Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The only reparation I would accept is for Gavin McInnes to be pooped on.

There's this man named Gavin McInnes and he co-founded Vice, a media monster which I like sometimes.  Vice employs a lot of people and it's likely that Gavin has money and power after his Vice success and he says things.  As we all know, not all people with money and power are also good people.  In this case, Gavin McInnes just shit out of his mouth in a really big way, and so now I have one simple demand:

GAVIN MCINNES MUST BE POOPED ON.

Here's how it should go down:
1.  Sit Gavin in front of a camera.  He loves the camera so this part he will be all about.  He might say some smug ironic things that make us think he's super cool.  But don't be distracted.  It's POOPING TIME!!!

2.  Poop on him.  Anything goes here as far as getting the poop onto Gavin.  If you feel comfortable popping a squat and pooping out of your butt onto him, that's totally cool.  If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to bring your own poo in some kind of container, human or find some dog poo, that will work too.  Runny is good because it will have maximum spread.  Gross but we are goal oriented here, and the goal is to cover Gavin McInnes in poop.

3.  Gavin says "I'm sorry!"  He probably won't say I'm sorry because inside of his mind is a mess of stuff like dogs sucking each other off and what cheese he is gonna buy at the Bedford Cheese shop to provide for his family.  It's really hard for him to get past those thoughts enough to form meaningful phrases and then say them.  BUT if he does say "I'm sorry!" while being pooped on, it would help us all to heal from his hurtful words.


Here's what he said and why he needs to be pooped on:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/21/gavin-mcinnes-women-workplace_n_4138741.html

OF COURSE I have an argument about why what he said is wrong and hurtful.  I have inner strength, toughness, and ambition in life beyond STAYING AT FUCKING HOME AND DOING WHAT?  PUTTING MOISTURIZING LOTION ON MYSELF AND SHIT?  What the fuck am I supposed to do at home?!

Women are naturally TOUGH AS FUCK.  Have you even ever MET women?

NEVERMIND GAVIN YOU ARE RIGHT, LET'S SEND ALL THOSE MISERABLE WOMEN HOME FROM WORK.  HERE'S A PARTIAL LIST OF WOMEN WHO SHOULD HAVE STAYED AT HOME:
- Amy Poehler
- Hedy Lamarr
- Sarah Silverman
- Lucille Ball
- Hillary Clinton
- Diana Nyad
- Oprah
- Martha Stewart
- Debbie Harry
- Kim Gordon
- Frida Kahlo
- Carol Bartz

MY MOM.
MY AWESOME MOM who CANNOT STAND the idea of not working because she likes to leave the house and be a part of the world and is smart and hardworking.

DAMMIT GAVIN WHY
WHY WHY WHY

You fucker - you don't know what it's like to be told just based on your demographic that you naturally suck at something.  YES IT IS DAMN HARDER IN THIS WORLD FOR US WOMYN FOLK.  THERE IS NO "CHOICE" WHERE YOU JUST TURN OFF YOUR BRAIN AND WANT TO STAY HOME AND MAKE TACOS AND PUT IN YOUR TAMPONS.

NEWS:  Women have minds and hearts n shit like that.  We have desires and ambition.  We have inner drive and passion to use and apply those things.  We are ALSO human beings JUST LIKE YOU WITH THE PENIS.

Gavin please allow me the opportunity to show you how tough and how driven I really am.

GAVIN MCINNES MUST BE POOPED ON.

Friday, October 11, 2013

New Video: PBR Spec Commercial



Here's my newest video - a PBR spec commercial.
I made this because I would like to direct (and write) comedy commercials and I wanted to make something that felt more mainstream.

Afterthoughts:  I love the performances and am happy overall, but the truth is I'm sad about the budget restrictions.  This commercial would be much better with a higher art budget, especially with the fun of the old timey world's fair.  And it would look great if it wasn't shot on DLSR.  To be honest I'm really sick of the look from those cameras, and especially with commercial/period you want to shoot on film or a better camera like Alexa or Red.   I do feel the team who contributed did the very best with our restrictions!  I owe a ton of thanks for their talent and hard work.

My 2 previous spec commercials:
- Chevy
- Ehrmann yogurt

PBR COMMERCIAL CREDITS
Cast:
Judges - Trevor Williams and Jacqueline Novak
Contestants (in order of appearance) - Greg Barris, Sarah-Violet Bliss, Temesgen Tocruray, Channing Pickett, and Mark Normand
Hipster - Jordan Brown

Writer/Director - Heather Fink
Producer - Brian Blum
DP - James Schlittenhart
AD - Devin Sheperd
Sound - Eric Au
Art Director - Michelle Carl
Art - Eric Grossman
HMU - Jessica Mellow
Assoc Producer - Daven Falconer
PA - Nick Assardo
PA - Dylan Brown

Editor - Steve Pristin

Shot on Location at
Broken Land Bar
and
McGolrick Park
in Greenpoint Brooklyn

Santa Fe Film Festival Screenings

The Santa Fe Independent Film Festival will be showing not 1, but 2 of my comedy short films next week!

Times and Information Here

Both my films Alleged and Heart Break will screen at the festival which takes place Oct 16-20 in Santa Fe, New Mexico.  I will be there exploring deserts and mountains and the like.