Friday, March 21, 2014

The truth about why I’m single.

I shouldn’t be writing this because I have to finish a script, but here it is:

I’d like to end up with someone I’m attracted to that has great qualities.
He's also going to have to like me back, and treat me properly, and want the same thing.
Haven’t found that yet.

Will remain picky because otherwise what is the fucking point?!
YES I’D RATHER BE PICKY AND BE ALONE.  It’s entirely valid to be this way.  It’s entirely valid to be alone!  (I mean.  As long as you have friends.  You should make sure to have friends and things that you do.  Like a life, ya know?)

How could a relationship possibly be good or worth my time if the guy doesn’t excite me or is simply marriage material?  I don’t understand that.  I’ve heard it happens.

I’d rather cry all alone in my room (as I do sometimes) than end up with someone for the sake of comfort or because it’s what people do.

I’m 32

People judge this regularly and then the same people say OH IT’S OK YOU GO BE YOU!  YOU GO GIRL.  Friggin liars.

It makes them as afraid as it makes me.  

BUT it’s ok.  It has to be ok because it’s just the damn facts.  I can accept the fear, and even being lonely if those feelings creep up on me.  But NO SINGLE SHAMING.  There's nothing to be ASHAMED of.  It's JUST CIRCUMSTANCE.   I'm not settling bitches!  And quit peer pressuring other human beings to settle into shizz they don't really want either!!!  No I haven't gotten over the fact that I was pretty in high school and I still want to date the captain of the football team!  Well sort of, I just want him to be sexy and ambitious.

You all have the right to go after whatever you put out there.  If you are nice - you deserve someone nice.  If you are smart, then damn straight you deserve someone smart.  If you've got a great job, then yeah you deserve someone who has their ish together.  If you are hot - yep, you deserve someone hot.  It's not entitlement, it's earning it.  

I'm actually really quite picky to the point of being impossible sometimes (I don't think I could fall in love with a vegetarian, the hot tub is too hot), but that's my choice.  Like I said, I accept being alone if that's the way it has to be.

So.  I make money to support myself.  And oh do I have to support myself.  On my own through the hard times.  I have friends and family but yes there are ways in which an intimate partner would be great.

It just is what it is.  On the one hand let’s not bullshit ourselves with empowerment speak because I can’t stomach the “dance like no one’s watching” talk.

It's not BETTER to be single or BETTER to be married or in a relationship.  I'd say it is universally better to be in a great relationship that you want to be in.  It MIGHT be better to be in love, but sometimes being in love destroys you.  I do believe you should let yourself fall in love and get hurt a million times over because that's what truly living is - not running away from feeling and experiencing life's offerings.  I'd say it's the worst thing ever to be in a relationship that you don't want to be in.  So therefore in that respect, being single is a preferred choice, and it's my choice as I don't have the option to be in a great relationship at the moment.

What is great about being single is the privilege of selfishness and freedom.  Which is damn good for having adventures and doing whatever I want whenever I want and having time to focus on my stuff.  That is a really great thing, and extremely useful as I try to do big things.

The main thing is the question of faith.  Should one have FAITH in life working out as it’s meant to, and the right person coming when the time is right?  

I think so.  Life is too hilarious, dropping all kinds of meaning left and right as your story gets written.

It’s going to be alright, and there’s little one can do about it other than be as creative and productive as possible in their own life.  Oh and do what you believe is right and good.  Being kind is one of those surprise things that causes smiles which you can sometimes forget are so easily awesome.

Ok.  I’m going to go back to working on my script and not worry about getting ready for my boyfriend’s friend’s birthday party.  You go keep judging me for being single if you want. The internet has too many words in it as it is and I'd be hard-pressed to discover these ones got deep inside you.

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