Brooklyn waterfront with live music, a great view, and lots of youngsters
- Got NUTS at a Bachellorette party in Atlantic City which may have been the most fun I've had in a long time. Great evidence of this can be found on my twitter and my flickr, yo.
- fell down the stairs outside with slippery wet ground and flip flops. legs and arm hurt a bit. head is ok. also left my wallet in a friend's car while home and am walletless. bah humbug
- Had a grand ol time with my boyfriend's momma, who took us to the River Cafe and ordered fancy drinks and foods like a champion, which unfortunately I could barely handle and got a 5 star hangover. It hurt so good.

In the meantime I liked these things:
- Sextortion: crazy story, skim it though it's very long.
- Trent Reznor's very practical advice for bands, and his opinion on the record industry and how much should be made
- Old time beauty ads

Are you new here?
Why are we here anyways?
Who are you?
I'm a comedian, you can see my upcoming performances and videos here.

And finally, here's a graphic that a NJ law website uses for "divorce":

lady- NNNNooooo don't touch my baby's head! You never did the dishes you jerkoff!

dude- But honey I swear she was over 18!!

lady - It hurts it hurts.

dude - I'll make it better I swear! I'll get those calf implants you always wanted me to get!

lady - omg!

dude - I love you.

lady - I need you.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

today someone who I thought was a good comedian said I was a terrible comedian

and I was not meant to hear it
but I did.

He knew I heard it and apologized. I feel that it's ok. It was bitchy and unnecessary but he's entitled to think that. He said he wasn't even that familiar with my comedy and I shouldn't take it to heart. Maybe that's the truth, but maybe he honestly felt my comedy was terrible. And that's still ok. Here's something I wrote in response to an interview about comedy that was never published:

Being a comedian is about failing and you won't be a good comedian if you are afraid to fail. Every time you get on stage you should give enough and try enough that there's the possibility of rejection and failure. Don't waste the time of your audience by giving them nothing. Work hard, put effort into your performances, experiment so that you can find something original. The only thing interesting is your original voice, and don't give the world something that they could hear out of someone else's mouth. The only way to find that voice is by taking yourself to uncomfortable places once in a while.

In my first stand up shows I read nervously off a piece of paper and knew it sucked but also knew I had to suck it up and get past my own shittiness if I wanted to progress.

Being told you are terrible by a talented peer is your worst nightmare in putting yourself out there, but it's also ok.

I think there's a lot to gain in life from failure, mostly in those moments where you are trying and exploring, not hiding and playing it safe.

I'm taking a lot of time and care to find what is not terrible inside me. My comic voice is always in development. If I'm not good enough yet, that's ok. I don't believe I'm terrible, but I do believe I can do better. And I'll always be working on that.

been pretty stressed out and busy

and it's just terrible to go so long on this blog with no comment so I at least have to share this:

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The State is out on DVD

I forgot to tell you why this is so important and wonderful.

The State was a sketch comedy tv show on MTV in the 90s. It was vastly influential in the way that modern American sketch comedy is made, especially video, and it has influenced the style of the entire modern indie comedy scene. Their tone and style is in the vain of modern greats like Zach Galifianakis - who is the same age and was performing at the time the State was on air, though he is most popular today. The State is to comedy video, as The Upright Citizens Brigade are to improv (without a school). Both have important peers and predecessors but their reach, identity, following, relevancy and tone have the same powerful impact.

The original castmembers/writers are all famous today, and you have probably seen them in movies and tv (such as Wet Hot American Summer, Reno 911, Wainy Days, Stella). They have a comedy career that is the stuff of fantasy - collaborating with whoever they want, including their friends most of the time, and successfully creating great pieces of work in countless formats, from plays, to live shows, tv, movies, books and music. The amount of freedom they have is extremely unusual, and they manage to both have a cult-like fan following, and fly under the radar and lead modest lives at the same time.

What they created was good, often "edgy" and truly spoke to comedy's great ability to highlight the nuances of our silly lives. Some of their stuff may seem outdated, but that's because it was copied so many times. As influential as they are, it's amazing how young they still are - it's all so current, but creative culture progresses so exponentially - as we are well aware considering information technology - hense their ability to be so influential in such short time.

In 1996 when I was a sophomore in high school, I went into the city to a book signing in Union Square for the State's hilarious book (one of my most prized possessions). The entire cast was there and when asked what they were up to, they mentioned that they had a live show called Stella at Fez. From that point on I'd see this show every year. I'd bring groups of friends when we came home from college for winter and thanksgiving breaks. It was there that I saw many famous and amazing comedians perform in a small little room and I knew exactly what I wanted out of life.

I want to find, develop, and share my comedic voice - and hopefully end up with a comedy career unique to my strengths - and am able to get whatever is valuable in there out of me. The State, and all of the castmembers work after the show, has inspired me more greatly and specifically than anyone else's work.

Here is a video that I made with Kevin Allison, one of the cast members of the State:

And here is a State Sketch:

Here's some exerpts from the TV SQUAD review:

Frustrated fans and even members of the show's cast have been clamoring for Viacom and company to sign off on a DVD box set of MTV's most under-appreciated show The State. Miles of red tape and nearsighted executives prevented any ounce of hope from shining through the dark void the show left on television. MTV's new five disc set for release on Tuesday, news we broke back in April, has corrected the mistake and earned everyone responsible for its hold-up some karma points for their crimes against hilarity.


The State box set, however, keeps their hardcore and extremely patient fans in mind the most. The first thing you'll see when you unwrap the plastic and slide the plastic cases out of the cardboard is a note from the cast explaining their involvement in the development of the box set and some of the changes that had to be made due to licensing and copyright issues. It's one of many personal touches and tweaks that make
it clear everyone involved had the most dedicated fan in mind while they were re-recording dialogue on a Barry and Levon sketch or blurring a trademarked image in a detailed back-drop.


It is the first DVD box set in recent memory that puts its fans ahead of fiscal concerns or financial constraints. If you've been praying to see The State go to DVD in your lifetime, prepare a goat sacrifice to thank God for heeding your call.