Friday, May 29, 2009

Last night I was in a Charity Date Auction - why? Because of facebook. Because someone I think I went to high school with and is very nice and haven't spoken to in years asked me to - and I saw it was for charity, and that the charity was good - and I'd feel like a complete jerk saying no.

I hate asking people for money, but I sucked it up and solicited people. And as much as "" exists, and I promote my shows all the time, the very idea of selling myself vs my ideas or things I made (like a video) is completely awkward and terrifying.

Last night we get to this event and it's massive. Seemed like 1,000 people in this flashy clubby place with tons of lights and noises everywhere. I was congested and am currently experiencing a distressing personal life so it felt fairly nightmarish. They gave me vodkas. I drank them. The vodkas influenced my brain.

Then they put me up first to walk on some little stage and get bid on by suit wearing midtowners. I'm in heels, I'm tipsy, and this is weird, and no it's nothing like doing standup. And during the bidding I grabbed the mike and tried to have fun with it and said "Hey come on! It's for the fucking mommies!" Some people laughed, and then the others made a big deal out of it. So here I am on this stage, in these heels, tipsy, being bid on which is embarrassing enough - and then one of the hosts got uptight about my F bomb! It felt AWFUL! And some really douchey seeming blond man with hairgel and a fake tan was giving me this signal where you wave your hand in front of your neck like you're cutting it off and was very big about his motioning - so I gave him the finger. Oops. It just slipped off my hand. I didn't even want to do this in in the first place. I was trying to have fun with it and felt obligated because it was for charity. Ugh it was just like getting sent to the principles office when I was younger. Dammit. I WAS JUST HAVING FUN and trying to help raise the freakin money.

I'm quite annoyed at the lady on stage who had to be uptight about it. It was a room full of adults who could handle the F bomb AND they laughed until she had to get all weird about it - and then everyone was uncomfortable. I'm glad their charity does things to help - but just because you're a charity doesn't mean you belong on a chaste high horse where people can't be silly or say an "adult" word.

Anyways I just feel embarrassed that I did that, and I hate to have been put in that position. Pointing the finger back at me - well, I must be too used to the downtown crowd or something. I also have a problem thinking things aren't a very big deal. A friend who came with me said it was a very "heather thing to do." Well yikes then.

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