Sunday, May 31, 2009

today is the 5th anniversary of my blog

that's right - this thing was started 5 years ago when I was still in law school, and look at me now - the princess of unemployment!

but I'm up to something right now (which you can read about in Wednesday's NY Post), so in the event that I have something to reflect on about this topic, I'll be doing it another time

get excited?

prince harry is my soulmate

prince harry does beer spitting too

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Knowledges: Gotham Chubby

After my Puerto Rican trip, I grew to appreciate NYC EVEN MORE than I already do, since I had this awful feeling about all of the greatness I was missing out on by being away. Today I needed to get out and just be ... so I went exploring around my place in the East Village and we found countless treasures! From Russian and Turkish baths to elaborate community gardens. OH NYC MY BONER MY BONER FOR YOU!

Also, I have to watch 50 films this summer as my assignment before starting the grad film program at NYU. Oh the audio visual mental enrichment! On rainy days I can feel productive staying in with movies.

Myrtle gives an excellent account of Wavves' dramatic breakdown!


NY Times article about Zach Galifianakis who is a comedic hero genius lovable individual.

And so here's a couple more of my most favorite amazing undeniably talented talents:
Hannibal Burress

John Mulaney

John Mulaney - talent reel

Also, saw Grizzly Bear at Town Hall last night. Their music is flawless and lovely sounding BUT they aren't good live performers. The sound is just fine, but they have no charisma or stage presence. They are just sweet, dorky, and still. Not terribly engaging - but nonetheless they are truly solid in the sound dept. Also, the song Foreground moved me to tears. This happens sometimes when a song is sung with raw emotion and sounds so sad and personal. Final note - among non-classical musicians, Ed Droste has the most beautiful, clear, precise singing voice of any male vocalist in decades.

Another bit of raving - I think Grizzly Bear's music video for Two Weeks is incredibly well done conceptually and on par with the great music video era of the 90s. It's funny and also captures a complete idea/style.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Last night I was in a Charity Date Auction - why? Because of facebook. Because someone I think I went to high school with and is very nice and haven't spoken to in years asked me to - and I saw it was for charity, and that the charity was good - and I'd feel like a complete jerk saying no.

I hate asking people for money, but I sucked it up and solicited people. And as much as "" exists, and I promote my shows all the time, the very idea of selling myself vs my ideas or things I made (like a video) is completely awkward and terrifying.

Last night we get to this event and it's massive. Seemed like 1,000 people in this flashy clubby place with tons of lights and noises everywhere. I was congested and am currently experiencing a distressing personal life so it felt fairly nightmarish. They gave me vodkas. I drank them. The vodkas influenced my brain.

Then they put me up first to walk on some little stage and get bid on by suit wearing midtowners. I'm in heels, I'm tipsy, and this is weird, and no it's nothing like doing standup. And during the bidding I grabbed the mike and tried to have fun with it and said "Hey come on! It's for the fucking mommies!" Some people laughed, and then the others made a big deal out of it. So here I am on this stage, in these heels, tipsy, being bid on which is embarrassing enough - and then one of the hosts got uptight about my F bomb! It felt AWFUL! And some really douchey seeming blond man with hairgel and a fake tan was giving me this signal where you wave your hand in front of your neck like you're cutting it off and was very big about his motioning - so I gave him the finger. Oops. It just slipped off my hand. I didn't even want to do this in in the first place. I was trying to have fun with it and felt obligated because it was for charity. Ugh it was just like getting sent to the principles office when I was younger. Dammit. I WAS JUST HAVING FUN and trying to help raise the freakin money.

I'm quite annoyed at the lady on stage who had to be uptight about it. It was a room full of adults who could handle the F bomb AND they laughed until she had to get all weird about it - and then everyone was uncomfortable. I'm glad their charity does things to help - but just because you're a charity doesn't mean you belong on a chaste high horse where people can't be silly or say an "adult" word.

Anyways I just feel embarrassed that I did that, and I hate to have been put in that position. Pointing the finger back at me - well, I must be too used to the downtown crowd or something. I also have a problem thinking things aren't a very big deal. A friend who came with me said it was a very "heather thing to do." Well yikes then.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

dropped the f bomb


Knowledges: curried carrot edition

Stuff going on:
I went to Puerto Rico, but it rained every day. It was like OUCH. Major OUCH. Spend the money, get to the beach. Rain. It took waaayyyy too much effort to have a positive attitude about it. It sucked. Made some nice moments and pictures but - suck suck suck.
We saw this weird tree! Only in majestic Puerto Rico!

From now on I'm tagging blogs that list random knowledges as knowledges. BIG DAY, eh!
Martha told me to make these and so I did, also, I loved them.:
- Peruvian Fish Stew

- Curried Carrot Soup

I want to dine at Shang and then spend the rest of the day in their pool.

This Lady GaGa individual is downright terrible. And here, she is on some kind of pills. And regarding her lyric "I'll make you hard, show you what I got" - not exactly challenging or impressive to make someone hard, but I'm sure someone's proud of you for your achievement.

Bushwick County Club: On Sundays this summer, free Maker's Mark milkshakes and smoky barbecue will be allotted at this Williamsburg tavern, which sports a mini-golf course. 618 Grand St. (between Leonard and Lorimer sts.), Brooklyn

Read about the real stripping coke fiend of Bravo's Real Housewives of NJ.

Arnold Schwarzenegger fashion retrospective.

Paul Janka looks like Charles Manson while trying to sell his attraction formula.

And ohhh the Gossip Girl Season Finale

<3 <3 <3
You non watchers are MISSING OUT. Check Jen Kwok's recap.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Please come: Friday June 12 Bday Party Show @ Cake Shop!

More info:

click on their names to learn more about our special guests -
Cherie Lily and Andrew WK
Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt
Jon Glaser
And Trevor Williams!

Called one of "the city's best indie-comedy showcases" by New York Magazine, and selected as a Village Voice Choice.
Happy Hour 7-8, cheap beers all night long
A monthly character comedy show w/street perfomers and weird stuff. This month, it's also a Bday party.

See photo set by Dan Zimmer!

doing standup tonight in the east village

8pm @ TenEleven
171 Ave C

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

el yunque

i'm gonna jump in you

be back sunday


Did you know that there exists such a thing as bimatoprost? It makes your lashes grow! It costs money. It's 2009 and now there's a chemical that can do that. Maybe burns eyes a little. Oh technology!

Sonic Youth's The Eternal, pretty much Eternal

Sonic Youth's amazing achievement on The Eternal is that time has not compromised their sound, identity or the youthful element to their songs.

Even though In Rainbows is a great album from Radiohead - it doesn't have the band's younger sound.

Even though Merriweather Post Pavillion is a well celebrated release from Animal Collective - it also doesn't have their original edge.

Such is the case for Trent Reznor's post "The Fragile" albums, along with many other bands, Beastie Boys, Weezer.

Often times bands skillfully adapt and transform, creating rich, newer sounds. As a band matures, the raw flavor of a young band is often lost. Sonic Youth's "The Eternal" is the most striking example of a band who is able to maintain their unique youthful sound through the later years of their career, possibly indefinitely.

Not from the Eternal (hey Sonic Youth, make a new video! a fun one!):

Note: I attended the "No Fun Fest" Saturday evening, fully aware that I'd be getting Noise Rock and not their songs - but I still hated it. I've seen Sonic Youth's experimentations with noise in other forms - Lee and Thurston at the Jazzmaster 50th anniversary show; the Merce Cunningham tribute - and I was expecting something along that line. This was just unpleasant noises- the kind that made me want to puke! The sounds were such that you'd naturally feel alarmed or like something was wrong, and I really don't enjoy that. The biggest BS factor of the night was the audience - who wanted so badly to be smart and hip and edgy by loving it. This was a true example of a moment where the band could have farted into the microphone and this audience would have regarded it as art. Sheeps I tell you! The sounds created a gut response of unpleasantness, and I feel only 1/3 or 1/4 of this audience could have truthfully enjoyed it.

Other Note: Went to Passion Pit boat cruise. Only kinda liked the band before seeing them. But they were great live, the sound was excellent, and they really put on a kickassedly energetic show.

i find the burlesque trend so annoying

hippy bullshit and ferries are incredibly unappealing to me
and i like tori amos i do
its not like i eat baby animals
well actually i totally do
but not before they are skinned and roasted with rosemary and e.v.o.o.
not raw like where i have to rip through their fur ok
unless i have to

its just such a pain in the ass
the very concept of high brow strip teases
tit tit tit tit titty
ok woman you can move
and you are female i see
very good job
but tit is tit
and i think you are just having a hard time selling straight up dancing without the knockers

and i dont want everybody to be so free with their parts
clothes are great
they are comfortable
have pockets in them
look cool
and are awfully hygenic barriers
dont want slime seats

free spirited is not the same thing as

also i was just enjoying a nice cold bud light and all of the sudden half naked woman you are at this bar reminding me of my own damn body parts and making me get all damned concerned about them
and boys lust with carefree abandon
pointless for me so pointless

Friday, May 15, 2009

let's hug more

A few gems from the awkward family photos site:

IMAX Scandal
- As started by Aziz Ansari
- about the technologies

Remember Max Headroom?

Apparently there was once an emmy award winning show about him that
- scared people
- and people pranked the tv with him
"In 1987 some drunk people managed to interupt a film on tv and replace it with them in Max Headroom masks. " see more here

What's with kids these days buying records? Adam investigates Record Store Day.

Fashions from all kinds of moms back in the day

An amazing lineup of female comedians discuss women in comedy - and basically share the opinion that you can't be pretty in comedy. How very outdated and backwards of all of you.

The must see films from the Tribeca Film Festival

Who won the webbys?

Who won this year's James Beard awards for culinary excellence?

A photo of the first completed section of the NYC Highline.

No Pudge Brownie Mix is incredible! I purchased it from Trader Joes, it's an all organic fat free mix for brownies that contains all natural yummy ingredients, and all you have to add is vanilla yogurt, and an egg white if you like.
INGREDIENTS: Pure Cane Sugar, Unbleached Wheat Flour, Dutch Cocoa, Egg Whites, Corn Starch, Wheat Gluten, Salt,& Baking Soda. NOT BAD

I made it for a photoshoot, which then got messed up cause of an errant digital camera memory card. When we redid the photo session we used cheap duncan hines mix, which was totally gross in comparison.

Monday, May 11, 2009

There's sad mommies who are having a rough time out there!

Click here to lend your support to: Support Heather Fink at the WGIRLSNYC Bachelor/ette Auction ! May 28th and make a donation at !

Wouldn't it be particularly crappy to be a struggling single mom, especially in this economy? Kids need a lot of things - food, clothing, health care ...
I don't have a lot of money right now and you don't either, but hopefully you could spare something for disadvantaged single moms out there - they could really use it!

I'm taking part in a date auction on May 28th for the WGirls (see below, they help out these moms and families).
Please sponsor me! And if you'd like to bid on dates (My friend Neil Janowitz is one of the hosts, he's delightful) and some dude from MTV's The City is also up for auction, named "J.R. Gudger."

TICKETS AVAILABLE HERE - **** If you pledge 25 bucks - you get a free ticket! ****
25 in advance, 45 at the door,
Where: M2 Ultra Lounge | 530 W 28th St. New York, NY
When: Thursday, May 28th from 7–11 pm
Why: To raise funds and awareness for The Opportunity Network and Harlem RBI.
Get ready to bid on your favorite bachelor & bachelorettes at our live
and silent auctions.
FREE Vodka & Wine bar from 7:00-8:00pm, awesome Raffle Prizes,
and Music by Vikas & Dimitry!!

(not as easy as Murphy Brown made it look!)

The WGIRLS believe that all children, regardless of race, religion or financial situation, deserve the same opportunities our members were afforded throughout childhood. These opportunities include quality education, strong and positive parental influence, and a safe and loving home. We also believe that to create these opportunities, parents, especially single mothers, must have access to education,
child- and health-care. These tools will help them be self-sufficient, and set a positive example for their children.

The WGIRLS raise funds and volunteer, through partnerships with organizations that share our mission and vision to meet the following goals:
- Provide quality education to disadvantaged women and children throughout New York City and the surrounding areas.
- Provide a safe and welcoming daycare and after school environment for the children of disadvantaged working mothers.
- Encourage all disadvantaged women to rise above their circumstances in pursuit of education, financial independence and
- Provide quality healthcare to disadvantaged women and their children.
- Afford disadvantaged children and their families amenities such as new clothing, toiletries, school supplies and gifts during the holidays so that they may experience a sense of pride and normalcy in their everyday lives.

Friday, May 08, 2009

the air force plane over lower manhattan completely blows my mind

Official who OK'd Air Force One jet flyover resigns
how they could be sooo stupid to think that's a good idea
how they could be that out of touch with reality

for a photoshoot?

I actually don't believe that, maybe they were up to something.

WHITE HOUSE- hey nypd, this is the white house, we r gonna fly a plane really low near ground zero and take a couple of pretty pictures of it

NYPD- okee dokee white house! I love airplanes! Zooom zoom!

WHITE HOUSE- and make sure not to tell the people of nyc that there's no cause for panic

NYPD - yeah ok gotta go, I'm watching kathy and hoda on the today show and they are learning how to make cinamon buns

WHITE HOUSE - ooh cinamon buns I love those

NYPD - bye


Thursday, May 07, 2009

Somebody touched me in my eyebrows

This man, Thomas McEntee, he touched me there. He put creams and waxes and warm and fragrant things on there!

But I liked it. It all started when I was shopping around MioMia in South Williamsburg (Bedford and S 2nd). MioMia is the most exciting creams and toiletries and smelly things store I've ever been to! It has my favorite brands like Mario Basescu and John Allen. There's lots of great things to play with and open and close and squeeze and poke at. While shopping there, Thomas asked me if I've ever had my brows "done," and I said no. I like to keep their natural angry arched look that makes me look pissed off even when I'm not. But he implored me to try it out.

And so I did. Thomas McEntee is a Brow ARTIST. And he touched me in my eyebrows. And he made them feel nice and fresh and clean and shapely. I'd recommend him to people who get their brows done, though I am not ready to make this a regular new expense, it was a nice experience worth trying - and he knows what he's doing.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

I'm gross

I've always though I was kind of gross. Daddy's girl. Not a neat freak. Not careful. Risk taker. Eat without washing hands? Sure! I'll be fine. There's an awful lot that won't kill you. I'm tough!

But I reached a threshold yesterday when I was faced with a filet mignon.

On Saturday I bbq'd some fat steaks with my favorite boys Adam and Stephen. We drank a lot of over bourboned mint juleps and I forgot to put away the left over steak in the fridge before we left. I returned home on Monday morning and discovered the steaks.

I picked up the beef. It smelled delicious, felt soft and juicy. There was nothing rotten or undesirable about it. As its thick steakiness rest between my fingers I lost control of my hand and all of the sudden the roasted meat was in my mouth. I devoured it. Very soon I was left with a meager little bite left and all of the sudden it hit me -

what have I done?

I started googling "cooked meat left out smells good tastes good" and I found this forum that warned me
4 hours to grow salmonella.

Why would you want to risk getting so terribly ill?

My friend who was not an infant or elderly frail person was 5 days in a hospital bed with salmonella. I had another friend who had a lung sugically removed who was only in hospital for 4 days.

And then I freaked out and took some left over antibiotic that I never finished taking (for what? clue found here).
It's 2 days later and I have not died or gotten food poisoning.
I am in the clear for now. BUT MAYBE I WAS JUST LUCKY THIS TIME!

And in that moment I lost some of my youth.
Gone to the wind is a morsel of my wild abandon.
A shock of gray hair has come to me.

Maybe it's best not to be so gross.
No more picking nose and wiping under chairs.
No more licking the subway.

Time to invite a new chapter into my life. The non-rancid meat eating one.
I hope I have not lost the spark that makes me, me.

Monday, May 04, 2009

on protecting the gay people from marrying each other

For the people that want to "protect marriage" so badly, why not give people shit for talking badly about their spouses, attack marriage/my wife jokes, attack adulterous folks? There's so many things you could attack if you really cared about protecting the sanctity of marriage, the gay thing seems to have nothing to do with looking at marriage as something sacred/amazing - and everything to do with condemning homosexuality.

Honestly, I don't think the gay haters give a darn about marriages at all. They are just trying to find some reason to hate gay people, and they look at this a great opportunity to scare people into thinking that homosexuality is damaging to society.

The only way homosexuality could ever be a bad thing is if someone was sexually abused - but the problem there is the sexual abuse/non-consent. Being gay and consensual homosexual acts are completely harmless - and are simply reality. People are gay. People have gay sex. And that's ok!

It would be a novel idea though to revamp our ideas about marriage so it doesn't seem so scary and terrifying overall, don't you think? A society that doesn't look at spouses as ball and chain ...