Friday, December 04, 2009

On Humanity and Terminators

My best friend doesn't like me anymore. No, seriously. And it would be weird to go into details, but he basically thinks that we aren't like each other, that he's grown out of me. His reasons that he gave hurt. Bigtime. It feels deeply terrible to be judged and rejected by someone you really care about, and especially as I feel blindsided by it, and that it is a surprise.

I've also broken up with my boyfriend recently.

And this year I'm no longer affiliated with the fashion designer I used to support, nor am I a part of their world which includes events that many of my friends take part in. That's due to an offensive incident that was too offensive to forgive without an apology.

A closed door, a person with whom I need to stop speaking to because it's not healthy, and a burned bridge.

There are some people in my life I've experienced great difficulty with. Some that I need to love with distance because we don't get along, and I love them nonetheless. But ending love where it doesn't need to end is quite the beast, which is how I feel about the ex friend.

Human connections and relationships are deeply valuable and shouldn't be taken for granted or thrown away. Especially not completely. I think, for the sake of humanity, it's important to try to connect, sometimes especially when it's challenging. At least in a case where a sincere connection existed.

I'm really hurt - I mean how could he? Right? That's there. It's sad, disappointing. How could he. It's pain, it's ugliness, it's bad stuff - and that bad stuff is so hard to understand.

I'm going to try and learn from the things he told me he didn't like. I'm going to try to focus on the friendships I do have and strengthen them. I'm going to focus on myself, my career, school, developing my abilities. That's all I can figure out, and I have to remind myself of it because it isn't an automatic instinct. There's definitely petty, angry, discouraged moments - which are fine to experience - those honest emotions should be dealt with.

In Terminator 2, Arnold said "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves." as a robot speaking about humans.

I'm not sure if he's right, but if we are a people who devalue human connection, who cannot see the humanity in each other - no matter if someone is a bad guy, weak, or misguided - then we will fail. I believe there is a balance between destruction and creation. The destruction of love between people probably sends pulses of evil through the ether. But there is joy and there is happiness and there is creation. It exists.

Both god and the devil are inside us, and we destroy and nurture ourselves throughout our existence. I'm sure that the destruction of love hurts our souls. So in conclusion, I say - try not to.

And I don't think the robots will take over in the end, but there might be lots of lasers, which seem awesome until they are searing your flesh.

No comments: