Saturday, December 05, 2009

One of the reasons my ex best friend dumped me is because he said I've been too sad and too negative all this year.
And he's right.
I've been much more sad and negative than in the past.

I'd lost my job.
I left my favorite apartment where I used to love life.
I was getting too old and not amounting to anything yet.
And I was in a terrible relationship with a wonderful man who I loved deeply.

Today the sky is giving out coldness and beautiful interesting drops of half snow rains.
I love the rain and love the snow more.
I miss the view out of my 5th floor window onto Delancey Street.
I miss going out into the living room with weird Annemarie and the ease of laughter that came along with it.
I miss the warm oven and the meals we made.
I miss Stephen and Evan and Adam on Saturdays eating my cooking.
My fridge always stocked with beer and my cabinets always stocked with whisky.
The stemless wine glasses before they all broke, they would sit on my windowsill in the mornings after.
My iPod alarm clock played all of the songs we loved.

Last Christmas I bought a wreath made of fresh pine.
My bank account was full and fat and the streets of SoHo invited me to buy things made of leather.

I'm still in love with the man who made me cry too many times.
Still in love with the view from the fifth floor window and the music of the people and cars below. I always dreamed about the empty penthouse across the street with the big windows and spiral staircase.

I'm absolutely nowhere right now but in between.
There's really no love, just labor.

This is the year of doing the right thing.
Clinical
Pharmaceutical
Goal Oriented
Road for Traveling.

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