And now you can do anything you've ever wanted

and so much more:
- All you can eat BBQ in Manhattan on Monday nights for 25 bucks. I'm not usually one for gutbusters, but unlimited meats give me a hard on smile.

- At Monkeytown spend 40 bucks and get a fancy meal with great music videos playing while you dine.

- I want this, but it's $2450, so I will not have it.

- Were you ever curious how much superbowl tickets actually cost?

- Do you Bang the worst dudes?

- I have great disdain for job postings that use the word "Rockstar". There's tons of them btw. Real rockstars eat marketing interns for breakfast.

- Hackers Crack Into Texas Road Sign, Warn of Zombies Ahead


- I'm not safe today in my apartment. I have quiet loud fantasies. I am quiet when I have them but the fantasies are loud and destructive. I want to break absolutely everything in my apartment today. Don't tell my roommate. She's European and therefore delicate and she won't appreciate it.

- One of these days I will be punished for my thoughts. Maybe I'm being punished already. I don't have any pancakes. Big and fluffy, with blueberries, stacked tall on a big plate on my coffee table. Shit this all seems too crazy stupid to write publicly. I'll do it anyway. Add some spice in here for good measure. I know why the caged bird pancake sings. comedy