Thursday, April 30, 2009

knowledges

KNOWLEDGES

NYC PARKING TICKETS:
- You should always request a hearing even if you are guilty because they will offer you a discounted/reduced fee no matter what if you opt not to have a hearing. (reduced about 20 - 30 bucks)
- You can do this online! You don't even have to go in person, select a hearing and you will automatically be offered a reduction.
- The only exception for a standing ticket is this:
"Car may not stand in No Standing zone except for expeditious pick up or drop off of passenger"
So you could get out of a no standing ticket this way - say you are just picking someone up.


BEST NAIL POLISH COLOR DISCOVERY:
Opi's Heart Throb is not too pale, not too pink, just right.

Today is Dutch Queens Day! Are you celebrating? I know how much you love Queen Beatrix. Wear oranje.


Today's delights:
- Dolly Parton is from heavenly and delightful as always

- MEAT CARDS: BUSINESS CARDS MADE FROM MEAT AND LASERS - proof that god is listening to my deepest desires!


- http://doihaveswineflu.org/

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Grace Jones was Fantastic in Boomerang

in case you ever forgot.




I always think of this movie when I visit the World Financial Center, and when my mom used to take me there on Take Your Daughter to Work day. She used to work in WTC pre 2001.

Saw the Fischerspooner dress rehearsal for their tour on Saturday. This will be a spectacular show of great sounds and dance and costumes and all such excitement.
Check out this killer new Fischerspooner cover of an obscure REM song.

Check out more pics from this show.


- Chinese Batman lost in translation (via kloke/killbot alpha)

- Mario Batali on Martha Stewart making Spring Onion and Pea soup.

- Per Se now has an A La Carte menu in the Per Se Salon. (Per Se is probably one of the most expensive, rumored to be the abolute best fancy food in nyc. Used to be 275 a head, now it's got some regular expensive items - so it's tryable ...)

Also saw:
- Rhys Chatham at the Met - really enjoyed it, loved the encore that had some metal eletments and a very Franz Ferdinand drum beat
- Mogwai at MHOW - Adam explains that they are all about "playing as soft as possible while playing as loud as possible" which makes for an interesting musical experience.
I really liked openers "The Twilight Sad" who had a Pitchfork top 100 track with "Cold Days from the Birdhouse." Pitchfork also begins their most recent album review with this:
If you've never seen the Twilight Sad live, here's your two-word review: they're loud. Like, just completely ear-splitting.

The Twilight Sad - "Cold Days From The Birdhouse" (MP3)

BONUS
Julia Roberts speech at Tom Hanks tribute at Lincoln Center
it's short, great, and NSFW

Monday, April 27, 2009

NY mag called me "bawdy"

in a tiny one line mention in today's New York Magazine.

Naughty!

The article is about Andrew WK and his awesome rockstar wife Cherie Lily. Both are performing on the Friday June 12th birthday show of Street Meat!

Coming to LA!

Hey y'all, I'm gonna perform some comedy in Los Angeles. Here's my schedule so far:

Monday June 15 - Talk Show at Hyperion Tavern 10pm

Tuesday June 16th - Standup @ D+D's Joke Center

Weds June 17 - Standup @ Punk House

Sat June 20 - Standup @ The Bar Show, 9:30pm

Sun June 21 - Hosting Street Meat @ UCB LA 6pm (right before Assscat!) w/ special guests Matt Besser, Nick Kroll, Walsh Brothers, Josh Fadem, Val Myers, and Rick Shapiro

Friday, April 24, 2009

New friends

I've been living in the NYC area since 2003. That's 6 years. And I'm 27. In addition, lots of friends from my past have moved here because NYC is awesome. I go out a lot and perform on stages, providing ample opportunity to meet new people. I have the luxury of knowing many great individuals - and I'm thankful for it. I don't take it for granted and like to show appreciation to those close to me when I can.

Even though I'm unemployed, I'm still a comedian trying to do a million different projects. This city offers countless wonderful things to enjoy. My time means so much to me, and I'm not doing "nothing" ever. If anything it's a very purposeful nothing. If I can squeeze an ounce of free time out, who am I going to give it to? Family, because there's ever-present guilt that I don't spend enough time with them.

I don't think I'm better than people.
Or too good for them.
Nor do I want to hurt their feelings.

But I almost never want to spend time with someone new.

I don't know what to do when someone new asks to hang out - or someone who isn't already an important part of my life.
Sure, I do make time for new friends here and there, but often these are folks with whom I've struck a strong chord of interest - or who I've hung out with before and we had a great time.

And I'm in a relationship - forget it! That takes tons of time and I really enjoy that time - and he has friends, and they matter to me too!

I generally don't like being asked to give one of my nights to someone new. I don't like feeling like a total asshole because I just don't want to cross off a day on my calendar. I want days alone too.

But part of me always feels like a dick about it.

There are so many people in my life that I'm so excited about. I want to give them time.

They all deserve more than I can give. And I get pissed when people don't understand this.

Then again, I'll be in LA from June 15-22, and I sure hope the people out there that I kind of know totally want to hang.

UNRELATED:
Fucking hummus FUCK! (thanks eliot glazer)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Monday, April 20, 2009

The sun is coming and it marked my flesh with its burns

when I was at the Mets game Saturday the sun pwned my exposed upper body. COOL not really actually kinda who cares so moving on:


I didn't like Yeah Yeah Yeahs when they first came out with Maps because I thought it sounded just like Krissy Hynde from the Pretenders and was nothing new. But I now like the song moreso because of its interesting singer Karen O. Adam, a wise music sage, told me she is a fucking rockstar and she is good. I never noticed before and got curious. She has elaborate outfits and moves with slow purpose. I was expecting her to act more wild but she's less obvious than that. He stage movements are almost shy which is interesting against her outfits and style. She's also kind of moving and expressive. Check her out in this music video for "Maps." Pretty intense stuff.

I also really like new Depeche Mode



Blair from Gossip Girl sings with Awesome New Republic on the track "Birthday" and it's good! Just plain fun stuff. Download here.

- NSFW must read from Vice about masturbatory things

- Shayna's blog Pattern Pulp is coolll!
- Apple store appearances for Tribeca Film Fest (if you still like Natalie Portman)
- I saw the Mets this weekend and got sunburns AND ate amazing bbq'd meats from a really wonderful man named Jake who bbq'd not only fine meats, but also grilled up homemade cheese stuff jalopenos wrapped in bacon! I greatly respect this.
- Some new photos

I did break up with my boyfriend a couple weeks ago, but then we worked things out. I'm happy about this. He's great.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I saw Sonic Youth and More pay tribute to Merce Cunningham at BAM last night

They were in a space ship!


And I explained to my gay bff what a Sonic Youth was. Like the Beyonce of Alt Noise Rock.

The music and dance weren't what you would call "enjoyable" but it was entirely interesting and fun.

BTW did you ever see this Sonic Youth video for the cover of Superstar where Thurston acts all 70s old school? You should up and watch that



Also, we went to the Chuck E Cheese in the mall next to BAM. It was fun to explore for about 5 minutes. Then it was time to rejoin the world that we knew and eat sushi.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Tyson Doc - (thanks Dave Segal)


PS - I especially enjoyed Dave's post about the Beach Boys' I Get Around.


- Remember this guy, my old boss? Sometimes he says funny things in magazines. This time it's NY Magazine.
- Teen pays 20k to hang with rock drummer
- I personally loved Kanye's response to South Park's Fish Dicks episode.
- Pictorial of the 25 Funniest Actresses in Hollywood
- Pattern is Movement Beyonce cover
- Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent

SHOWS
- Tonight I'm a guest on the Comic Book Club at the PIT, 8pm
- Tomorrow, I'll be storytelling at New York Shitty, 9pm @ Ochis - Comix

Here's a song I like from the musically interesting St Vincent:

Friday, April 10, 2009

cat sex is NOT cute

cats are supposed to be cute
that's their point
they were mutated from tigers to be cute in my house and go be in a ball and be snuggly
their paws and ears are specifically designed for this purpose
BUT NOT THESE CATS IN MY HOUSE HERE
these friggin cats
they come with my new apartment
and I love me some cats!
there is a boy one who is fixed
and a girl one who is this major horny slut
and she keeps making noises and hissing and pushing out her pussy poosy on the boy cat and then they freak out and run all over like a bunch of crack heads on speed
finally today they chilled the fuck out and sat on separate sides of the house
and got in cute balls
and looked up at me all adorable
and it's like
HOLY FUCK YOU CATS ARE CUTE I FORGOT
but then the little slutbag chases up on the boy cat's non dickus and I
DAMMIT
I just got interrupted as they freaked on by

CAT SEX IS NOT CUTE

I'm going back to Puerto Rico!

Annemarie has a friend (with a car ooh!) in San Juan that we can stay with, and we found a cheap flight on Jet Blue oooh. We will be there from May 20-24th. This is very exciting.

Pics from my last Puerto Rico trip with Shayna.

DSCN2449

Old San Juan

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Ah. A moment of peace.

I'm pretty worn out.
Moving takes a lot of energy and a lot of muscle. I haven't been doing proper stretches.

Sooo. Here's what happened!
STORYTIME
About 3 weeks ago I found out I was accepted to NYU's MFA Film program. I realized I will not be returning to work, and cannot afford my apartment. I felt an urgent need to get rid of my apartment as soon as possible and find something more affordable.
- I wasn't finding anyone, so I sorta gave up and stopped packing things.
- Suddenly this Monday someone said they'd take my place and wanted to move in on Tuesday
- I called my parents, they brought their van up, and we moved enough stuff so she could sleep in my place, and I could sleep in the new place (I had found it previously, but wasn't able to take it since nobody was renting mine, fortunately it was still available)
- Since it was such short notice and I have so much crap, and my new place is much smaller, I am going back to the old apartment every day to clean and move more stuff until it's all good to go
- That's a lot of work, and I have an old roommate, new sublettor, and 3 new roommates - and everyone is excited about meeting each other and living together - which is really lovely, but it hasn't allowed me too many minutes of peace. (if a new roommate reads this, please don't take offense! I like you, I'm just a bit overwhelmed!) Anyhow, there's a lot of personalities in the new and old apartment, and they all require some attention.
- I love my new apartment. The reason my room is affordable is because it is a converted living room in a duplex. The location is incredible, right near the school, and it has a big ol patio! I'm very lucky to have found this deal.
- But I am a kid again! Living with 3 girls, all younger than me, I'm a student again, and now sleeping on a TWIN bed! I may get a bigger one or a futon, because it can fit in the space, but it will be tight in there. Heh, tight.
- So this is all very sudden. Being laid off has changed my life, eh?

DISCOVERY ZONE awesome and amazing finds in old apartment:
- the shoebox with printed photos of exes, my dead cat, old vacations, all pre 2005 (kids these days don't have those anymore, right?)
- a lot of relics from the past and newspaper clippings
- very old used condom with mouse poo on it


STREAM New Silversun Pickups. I like them a lot, but haven't given this a listen yet.

BRAGGING: I make the most incredible breakup mix. NOT BRAGGING: Which I made because I did break up with my boyfriend on Sunday. And I love him very much, so let's not go hating him - he's one of my favorite people, it's just something that had to happen right now, and it's for our own good. But that doesn't mean I can't reminisce to awesome heartbreaky songs! Not all songs on this list apply to my situation, but the ones about it being over (like Now You're Gone), missing him, and being fed up do apply.
Here's what I have so far -


COLOR SCHEME! color scheme
color scheme!
I decided how I want to decorate my room: chocolate brown w robin's egg blue and hot pink accents.
And I have some dark brown wood stuff - and I'm really into antiquey/apothecary looks.
I'm really over decorating apartments with posters and ikea crap. I like to make a house a home.

Places of inspiration:
- Freeman's Alley

- Tommy Guns Salon on Ludlow

- Earnest Sewn Shop on Orchard
- Ale et Ange
- Martha Stewart Blue

- Dark brown wood shades from Target

- My hot pink deer lamp

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Les Savy Fav frontman Tim Harrington actually huffed crazy glue

like seriously and not a joke.
Unless somehow he is making great efforts to make this joke.
More info and picture here: http://twitter.com/IAMBEARDO

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Today I move up to East 7th Street!

- Last night's show was a very good experience. It felt right to be very real on stage. I like connecting to audiences.
- MLB's new web video seems like a strong digital step forward.
- My former boss's dispute, very interesting.
- The Game
- for Real Housewives of NY watchers

Sunday, April 05, 2009

A video, followed by an announcement.

Here is something I made that will never be finished so I am sharing it now. We were gonna record the audio track properly, but now we won't because we can't for a reason that I am not sharing right here and right now. This is from a day that made me very happy and I don't want it to collect digital dust.

We took a Saturday afternoon drinking bloody marys on the roof, got silly and played around with the camera. This is what we got. It is intended to be a rap, an ode to the smells in my smelly apt building hallway. The lyrics are "Put the cabbage in the pot, put the onions on the boiler"


ANNOUNCEMENT
*** I haven't said this because I wasn't sure if I should stop looking for jobs (I finally decided that was the right thing to do) but I was accepted to NYU's MFA program in Film (writer/director concentration) !!!
Woot woot. ***

So there's some film, and in the coming year there will be much more, with much more time and painstaking effort thrown in.

And please come to street meat! I'll channel my raw emotion onto the stage to create a gripping fantasy world. Or just cry while people perform around me. Your job as a good audience member will be to yell "show us ur tits." Cool thanks.

Friday, April 03, 2009

bruno!



I don't understand how he's on the Richard Bey show (which I used to love) because it doesn't exist anymore - but I'm sure this will be fun.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

learn things

Don't have a lot of time

so I'm gonna get to the point:

I learned about CSAs and I plan to join one. CSAs are run in cities in partnership with local farms. When you join one, you get a selection of seasonal, fresh, organic produce that you pick up once a week. You can even share it, have a friend do it with you and you alternate weeks. It costs a lump sum of anywhere from 200-600 dollars for the whole season, but you divide it over the weeks to see what makes sense for you. Often times it's 10-20 dollars a week, which is amazing for what you get. I'm just figuring out where to join. As a foodie this is very exciting.
More info: http://justfood.org/csa/

The Room: Some people in my recent Mono Y Mono improv show told me about the sensation known as "The Room," a movie so terrible and poorly made that it's amazing. Screenings have become cult classicy.

Weird Italian Glasses

NIN's awesome April Fools Prank. Tracklist is my favorite part! STILL HURTS

STREET MEAT
's NEXT SHOW IS
Monday APRIL 6 @ 8pm!
Unique Character Comedy Variety Show
Cake Shop 152 Ludlow St
FREE
Hosted by Heather Fink and Rob Lathan
with these great character performers:
- Billy Scafuri and Adam Lustick (Harvard Sailing Team)
- Lou Perez (UCB Theatre, Hammerkatz)
- Kelly Hudson and Emily Strachan (UCB Theatre, KAPE)
- Cherie Lily (HOUSEROBICS, Rock star, Santos Party House)
- Harry Terjanian (UCB Theatre, MTV)
Called one of "the city's best indie-comedy showcases" by New York
Magazine, and selected as a Village Voice Choice.
Happy Hour 7-8, cheap beers all night long