Tuesday, December 29, 2009

quick reminiscing with photos

i still update flickr

Leo, Jeff, Me, Edna shooting Edna's film

That's what I look like when I'm a DP Cameralady person! I look cool!

watch out Fonze
Leo AC, Fink DP

NOOoooo go away I SAID WATCH OUT!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

LoLing so hard, I cry.

Yes. This:

Some visual imageries for you

If you are wienering around (isn't that more pleasant than saying "dicking" around?) and haven't got much to do - or just don't feel like doing it - reward yourself by watching scenes from Alan Berliner's documentary "Nobody's Business"

enjoy these clips here because it's hard to find anywhere!

And enjoy this clip from the Documentary "American Movie" about some Wisconsin guys trying to make a low budget movie, where pretty much everything goes wrong that could go wrong - this is a scene where the director is trying to get his dad to do a voice over:

And here's an excellent film about cat massage:

I truly love this new Massive Attack song and very NSFW music video:
New Massive Attack Video - "Paradise Circus" (Feat. Hope Sandoval) (NSFW) Adult movies used to be shot on real film and were completely visually different, and a truly unique look at 1970s human behavior.

Speaking of NSFW - Chef Academy's Emmanuel!!!! I love reality shows about cooking and now I love them more.

My first semester of film school is just about over. Tomorrow the faculty evaluates my film, and I've already started shooting my documentary project and writing my adaptation (we adapt a short story into a short film) which will keep me well occupied till May!

That's about as personal as it gets right now. I shall lead you to believe that I am a goal oriented and focused young lady.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Love letter from Kurt Cobain to Courtney Love

(it's real, not a joke)


When I say I love you, I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating, persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise.

I wear you on my sleeve. I spread out wide open with the wing span of a peacock, yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head.

I think its pathetic that the entire world looks upon a person with patience and a calm demeanor as the desired model citizen, yet there’s something to be said about the ability to explain ones self with a toned down, tune deaf tone.

And I will say it: I am what they call the boy who is slow. How I metamorphosised from hyperactive to cement is for the lack of a better knife to the throat hu, annoying, aggrevating, confusing as dense as cement.

Cement holds no other mineral. You can’t even find fools gold in it. Its strictly man made and youve taught me it’s ok to be a man and in the classic mans world

I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no mineral.

Love Kurt

Monday, December 07, 2009

I'm gonna sing again

This weekend I decided to sing again.

to enjoy it.

The last time I sang I was 18. I had about 10 years of voice lessons, mostly classical, and used to sing in all sorts of choirs. I miss it. It felt good, it kept my mind active in a partly soul warming partly mathematical way.

So I will start taking private voice lessons again, 1 hour a week, get my voice back into shape - because it is out of shape, and I want to relearn all of my favorite classical songs. I prefer to sing Italian arias and have a couple favorites in French and Spanish too. So I'd like to relearn those, and if I get good enough, I'll perform them on a stage! Maybe mix classical Italian pieces with comedy. Could be something fun to play with there - already getting ideas!

I'll start lessons in a couple of weeks.

Here's one of my favorite songs by Claude Debussy

And I will definitely relearn this one!!!
Beau Soir (Beautiful Evening)
Claude Debussy, arranged by Linda Steen Spevacek
When, ’neath the setting sun,
flows a river in evening,
and the warm summer wind blows out across the field
Then from all things a thought arises to be happy,
and it counsels the troubled heart.
And it tells us we should enjoy the gift of living
while we’re young and the sun is setting in full bloom.
For we shall go away,
like water that is flowing.
It to the sea,
we to the tomb.

See - hilarious.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

One of the reasons my ex best friend dumped me is because he said I've been too sad and too negative all this year.
And he's right.
I've been much more sad and negative than in the past.

I'd lost my job.
I left my favorite apartment where I used to love life.
I was getting too old and not amounting to anything yet.
And I was in a terrible relationship with a wonderful man who I loved deeply.

Today the sky is giving out coldness and beautiful interesting drops of half snow rains.
I love the rain and love the snow more.
I miss the view out of my 5th floor window onto Delancey Street.
I miss going out into the living room with weird Annemarie and the ease of laughter that came along with it.
I miss the warm oven and the meals we made.
I miss Stephen and Evan and Adam on Saturdays eating my cooking.
My fridge always stocked with beer and my cabinets always stocked with whisky.
The stemless wine glasses before they all broke, they would sit on my windowsill in the mornings after.
My iPod alarm clock played all of the songs we loved.

Last Christmas I bought a wreath made of fresh pine.
My bank account was full and fat and the streets of SoHo invited me to buy things made of leather.

I'm still in love with the man who made me cry too many times.
Still in love with the view from the fifth floor window and the music of the people and cars below. I always dreamed about the empty penthouse across the street with the big windows and spiral staircase.

I'm absolutely nowhere right now but in between.
There's really no love, just labor.

This is the year of doing the right thing.
Goal Oriented
Road for Traveling.

Friday, December 04, 2009

On Humanity and Terminators

My best friend doesn't like me anymore. No, seriously. And it would be weird to go into details, but he basically thinks that we aren't like each other, that he's grown out of me. His reasons that he gave hurt. Bigtime. It feels deeply terrible to be judged and rejected by someone you really care about, and especially as I feel blindsided by it, and that it is a surprise.

I've also broken up with my boyfriend recently.

And this year I'm no longer affiliated with the fashion designer I used to support, nor am I a part of their world which includes events that many of my friends take part in. That's due to an offensive incident that was too offensive to forgive without an apology.

A closed door, a person with whom I need to stop speaking to because it's not healthy, and a burned bridge.

There are some people in my life I've experienced great difficulty with. Some that I need to love with distance because we don't get along, and I love them nonetheless. But ending love where it doesn't need to end is quite the beast, which is how I feel about the ex friend.

Human connections and relationships are deeply valuable and shouldn't be taken for granted or thrown away. Especially not completely. I think, for the sake of humanity, it's important to try to connect, sometimes especially when it's challenging. At least in a case where a sincere connection existed.

I'm really hurt - I mean how could he? Right? That's there. It's sad, disappointing. How could he. It's pain, it's ugliness, it's bad stuff - and that bad stuff is so hard to understand.

I'm going to try and learn from the things he told me he didn't like. I'm going to try to focus on the friendships I do have and strengthen them. I'm going to focus on myself, my career, school, developing my abilities. That's all I can figure out, and I have to remind myself of it because it isn't an automatic instinct. There's definitely petty, angry, discouraged moments - which are fine to experience - those honest emotions should be dealt with.

In Terminator 2, Arnold said "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves." as a robot speaking about humans.

I'm not sure if he's right, but if we are a people who devalue human connection, who cannot see the humanity in each other - no matter if someone is a bad guy, weak, or misguided - then we will fail. I believe there is a balance between destruction and creation. The destruction of love between people probably sends pulses of evil through the ether. But there is joy and there is happiness and there is creation. It exists.

Both god and the devil are inside us, and we destroy and nurture ourselves throughout our existence. I'm sure that the destruction of love hurts our souls. So in conclusion, I say - try not to.

And I don't think the robots will take over in the end, but there might be lots of lasers, which seem awesome until they are searing your flesh.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

tonight I am experiencing terrible insomnia, largely because sad things and stressful things are distressing me and making me toss and turn

I didn't want to get up out of bed

I wanted the sleeping to commence

but I'm thankful that I did

I found my way to some really great kitten videos

thank you kittens
for being cute and being proof of goodness

I needed a reminder

cause there's poopies in my tea
really, that's what I'm feeling like, to an extent

That I had a really nice cup of tea and there's an actual real little poopy in there.


the kittens. the lack of sleep. that's why I said that
just forget it.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

The Awesome and the Meloncholy

Gwar is coming to town Dec 13 and I think I want to go to that.

Rob Lathan did something very funny for Improv Everywhere! Rob makes the best confused face.

Those UHO jars are a scam.

This is sad and scary. This photo is especially haunting.

Speaking of sad, scary and haunting, I finally saw Schindler's list, which I avoided because who is ever up for sitting down to experience the holocaust in film? I will say that I was more afraid of it than I should be. It's more historical, and trying to be uplifting, especially with the ending, than I expected. I feel like I learned something from this depiction. I was afraid that I'd just be sitting down to hours of horror, considering the subject material, but it's mostly hours of humanity - yes showing horror but not in a way that is simply meant to be terrible. Get it? See it.

Emails from Crazy People.

Jan Terri!!! Please watch until she starts to sing. This song is so catchy. Gotta love her.
"Jan Terri (born December 31, 1960?) is a former musician from Chicago who gained notoriety for her VHS music videos. She recorded two albums, High Risk[1] and Baby Blues[2] in the early 90s, along with VHS cassettes including her music videos, which have recently become popular with the advent of YouTube." - wikipedia

Also saw Funny People while at home for thanksgiving. So many bad words! And naked boobs! My parents insisted on watching with me. SOOO embarrassing. Thought it was a well written story and good film, not especially funny, but also I think overdoing on the dick jokes on purpose to realistically portray what you will find in standup these days. Still a big fan of Apatow and Rogan.