Saturday, November 21, 2015

From A Woman Director Who Wants to Be Hired And Keeps Reading All the Articles About Women Not Being Hired In Hollywood

I feel powerful.

I know really well how to make movies and tv.
I've been studying for a very long time.

In my childhood, making silly comedy videos.

In college, studying theatre, making more silly comedy videos.

In my early 20s, acting, doing improv and standup, making comedy youtube videos.

In my late 20s, dropping everything to attend Grad Film school at NYU, studying, shooting, learning the technical and creative art.

In my early 30s, becoming a union sound person/boom op, spending most of my days on the set of Oscar winning performances and some of the most watched tv shows and movies. Watching director after director, film crew after film crew, do a million crazy, ambitious, and sometimes small and simple things - watching them do it right. Figuring out what works and what doesn't work.

At 34, completing my first feature film which I financed almost completely by myself, with the exception of 20% of the total budget which came from kickstarter.

Having been rejected by countless grants I've applied for, and investors who didn't end up investing.
In debt.
Owning my movie.
Owning my work.

My work is imperfect, I still have more learning to do.
My upcoming first feature film has plenty of flaws, errors, and weaknesses I wish weren't there.

But I am a great Director. I have no Apocalypse Now or Pulp Fiction under my belt, not even close.

If you got me on set of a big tv show, I'd sure as hell be green.

But I'm telling you, I am a great Director.

I've been studying. I've been shooting. I've been Directing with small budgets, non stop, since youth. I understand how it all works inside and out. I've been inside, in front of the camera and I understand the actor. I've been studying Directing and have Directed films. And as a member of the crew, I get how all of the nuts and bolts work. I know how to ask for what I need.

I'm sick of reading all the articles about Women Directors and Women in Hollywood.

I want to be hired.

I'm doing all the things I can do aside from weird sex stuff to get there.

Also because the weird sex stuff probably wouldn't work. If anyone's blown their way to Direct a multi million dollar film or tv show, I'd like to meet them and hear their story.

I'm doing all the things.
Aside from the weird sex stuff.

Hire me because that last director you hired blew your budget on stupid shit and pissed off the cast and crew and you're hoping to find someone who really knows what they are doing.

Hire me because I know what I'm doing and how to do it. I'll make it good. I'm practical. I understand how to properly use a film budget. I know what things cost. I know what works and what doesn't work and can make adjustments on the fly. I know how to talk to actors. I know how to talk to the film crew. I have a unique creative vision and sensibility. I can do special things.
Hire me because I can handle failures big and small and get right back up again after a fall and push forward.
I know what I'm doing.

I know I have soft flowy blonde hair and I smile all the time and I seem like a nice girl who wants to giggle and party with you - maybe I do.

But that doesn't mean I couldn't whip out my skills and direct the shit out of a movie so stop underestimating me just because I fucking moisturize and do pilates sometimes.

I feel powerful because of all the things I know how to do.

I know there are other women directors who want to be hired but right now I'm speaking for me because fuck it if I can change all that right now.
Hire me.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

The truth is that horrible things can happen at any time, anywhere in the world, and where you are could be next.

War won't stop it, protests won't stop it, nothing will stop it.  But you're going to be ok, and you need to keep living your life in the most loving and productive way possible.

I know that logically one of the causes of terrorism big picture wise is global inequality - those in poor countries that don't have things view how things are in countries that are thriving economically - typically pointing at the "Western World" and it angers them - especially also since there's such a stark difference in values.  By denouncing these countries and getting angry and huffing and puffing and getting together to view people of the Western World as inhuman - as the source of your problems, as a route to happiness if destroyed (just as Hitler viewed destroying the Jews as a path to happiness/a stronger economy) ... well - deciding to destroy those who have more than you, or are different than you - is better for some than just being poor and powerless.  So they get guns and explosives in some hope to change their world and make it better.

Wouldn't it be great if instead of having mass refugee exodus - the good people of economically and politically disadvantaged countries stayed in their countries and got together to make it a better place?  Yes that would be great but it's illogical to think it will happen anytime soon - the fact that nearby countries simultaneously exist in a different and better reality - it's just natural to migrate to safety rather than try to somehow have a revolution because one person doesn't nearly have the means to make this change.  Immigration will keep happening in our modern world and will only decrease if economic conditions and human rights conditions become more globally equal.  That's not going to happen tomorrow, perhaps in decades or centuries if we evolve.  I'm sorry to tell you that everyone from other countries isn't evil, and that you can't just bomb them all or shut your borders.  If it makes you sad that you can't just declare "THEM" all the enemy - think about the fact that you can't do this: because so many of THEM are human, loving, and capable of peace and beauty.

Perhaps some change is possible - but there WILL ALWAYS BE EVIL. There will always be violence - and THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT.  There's nothing you can do to other people that is.
THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW CHANGE.  There's nothing you can do to stop the mass shootings or terrorism at large.

The only thing you can do is with yourself and those immediate to you - your family and friends.  Those with whom you can make immediate and intimate connections.  Those with whom you can have real conversations.
This is your absolute power.  This is the point of everything I'm writing here.

Revolutions happen - but nothing happens without starting at the micro level.  And so I say stop thinking there's anything you can do - like declare WAR - that will make any difference to stop atrocities.

Yes, writing about how men should not be so selfish or angry, or this or that ideological thing needs to change has it's points - but there's not a practical solution there - perhaps education but practically how can we change global education right now?  Similarly, I am sure some practical changes like gun control will help, but we do know that it will always be possible for a bad guy to get a gun - regardless if good guys have guns too.  (Seriously though who fucking wants good guys to be packing heat all the time? That's a fucking weird universe, let the good guys go to the gym or get a coffee without being cocked and loaded please.)

All you can do is "be the change you want to see."
All you can control is what's happening in your life - and so I think your great mission if you want to be in a happy and peaceful world is to ensure that you act with love.  Anger, selfishness, dishonesty ... they happen, acknowledge them, deal with them - but don't let them result in violence as much as you can help it.  For the sake of love and spirituality - don't sit around angry - don't obsess about the news.  Be one who loves and creates and contributes to the world.

Enjoy life.

No this doesn't mean you're some peaceful flower of a person who skips through fields with puppies.  I'm sure your life is gonna be hard and ugly sometimes but for fucks sake do whatever you can to let go of petty bullshit and misplaced anger and try to be the best person you can.  If you could benefit from a therapist to be a better person, or from exercise to have a clearer mind and health, or from being more brave and bold and honest in your personal life - DO THOSE THINGS.  Be as good as you can figure out how to be.  Be as soulful and rejecting of superficial material things (but by all means enjoy a manicure or nice leather boots if it's not hurting anyone).

the point is
and try your best
TRY though, don't sit around like a lazy selfish fart worrying about dumb shit like your cellphone or that guy who said that thing to you.

Terrorism and mass shootings won't stop.
That's the power of the human will and determination which should never be squashed.
Liberty is worth this horror, but it is a horror and not a norm.

Wonderful beautiful things can also happen at any time.
The yin and the yang are always simultaneously active and this is the reality of our existence.

You may not have the power to stop terrorism right now.

You do have power.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Oh hi

I'm writing to you from the set of a TV show that I've been working on since July in the sound department.  I'm not booming this shot and there's quite a long monologue so it's time to dive knuckle deep up in this blog right now.

What else is up?  WELLLLLL

- Here's our current schedule.

- I'm collaborating with the amazing Sara Benincasa and Directing her upcoming film "The Focus Group"

- I wrote an article for a luxury apartments magazine

I have so many other FEELINGS and thoughts I want to express ... but blogging hasn't been the same for me since .. oh I dunno SINCE EVERYBODY STARTED DOING IT AND THEN I WASN'T SPECIAL ANYMORE.


I'm sorry you are special too
I'm sorry I bothered you clearly you are busy!

FUCK I FUCKED THIS UP ryuijoucfgxhdgjbltuyxdfjghkvbluvcyxfigy8fgibnk


It's still ok?


Monday, June 15, 2015

To the woman who made me feel American

There was this day I was walking out of the parking lot at my dad's Stroke Rehabilitation Center, and I asked a nurse .... "so do you think he'll ever be able to build furniture with me again?  We always build ikea things together and stuff like that."

She said "maybe" - but it was the kind of lying maybe that we both knew was a "no."  In that moment, I had to say goodbye to something I cherished.  Something that will never happen again.
Something that is over.

Today I'm saying a similar kind of goodbye. My Great Aunt Florence died yesterday, my Grandma Gertrude's sister.

My American Grandma Gertrude was severely schizophrenic, and my other Oma Gesina lived all the way across the Atlantic Ocean in Holland.  My parents gave me so much in life, but Florence's yearly gatherings were the only thing in my life since childhood where I got to experience family the way it's written about in novels and sitcoms.  There were familiar faces, familiar foods, bar stools that spun around, the drive to her house where we got to see the awesome Flushing Meadows globe out the window, the exercise bicycle where me and my cousin Erin rode on one pedal each.  Visiting her family gatherings made me and my sister feel like maybe we were American too, and we belonged here among all the other families that ate meatloaf and watched football.

Florence lived until 91, and in her life she accomplished so many things - recently self publishing a memoir, a book of haikus, and coming to our family's side in hard times even as she reached her late years.  She outlived her sisters and remained a loving matriarch for so many people.  She was a fine artist - painting, etching, and sculpture.  Many of her works are in my parent's house, some of her handmade cards in my apartment.  She was even a kickstarter donor for my film that I'm shooting now, and an occasional participant in some of my more heated facebook threads.

I didn't tell her this, but I'd been writing a sitcom pilot script that involves Brooklyn Jewish girls, both older in modern times, and going back in time to their teenage years (that's not the concept, but the setting).  I'd named one of the characters after her.  Her and my Grandmother's maiden name is also the last name of the main character in my movie.

This year will be the first year I don't get to see Florence at our yearly gatherings, but I'm so thankful for all of the years she already gave us - and for living her life to the fullest with kindness, creativity, gusto, and grace.

Rest in peace dear Florence.  Love to her wonderful children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren who are are also responsible for so many years of warm memories.

with her husband Milt

Florence on the top right, my Grandma Gertrude on the bottom left

 Florence on the left

Finishing her autobiography

Rest In Peace.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

poor lil snoop bloggy blog

I haven't made time for you blog lately



yeehaw Inside You will shoot May 27 - June 16 in NYC

I'll leave you with some treasures:

- stuff the Pope said that was worthwhile

- cool women talkin bout babies

- Don't tell me what to do!  Don't try to change me in any way ---- yahhhahhhh ... don't tie me down 'cause i'd never stay ...whheeee ---- I'm free and I love to be free

- great article on Kimmy Schmidt

- my Male Feminists in da house!

Terry Crews is a real man

Aziz Ansari is da best

Andrew WK's advice is always next level Party riffic

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

I got hacked!

My first site hacking omg.

It was by something called privacypost ?

I don't really understand.

Don't do that!