I Fink Therefore I Am.

Sundance 2012 Movie Reviews

2012-01-28T16:49:00.005-05:00

These are the films I saw at Sundance

Wuthering Heights dir Andrea Arnold
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This woman directed Fish Tank - which is a fantastic movie and you need to watch it on your Netflix on demand, ok? Plus Michael Fassbinder is super hot in it (Don't even tell me you didn't see Shame yet, what's wrong with you??! See SHAME PLEASE)
Anyhow back to this adaptation of some boring old British people stuff.
Andrea did some amazing work - this film reminds me of both Tree of Life and Beasts of The Southern Wild (which I will get to in a minute) in that it's extremely SENSUAL and experiential - shots that are very concerned with sharing the sensory experience the characters have in the film. AND this film has the BEST sound design I've EVER HEARD. It's unbelievably good. The sounds of all beautiful things, ugh it's incredible.
I dug the acting and all but this film wasn't for me. Andrea Arnold is a powerful director and she's doing great things. I want to see what's next from her.

Beasts of The Southern Wild dir Benh Zeitlin
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I had the privilege of knowing the people who made this movie and witnessing their dreams come true at Sundance this year - which was thrilling on its own. I finally saw the film and HOLY SHIT IT'S GOOD STUFF. Most other people say they loved it, some people say they didn't get it - which I can't understand in a million years what's not to get?!
I love the story - a little girl and her daddy and their experience with Hurricaine Katrina, and their own experience with mortality - it's a unique portrait of unique characters who live in a world that I don't know but I was made to FEEL! The beasts and nature serve to heighten emotions, grab me and make me feel what the main character, Hushpuppy, feels! The acting is fucking off the damn hook! They found non actors and real places and heightened the places with amazing design, and everything you see feels authentic and alive. Hell yes this film did it right. I believe it will take a long time for this filmmaking team to make another on this level but I believe they will do it again, and well. My suggestion for them? Try something completely the opposite and see how it goes.

Keep the Lights On dir Ira Sachs
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I also had the privilege of knowing Ira Sachs as an NYU Directing professor. Seeing this work made me fall in love! I felt this was one of the best films I've ever seen, ever. It felt so good to see a filmmaker who knew exactly how to work his craft. I responded very strongly, though others around me agreed it was good but weren't as in love as I was. Why did this film stand out to me? There were so many beautiful subtle brushstrokes of authenticity. The frames, lighting, shots, actors' performances - the films way of telling me information - let me feel it and gave it to me in clever ways. It's the first film I've seen that deals with long unending on and off relationships - something I know a thing or two about. There's a lot of gay sex in the film which will get in the way of distribution knowing how hollywood is these days - they'll take plenty of Dragon Tattoo rape scenes but ohhh no no loving gay couples making sweet love ... ugh! Anyhow I just love all the choices Ira made in making this film. Thank you Ira for making it!

Smashed dir James Ponsoldt
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This is a movie about a drunk girl - an alcoholic. It has great moments - Mary Elizabeth Windstead's performance is the very best part. Some moments were thrilling - and I love the way they were shot and edited (the fight scene, the crack scene) they made us afraid for her and that was exciting. However, there were some things that just didn't feel fully developed - especially the talented Aaron Paul's character as her husband. It was well acted but clearly that script wasn't finished. The character wasn't complex enough, he was too much of a sweety, and he was too simple. I wasn't surprised at all to learn they made this film so quickly. That's a cute experiment but why would they cheat themselves of the time it takes to make something right? It's a good movie, but not great, and in the indie world you have to make a great film, it's hard out there ... Anyhow it's more of a bummer considering the moments of greatness that make the story shine.

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie by Tim and Eric
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Tim and Eric are in the top most treasured and most personally influential comedians on my work. I absolutely love them and I'm a HUGE fan!! I was SOOO excited to see this movie. I finally did. The first few scenes are pretty damn funny, however the majority of the movie just isn't good. Sorry - it's not :( But I'd never look at this movie and say that Tim and Eric aren't supremely talented, they are. I think they should try again and make more and more stuff. For one, there's too many white male characters, and I think if they had some more women in the mix at least, it would help the scenes (why are all the business people men?) And I gotta say the story was way too conventional considering what Tim and Eric are good at, and so that made it pretty dull/gross out movie territory - which we've all seen before. What's great about Tim and Eric is that they PLAY with all the odd yet vaguely recognizable elements of modernity/our relationship with formats and pop culture. They are good with short formats and tv. Also - John C Reilly should always be Steve Brule, not that sick kid character. I want to see what's next, and next time they better get MUCH WEIRDER with the plot and format. MUCH MUCH WEIRDER and then they will have a hit, hell maybe even a golden globe nomination. The movie is still suitable for kids who are drunk/partying etc, but not much else.

Red Hook Summer by Spike Lee
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Spike has been so incredibly generous with his students this year, yes he's been one of my NYU professors, and he invited us to his screening and even hired students to work on his film. People know him as a hard ass but I'm happy to learn that's just his way, and it's very evident how much he cares about filmmaking and people. He's very passionate about what he does, no question.
But, no I don't think that Red Hook Summer is Spike's best work and that's all I'm going to say about that.
I know this much - I've seen something else he made recently- and this something else was truly fantastic and skillfully made. I don't know if it will be publicly released or not, but I do know he's still got it, and anyone who saw Red Hook Summer and thought perhaps he's lost his skill - trust me, it's there. The man is experimenting with making new things in different ways, and god bless him for doing it.
One final note, Spike said at the Q and A that he didn't feel the studios understood black people - and I feel the same way about women. I don't think the studios understand women at all, and I hope to do something about that with the films I make in the future ...

Faith, Love and Whisky by Kristina Nikolova
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I saw my classmate Kristina's debut feature film at Slamdance (an independent film festival that happens alongside Sundance, also in Park City). She's well known at NYU as being an incredible DP and it was great to see her directing/writing work. She's bulgarian and this film is shot in bulgaria with bulgarian actors. It was pulsating with energy and beauty and it showed me a truly alive portrait of this country's youth culture. The actors were truly solid, especially the ridiculously hot lead actress who could easily be a star in the US. It was also funny how the actress resembled the director, who is also a major babe. Kristina did great work on this film and I'm looking forward to what she comes up with next.

Other movie talk? There were so many I missed. It's dang hard to get tickets to things at Sundance. It's actually easier to see movies at Cannes! I didn't really bother seeing many films at SXSW because I was too interested in partying there and getting free food and drinks ... whoops.

The Surrogate stars that awesome dude from Martha Marcy May and Winter's Bone, and also stars that blonde lady from the Twister movie and the thing where her back is naked and Jack Nicholson thinks she's great. And it's probably going to be a big deal this year. It sold for the most amount of money at Sundance weehooo! I didn't see it.

Instead of telling you all of my SECRETS from sundance I'll tell you this:
It's SO BEAUTIFUL THERE! The fluffly snow and dramatic mountains in the most incredible colors. This is my favorite film festival I've attended and I want to go back again and again. You should check it out some time too.

ACK.

2012-01-14T14:12:00.004-05:00

I'm no longer that interested in photographing everything and writing about it and sharing it all of the time.

I'm especially less interested in having my photo taken.

Sometimes not so much. That depends.

Things have changed my friends.

We are literally inside the future.

I do like writing and sharing don't get me wrong. Just not everything.
If you've been reading this a long time you'll have seen this coming.

I'm not the nubile 23 year old ingenue I was in 2004 when I started blogging. I blogged so hard.
And then the blogs
the blogs

the BLOGS
THEY OVERTOOK THE INTERNET

THEY STARTED MULTIPLYING

TUMBLING DOWN MOUNTAINS LIKE TREMENDOUS SNOWBALLS

INSANE MASSIVE SNOW MOUNTAINS ROLLING DOWN GRANITE MOUNTAINS

ACK.

here is a photo of me on a recent trip to Vietnam, where I was working on a film shoot as a sound mixer.

I'll be attending the Sundance Film Festival next week. If you're there, say hello! To a void. Yell hello inside of the dark holes inside the computer slot where you THINK there exists a port, usb, firewire 800 or otherwise. Where you THINK there exists a port. Fools.

Photo series: Dad With Weapons and Holiday Poses

2011-12-13T16:46:00.002-05:00

Here's dad with my weaponry*, and also with Holiday decoration.

* Dear ATF, these are movie prop guns. Please do not arrest my dad.

lots of words to read

2011-11-25T23:06:00.004-05:00

but trust me, I know what I'm doing. I've been a blogger for 7 YEARS.

I'm sitting in my parents house trying to be productive. We've been watching movies that will at least be entertaining so as to provide minimal complaints from all parties, which has lead to tv movie marathons that are dulling on my head ... like in the movies there's these dulling sprays you put on stuff if a surface is too reflective.

There's all these friend requests that have been sitting in my facebook and it got to be about 1000 and so I realized I should just maybe friend them all except the really weird ones, why the hell not. And then I saw there were even some people in there that I actually knew. And then I thought about money again.

I have to think about money because I spent it all.
All of it! So I'm thinking about it a lot.
I spent it all on the last film I made which got kind of out of hand but was worth it.

I'm thinking about how people use kickstarter to raise money for their films, but for me, I don't believe in using it for short films because short films are the director's pleasure, there's no real market for them ... so I've been saving asking for money via kickstarter till I'm making a feature film, which I'll start raising money for next year - and then all my fundraising can be concentrated into my I REALLY NEED IT SUPER A LOT time, and I'll be using it on something which has more potential for return, or at least importance.

And so I thought I better add all these facebook people because one of them might be magic.

--- beat ----

I'm also spending time here because although I'd love to be in the editing lab being productive and serving my most immediate needs, I will be in Vietnam working on a film during Christmas, so I really should be spending more time at home for Thanksgiving.

My dad had another seizure on Wednesday. I came home from NYC Wednesday. This is his 6th seizure since his stroke in June 2010, and they happen because of the stroke brain damage. His first seizure was the day after last Thanksgiving when I was home with him and mom was out grocery shopping.

After most of his seizures aside from the first one, he's the same as before. But when they are happening, it's really dramatic. It seems like he's dying. It takes him that whole day to recover at least. He needs oxygen and you need to be sure his airways aren't blocked. This was the first time we didn't go to the hospital for it. He seems ok.

He had another seizure 2 weeks ago. I was in Spike Lee's class at the time. I got a call from home. Calls from home are usually emergencies especially in earlier hours. Mom said dad had a bigger seizure than ever - it lasted 17 minutes which is a really long time to be seizing. She was there for it and very upset. I came home because it sounded really bad. Dad was ok to go home that night and feeling fine - but it's good to show up and just be there.

It's become the norm for really bad and extreme things to happen all the time.

So after dad had his Seizure 2 days ago, the cops and ambulance came and gave dad some oxygen. There are some really nice people who've helped us over this time. Emergency workers, the therapists at Kessler, police. This police man was a big guy, and totally nice and also pretty hot. I like some police. I don't like the police man who gave me a cell phone ticket in Manhattan. He has better things to do than take my negative amounts of money.

After dad and mom were in bed, I went to a home town bar and saw old friends. They were there with their adorable husbands, and there was an empty seat where my adorable husband could sit if I had one. But I don't. I wonder if they would all get along.

A girl we were with turned 31. The rest of us there were 30. We didn't realize there was going to be a year after this one. I've been really cool about being 30. Can I brace myself for 31? That's so far from the 20s it's not even touching. When there's touching then I'm still a kid. Kid touching.

-- beat ---

Thanksgiving day I rummaged around in my old closet. Found a flowered dress from the 90s babydoll era. It looked amazing with my leather boots and sweater cardigan. High school dress, happy energy, reminded me of the importance I once gave my outfit pairings back when House Of Style, Mademoiselle and Jane Magazine were my guides.

-- beat --

I'm sorry to say the new Muppets Movie wasn't good. Kids will love it, but it was so poorly constructed, all plot points came too easy. The stakes were never high, there was no real conflict. The old Muppets movies were brilliant. Bummer.

-- beep ---

So I'm sitting in my parents house trying to be productive. I added all those facebook friends so I decided I'd filter people I really knew into a special list which I could use for whatever useful needs I may have. And then I saw someone in the friends and thought - damn even he got married too?

That makes me a bit insecure.

But the worst thing is to marry the wrong person and I haven't met the right one, and I don't want it to be just anyone. Also I don't trust most men although I am attracted to men. I suspect most men are up to something shady and trying to take my something I don't want them to.

Man, a lot of my friends have some really hot husbands too. That would be cool. Because looks are the most important quality in a person. Just ask Scott Peterson. Or Vanessa Williams. They are both good looking.

I would like it if life works that out for me some time soon. I think it will work eventually for sure, I just have faith in that.

I'm very curious when, where and who in the meantime.

In the meantime, my heart and mind are being heartily fed by creative ambitions.
I highly recommend creativity and productivity as the cure to all other needs (for a sustainable period of time, though not indefinitely).

-- John Quincy Adams -

I witness people complaining all the time about nothing and no big deals and things they can recover from easily.
Rich people really bother me when they complain about their monetary things.
They always run their mouth about grievances that are not true pain or suffering from which one cannot recover.
There are things that can happen that are so bad that it's actually a big deal.

There are so many things that are not a big deal, and when a person chooses to make a big deal, they are purposefully creating anger, hostility, sadness, and strife - creating it out of thin air and choice.

People should create goodness out of thin air. If they are angry they should talk about it so it doesn't bubble up and get thrown at other people and make the world worse.

A man recently got angry about me about a pillow.

Doing these stuffs:

2011-10-25T11:04:00.002-04:00

Hey y'all
things change
I used to be a daily blogger and now I'm a mere periodic updater.
PERIODIC UPDATE TIME!
WHAM! YEAH WHOOHOOOO it's not 2007 anymore baby.

What am I doin?!

Here's what I'm doin:
- November 1st on a farm in Morris County NJ, I'm directing a 35mm commercial. It will star 2 indie rockstars! BV lovers, this one is for you. And also for me. And my reel.
- November 15-17 I'll be directing a short film I wrote in upstate NY. It's going to be a short comedy thriller, and I'm THRILLED about this one guys! No really, I think it will be fun, and I'm really looking forward to sharing it.
- October 28 (this Friday) I'm having a staged reading of my sitcom pilot script.

This is the 3rd year of NYU Grad Film school, last year of classes and then we have 1-3 years to complete our thesis.

I'm going after my comedy writer/director ambitions with a 3 prong ATTACK:
- commercial
- tv
and
- feature

I'm gonna shoot some more commercial stuff over the summer to beef up my commercial reel, by the time I'm done w 3rd year (May 2012) I want to complete my sitcom package and meet with tv peeps, and I've finished a draft of my feature script, I'll be revising it and fundraising for that. I'd like to shoot the feature in May 2013 as my NYU Grad Thesis.

So now you know.

And also to pay bills I'll be working as a sound mixer on film shoots. That means I'm this person that sits there with a recording machine, and puts microphones on people and spaces to record the sound you hear in the movie!

Sometimes I'll do acting but that's just when something cool comes along. Standup is on hold. Maybe I'll do it again after this whole filmmaking thing is in high speed motion.

So now you REALLY KNOW.

F yeah omg yes yah eayh yeah.

Commercial for Fullerton Car Dealership in NJ

2011-09-20T11:17:00.002-04:00

That's me, doing some acting ...

See my film "Heart Break" 9/25 in NYC; or 9/22 in Atlanta!

2011-09-12T13:07:00.000-04:00

NYC - CIFF
SUN Sept 25
2pm
Sideshows by the Seashore, 1208 Surf Ave. Ground Floor - Coney Island

The Coney Island Film Festival: named FILMMAKER MAGAZINE'S BLOG "MY 10
FAVORITE FESTIVALS OF 2010"!, one of the "25 Coolest Film Festivals"
by MovieMaker Magazine!, and one of the "25 Best Film Festival
Investments".

BUY TICKETS HERE (and support Coney Island arts!)
http://www.coneyislandfilmfestival.com/programs11/program12.htm
100 percent of sales benefit their parent organization Coney Island's
resident 501c3 not for profit arts organization Coney Island USA.

---------------------------------
ATLANTA - AUFF
Atlanta Underground Film Festival

THURS Sept 22
8:30pm
1200 Foster Street NW Atlanta Georgia 30318

BUY TICKETS HERE
http://auff.org/Blog/Entries/2011/9/22_Dating_101_Shorts.html

"Much more than the traditional stuffy film festival, Atlanta
Underground Film Festival will showcase short and feature films, art,
live music and plenty of late night parties."

10th Anniversary of 9-11, Just been thinking about it non-stop

2011-09-10T13:58:00.018-04:00

Here's me and my Uncle Wim in front of the WTC in the 1980s.

I was in the bathroom yesterday and picked up this commemorative 9-11 issue of New York Magazine that was sitting there and I started to read these stories. And then I came across one tale from a woman and the "goodbye" phonecall she got, and then another tale discussing that day, and I cried, and suddenly I started remembering being alive at that moment in time - everything it meant, and what that time was for me.

WHERE I WAS ON THAT DAY
- I was in Washington DC, a Junior in college at GWU. That morning my roommates' sister woke us up with a phone call (people had house phones back then). At this time, the pentagon had already been hit, I turned on the tv and watched as the towers collapsed live. I called my boyfriend who was at American U. DC was being evacuated. My roommate's parents asked her to leave DC and go home.

I went over to see if my class was still going on and of course it was not, just confused people near the classroom, not sure what to do or where to go.

My boyfriend Justin and I decided we should meet, and that we would be safest and most mobile on our bikes. I lived on campus, which is right next to the White House and State Department. I went outside to the GWU quad to meet Justin. People were gathering outside, confused. A girl asked me "what happened"? The campus buildings had their alarms on and were being evacuated, and there was some idea that bomb threats were everywhere.

Then a college friend Brandy, a White House Intern, walked toward us, leaving the White House. She said they were ordered to evacuate. They were told that another plane was up in the air (flight 93), and it was probably headed for the white house. This was very scary because we were a few blocks away. At the same time, there were car bomb scares at the State Department, which was also around the corner.

Justin was a photographer and he took lots of photographs on his way to meet me. The city was emptying. It was quickly becoming a ghost town. The metro was shut down, and a sea of cars moved out. Within hours, still daylight, DC was quiet and still. At this point, all planes had crashed, and bomb threats had ended. Justin and I went on our bikes, him with photo camera, and me with video camera, to observe.

We biked up to the White House. One of the guards outside was dating my roommate, so we chatted him up. It was empty there.

We biked up to the Capitol building. We saw huge helicopters landing. We thought that the people getting off these helicopters must be senators who were convening to hold a meeting.

THE WEEKEND AFTER
I had planned to visit home that weekend. I used to take the Delta Shuttle - an aiplane that was $50 each way from DC to NY, and was cheaper than the train. I flew home the weekend after 9-11. I was one of the first people to board the plane - which had no first class, it was all one. I sat in the 4th row and the other 3 front rows were off limits. A plain clothes man was already seated there. I asked "what are you doing here" He said "I'm secret service, a VIP is on this plane" I said "no way" He said "yes, the Clintons". I pulled out my phone to tell my dad, he said "no, stop! no one off the plane is supposed to know" so I put down the phone.

I had the chance to go up and meet the Clintons during the flight, and told them how much I supported them. I asked Hillary if she would speak at my school. She told me to go over to Huma and get her card. Years later I read all about Huma in Hillary's auto-biography, and unfortunately saw her in the headlines post-Weiner. At the end of the flight, Bill walked down the aisle and offered autographs to those who wanted them. He signed "Heather, Thanks for your Support, Bill". He remembered my name.

The Clintons flew that day to encourage people to fly again, a press junket waited for them as we exited the terminal.

When I arrived in New York City, the walls of buildings, subways, fences, were covered in "missing" signs.

MOM
- My mom worked in the WTC during the first bombing in 1993. I was at girlscouts when I got a call about it from my sister, saying mom was ok, she was on the 18th floor, she walked out, covered in ash, and was on her way home. The company moved their offices after that due to fears about terrorist attacks. I remember thinking it would be impossible to bomb it again after bombing it once. In 2001 mom worked in midtown. She walked to the west side and took a ferry across the water to come home to NJ.

NEW YORK CITY AND THOSE BUILDINGS
I LOVE this town. I LOVE my home, New Jersey. And New Jersey is what it is because of New York City. The people of my small suburban town work in New York. NYC is "the city" and when you're a little kid, NYC is a magical land of endless possibility, fun, dreams, and excitement - and you just hop on a bus or train and you're there. Mommy works here. Dreams happen here.

The people of NJ and NY are wonderful people. We are tough, honest, diverse, educated, cultured, creative, and complicated. I LOVE these people. NY people aren't rude, they are just busy. They want to help you when you're lost. You just have to ask.

I lived in NYC the summer of 2001, taking summer classes at Fordham Lincoln Center, and spending my time at the old UCB theatre in Chelsea. I used to watch the UCB greats like the Robs - Huebel, Riggle, and Lathan, or the SNL stars, and then go to McManus and see them hanging out there when I was still too young to drink. I met Jake Lodwick that summer when he was still a dorky college boy. I had still never been to Williamsburg. I took comedy classes with Armando Diaz before the Magnet theatre had been formed. I studied with goga NYC, an all female comedy group. I went to a show in the Lower East Side and was absolutely scared of how sketchy the neighborhood was, and was shocked to find a restaurant that served something as sophisticated as lemongrass tomato soup. I bartended for a week at Julians on 9th avenue. I started reading the NY Times.

When I got out of the subway, I'd look up to find the tops of the WTC towers, to figure out which way was downtown. You could see them from everywhere.

When you would drive in from NJ, you could see these glorious towers the whole drive there. My favorite view was always driving into the Lincoln Tunnel, right at the waterfront.

I remember visiting mom at work in the towers, and looking up from the bottom. A straight line up into the sky, farther than you've ever seen before. I don't know if anyone will ever experience a view like that again. I remember riding the multiple elevators up, the feeling in your head and ears up there. I remember the winter garden, something I regarded as one of the most beautiful places- an indoor glass atrium with palm trees at the waterfront! Somehow, an all glass building, it survived. I don't understand it, but I'm glad.

I remember when they re-opened the WTC Path trains. I rode in to what used to take you to the basement of the buildings. The train pulled into a horrible, empty graveyard. You could see up to the sky.

When I look downtown, my mind has a casual knowledge of what's supposed to be in that empty space. Just this week, for the first time, I saw something new. A building full of lights is peaking out above other buildings. It's the "Freedom Tower" - foreign, new. Doesn't feel a thing like New York City. It feels invasive, and it doesn't look like those towers. I'd have loved to see them come back again, and instead we are left with graveyards, holes, and the tourists come to point, look, take photos, buy flags and tee-shirts. It's a historical spectacle.

VICTIMS AND ALMOST VICTIMS
- At a friend's beach house in the hamptons in the summer of 2004, 2 long island men had big tattoos on their bodies. "Hey what's your tattoo?" "This is a tattoo for our brother who died on 9-11"
- Hearing about a friend's father in a the secret service, he went across the street to go get McDonalds for breakfast when the planes hit. He survived. Many people's alarms didn't go off that day, and those people wake up today.
- There was a woman in my law school in 2004. Everyone said, "oh, she's the widow of the guy who used to own Hobson's Choice in Hoboken. He died on 9-11." His name was Wayne Hobson. Hoboken's WTC losses
- Every town in NJ has their own 9-11 memorial, and every town I've visited has their own home victims.

CAN WE BE FUNNY NOW?
- One of the most significant communal experiences of 9-11 was that for at least a week or more after, nothing was funny, and there was no desire to joke or be funny - as an entire community, possibly nation. I've never felt that before and I hope to never feel that again.

Can you imagine what it's like to feel like, for days, all people share such deep morning that it's truly uncomfortable to carry on or laugh?

In this video, Conan and Jon Stewart capture it best:

THE WOMEN of 9-11
Who deserve respect.

If you feel like you should never forget. Here's one way.

Never forget. I'm not sure why I want to hold on to all of these things. Exchanging stories with others ...

I don't think I ever want to forget my New York City. I don't want to forget us, who we are, or how we got here.

It takes a lot of effort to remember truth - in the face of the chaotic, confused spectacle that followed 9-11-01.

NBC's Friends With Benefits: TV Review

2011-09-05T18:51:00.008-04:00

I started watching Friends with Benefits because NY comedian/actor and STAR OF MY SHORT FILM "HEART BREAK" Zach Cregger has a starring role.

He's great in it, as recognized by this week's NY Magazine Approval Matrix! (bottom right box)

Everybody's saying that the show sucks, and it's being run as a "burn off" on Friday nights, though it seems pretty popular on Hulu. I agree, the pilot has its problems. BUT I don't think the show sucks. I actually really enjoy watching it.

- Here's what's wrong with NBC's Friends With Benefits: THE CASTING - and specifically ONLY the casting of 2 parts - most crucially the lead female, Danneel Ackles as Sara, and I feel the part is so misplayed that it ruins the show for many viewers. She's clearly a soap actor and not a comedy actress. This show could be a serious hit if the part was played by someone like Ellie Kemper, Lizzy Caplan, or a young Diane Keaton. Instead, her quirks come off as nails-on-chalkboard annoying and unattractive. Quirks and flaws are something that a real comedy actress can make endearing and someone you relate to.

The other problem is Andre Holland as Fitz. The part is already under-written and poorly developed - he's the token black guy and WAYYYY too token. It seems like the writers are throwing him something to do. This wouldn't be so obvious if a real charming, charismatic comedy actor held this role. Someone like Donald Glover, young Martin Lawrence or Will Smith would be fantastic. It would be game changing. Andre can act, but he's just not funny.

- Now for what's right: Ryan Hansen as Ben. Ok so I loved Party Down and already liked him. And he really pulls off the lead alpha male character. He's likeable and funny. He will make a movie work in a leading role, I can see that. He's very funny, and extremely attractive vs the doofus he played on Party Down (hilarious in both roles). Some of Ben's moments are the best written and executed in FWB.

Jessica Lucas as Riley. Ok, this woman is pulling off the likeable slut. That's very hard to do in mainstream movies/tv. She's charming, beautiful, and has a very fun energy. She's really enjoyable on screen. She gets away with doing many things that normally would be attributed to a villainous character - great work.

And finally back to Zach. There's a ton of moments with his character "Aaron" that he pulls off really well. First of all - I haven't seen a character quite like Aaron on tv much. He's rich, but not a jerk. He's a nerd, but also attractive. He's incredibly sweet instead of douchebag bros we are so used to seeing, and that's very refreshing. Zach also brings a lot to all the little moments and his physicality with jokes on screen so look out for that!

- As for the writing: I think it's pretty sophisticated at times. There are modern, clever jokes in Friends With Benefits that I'm not used to seeing in all sitcoms. Sometimes it tries too hard, sometimes it ruins it's own jokes with insincere plot shortcuts - but writing wise it's certainly not worse than so many tv shows out there.

Here's a show that I haven't seen yet that has tremendously talented writer/creators and actors. It has great potential this fall:
- NBC's Best Friends Forever starring NYC talents (who are now in LA) Lennon Parham, Jessica St Clair, and in a smaller role the super funny Adam Pally. Watch the clips!

Check out Friends With Benefits on Hulu. It does get better after the first episodes. And when you're done you can go back to watching Louie.

A favorite sketch from Zach Cregger's comedy group Whitest Kids U Know:

A clip of Friend's With Benefits' Ryan Hansen in Party Down:

Here's my videos pre-2009

2011-08-16T16:49:00.004-04:00

Hey guys. For a while I embedded all my videos on my myspace and would send that to people to share older work. They changed myspace and I guess that's pretty damn outdated anyways. SO HERE! HERE's MY VIDS YO. There's more on my youtube channel. And on myspace etc. SO many VIDS y'all. So many vids.

Here's a clip of me doing some standup at Comedy Death Ray at UCB LA:

And here's some more comedy videos:

Think Different featuring Kevin Allison and Rob Lathan

Street Meat Episode 2 - Meatpanties! - watch more funny videos

GOSSIP GIRL SPOOFS

Gossip Girl Season 1 Alternate Ending - watch more funny videos

Gossip Girl Spoof - watch more funny videos

The Uniform? with Angela Trimbur

The Uniform? - watch more funny videos

This is me being 26 years old.

In this video I imagined what it would be like to interview grown up real Beavis and Butthead.

Nice Fucking Restaurant

Yes, I really was on Dr. Phil once.

more about that

Years ago, the Beckhams came to America, and had a reality show about it. You might have forgotten, but here ya go, we spoofed it.

At one point a producer from MTV wanted to make a reality show about me so she started filming a pilot. Here's a random stupid clip from that

Easter Bunny

Easter Bunny - watch more funny videos

See all the CollegeHumor Original Videos here.

And a spoof of the ridiculous Carmel limo car service ads (wait for it):

NOT EMBEDDED VIDEOS - PLEASE CLICK TO SEE EM!

- Click to see Unity Force

- more videos here

- some industrial how-to videos

Recording Sound For Films

2011-07-07T23:22:00.005-04:00

When you're out in the world, you never hear all the sounds available to your ears at once. You have to take a moment to think about all the sounds present at any given time. If you're in a cafe, there's people talking, music playing, dishes moving, the city street outside, the weather moving, the air conditioner, the thoughts in your head. You only experience each sound as you become aware and then you truly start to listen to each element of your sonic landscape. Your mind is selective in its awareness of what you hear - you don't hear all of those things at once - and you are even able to hold a conversation.

People wonder what sound people do on film sets. When undesired sounds arrive on set, they often say "oh, that noisy background sound ... well that might be there anyway, right?"

Maybe, but it still ain't right.

What sounds fine to your thinking active mind listening to a real experience is different from the experience of watching and hearing a film.
That's why the sound person has to select what you hear and adjust it - so it sounds like it's supposed to - to reflect the intention of a moment.

When you record something, you may pick up all audible things, recorded at a level that's not like the brain's natural perception. Surely little machines and microphones are not the same as brains and ears.

Not only do you want to record sound in a way that reflects a films' intention and feeling, you also want to isolate sounds as much as possible - so you can be a real director in the cutting room, and control all of your film's parts.

That's what being a sound person on a movie is all about. Tweaking and adjusting microphones and dials so that you can get the closest sound to your desired film experience. Which is sometimes impossible. Because locations and real life be crazy. And sound is not a priority on sets. And people like to do the ADR dubbing.

So in conclusion, pay me money.

- Heather

Writer/Director/Comedian/Sound Recordist

If you did not appreciate this blog entry, might I offer you a lil P-Nut?

Or perhaps a meat nutritional comparison chart?

Or a link to the kickstarter for the White Party fundraiser? (I'm in this video at :40)

The people whose Friend Requests scare me on facebook:

2011-06-17T02:14:00.003-04:00

Sometimes my friends are surprised with how many friend requests I get. This is not a brag - there's a lot. It's not about me winning at life - it has to do with my industry which has a foundation in networking, and the fact that I've gotten various forms of publicity over the years and people love that stuff - no matter what it is! If it's on tv, in a magazine, or even on youtube, people seem to care. When I first joined facebook I added anyone in the NYC area or in the comedy world so I could promote my shows to them, sometimes I still do, networking is helpful for filmmaking too. Now I sometimes wish I could use facebook to post certain personal things, or questions just to people I know in real life - and it would be way too much work to sort through the friends and make lists.

In the meantime, I'm perplexed by all these people who want to have something to do with me and don't explain why, and sometimes, I'm scared.

Top scary friend request types

- Old dudes from weird states: Unless you work in my industry, or are friends with my parents, if you're an old dude, we'd probably never be friends in real life. We have nothing in common. I know nothing - literally NOTHING about Minneapolis, or what it's like to drive to work in one of those big buildings surrounded by a parking lot and trees that are off of highways near McDonaldses and Maccaroni Grills. I know NOTHING about what it's like to be surfing the web in your tighty whiteys and getting angry at the damn beaurocrats. Finally, I know nothing about Windows. I bet you are using Windows. Ugh it's so annoying when I have to try to do anything on my parent's computer and I don't want Norton Anti Virus installed ever.

- Sexy dudes posing: I love me some hot and sexy dudes, but you know what's not sexy? Posing sexy. Men are supposed to be oafs to some extent. It's in your blood to clobber animals with large objects and change flat tires. Men are not supposed to have self awareness enough to be conscious of how to position their bodies and faces in a photograph seductively. Better yet, they should really never be seducing me with facial expressions ever. I'm totally fine with a photo of you with your friends at some bar or on vacation, or even that one random photo someone took of you where you secretly know you look kinda cute. By all means, no leaning against a rock with the sun glistening against your pecks. Actually, no shirtless photos period - unless it's some blissful "accident."

- Dudes from weird counties: What the hell are you up to, guy in United Arab Emerites, the German Rhine Valley, Mongolia? What in the hell kinda pokin around in the internet are you doing to end up on my facebook page ever? I don't want to know because there's certain things in this world that you can't unsee.

- Dudes who don't post any photos of themselves: Oh wow - is that a photo of your cat? A baby's head? Your backyard? Your eyeball? WTF is going on in there? Bitch you crazy. I don't want anything to do with you.

- Girls who look incredibly sexy and hot who are new on facebook, or have only one photo: You don't exist and you are trying to take my lunch money, or credit card information, or I dunno, you want something. Git off my lawn!

And please good gracious don't thank me for the add. Just - don't. I can't explain why it just creeps me out! I mean I dunno. Ugh maybe I should just thank all my facebook friends for the add right this minute, maybe I'm being closed minded. Ungrateful. I should go around thanking them all or else ... nope, wait, pretty sure that's a needless sentiment. You know what's not needless? Confessions! As an alternative confess your secrets or tell me a poem about pizza. Get creative!

Now we are at the end of this posting. Here is where I'd be obliged to say something humbling or self depreciating so as to ward off the buttplugs out there who get really angry when someone makes statements of any kind. Instead I'm gonna mouth off about something else I don't like: when someone says "Sorry for the mass email! I never send these!" just send the damn thing, clearly you've got some purpose for it. That's what email is for, and I've got a delete button. Everything is going to be ok.

hey I'm 30

2011-06-10T00:09:00.000-04:00

years old

from the man loving feminist

2011-06-02T13:51:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I feel helpless without a man in my life this year.
Dad who can't do dad things anymore, no boyfriend. This whole year every time I have to move something, lift something, fix something, I wish I had a good man to help me out.

A man is someone who will be there to support you with muscle. It's a man's world and women's bodies have physical limitations. A lot of simple things were designed for men, like jars that need opening, things that are up high, things that are heavy, streets that are dangerous.

Bad men ruin the world and oppress the souls of women in dehumanizing ways.

But good men are the kind that are there for you, can be relied upon, be supportive, help you out, and they don't expect anything more than friendship or kindness in return.

I must admit, there's a special kind of comfort provided by the larger structured male human being. Even if it is sometimes just to protect me from other large structured male human beings.

I also prefer larger torsos in hug situations.

Movie Reviews

2011-05-15T20:26:00.010-04:00

Here's a bunch of stuff I saw in the past coupla months:

The Good Doctor: Orlando Bloom stars in this mix of genres (drama thriller comedy mystery?) Extremely well executed on all levels - shot selection, well composed frames, editing, acting, writing, direction, production design. Great choices made all around. Saw it at Tribeca, watch it when it comes to theatres or DVDs near you.

Perfect Family: Sorry to say, one of the worst movies I've seen. Bad cartoonish acting, weak over expository script, fake looking not-believable set design. Also seen at Tribeca. I loved you in War of the Roses Kathleen Turner ...

Spread: Very watchable, sexually explicit in a great way. Voice over should just be edited out of the film though - it's really bad and not needed. Otherwise Kutcher does a great job at creating a hateable character - you will definitely hate him, but I think it's a truthful portrait. Pretty amazing sex scenes though. Anne Heche is taking care of herself. Shows the vapidness of modern Los Angeles. Some goofy plot points, but there's a satisfying ending. Not sure how Demi Moore let Ashton get away with all that hot on-screen action though ...

Dogfight: Made by my current directing teacher, Nancy Savoca, in 1991, starring River Phoenix and Lily Taylor. A perfect lovely film! Great acting, directing, interesting script, compelling all around. Made me wonder how Nancy got the chance to direct such a great script and team for her first feature. Either way, it pays off wonderfully. Also noticed that the Producer, Production Designer, and Editor are all current teachers in my program. Neat.

Salt: Angelina Jolie does a great job in this. Weak plot, the "discoveries" of the story aren't particularly rewarding, but it's well made, keeps your attention, is fun.

Runaways: Confused by the film's message - are they really trying to depict these girls as stupid and aimless while this guy Kim Fowler did all the work? Cause that's what came across. Something seems weird about that. Overall, it's worth watching - flawed but good.

Vicious Kind: Great acting by Adam Scott, Britney Snow also good. Poor movie overall with strong performances and some interesting scenes.

Rabbit Hole: Great movie. Wonderful acting and directing. Unfortunate that the main characters are so clearly defined (some of Kidman's not wanting to have sex seemed off, some of Eckhart's perfectness felt off) but I'd forgive all that, it's a great film. Made me cry! But it was a good cry. I was really impressed by Director John Cameron Mitchell's choices.

Kick Ass: Extremely watchable as a modern take on super heroes. It attempts to answer the question, what if someone really decided to be a super hero? And it answers that partially, unfortunately. The problem is it's mixing fantasy with reality in a way that leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Sometimes the violence is too realistic, it stops being fun and starts being perverted - I don't really want to see a little girl be brutally beaten, while she's in fun costumes like it's cool. That's just weird and a touch jon benet for me. And as it attempted to be fresh and new - it was still extremely ass backwards when it came to its depiction of adult females. All women are sexy damsels or stupid (the main character's only reason he said he liked 'the girl' was that she was "beautiful, kind, and lovely"). All important characters are male aside from one little girl, who gets all her training from a man, her father. There's something really good and new about the movie though, and I appreciate that. It's just also bit disturbing, because this is clearly feeding the minds of the adolescents it targets, and feeding the angst of those 'nerds' who look at themselves as victims of the world, but are just as much of a sexist angry jerk as their jock counterpart.

Lars and the Real Girl: Good directing and great acting is the only way to make a story like this work. I'm always wanting to keep watching, but man, I don't know what to make of this story or script. There's some stupid moments, but it also plays with the audience's expectations a lot and has fun.

Fish Tank: Majorly recommend - excellent film and performances. Hot and alive. Fassbender is awesome with his shirt off. Great directing, writing, fantastic low budget effort.

The Other Guys: Sexist, backwards trash - don't even get me started. LOVED the cast, loved seeing some of the UCB stars shine, they redeemed it at moments.

Running on Empty: Totally awesome Lumet drama starring River Phoenix and Martha Plimpton from 1988.

The Fighter: Holy Crap. HOW DID KING'S SPEECH WIN THE OSCAR? Seriously? Up against Social Network, Black Swan, The Kids are Alright, and the Fighter? COME ON! I haven't even seen True Grit yet. Having a good story and a well made film isn't enough to be the best, it has to be more than that! Back to the Fighter - it's more than that! Ugh it's just like so freaking great. In every way.

And back around to TV:
Parks and Recreation has been my favorite sitcom this year. I LOVE all the characters and writing. It's just plain smart and well executed. Keeps getting better and better.

almost a year later

2011-05-13T19:56:00.004-04:00

At this time last year, I was going to Cannes, and my dad was still big and strong and looked young and lively. This photo is from the summer before last when my parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary.

I was watching him a couple days ago because my mom was on a business trip. Anybody who meets my dad now sees and old man in a wheelchair and sweatpants I think. His teeth have gotten bad. It's hard for him to brush or for us to brush I think. I think a tooth got chipped when he had a seizure. He seems to have aged more in his face. Since he can't walk anymore his body has lost muscle in a lot of places. Sometimes he acts a bit infantile and complains or makes noises in inappropriate situations. He doesn't have defined motor skills. He can't speak but he can make noises. But he smiles and gestures and communicates with people.

When people meet him they must think he is cute, feeble, old, kinda weird. Probably weird. They are nice, understanding. They know that something is wrong. But do they know that just last year he was so big and strong and active and healthy, that when he helped me move out of my apartment, he carried this big cabinet all by himself? I came after him saying "hey don't you need help with that?" and he was like "no I'm fine"

This isn't really my dad. This isn't how he is or who he wanted to be at this age, of course. He was a health nut, and he would always say he was going to live till he was 100. He liked to play tennis, and had a huge cabinet full of vitamins and supplements. If people think you get used to things being the way they are, I haven't yet. I think we all accept it, but I never like it. It seems obvious, but I think people forget that. I don't like it. I do want to take him around to do interesting things and go places together. I want to give my mom and my sister a break by watching him when I can.

Sometimes it's like grandma. Grandma was paranoid schizophrenic and so it was like she was a shell of a person. Only once in a while did she ever talk to you as herself. Maybe a handful of times in my whole life did she ever seem to be with it. Maybe only this one time that I really remember, when she said "I don't know why I say all these things, it must have been when they brainwashed me." She seemed really coherent in that moment. But then again, maybe her personality was always there. The way her sisters described her when she was young and sane was as a funny free spirited girl. She always kind of acted like that.

And sometimes I wonder when my dad is really being himself. He is still funny, and he still doesn't trust the government or doctors and that's always how he was.

I wonder about the day before his stroke when he picked me up from the airport, and I wanted to make this special Oxtail soup because I found the mix for it in Switzerland, and it's discontinued in the united states. You have to add ingredients for it, and I wanted to grab them all at shoprite on the way home, but my dad insisted on going to different places to get all the ingredients and it drove me mad. I was so angry at him. I was tired from the plane and I didn't want to go to different stores for each ingredient - but he thought certain stores were better for certain things. I was so angry and yelling at him to just take me to one damn store and then we go home because I was cranky and tired. I was really mad and annoyed at him. He did things like that sometimes. He was probably being more annoying and hyper than normal because his blood pressure must have been so high that day.

The next day when he had his stroke his blood pressure was in the 300s - healthy blood pressure is between 100-160 or so depending on the person. They say he was a ticking time bomb. I felt like maybe I got his blood pressure up by fighting with him. My mom felt like maybe it was the stresses of her seemingly evil job that drove his blood pressure up. We have to remind ourselves that he was a ticking timebomb. The day of his stroke my dad was singlehandedly trying to renovate the house. He was lifting large furniture from downstairs to upstairs. Just sort of going for it without asking for help. My parents were going to try to transform the lower level to an apartment to make extra income since my mom's work was messing with her they way they do that makes people miserable in their life and jobs. My mom and dad watched a movie on the couch that night. I went into the city to celebrate my classmate's birthday at her upper west side apartment.

We were sipping on sparkly wine and eating brie cheese and catching up with friends. I got a phone call from my sister. Dad's having a heart attack or something, mom doesn't know.

Dad was sitting on the couch and suddenly looked off into space and became unresponsive. My mom was shouting and thought he was having a heart attack, tried to give him aspirin but he couldn't move. She called my sister to call 911 while she tried to help him. I wonder why she couldn't call them herself, and I think she feels bad about that, but I understand it's hard to call 911 while something is happening. I called 911 when my dad had a seizure and I was screaming and crying and just wanted them to be there without having to answer questions. I called 911 when grandma attempted suicide by swallowing aspirin to 'get rid of the black things'. I called 911 when someone broke into the basement level of my apartment building in Hoboken. I called 911 in Washington DC when a crazy drunk man jumped on the back of my car while I was driving slowly down city streets. Have you ever had to call 911?

When I got the phone call - I cried but it wasn't like I've ever cried before. My friends looked at me like "is something wrong"? Something was wrong. Yes. It was like I could barely say, my eyes were wide and I exhaled big and was shocked and they told me to sit down and gave me water. The cry wasn't exactly loud crying sound, it was more like shocked intense breathing. What do I do? What's happening? Do I go to the hospital? My friends talked me through it. Take a cab to your car which is parked in Williamsburg. Adam will drive you. I remember the taxi driver was being a dick about something. Miller says in On Suffering that pain is a thorn in our sides that sticks with us, and happiness leaves us more quickly.

We got to the ER, and mom and sister were in the hallway, my dad was just being pulled out of a surgery on a hospital stretcher. He came out of the room and looked up at us completely out of it. I just remember seeing him at the end of the hallway, sitting up, looking at us like 'what the hell is going on?'

It was a stroke and the doctor did something to break up the blood clot in his brain. We stayed with him until late and my mom spent the first night overnight in the room with him. It was my birthday and I was born in that hospital.

In the early morning my sister or I came. We would go in shifts. He was in the ICU the first 3 days, and then in another part of the hospital for about 7 more days. When he was in the ICU he was really out of it. Couldn't make a sound, couldn't move the right side of his face at all. Couldn't eat, things would fall out of his mouth. We always wanted someone to be there at night. He would wake up at different intervals and look around, afraid. We didn't like the idea of him looking around with nobody there to comfort him. The first few days we would, or at least I would just tell him that he had a stroke and that I was there for him.

Then when he was in the other part of the hospital, I'd sleep on the couches in the family room instead of being in the room. I'd take the night shift because I wanted my mom to sleep, and my sister has kids. I remember the helicopters that would come in to the hospital every night. He would tell us to go home, but we all felt like he needed us and we didn't want him to be lonely or sad or scared in the hospital, and I think we were all afraid of something happening like another stroke or something. Every day different people made their rounds. In the first week we discovered that he could swallow, which people sometimes loose if those muscles are paralyzed. And he was able to move his leg a bit.

After 9 days, they transferred him to Kessler Rehab center, where he would be for the next 3 months. He would get physical, speech, and occupational therapy. They told us he could get everything back. He has gotten some things back, not everything. A couple weeks in he made a sound with his voice for the first time. That was exciting. I believed that dad would be walking with a cane by Christmas time. I wasn't sure if we should really build all kinds of handicapped things at the house because I thought we didn't really know if he would have to have a wheelchair forever. I guess I was wrong about that.

When we brought dad home in August, it was one of the hardest, most labor intensive weeks. The house wasn't designed for a wheelchair, and we were new at doing everything in a different way, and dad was hyperemotional for a while, which is a side effect of a stroke. He'd get really sad and cry so easily. The next few months where we adjusted to things were pretty much terrible. To come home with this. To see what was going to be permanently lost, instead of people keeping on telling you that things are coming back, there comes a point where you want to deal with what's gone.

I spent every day that summer helping him in the hospital, helping mom at home, then helping at home the last few weeks when he was there. You may wonder what I needed to do, and it felt endless. He needed help shaving, brushing his teeth, he needed company even when he was at Kessler, he needed to see us every day. He really did need extra help doing things. At home, mom needed help doing all the things dad used to do, figuring out bills, fixing things, doing the dishes, taking out the trash. There's nobody else to help her with that anymore. I put in my time at home, and then I left it all to continue graduate school, something that requires all of your time if you do it right.

Around September and October, dad became angry and irrational and his blood pressure was going crazy. He was refusing medicine, and getting angry, throwing things. He'd push himself in his wheelchair out into the street. I'd have to get on the phone with him to try and talk him into going inside. I'd step out of classes and get on the phone with mom and dad and talk my dad into wheeling himself into the house from the street. He can't really wheel himself properly since his one arm and hand are paralyzed, but he pushes with his feet. We'd like to get him an electric wheelchair he can operate with one hand.

This time nothing I could say worked. Usually he'd listen to me, but he just wanted to throw the phone away. I think sometimes he actually did throw the phone.

He became so irrational and impossible, and refused to take his medicine, he'd get prostate infections because of this too, and so he even had a prostate cancer scare. When he started refusing his therapy In October, I went home from school, and checked my dad into the psychiatric hospital. He spent the next few weeks in the psychiatric hospital, among mostly drug addicts and suicidal young people. But he made friends. And he was the only person in his group sessions who couldn't speak. They'd never had anyone like my dad there before. But at least they made him take his medicine.

He went to the hospital at least one more time after that for abnormally high blood pressure. I remember visiting him in the hospital then, trying to find him among all the rooms and beds, seeing his face, recognizing him, so much life in that face that I know, that's my dad.

Finally he came home. He started taking certain medicines and going to therapy, but he refused some of them. For a couple of weeks he started acting normal. I came home for thanksgiving during my school's filming production period. We film continuously for 3 months straight. I loved the hard work and making those movies. Some people complained about the hard work, but I don't know if they forgot for a minute how cool it is to make movies. Well, sometimes when you've got a difficult director it can be hell, but overall, it's much better than being in an office, or being in the hospital. Thanksgiving day was at my sister's house, and the day after, we decided to make our own thanksgiving dinner because my dad likes cooking. Mom went out to the store to buy some ingredients while dad and I were cooking at the stove. It was a really nice morning. My dad looked at me like something was wrong and wanted water, and wanted me to check his blood pressure. And then his face went blank, and I knew right away something was wrong and I called 911. He was having a seizure.

His face was changing colors, he was shaking, he was huffing and puffing and foaming at the mouth and making noises and sweating. It went on for about 2 whole minutes and seemed like forever. It seemed like he was dying. It seemed like he was going to shake and explode and I wondered if I was watching my dad die right in front of me. The ambulance came and gave him oxygen and we went to the ER. Dad was in the hospital again for another week. He was just starting to get some movement in his hand. After being in the hospital for a week with no therapy, and maybe also because of the impact of the seizure, he went backwards physically, and lost a lot of his leg and arm movement. We are still working on that.

After this, he became very afraid about not taking his medicine, and he has since taken all of his medicines, and is now mostly calm, warm, friendly, loving, and rational. He can be unreasonable and demanding sometimes, some of it's probably from his loss of control, and he wants to exert himself however he can. And this is how it has been since December. He had one more seizure in April, which scared us all so much to happen again, but this time it was fairly minor, it doesn't seem like he lost much from it.

And so this is how life is. He can transfer himself in and out of his wheelchair pretty well if he's not too tired. He needs help getting in and out of cars, on and off the toilet. If you watch him, he needs a lot, so it's a lot of work. If you just think about the fact that he can't wipe himself after going to the bathroom, and you have to do that for him - it's something that you wish you could take for granted, but it's pretty big to lose. I'm sure he never wanted his daughters to have to do that. That's something people might not get. This person in a wheelchair isn't just week or feeble. Someone who needs a caretaker needs someone to assist them in all the little details of life and movement. It's not something you think about if you don't have to.

I have so much work to do. So so much, I'm drowning in it. And yet I have my own space and I can get away. When I'm not at home, looking my dad in the face, my mom, my sister. I'd like to just go and do things that are all about me. I am surrounded by people with problems like with their iphones or dating, or getting drunk, or stressing over where to have dinner, or not liking their completely not that bad job. A whole wonderful assortment of privileged people problems.

I have to write a feature this summer, I'm not getting any younger. It would be great if this would go away and I could just think about myself, and sometimes I wish it would go away and not be true. I want my dad to come over and drive himself to see me. I want my mom and dad to take a break and relax. Every time I call home, my dad's voice is on the answering machine. All he says is the phone number "9-7-3 ...." and then it beeps.

2011-04-19T03:27:00.003-04:00

Heart Break Trailer: a new short film by Heather Fink.

featuring Ann Carr, GL Douglas, Hannibal Buress, Trevor Williams, Youngmi Ha, and Zach Cregger. Screening for friends and family at NYU's Skirball Center May 7, 2011.

a face unhindered by all your mistakes*

2011-04-16T20:19:00.006-04:00

these are some things i really like but i feel i am in such a rush there is neither time nor gumption to write something of substance in this box

but in order to close all the tabs open in my browser, i better embed and cut and paste

if only life's great burdens couldn't find me like when in subway no gps
but it's all atlas on shoulders, shrugging, being existing
time to blog
the abundant redundant

see this:

new movie casa de mi padre!

my roommate is the blond girl dancing ooh

these guys were just mind blowing

some word things you click at:
- hd tape shortage
- new coke
- the burning

articles about two of the actors in my newest film! to screen May 7 in NYC!
- Ann Carr
- Hannibal Buress
superstars.

a photo from the LES film festival where Saving Mr Whiskers was screened

as for my thoughts and reflections?
i'm turning 30, not really interested in capitalization anymore
i moved to an apartment i really like in the east village that has a nice outdoor space and previously referred to roommate who is also very nice, good new beginnings
i'm trying to unscramble my brains to determine which projects to do next, it will be a combination of some of the following: finish feature script(s), finish pilot, shoot tv commercials, shoot more shorts
i should work out more often
and maybe try microderm abrasion because they say there's diamonds that scrape your age off your face*

brief update

2011-03-22T17:24:00.005-04:00

I went to SXSW and had pleasant experiences.
LIKE SEEING THE FOO FIGHTERS WHITE LIMO and DAVE GROHL

I moved to a new apartment around the corner from my old apartment. So update your christmas cards lists and also your free samples lists.

I'm screening my newest film starring Ann Carr, Hannibal Buress, GL Douglas, Zach Cregger, and Trevor Williams SOON. On May 7 or 8th. For friends and family! And those who worked on the film! If you want an invite to the screening you better say so you stupid freaking condor.

OTHER FEELINGS BEFORE I GO
- THE BEST FILM OSCAR - Saw King's Speech. Perfectly well done film - but didn't deserve Oscar for best film. It was very well done but didn't bring anything particularly new or original to the table. I felt Social Network was so fresh, culturally relevant, and perfectly executed it deserved the award. My second choice - Black Swan - again for originality. (disclaimer - I haven't seen True Grit or the Fighter)
- LUKE MATHENY - Won the oscar for best short film with his NYU Grad Thesis Film. It's the best! And I got to touch it! It weighs about 5 lbs or so. Watch the oscar win here. Luke isn't some big shot jerk or anything - he's nice and won just by doing good work! So encouraging.

THE GOLDEN RULE
if someone yells or screams after a fart it is funny

Shows!

2011-02-26T15:47:00.001-05:00

I'm doing STANDUP COMEDY
go see it
all new set
YES

TONIGHT SAT FEB 26
Sycamore
1118 Cortelyou Rd.
Brooklyn, NY
7-9pm
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=112835562127815
$5

This Sunday Feb 27
IT IS IT! Free Comedy at Pianos
show is 7-9pm
158 Ludlow St btwn Stanton/Rivington
don't worry, the oscars will still be going on after the show, and the
internet will show us clips!

Next Tues March 1
Seth Herzog's "Sweet"
8:30-10:30pm
9 Ave. A (just north of Houston)
there's always amazing guests!
It's truly one of the very best standup shows in NYC.
I think it's free, used to be $5 ...

to the guy who leaves perverted comments on my blog on a regular basis, and I never publish them:

2011-02-18T17:46:00.001-05:00

I figured out who you are from your ip address.

See my film at the Lower East Side Film Festival!

2011-02-16T17:57:00.002-05:00

Hi everybody,

My film "Saving Mr Whiskers" is showing at the Lower East Side Film Festival this Sunday Feb 20 at 8pm!

It also showed last night and the legendary Susan Sarandon was in the audience! Oooh.

Speaking of legends a comedy legend told me today " I saw your UCB performance and you're really original and funny. Keep it up. Good work." THAT'S SO ENCOURAGING

Much better than being in the editing lab with my current film at getting mad at my directing or writing choices. But this is part of the process. I guess. I never forget the fudged up things that went down in prior films. ARGGGSGS

OH AND ALSO

I'll be going to SXSW this year, you are very welcome to invite me to events, parties, and jumping on trampolines when available. I'll bring the subterfuge

some more egypt thoughts

2011-02-09T00:32:00.002-05:00

I ended up writing more about Israel last time.

Sooo
about the Egyptians.

This is a pretty amazing revolution, the most we've seen in current times.
I reallllly hope they figure out what they want when the bad guys are out of government, and how to try and form the democracy that they are fighting for.

I feel like they've come so far, and this could be the start of a huge revolution for the entire Middle East.

I just hope somehow the positive forces can converge to set the best plan in motion.

All governments are corrupt, but some governments are still fair - or attempt to be truly fair.

Mmkay. Simple thoughts about it all.

My thoughts on Egypt Situation:

2011-02-01T01:27:00.002-05:00

- Democracy: Good
- People's Revolution: Awesome
- Violence and destruction: Horrible
- Lack of any ruling structure: Going to create real problems
- The state of life for those in Egypt right now: unsafe and not conducive to ordinary life
- Egypt and Israel: Clearly the people of Egypt don't want Mubarak in power, and I trust that they know what's better for them than I do. They say he's terrible and oppressive, I'll believe them, because I don't know what it's like to live there. So there's a concern - whoever is next needs to be an ally of Israel. A democratic leader.

Yes I support Israel as a state. I don't see it as black and white. People complain about the Palestinian underdog - and I agree that they have a right to their land and their homes. I also believe that Israelis and Jews have a right to Israel - and the way they are portrayed as being powerful oppressors is ridiculous. Israel is a tiny country of few inhabitants. The inhabitants living there are a highly advanced society because it is a free state, founded in democracy and respect for human rights. Where gays and women are treated as human beings, and the conservative and the progressive live together. Education, technology and art flourish in Israel. This is where their power stems from.

There's so few Jews left in the human population, and they made a state in Israel following the genocide of the Holocaust. Palestine as we know it today was created by the British government in the 1900s. Both are new. Now - the people that live in Palestine had it as their home regardless of whatever it was called, and I don't think it's ok to take someone's home
BUT AT LEAST NOTICE THIS:
The middle east is FUCKING HUGE. There are massive spans of land controlled by muslim people where they can live as muslims openly and free.
Israel is TINY, just about the size of New Jersey, and that's all that is being fought for, in a place of profound spiritual significance to the Jewish people.

What I don't agree with is any notion of exclusion and separating people by the ridiculous abstract labels humans create (Jew or Muslim or Christian, once there's a label, there's exclusion and separation). There lies the problem.

But I truly admire Jewish history, culture, and people. I admire the artistic and technological achievements of Israelis, and their country is a magical place.

Israelis are human, Arabs are human. There are assholes among both groups. There are also humans among both groups for which we must share compassion, as we are fellow human beings.

The conflict in Gaza - Israel vs Arab world - both sizes are demonized in insane propaganda wars.
Don't believe anything you read or take hateful press at face value.

IN CONCLUSION:
Anyone who demonizes the Israelis is a fucking asshole.

I do have a problem with Islamic extremists.
I have a problem with all extremists. I have a problem with sexist and oppressive cultures too.

I hope that when the chaos is over, Egypt becomes a peaceful, progressive democracy.

knowledges: random this week things I like.

2011-01-28T02:14:00.006-05:00

THE BOSSES MEET
&siteurl=http://www.nbc.com?vty=fromWidget_Video" quality="high" bgcolor="#000000" width="384" height="283" align="middle" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash">

FROM MY FILM SCHOOL, a classmate

(btw the budget is not given by the school it's per what the director decides to spend!)
AND ALSO ONE OF THE SHORT FILMS FROM MY PROGRAM IS NOMINATED FOR A FREAKING OSCAR!

Woahs and WTFs
- This happened Tiffany and Debbie Gibson?
- Great combo Portishead and Asbury Park?
- Crazy secret nyc building Inside 5 Beekman
- 14 Actors Acting
- NYPD releases These Photos
- definition of Script Kiddie
- These Protesters in Ukraine make me feel good about women raising their voices as loud as they should be
- These kids' videos performing are so happy! PS 22 goes to Oscars

SOPHIA DIRECTS

YOU GO GIRL

My dad post-stroke, 7-8 months later

2011-01-24T01:49:00.004-05:00

My mom called me up while I was working on a shoot because she was excited that my dad stood up by himself.
I felt really excited and happy about it but shortly after, mostly sad still.

In the end of April my dad helped me move apartments, and on that day Obama was speaking at Cooper Union and my street was closed to all traffic for security purposes. That meant we had to park the van on the next block, and we had to bring all of my stuff down the street. It was a bitch, but me and my dad did it just the two of us. All of the sudden he started carrying this huge heavy cabinet all by himself down the street. Before I realized this I already had my arms full - and was asking "Hey dad, that's crazy, you can't carry that by yourself, let me help you!" and he insisted it was fine, and ultimately carried it by himself, and continued to do things like that the rest of the day.

I keep thinking about that specific moment - there he was in April being the strongest man in the world.
It's really hard to think about that and feel ok being happy that he stood up.

And I think about seeing him on June 9th when he had his stroke, when we first got to the hospital and the second I first saw him and they were moving him down the hallway. He was just looking up so confused, weak. He was completely screwed up by this thing. He just looked stunned, and I was helpless and stunned too.

The first months after the stroke you are focused on rehab and getting things back - regaining the paralyzed parts of the body. More time has passed and the realities of what he's lost are setting in. He's lost a lot. His right hand is still gone. Losing that hand, and having weak legs and impaired motor skills means a lot. It means not being able to really take care of yourself when going to the bathroom - certain things take 2 hands.

Though his comprehension and reading are perfectly in tact, his writing and speaking are severely impaired. He used to be incredibly talkative. He would talk your ear off on any number of topics, and get into a frenzy on a regular basis. He has so many opinions and knowledge and now it sits in there - and he shares one sound, one gesture, one look in his eyes, to give you an idea. All those thoughts and knowledge swim in there, and he works so hard to get the basic ideas out.

And all of this makes me think about how much I care to have children and make a family when the time is right. Maybe it's cool and fun to be single now, but I know the later half of my life won't find the same things meaningful, and the absence of family could be crushing.

My dad didn't have a proper childhood, his mother was an untreated schidzophrenic, his father a quiet/absent intellectual - depressed by the loss of his wife to the illness.
My dad could have just been socially inept and ended up alone or with the wrong person.
But he found my mom and he made me and my sister, and we know we are everything to him.
My mom was raised to give to others with every ounce of yourself (literally, her father was a minister and all personal belongings were to be shared with the community), and she's given to him in this way and created so much for the both of them.

He wasn't a perfect dad. He was always late, said the wrong things, and didn't know how to act like a dad all the time.
But he loves us and is so incredibly supportive. He looks at me like I'm the most amazing thing on the planet and is so proud of me all the time for every little thing I do.
He's also really fun and silly, and would always get into trouble with me, and encouraged me to think outside the box and challenge authority.
He's incredibly devoted and loyal to us too. I know he'll always be there, and he would always help me.

He was a fixer and a do-er, and losing his physical self is a huge blow to the family. Even if the plumbing was whacky in our house - he did it - it was taken care of.

There is so much obstacle in every day. Snow falls, and it needs to be plowed. Now all he can do is just look at it. I know he feels this, but we don't talk about it. We focus on the positive. We focus on healing.

I'm also not over being there with him when he had his seizure on Thanksgiving. It's the most horrible thing I've ever seen and I thought he was dying in my arms. So I often look at his eyes with fear that something will happen out of nowhere again. Seeing an ambulance with people in it makes me cry.

I've had to face a lot of intense thoughts. On the day of his stroke, I thought, he would probably be better dead than to have to be alive but not there.
I've asked myself this question a couple of times - is this so miserable for him and my mom that he'd be better off dead from the stroke?
There was a month in October when the answer was yes and it was horrible. He was refusing his medicine, was violently hysterical, irrational, and impossible - there was no quality of life for my mom or my dad.
But we got past that. He's adjusted to his medicine, and come back to us in spirit and personality.

Life is really challenging in their home - but I see that he still brings a lot to life.
My mom has to work hard to care for him - but he gives all of his humor and knowledge and company.
The fact that they are together makes a warm home that feels complete.
He is very loving and makes lots of jokes whenever he can.
I know my mom feels rewarded when things go well.
He also has a good attitude, and knows how much we love him.
He doesn't cry so much anymore.

My dad can't be who he was. I'm still really not over losing that. He was my buddy, and he was fun, and there's a lot we can't do together ever again. And I can't hear his voice and talk to him again. I'm not over that.

But he has all of his memories.
He has all of his personality and character.
He's my dad, and he's there.
He can see me.
He can be alive with me.
I could still have him there on my wedding day.

And so I'm really lucky that he stayed with us.
I'm really glad he came back.
He's my dad, and he's there.

My Dream Coachella

2011-01-19T12:28:00.003-05:00

Coachella's lineup was announced today and it's not really for me.

Here's my dream Coachella, bands who I love live, or wish to see, all acts who are still alive:
- NIN
- Portishead
- Tool
- Arcade Fire
- RadioHead
- Kanye
- Jay Z
- Faith No More
- David Bowie
- Fischerspooner
- Tori Amos
- Bright Eyes
- Brian Wilson/Beach Boys reunion
- Deerhunter
- Queens of the Stone Age w Dave Grohl
- Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr
- Silversun Pickups
- Sufjan Stevens
- Deftones
- Interpol
- Neil Young
- Pearl Jam
- Soundgarden reunion
- Bjork
- Hole
- Postal Service
- George Micheal
- Billy Joel
- Dolly Parton

Would be a great show wouldn't it? Yeah!
FINKFEST 2011 lets make it happen.

I've just finished shooting!

2011-01-18T19:23:00.002-05:00

After 3 intense months, and so now I can write some things and share some things.

COMING SOON!

Movie Review: Black Swan

2010-12-18T12:37:00.005-05:00

This film explored female power issues and female sexuality in a successful and fresh way. The acting was great, and I think Mila Kunis actually had the most difficult role to pull off - holding ground in such a real, whole, human manner in the midst of such a dramatically overwraught environment.

People call the film melodramatic - but I do think the acting is on point. Natalie plays a character that's very true - a self serious, sheltered, weak and classically feminine character - whose sense of self is being ripped open. What I think is more accurate is that the film is ridiculous. It's so ridiculous in so many moments.

But Aronofsky is always very successful in making you feel powerful negative emotion - especially anxiety (Pi and Requiem!).

He also made a genre film - of psychological thriller - but I do think that while the audience always had some fun and excitement - they were lost in moments when it was too ridiculous (stabbing in the face?) some of it just seemed random and meaningless piled on top of everything. But the majority of this film is needed and successful when put together to create the world, feelings, and character he set out to create.

I think his depiction of female desire, struggle, and sense of self are fresh, innovative, and something special.

When you leave the film you might not feel - oh I enjoyed that! Oh that's my favorite! But rather, a feeling that you were impacted, made to experience specific emotion. And that final moment is true camp ridiculous - almost reminded me of the crazy smiling faces in the Black Hole Sun video.

PS
I like this unrelated video:

2010-12-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

This video of NIN performing in 1990 is amazing! Such a dorky young angsty music genius! Ugh the early 90s were such an unbelievable time for new music. Drool.

NIN Live @ 930 Club, 7.11.90 (Three songs) from Nine Inch Nails on Vimeo.

--------

A Comprehensive glossary of gifs: link

--------

I really like Nicki Minaj.
As for Kanye's new album, I really liked the video for it as posted earlier, and a lot of the sound of the songs - but the lyrics are awful. He is trying to be harder on this album, when the truth is the kid is totally harmless and grew up nice and neat. He has nothing to bitch about other than his fragile ego. He is truly brilliantly creative, but he doesn't have to be gangsta or tough, he shouldn't even try. So many stupid phrases that make him sound like a whiney baby who's probably a nightmare to date - ruin otherwise good sounding songs. Prior albums are better. He should stop bitching and moaning about stupid things, and I really don't want to hear about his sex life anymore.

--------

And finally- a little gem I discovered while looking for restaurants near my parents' house:
Q Thai T's restaurant reviews
this review is my favorite - for a sushi place:

"THIS PLACE IS A REAL PIECE OF SHIT,

GHETTO ASS JAPANESE WANNABE'S

THROWING FOOD AROUND INTO PEOPLE"S FACING LIKE WE TRASH CAN'S OR SOME SHIT. WTF?????"

-
and pub 199 which is the cheap lobster place near my house:

"I see LOTSSSSA people , writing LOTSAAAAA SHIT ABOUT THE DEAD ANIMALS ON THE WALLS AND HOW THIS PLACE LOOKS LIKE A DEAD ANIMAL MUSEUM, AND HOW IT"S DUMB CROWDED AND HOW ITS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND HOW ITS SO FAR AND SHIT.

They are all right."

nice work Q

On Being a Woman and Getting What You Want

2010-12-02T21:39:00.002-05:00

I just watched Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, and then found the main actress Noomi Rapace fascinating and watched an interview of her by Charlie Rose. She described her character as being something women want to see, and that she is great because she doesn't take shit from anybody and she gets what she wants. I agree, but the character has been victim of so much horror, I want to think about who the woman is who simply gets what she wants in the world. Who is the empowered woman who is neither victim nor vigilante?

One major obstacle women have to face, is that in order to succeed, there are certain people who can't find you threatening. I like to say exactly how I feel and what I want. It is my gut instinct that my when wants are reasonable and honest, they must be human and justified. I usually think carefully my motivations and desires, and feel that a person can clearly determine right from wrong. When there's a gray area, even then you can usually decipher exactly what is gray about it - and you can take in such a situation with its complexities. Either way - one knows when they are being good or bad - the sad cruel ones are those who choose bad and lie to themselves that it's good. That's at the heart of evil.

So, I often feel I know when I'm doing the right thing, so I want to go out and do it. But this isn't so easy. There are many individuals in society who are fearful and threatened by all sorts of odd things. Such individuals are usually bad communicators. They adore rules more than compassion, and have poor logic. These individuals often get in the way of people, themselves or others, achieving reasonable goals. These people are often in positions of power, and even more frequently just underneath the most powerful.

So that's a bit about getting what you want and the natural obstacles therein.

Back to being a woman.

Women have endless mythologies surrounding them that color their reception first and foremost by others. It's always surprising when a woman does something strong or competent, as though it is an anomaly. As though it's special for a woman to be a fully functioning human being beyond stereotype. Wow - a woman director, a woman computer technician, a woman police officer ... a woman anything other than teacher, nurse - you get it.

In order to be heard - just normally heard and listened to - in many situations, a woman must diffuse notions that she is threatening, and she must remind those she confronts that she is a fully capable human being. For some lesbians or masculine women, the butchy thing pays off. She may be taken seriously because she is like a man, and non threatening inasmuch as she is one of the guys. In some situations she is dismissed for being unattractive. So let's take attractive, feminine women. The attractive feminine woman is well received because she is attractive and that's just plain appealing. Such a woman can get attention. Such a woman has the opportunity to meet more people, get more phone numbers, open more doors of opportunity. However, it is assumed such a woman does not posses much beyond her looks, and therefore is incompetent, or only serves sexual purposes.

The opening of doors is great - but how does one get what they want when inside?

That's the magic of the modern woman who gets what she wants. There are beautiful women who succeed in real, socially relevant ways. There's no one way, and some women fight this fabulously, and it's never easy.
Sometimes you can be who you are and say what you want to say and still get what you want - but that's when you're of the company of good people who aren't threatened. A woman getting what she wants is like a man getting what he wants - as long as she can fight her first battle with everyone she meets.

That battle is the battle of perception. Sometimes it's fun to be a wolf in sheep's clothing, but often times it gets tiring when you already know you're a damn wolf.

Please Vote for my video!

2010-11-09T08:49:00.000-05:00

Hi friends,

I made a comedy video years ago, randomly entered it into a youtube contest, and now it's one of 25 finalists!
It's the "Time Warner Cable Short Film Contest" in association with IFC on Youtube, and if I win - I get to go to the Sundance Film Festival!!!

This would be so damn awesome.
If you would be so kind as to vote for my video:

ANYBODY with a GMAIL ACCOUNT can vote! A Gmail account login can be used to login to Youtube.
You can vote ONCE PER DAY if you are really generous and loving. ***

CLICK HERE
http://www.youtube.com/timewarnercable
Select "THINK DIFFERENT" and press the THUMBS UP!
(to log in, click "log in", at the top right of the page, you can use your gmail to login)

Thank you!
- Heather

-----------
CREDITS FOR THE VIDEO "Think Different"
Written/Directed by Heather Fink
Featuring Kevin Allison as Mr. Anderson
with Rob Lathan, Ed Mundy, Dan Fontaine, Julia Segal, and Heather Fink.

Producer: Ben Joseph; Camera: Paul Rondeau; Editor: Ed Mundy
PAs: Evan Silverstein, Stephen Fagen

2010-11-08T22:20:00.003-05:00

Right now, everything is exploding and dinosaurs are terrorizing my streets.
If it was a lizard or a contained fire, I could fight it.
I don't have the ability to stop neither dinosaur nor explosion.
The best thing I can do is go on living.

and btw

2010-11-07T21:56:00.002-05:00

for every rap video that scared white people
think about how damn scary white people must have seemed in every episode of the lawrence welk show

The material possession I most covet right now is a pair of Swedish Hasbeens (the Jodphur, in black with natural wood) BUT no matter where I look they are 300-450 dollars. There's no way around it. HEY THAT'S TOO MUCH MONEY! Hey hey hey hey wtf hey stop being so expensive stop stop stop hey!!! UGH THEY AREN'T LISTENING. What do I want with shoes that can't listen anyway. Nevermind I'll just wear my reebocks.

I saw the Social Network. It's a fine movie, better than I expected. So far the most genius movies I've seen this year are Fair Game, Social Network, and Inception. All 3 are so solid, they are too be enjoyed, no way around it.

2010-11-02T23:45:00.001-04:00

sometimes the moment you are put into a new world
meeting someone new
its so un erasable
so intensely meaningful
you cant change it
and you cant leave the whole world because you already connected to this person
(we actually unlearn the natural inclination to connect after being burned)
and its the web of connections that holds our bodies up from the sea of death
if you kill yourself, you murder all the connective webs that tie
between you and those who know you
and today if you cant see yourself mattering much
that's because today just isn't tomorrow
you don't know tomorrow
do not go gentle into that good night

I really like Kanye's film "Runaway"

2010-10-29T21:33:00.002-04:00

watch it and make it big click here - it's a half hour and a it's really great video to chill out with

I thought it was a beautiful piece of visual art and worked so well with the music. I love the color, movement, and choice of shots. Ballet has also rarely been so f'ing cool.

Its one flaw is Kanye's dialogue - he's not a great actor BUT he is good when performing on camera when he is moving or singing.

Enjoy.

NEW VIDEO: Secrets

2010-10-25T00:49:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone,

I haven't put any of my newer films online because I can't if I plan to submit them to festivals. So I thought I should make something I can share with everyone! So here's a new one - with a Jewish theme this time.

"SECRETS"

Gabby hides a shameful secret from her Jewish mother.

CREDITS
Alison Rich as Gabby
Kera as Mom

WRITTEN/DIRECTED BY
Heather Fink

CAMERA
Jarreau Carrillo

EDITOR
Adam Weiss

LIGHTS/SOUND
Chris Corbishley

SOUND MIX
Weston Fonger

Dude! It's Baby Tummy Oil

2010-10-25T00:21:00.009-04:00

PARTY ON!

there were also these dogs that got put in Halloween costumies. It was very distressing for this woman and her mummy dawg:

I took both of those photos above with my camera phone - that means I WAS THERE!

Did you read Rob Delaney's great article about Comedy in Vice? It's a must read.

Frikkin look at this video:! Kids do all this crazy stuff all the damn time.

BRAGGING:
Did I tell you about this and that cool stuff I did? The internet is for that, right? I have been to the rooftop of the new James Hotel for a fancy book party for Palo Alto, and the owner or manager or whoever he said he was (who was also an Eddie Izzard not in drag lookalike) offered me to visit one of the hotel's penthouse suites! I said - "uh, that sounds like you are asking me to have sex with you." He replied - "Oh, well I am" EWWWW! NOT PROFESSIONAL NOT PROFESSIONAL. DO NOT WANT.

Hmm, what other awesome stuff have I been so awesomely doing? I went to some cool CMJ shows and scored a badge from performer/friend Baratunde. We hit up the artist's lounge and got FREE STUFF. I LOVE FREE STUFF. Free food is the best kind of food. Free drinks is the best drink I like to drink. Free stuff is the best kind of stuff I want to have. I have cool cmj 2010 bags now! And YOUTUBE TUBE SOCKS. I live the life. Of note - meeting Nada Surf at a free show at a soho art gallery (because that's what happens in NYC!) and catching some of Rooftop Vigilantes who were so great live. Then I decided CMJ was kind of lame and went to bed instead of meeting Claudia at Brooklyn Bowl WHERE LORD KANYE SHOWED UP! Uff. Kanye!!! He can't help it but be cool and make great music in spite of his complete inability to not let douchebags fall out of his mouth when he talks. The man is a damn artist in all senses. I'd have liked to see that performance.

Let's see, anything else really awesome?
OF COURSE.
I also saw Mike Leigh's "Another Year" at the NY Film Festival and got to see the director and cast speak about it. The film is a deeply felt portrait of desperation. Well done, don't love it because it didn't reach me in a special place, but nonetheless well done, and that Mike Leigh has got something to say. And the acting is top notch.

And recently I checked into FourSquare at FourSquare HQ! They gave me a cookie and a tshirt. That really happened and the cookie was really good.

There's definitely all this really great stuff to say, photos from my camera phone that could be posted and I could check in and let everybody know all this really cool shit, but I gotta go do all this other great stuff because I'm great!
2010!
USA!
RAWWRRRWRAWWER WHO MOVED MY METHAMPHETAMINES
ardf .239hn!
hrnnnn

ah. found them.
good night.

Personal Update, Oct 2010 - my filmmaking and my father

2010-10-17T15:18:00.007-04:00

Classes end next Monday, and starting November 1st to January 18th, we shoot each other's films, a new one each week. We work for each other as crew, from cameraman to sound, and we each write and direct our own short film. Shoots are roughly 5 days each, and 12-14 hour days are fairly common.

At school they are saying it's normal right now, just before the big 2nd year production period starts, for students to fall apart and go crazy. The way we are taught to make films in NYU's Grad Film program is not simply by the technical skills and tools to make them, but they do what they can to agitate the artist out of us students. They don't try and shape you into a mold or one kind of voice. They try to stimulate your unique ability to tell your story the way you tell stories. People search inside themselves. They spend a lot of money. They have big casts and crews, and a lot of big decisions to make. This is filmmaking as an action - it's characteristically high stakes at every turn.

On a level I know it's high stakes and I have a lot of work to do to make my film. But on another level it's not high stakes at all. I love the good (not perfect) script I've written, and I have good actors and crew behind it. Everything isn't figured out yet, but I have no reason to believe that it won't be. I'll be making choices, and I do care very much what the choices are. But I don't feel like panicking. I don't feel like shit's so hard or intense. I'm making a film. People keep forgetting that. I'm not spending a shit ton of money though it's not cheap at all. I'm not using a fancy camera, unless you count that it's HD.

I am getting to shoot a script, and collaborate creative entities, and let my creative spirit come to life. That's what I get to do, while people sit at desks typing for the maintenance of their 401k, or serve beer to a douchebag and pour bleach down a bar sink. A lot of people hate their jobs. They like other things about their lives, but they don't love what they do. I get to make films right now. Thank you student loans, I may regret this later. But today, this year at least - I'm making my film. This might be one of the most satisfying things I do in my life. Maybe I'll be a great director and make big budget films. But today I scrape together to make this work, every turn under my complete meagerly budgeted control - without a studio telling me what to do. It will probably never be quite like this again.

This is intense, but it's intensely good, and in its midst, lies the rest of my life.

I am hurt very deeply by the trauma my family is going through after my dad's stroke. Right now is a harder period than my family has faced. He is progressing physically in regaining previously parylized parts of his body, but mentally he has become irrational, and we are dealing with that. The most precious thing he has to lose is his personality, sense of self, identity. I know I've lost my dad in certain ways, but I hope I haven't lost him - who he is - all together, and it takes a lot of positive thinking to believe there's hope that these elements of his being have maintained their integrity. Everything about my family has been compromised.

I just want my parents to be able to grow old together and be able to have a life. I pray that they have more than just dealing with this stroke for the rest of their years. I want them to be able to live and have more happiness before their lives end. I don't want this to be it for them. They are trying very hard, and I hope at the end of the day there will eventually be some reward.

Before the stroke my dad was a health nut, exercised, didn't drink or smoke, and took lots of vitamins, though high blood pressure did him in and caused the stroke. He told everyone he was going to live until 100. I don't know how it's all going to end with him, and I wonder if I get married, will he walk me down the isle? Do I even care about that happening? I just hope that if it does happen, he'll understand what's going on. That's what I need more than anything. Please don't take that away from us.

Stop all the clocks

2010-10-04T13:45:00.002-04:00

Today there is a funeral for a legendary professor in my film program, Bill Reilly. And in the comedy community we recently lost Greg Giraldo. Here is a favorite poem of mine, to be read and thought at all great deaths, and also at the death of a relationship.

Poem by W. H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

It's a perfect expression of love.

a quick sonic post

2010-09-30T11:10:00.002-04:00

4 excellent albums:

UNO

Single "Helicopter" off Deerhunter's new album "Halcyon Digest"

DOS
New Sufjan: The Age of Adz (Sufjan is ALWAYS good!)

TRES
Maximum Balloon new album "Maximum Balloon" - a really great up beat album
this video features the single "Tiger"

QUATRO
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross' free 5 track sampler of their music from the movie "The Social Network" is also lovely. Download here.

Don and Peggy, season 4, episode 7

2010-09-30T00:39:00.002-04:00

In a season that's gotten more beautiful in every frame - lighting, design, color, and with more expertly developed characters than ever before. This was my favorite moment of the whole series.

From one Democrat to another.

2010-09-24T16:09:00.004-04:00

I am really beyond sick of the modern liberal.

Everybody knows right wing conservatives are crazy and scary. Whatever. People are afraid of things and draw crazy conclusions and like to manipulate religion to create hate. This sucks, and it's created centries of bad guys. At least we know the enemy. Republicans are predictable and pestilent.

But the modern liberal is just nausiating.
It's absolutely obnoxious the way people talk today with a assumption that all people must share their viewpoint. I feel that there's a complete lack of clarity in the formation of liberal viewpoints, and a sad level of "following" that's dangerous to progressive ideals. Modern liberals are so in love with ideas, they are out of touch with human realities. There seems to be a closed minded narrow path of thinking which doesn't allow for true understanding. People want to stand for something, and defend ideas so badly, they don't even exactly know what the ideas are. They are fed fear and hate and respond like lab rats.

This is the most fundamental lesson of the WTC mosque "thing."

I don't support the WTC "Islamic Center."
for example.

On any given day I will hear some liberal kid spout their mouth off about how they are alarmed at the hate and anti-Islamic sentiment as though anyone who opposes this center is assumed to be some lunatic who hates brown people.

First of all, I don't care for Islam. I don't care for Christianity either. I don't care for these sexist oppressive institutions which inspire fear, hate, and madness rather than unity and peace. They are greater monsters because they claim to be agents of peace and love, when the only sources of peace and love I've ever known to be true are in the hearts of individuals. Secular religions by nature, divide and demonize others.

It was a hostile move intended to "open dialogue" about Islam fears among people. "Open dialogue" is the biggest bullshit nonsense rhetoric and people are eating it up. "This conversation had to happen." Really? "conversation"? Because all I witness are a bunch of screaming, angry, incoherent assholes making absurd signs and spewing irrational messages. The WTC mosque is causing the evil pink ooze from the sewars to bubble up, feeding of people's hate and frustration, and then Vigo will come and we are going to have to bring the Statue of Liberty to stop it all and make things right (see Ghostbusters 2 please).

It was immensely refreshing to see Jon Stewart's response to have a march to restore sanity and sensibility. The very idea that the rally will only go till 3 "because we have a sitter" is the perfect sentiment needed now. People need to stop screaming and start living.

The people behind the Islamic Center are not peaceful, progressive individuals who will do anything to enhance the civil rights of Muslim Americans. They are just starting shit. Progress does not come from fucking with people. Progress does not come from fucking with Sept 11 and politicizing it when there are very real victims and very real graves. It's just not sensible.

How do you think anyone even learned that the Islamic Center would be near the WTC anyway? How would people know if it's really just an empty factory? BECAUSE THE PEOPLE BEHIND IT TOLD THE PRESS. They are doing this to arouse anger. They are starting a fight. They are upsetting their people - saying to Muslim people - "Hey look at all these people who hate you!" THAT'S NOT HOW YOU PROGRESS. That's not how you heal as a nation and move forward. It's not healthy for Muslim communities to be thrown into this shit. It's hostile, immature, and caustic.

Fighting can be healthy, but at this point the American people are wrapped up in something toxic and poisonous.

We need to LIVE. We need to be human to each other. Muslim people need to integrate themselves as individuals in our culture. Art needs to be created. Intelligent discourse and expression. That is the key. Speakers like Martin Luther King. Not violence. Wake up, because your liberal empathy is being pimped out.

2010-09-23T00:17:00.001-04:00

In film school, you can't guard yourself so well anymore.

Irritatingly you are artists, every day. You don't come to work and sit down at a desk. You sit in rooms and look at each other and share the things inside you.
And there better be something inside you.

Some things should hide.
Some things are too explosive, unpleasant, or even perverse.
Correction, things don't have to hide.
But it's healthy to have some control over where they go.

And in film school, your ability to choose isn't always there.
Usually for better,
but sometimes it's distracting.
To look in the mirror all the time and see more than lines and colors.
All the time.

Exhausting.

Privileged.
Most people seem to envy this.

People want to feel.

The Gas Mask

2010-09-14T18:18:00.006-04:00

One lesson I have learned from the summer of my dad's stroke, is how intensely self-centered modern city life can be. I never realized before how the every day common elements of single life in the city are so luxurious.

Normality amongst modern adults in New York City is to live an existence that is perpetually free. We do what we want, when we want, where we want. We have private apartments and rooms and personal space. We float between personal engagements, work, and activity, guided by our own exploration and desires. We complain of jobs that don't fulfill our deepest levels of being. We are surrounded by choices, magnificent or putrid.

On friday night of fashion week, I had peppermint tea in the lobby of the Mercer hotel as Heidi Klum hung out with her friends, Karl Lagerfeld walked by, and one of Kanye's posse talked to my friend. And this was not so out of the ordinary.

There's nothing wrong with this world. I'm not judging it and calling it superficial or materialistic. The fact that our culture produces beautiful materials is incredible. Our culture allows for achievement in the tiniest threads.

My peers are chasing after cool, feeling constantly insatiated, and obsessing over ambitions and life's direction - so dominated by the chase that they often don't see the beauty in its freedom. Now I see this, and I didn't before. I have always understood privilege and luxury - but -

The fact that we are so free, on so many levels, with so many directions to go, so much space, so much of life dedicated to the self- to personal needs - is truly overwhelming.

I returned to New York City after taking care of my family for the summer, and not having my own apartment for so long - as I had previously shared a barely private, tiny space to save money. My room is so spacious and private, I don't entirely feel at home, or like this space is mine. I can't believe I have so much freedom to go and do and be whatever I want whenever I want. This is not something that my family has anymore. It all seems so luxurious.

It's truly incredible what has become normal in modern times.

And if I feel guilty, vapid, selfish, I do have one recourse:
the gas mask.

One cannot put a gas mask on another, until they have secured their own first.

Personal Update, Almost End of Summer 2010

2010-08-19T00:17:00.003-04:00

People ask me how my dad is doing after his stroke and how was my family doing, and for most of the summer, the answer was terribly.
There were moments of something sweet or interesting - but mostly it's been just plain devastating, and often, it seemed like pure hell.

Dad came home 2 1/2 weeks ago and the first 2 weeks were the worst and hardest part yet. It's a fulltime job caring for him as he can't do everything for himself, and he's faced with living in a world that isn't made for him in his wheelchair or his inability to speak. We had to try and figure out how to be nurses and give medicines and take care of all dad's needs. Every tiny desire became impossible, dad was so frustrated, and he couldn't communicate what he wanted or needed so everyone was just really angry, upset, and exhausted. Dad's physical therapy at the rehab center focused on his basic movements and needs, but not so much on how he can really live outside the center. We've been pushed to our limits every single day, and mom is also trying to manage a stressful fulltime job.

But this week things were getting better. Specifically today. A physical therapist comes into the home and shows us how dad can do more things for himself, and how we can help him move around more easily, and we have figured out how to adjust the house better for every day life - and it's starting to pay off. It's been more calm the past couple of days, and the happy moments were more frequent.

Today seemed like the first good day. Sure it had it's share of regular major obstacles and frustrations - but we have become used to big obstacles. We felt most happy because dad has more strength and balance in his physical therapy, and we don't think he's too far from being able to walk with a cane, at least with our help. We have figured out how to manage more things, the house is better set up, and dad is learning to calm down and give us a break here and there. He really wants to do all the things he used to do. Him not doing the things he used to do has been one of our major obstacles - we've had phones shut off because we couldn't figure out how to log into the phone account, broken things, things we couldn't find, confusion over bills and taxes, etc ...

Today we wanted to move some of my furniture out of the garage where it's been all summer and into the van - but the garage door wouldn't open! The mechanism was broken, and the garage was so full of chaos and junk it seemed impossible to get someone in there to fix it or troubleshoot. Mom and I were inside the garage trying to pull on the door and press the button at the same time - and all of the sudden we got it up a bit, and then we saw feet under the door! Dad wheeled himself outside and was trying to help from the other side! He was laughing so hard when we saw him there. It was a pretty good moment. He laughed almost as much as when he tried to help empty the clean dishwasher, and picked up the whole basket of silverware and dumped it into the drawer. He looked at me and laughed his ass off, and later mom told me he used to do this before the stroke.

We frequently have dad participate in things, ask him for his input, and his insight is often what we need - there are so many mysteries to solve. We had to remove the seats from the van, and dad had to help us solve that mystery too. He can't just do it for us or tell us how, and it wasn't obvious either. We have to work together with him and figure out the puzzles of what he is trying to tell us and what we are trying to do. These things come up on a regular basis, and dad feels really good when we can figure things out with him - he communicates with gestures and sounds, and can say yes and no.

And dad loves mom's hugs and attention and was so excited mom sent him an email that said "I love you." He checks his emails all the time, though he can't write them yet. He reads well.

Anyhow, I'll be moving back into the city soon, and the idea of moving without dad is one of the things that has made me cry the most. In the last 11 years, me and dad have moved my apartments together - and I counted - this will be my 9th move in 11 years! I've only lived in one apartment for more than a year and it was my favorite one on Delancey Street. Moving is normally our bonding time. I am a daddy's girl and we do lots of heavy strong work together, and he builds things custom for my apartments, we assemble furniture together, he helps me hang shelves and things like that. Then we go eat something healthy because my mom and sister don't like that hippie food. He worked so hard and I appreciated it so much, but he knows that now, he earned us working hard for him too - and sometimes he feels very happy and moved by how we all work together. It's sad for both of us, but I hope maybe next year. It's unfortunate that elevator apartments in nyc aren't affordable, it would be nice if he could visit me or be there during the move.

I accept by now that dad won't help me move me this year, but it was something I thought about since the day of his stroke, that I wasn't ready to lose my dad or these things that we do together.

I'm going to get my life back soon. It's been less important and I'm certainly in the position where I could spare a couple months and give them where they were needed most. But - this experience has made every little personal indulgence seem a luxury, and the minutia of ordinary days will be deeply appreciated upon return. I wonder what my life will be this year. I wonder what my social life, my school life, my creative life, my home life will turn into.

It's a "Sorry I've been busy lately!" post!

2010-07-27T10:58:00.002-04:00

Will make new post soon. In the meantime:

HUP HOLLAND HUP

2010-07-07T23:20:00.003-04:00

On Sunday you can see the Dutch and Spanish battle it out to win the World Cup! I'm Dutch. Mom was born and raised. So Hup Holland Hup.

Do you know why the Dutch wear Orange (oranje voetbal!)?
- Because the original King of the Netherlands is King William of Orange - the kingdom once included Benelux and Spain ... so the orange color of Holland once included Spain as part of it's kingdom - and I'm pretty sure that William guy led a revolt against Spain to become an independent kingdom - and now they have to battle each other! omg

-------------------
My favorite song of the past month:
The National - England
(song doesnt start till about 50 seconds in)

My very favorite thing I found in the web recently:
James Franco's appearance on GH.

MOVIES
The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus
Terry Gilliam's latest and Heath Ledger's last. It's a mighty fine work, and something you don't see from film making much anymore. It's got the cosmically imaginitive more common in 80s films like Never Ending Story - really willing to go out on a weird limb, play, and not concern itself with being grounded whatsoever. Today's fantasy genre is dominated by the Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter/Narnia kind of stuff and this is very different. You see the creativity and heavily directed production design combined with the powers of CGI and I think Gilliam uses the digital effects tastefully (ie the opposite of the piece of cinematic trash called "Transformers") - the only other director who I think masters the creative use of digital effects similarly is Jeunet (Amelie, earlier work of City of Lost Children could be compared with Gilliam's Brazil). This is another film with unnecessarily antiquated gender roles so it doesn't score well there. And there are some sloppy moments so it's not a flawless piece of work - but you can easily get past that and marvel at the fantasy. You won't walk away from it saying it's totally amazing. But it's really something special, and makes me so happy to experience - the film wakens the childlike creativity inside.
Of note - young actress Lily Cole - so unusual looking, absolutely beautiful, fascinating on screen.

Invictus
I had no idea how great this movie would be from the ads. It's actually the historical story of Nelson Mandela and his involvement with the South African Rugby team's World Cup victory in his first year of presidency. It's a perfectly made film and one of the best sports films I've seen. Well acted, well executed, and you learn something along the way.

Toy Story 3
Underwhelming, nothing special, perfectly good for families, not worth going to as an adult without kids. It's no Ratatouille! I love that movie.

Oh Dear
There is a thing called Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll. It's written and directed by Marilyn Manson. If this is a good thing, color me suprised!

Mike Patton + my favorite Michael Jackson song = I wish I was there.

No modern male singers, especially not in modern music, are better than Mike Patton (who also enjoys making weird vocal experiments!)

Comedian Lost

2010-06-29T20:52:00.009-04:00

In recent weeks, I haven't been able to pay much attention to my own life. I don't want a gold medal, but it's a matter of fact that I have been giving up some of my life for my family lately. I'm not mad at them for this, I wouldn't have it any other way - I want to do this and be here. It's hard to declare this without sounding dramatic and like I'm complaining - let's just make it very clear that I'm not.

But I am feeling something partly related to this experience, and partly related to the isolation that preceded my father's stroke - a month in europe, and the past year in grad school.

My first standup show was for my 3rd grade class, and my first character performances were daily characters of the day in my 2nd grade class (all I remember is that I was a California Raisin on Mondays). Life: gut feelings, the totality of my experiences - told me that being a comedian and storyteller is the life for me, and so I pursue that end.

You have to constantly put yourself out there to get ahead in comedy (and in much of the media world) unless you get really lucky and randomly discovered - but that's not the sort of thing anyone worthwhile should count on. I'd been putting myself out there in every way I could manage for years now, though I always made room for living (all artists must be more than just artists or they have nothing to express!). Grad school started less than a year ago, and in taking it seriously, I put a lot of things to the side.

And here I am, the next summer after performing on Comedy Death Ray and Sweet - two of the absolute best comedy shows in LA and NYC - and I feel like the comedy world has already started moving past me. If I go to a party I may know everybody, but sometimes the crop of performers and administrators/business folk is so fresh and new it's overwhelming. I have the NYC comedy scene deeply and richly woven into my personal history. It's been a part of my life for the past 15 years now, as I started visiting NYC around 1996 in high school. I always had something to aspire to, grip onto, target with lasers and say - there - that's where I need to be - that's the mountain I need to climb. But the mountain is changing.

And so I don't think I can approach a comedy career that way anymore. I have been ok with doing less comedy since day one of Grad Film School. The reason I did standup in the first place was because I wanted to be a comedy tv or film writer. I never really wanted to tour the country and perform at Chuckle Huts - though performing in other cities is a ton of fun - I just don't see standup as a sustainable career - or at least not an end. A means to an end.

So it definitely made me feel like crap when I got a cold hard no recently when asking to book a show at UCB NY. I've gotten no's before. Failure and rejection are inherent parts of comedy (you have to have to take risks to find the good stuff) - but just in this moment I felt - man, these people don't even know me anymore. They don't know my history here. They don't know how I embrace this community, and have invited its members to take part in the things that I create. Things move quickly, and I don't have a grip in this world anymore.

I may have comedy friends, famous connections, and folks who have noticed what I do along the way - but I'm not a headliner, not a seat filler, and not a cold hard Yes, yet. It seems the achievements of my past can't be rebuilt, piled up, or built higher higher, high enough. But I do feel good about what I am capable of. I feel great about it in fact. I really like what I do when I do standup. I really like what I can do when I do original sketches or characters. I know the shows I do go well - but they certainly haven't gotten me far yet. They have brought me unforgettable moments, so props to that.

At the end of the day I have to make something great, that's always been true. It's going to take true patience, and being ok with driving in the slow lane to get where I'm going as people pass me by. As long as I get there in the end, because if I don't, I will have to redefine who I am as a human being.

I am a comedian.

Photos and Videos from my trip to Europe!

2010-06-21T22:01:00.000-04:00

SLIDESHOW BOB

June 2010 Update

2010-06-16T19:05:00.006-04:00

I got rid of my NYC apartment once my first year of film school ended on May 8th and on May 9th, I flew to Europe. Spent two weeks at the Cannes Film Festival, then traveled for 2 weeks in Italy and the french riviera. While I was there I partied with (next to) Lindsay Lohan, lost my ATM card and washed dishes for food in St Tropez, walked in the snow in the Alps, ate snails, tanned myself on fabulous beaches, and got back together with my boyfriend Adam over email. My dad picked me up from the airport on Tuesday June 8th. I made dinner for my family with a special soup mix that has been discontinued in the US but I found it in Switzerland and bought 9 packages. My dutch mom used to make this soup all the time so it was a missed taste of childhood. The next day I spent time with my parents at home. Dad was going on and on about politics and I told him to cut it out. He was also making renovations on the house and moving lots of things around. I said I love you and drove into the city to meet Adam for Brooke's birthday at Tine's apartment in the Danish House. The Danish House is a house for Danish artists living in America and Tine is a classmate of mine in film school.

I met Adam at the Outback steakhouse where I was having a beer. We walked over together and were enjoying drinks and potluck food. I was excited to see everyone and share stories from the trip.

At 8:30pm my mom and dad sat down to dinner and a movie and my dad had a strange look in his eyes and my mom knew something was wrong. She asked my sister to call 911 while she tried to attend to my dad. My sister called 911, and my mom and sister thought dad was having a heart attack. My sister followed my parents in the ambulance and called me at 9pm. My dad had a stroke due to his high blood pressure. I lost it and was hysterically upset and confused. They said my dad had a stroke and Adam and I took a cab to my car which I parked in Williamsburg, and he drove me to the hospital.

He was operated on immediately. The hospital was impressive. It was the night before my 29th birthday and I was in the hospital where I was born. The grand piano, water fountain, marble, and nice landscaping made us all feel like he was in the right hands. They operated immediately, and my dad was paralyzed on the right side of his body and could not speak. He was very out of it and confused and nothing was clear. We did not know the extent of the brain damage.

After about 6 days he was moved to a rehabilitation center which is only 5 miles away from my family house. He could now be out of bed in a wheelchair, and will be in daily therapy to learn to walk and speak again. We do not know if it will take months or years, but he has a lot of good signs that it will happen. He understands most of what's going on, he just can't communicate back to us yet beyond gestures and facial expressions. Every day he makes some kind of progress. He's very strong and extremely motivated to rehabilitate. The rehab center allows visitors, has decent food, and an outdoor area he can go to. He eats in a dining room with other people instead of at his bed. He is being rehabilitated to do every little thing for himself again. It's not going to happen quickly. It will take time, patience, hard work, and positive attitude. Soon my family will learn more about how we can help him too.

When I came home from europe, I didn't have a lease to worry about or a summer job. At least for the summer, I am taking over my dad's responsibilities, and spending the day with him at the hospital while my mom is at work.

My life for now involves spending the day with dad at the rehab center, and readjusting to suburban life. I'll be playing detective work figuring out how to pay the bills, how to garden, how to take out the trash, go food shopping, do the dishes, maintain the cars. I took the car for an oil change today. Just that simple thing is something that a city slicker like me hasn't done in a DECADE! I sat with dad at lunch and chatted with the other patients at his table. Dad is the youngest one there at 67, and he looks even younger because he's such a health nut. An 81 year old woman named Marge had a stroke too and she was very chatty. She loved the food there and was happy not to have to make it herself. Marge is feisty with a sense of humor and I think I'll enjoy having lunches with her at the table. Another couple asked if I was my dad's wife. I don't think they could see very well, the man thought my dad was about 45. This was a compliment to dad, who had shaved off his mustache 2 weeks ago for the first time in my entire life because he decided it would make him look younger.

I'm currently trying to figure out the damn remote control for the Dish Network system that my parents recently switched to because it's cheaper than cable and they barely watch tv anyways. I'd really like to find my camera battery charger so I can share photos from Europe. I'm also doing lots of healthy cooking for mom and me. Today it was grilled portobellos and yesterday there was baked chicken with apples, and I figured out a really tasty yogurt salad dressing: plain fat free yogurt, lemon juice, mustard, plus herbs (chives and parsley, but any are good).

And my neck hurts.

From now on I'll be visiting with dad during the day, and playing dad around the house during the weekdays. On weekends I'll be visiting NYC and friends elsewhere. There will be a lot of time in the car and a lot of driving, though I much prefer the subway.
If someone asks "How is your Dad doing?" The true answer is bad. This really sucks and it's sad and really really difficult. But how he's doing doesn't matter. The fact that there's a lot of love in my family matters, and the fact that he will do better and he will rehabilitate matters but he's not there YET. So he's not doing well just yet. There are plenty of little blessings like the fact that he can swallow and has a very strong left half of his body, seems to remember and understand, and laughs and has a sense of humor.

My time away from home with friends also matters a lot. I need to keep my soul healthy and happy and keep growing as always. I want that and of course dad and mom want that too.

Soon I'll spend some time on my films this summer, getting them out to festivals, shooting new shorts AND I intend to keep up with standup, who knows a place to perform in Morris County? Eventually things will need to be hilarious. Like this:

Morning Prayer with Skott and Behr - Black Francis from Tim and Eric on Vimeo.

2010-06-14T18:08:00.001-04:00

Hey there,

Back from Europe, but a lot has happened.
There has also been a difficult family emergency.

I'll return to write here soon.

Thanks
- Heather

and now i,m in another part of the earth

2010-05-23T10:53:00.004-04:00

on a weird italian computer

near cinque terra on the top of a mountain in a hostel! but it,s a very nice one

still hoping to get to holland

had a really lovely last evening in cannes, my classmate the moviestar james franco took us out at part of his crew and we got to go to all of the fun parties including something kind of amazing in cap d,antibes then partied till the sun came up with famous people who will never remember me but i,ll remember them and it was fun watching lohan break the law, paris hilton act like a fun frat boy (in a good way) calling for a round of shots in a fancy black tie dress, and benicio del toro sit around being cool. ps james and his peoples who i dont know if they want to be anonymous are very very nice and down to earth two thumbs up

ack
i cant properly express myself with this keyboard
all the typing comes out like i,m a perpetual tourist
i know i can make an exclamation point!

have had some great adventures but alas it,s not all roses and lindsey lohan
for example the french people
boo
(sorry to the good ones)

ok, if you,re curious whats up dude just google cinque terre and then you,ll perhaps understand although i,m not sure the internet knows enough about whats going on over here

me neither
ciao

Cannes Report: Fair Game

2010-05-20T05:15:00.003-04:00

Just saw Doug Liman's Fair Game starring Naomi Watts and Sean Penn. It was truly spectacular in every way. Expertly shot, performed, written, scored - every damn thing. Serious Oscar contention for cast and crew.

My senior thesis as a philosophy major asserted (if I'm going to oversimplify) that one can create a greater critical self analysis - an essential process for any oppressed group to become liberated - via expression - for example in film (my example was with comedy). WHICH IS SO TRUE IN THIS FILM.

I quit a career in politics in 2005 after Bush won his election for the second time.
Were I to continue to pursue this career I would have most likely been a sheep, shepharded in law school, formed into a beaten down cog in a machine (Yale or Harvard lawyers fair better in the "make a difference" realms due to their inherent power and positioning).

I've always wanted to smack people in the face with the truth about who women are and what we are capable of - and I want to see it properly depicted in the voice of the people - how we talk about ourselves and others - and so I want to see it properly depicted in film - whether it be simple fun comedy or a serious dramatic piece. I believe film is the medium for change and giving voice to women with personality and strength who are not heard or seen. I want to show depictions of strong women as they are - and I truly believe that if I can make films that show this, it will change how women are percieved and treated. I also believe I could accomplish this personally by achieving career excellence in a male dominated field such as film directing. SO aside from wanting to make some damn good comedies - this is my life's goal.

After seeing Fair Game by Doug Liman - I see an extremely effective film that has given voice to people who were silenced - It can make a bigger impact than those who try to make a difference in politics and are silenced. Speaking up is exactly what films can do. Fair Game is excellent and I look forward to the impact it makes. Thank goodness for Valerie Plame's story it was placed in competent hands.

It's also a pleasure to watch!

Cannes Report number next

2010-05-19T17:33:00.003-04:00

Saw Tanner Hall - a film made largely by women ( headed by writer/director team Francesca Gregorini and Tatiana von Furstenberg), and it's damn excellent in many ways, so I'm sad that the script fell short in certain moments taking away from a film with huge potential. Either way I think it will be successful and enjoyed by a variety of audiences. The acting and general shot direction is fantastic. The characters are real and complex, and one of the most wonderful portrayals of teen girls I've seen in film. The problems lie in some cheesy moments - the evil mom and the end for example - just really really didn't work. Solid acting performances came out of each and every cast member - from Chris Kattan (which suprised me) to Amy Sedaris and Tom Everett Scott (I'm already a big fan). Especially impressive were the teen performances from Rooney Mara and Amy Ferguson. Those two absolutely blew me away!

Almost saw Blue Valentine - hugely buzzed about with packed screenings - starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams with music by Grizzly Bear (and ps - been loving Blue Valentine producer Lynette Howell on the panel circuit - Lynette if you read this, I'll work for you any day!) BUT I wasn't up for the emotion at the moment - word is it's incredibly moving and sad. Hopefully I have one more chance to see it before Cannes end.

Catching Fair Game bright and early in the morning!

Arrrggg! I love me some movies.

Other stuff
- Saw Stephen Frears speak - interesting tidbit about his directing style - he picks actors he loves first and gives them a lot of freedom. Doesn't hold rehearsals ahead of shooting and feels he must respond to the moment and the set in the space, then rehearses there before going for takes
- Was selected for a short film competition so I got a free Flip Cam! Shot the short today and uploading it tomorrow - wish me luck cause the prize could pay for this trip. And I'm feeling guilty about the euros that been droppin so ... if you like me, knock on wood for me please!
- Going to help location scout in Italy next week!!! Going to Cinque Terre and the Alps. I'm so excited and extra excited to find affordable adventures.
- My final week in Europe will most likely be with friends in Majorca in Spain. Yes I'm doing it all on the cheap!
- Probably won't be able to visit family in Holland but spoke with the Holland Film Commission while here and intend to shoot something in Holland next summer.

Cannes Report

2010-05-19T05:10:00.004-04:00

Hey dudes,

Here's the reason I'm in Cannes:
- I have a short film on the Short Film Corner
- To learn the market - Cannes is the most important international film market, and I'm learning quite a bit about the business of movies, and the most valuable bits about how you can actually sell your blood sweat and tears at the end of the day.
- To make contacts with those who could fund my blood sweat and tears, or those who could contribute blood or sweat to my existing pile.

And I'm also here for adventures, and to see films. Here are the films I've seen - (so far the dominant themes of the market at Iraq war, bad economy, 3D, and there's LOTS of puppy films):
- Police Dog Dreams - a Japanese film about a little girl and her dog and their dreams to be a police dog team. F'ING AWESOME. I have the poster. and it is AWESOME.

HERE IS THE TRAILER!
- a 3D presentation from Korea with robots and dinosaurs. the robots outshine the dinosaurs by far. 3D offerings are EVERYWHERE. audiences - get ready for your eyes to be exposed to this comeback technology from the 80s and let your mind explode with extra dimension (I think it's just a trend that will last 2 years max!)
- Main Street - great cast (Ellen Burstyn, Orlando Bloom to name a few) but we left after 30 mins into the film. BAD EDITING. TERRIBLE EDITING. Shots were misused, it should have started way later in the first scene, the opening montage was boring and repetetive. Could be great if it was edited properly
- Every Day - Liev Schreiber, Helen Hunt, Carla Gugino. Bad writing. Liev not right in this part (though a good actor), and Helen Hunt's hair was overdone which was a weird and mal-fitting choice. Left after 30 mins
- Company Men - Great film, Academy Contender - Ben Affleck, Tommy Lee Jones, Chris Cooper. Strong acting, good story - VERY UNINTENTIONALLY SEXIST - Women were never portrayed in relevant roles, in real life women are executives and there were none. We should have seen a female lead along with the men, also there was a token black role - cheesy and the black dude isn't as real a character as the white leads. And the one female business woman had to get naked which wasn't necessary and that actress should have had to do that to tell this story. HOWEVER it was a moving, scary examination of corporate downsizing and layoffs. Ben Affleck's story ark was so extremely true to life, and this will strike a real nerve with those of us deeply afraid of the impact of this economy.
- Tamara Drewe - A really fun film made by Stephen Frears who knows what he's doing. The end is hokey, but otherwise it's great fun and will do well. Great ensemble cast.
- Of Gods and Men (Des Hommes Et Des Dieux) - French film about monks in a monastery in Algeria facing up against violent terrorists while trying to support the village they inhabit. We saw this one on the proper red carpet last night! So fun. The film is absolutely beautiful and moved me to tears. Very well acted. Loved those old men monks! Was so moving to see the actors and director receive a long standing ovation at the end of the film. The most brilliant scene is at the dinner table where we spend time with each character as we experience quiet moments with each as they evoke their viewpoint and experience. One criticism is the overuse of the technique to stay on shots a long time - he should cut a lot of shots shorter (even though its clearly a style choice) because it is being overused, and he will lose the audience and they will be bored or their minds will wander. He needs to keep the long shots in the important moments we need to feel most, and cut some landscape shots, etc because its taking away from the film! It's quite a moving experience a la Schindler's list (but very different style wise from that film)

Other happenings:
- got to see a panel with Doug Liman! He's such a competent director, I admire him so much! Hope to catch Fair Game. Will write about what he had to say about fair game - and the fact that he DP's many of his own films! - later
- Stephen Baldwin is poking around. I think his kids made short films here
- Saw Javier Bardem walk into his press conference!
- Visited Grasse. Got rained on :(
- So far the highest scoring films in the festival are Mike Leigh's Another Year - and 2nd highest is the film I saw, Of Gods and Men. Biutiful by Innaritu and with Bardem scored very very low! Worst score so far is yakuza film Outrage by Kitano- and Kiarostami's film with Juliette Binoche got mixed reviews.

Ok bye now.

2010-05-14T13:39:00.006-04:00

I wanted to take a break from movie business and learning the ins and outs of the film market for a moment and watch a movie at this Cannes Film Festival. I'm really interested in seeing some of the films that will premiere in the Lumiere (that's the glamorous theatre) - especially Stephen Frears and Doug Liman's new films. Also interested in seeing Woody Allen's, Inarritu (sp?) and Mike Leigh's. Couple of other films playing on the market look good like Blue Valentine (I will try to see that) and The Kids are Alright (I missed that cause I was being important for a minute).

Up until 5:30 today I hadn't seen any films in Cannes yet. (The Fantastic Mr Fox on the plane was Fantastic. It's Complicated and Crazy Heart were 'eh') At 5:10pm I was charged 5 Euros and 60 cents for a glass of perrier in the Hotel Gray du'Albion.

AND AT 5:30 I SAW:
National Lampoon: Dirty Movie

Yep.

oh you want a review?
ok. you.
It's actually got a lot of hilarious moments - surprising. Love everything Chris Meloni ever does. I think he could make Mein Kompf funny. The film is good, aside from the part where they degrade women beyond being funny, and beyond the way the other groups of people they make fun of are degraded. Each group that's made fun of is addressed and questioned, but the degradation of women is never questioned for a second, making it even more offensive. I especially love their depiction of an all male film crew ... etc. A movie like this you'd say, "yeah but it offends everyone!" it does - and it is totally funny yes - I recommend it as the PERFECT thing to play at parties - easy to get while drinking. There's some priceless whacky moments. And it's a really cheap movie, which I think audiences will notice and won't care. Still I'd like not to be sucker punched by sexist comedies all the damn time. It would make me happy not to be! The tits in the movie don't help and could definitely be removed (people stopped laughing during those parts and it slows the pace of the film), as well as calling the dumb blondes "sweety" errrr anyhow - there are some priceless fun moments and it has it's place in your dvd player when you want a stupid funny movie. Will kill in frat houses and belongs at parties. Viva La France.

PS - NYC comedians Livia Scott and Todd Levin were in the movie! And I've seen the seller of the film Mystery Team advertise their movie, so that's fun to see familiar faces on the poster. And ... hmm other comedy news. Seen Andy Serkis cast in a couple new comedies, and something with Isla Fisher, and something with ... I forget, time to eat a baguette. AU REVIOREE

no time

2010-05-05T00:40:00.003-04:00

only time for trying to finish an edit of my film and then feeling badly about self - note to people: filmmaking, probably many creative processes, involves LOTS and LOTS of beating yourself up about not being where you want to be yet. Just sayin!

Leaving for Cannes on Sunday!! YEAH

A couple things:
Something we did in camera class

Lighting Exercise from Jessica dela Merced on Vimeo.

A girl bored with her life turns to her imagination...and Lady Gaga

Starring Heather Fink
Sexy BG dancers: Ryan Johnson, Greg Lemaire, and Charles Rogers
Director and Camera Op- Jess dela Merced
DP- Ed Barnes
Crew- Janelli's 2nd section woot woot!

Shot on super 16mm film

These are fundies

Marina Abromovich lady makes people cry by looking at them in a museum. Oh these crazy modern times!

LEARN SOMETHING

A great job opportunity!

Hunter S Thompson really hated contracts.

OK THAT'S ALL I HAVE TIME FOR RIGHT NOW SORRY.

PS you can see a screening of my 7 min comedy short film: Saving Mr Whiskers - starring Will Hines, Eli Newell, Ann Carr, GL Douglas, Madison (my niece), and Tiger the cat.

There will be screenings of the 1st year films in NYU's Grad Film program on Thursday May 6 from 3pm-9pm, and Friday 11am - 5pm.

Mine will be showing during the 7:30pm block.
Thursday May 6
@ NYU Tisch Building
721 Broadway @ corner of Waverly (between 4th and 8th streets)
room 109 (ground floor)

SUBWAYS: NR to 8th Street, 6 to Astor Place; ACE or BDFV to W4th
Street parking is often available after 6pm.

I'm sitting on the floor

2010-04-23T09:29:00.003-04:00

with my computer
because I'm emptying out this whackhouse apartment I've been living in all year. It's a bit floody and ick. Yesterday Obama HAD to give some speech on my block at Cooper(Pooper?) Union and so the block was closed off and it needlessly interfered with my moving process. Isn't it fun how politics are nothing but speeches and press junkets and nonsense? Yes it's very fun for excited young leaders of tomorrow, and excited olds who grabbed up their new suits for today and got chances to pretend things are important and urgenter than usual. Putting up baracades and talking on walkie talkies and making different lines for different people. WITNESS THINE IMPORTANCE!

Anyways. Just finishing up my first year of grad film. Editing the current project, which is a lovely process of self hate and fucking "fuck!"s yelled at footages or others who arent present, tickled by moments of oooh that's nice.

I'm not saying too much here - just been tired and not blogminded lately.

But I'll show you some things:
- Maniki
- Top Grossing Restaurants
- Green Bay Packers Green and Gold Men's Striped Gamebibs

its happening its happening

2010-04-08T22:32:00.002-04:00

shooting my short film tomorrow!

this is the most effort and planning I've ever put into anything I've written/directed to date!

argegehghhghghgh

Movie Reviews: Greenberg, Precious, The Informant!, A Serious Man, The Hurt Locker, Julie and Julia

2010-03-30T14:28:00.006-04:00

Greenberg
- Actress Greta Gerwig was OUTSTANDING in this. She should be nominated next year for her performance.
- Ben Stiller plays a character who is hateable, but it's all very real, and comes around full circle to the end.
- The end moment is ok, not going to satisfy a lot of viewers. I get the idea that director Noah Baumbach has become a masterful storyteller, but has not yet mastered the art of the ending. In some ways it works. Not a big deal enough to ruin the movie.
- I really appreciate what is being explored in Stiller's character. Sometimes we are jerks. It takes him time to open his mind to the reality of his flaws.
- This film has achieved the rare ability to be very truthful in its portrayal of certain relationships and human vulnerabilities.

Precious
- Really well directed, the shots were all interesting, the casting was strong, and the acting was as good as it could be
BUT
- the writing is pretty average stuff. I CANT STAND when writers exploit situations like rape, drugs, violence, and abuse to force drama into a story. Precious could have just been poor and fat and you could have still had an amazing story.
- I'm not saying those topics shouldn't be explored in film; but that's just it, exploring them is ok, exploiting them because you can't write without forced shock value, it just isn't talent.

A Serious Man
- It's about a man alienated by the absurdity of the outside world
- My next film is about a man alienated by the absurdity of the outside world
So that was helpful to see. The way the Coen brothers handled it was masterful as usual. There was something I didn't love about it even though it's a well done film. I think it was the performance of the main actor. I'm exploring a similar character in my film and have cast Will Hines as the lead. I must say I like what Will is doing with the role much more! I must also say I didn't see this movie till after I wrote the script, and what happens in it is much different. We shoot April 9-11!

The Informant!
- Soderbergh. Hmm. Interesting director. This movie has the cheekyness of Oceans movies and is really tongue in cheek. Cheeks. Very stylized and poppy. Liked it, didn't love it.
- It's a good story and really inventive how he approached a true story almost like a superhero movie.
- My favorite thing is the use of the main character's thoughts. Often times voiceover is a lazy choice when something should be shown instead of told - but here it's a great layer, especially because the thoughts don't always lineup with the viewer's experience.
- Matt Damon does a good job. He's proven to be a pretty solid performer. Extremely versatile, easy to cast.
- Lots of comedian parts: Scott Adsit, Patton Oswalt, Joel McHale, Paul F Tompkins
- Ann Cusack has the same voice as Joan Cusack
- The real thing: Read about the topic of the movie - Mark Whitacre - totally insane! Read this part. (it's a spoiler for the movie though)

The Hurt Locker
- Thought it was well done. Well Shot, the best thing about it is the perspective - the idea of being addicted to war. Making a statement that some people want to fight. Some people like it.
- But it wasn't the best movie of 2009 for me, though it was way better than Avatar. To me, the best movie was The Messenger, also about the current war.

Julie and Julia
- Would have preferred to see just the life story of Julia Child. God I love her, always did. I love Julia Child because I love cooking, but also because she is one of the most delightful characters this world has ever seen.
- The Julie story is about a girl who blogs about cooking all of Julia's recipes and then gets a book deal. It's annoying to see her story because she's not portrayed as particularly likable or interesting. In fact, Julie's character - however close to the real Julie or not - has it all come to her so easily. She seems bland, spoiled, and it's not really rewarding to see her win at the end and get the movie/book deal that we are now watching. I'm not sure if it's because the real person is this way, or the portrayal is this way. Either way - isn't it damn annoying when people get book deals from coming up with some half-brained blog idea? I love my success stories to come from hard work. I like Larry Flynt's success story better than this one.
- It is interesting to see "blogging" treated realistically in a movie. Sign of the times. Often times movies don't know how to handle social realities such as the small details of life especially when it involves technology and internet use.
- I still give it mad props for showing how delightful Julia Child and french cooking are. I'm also really interested in the book "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" the first real gourmet handbook for the American housewife.
- The real Julia/Julia blog.
- Julia Child

She was 6'2".
She had a really funny voice
She was full of joy
She was funny
She had more bravado in the kitchen than anyone who was ever on tv, and could handle a chicken carcass like nobody's business
She made magical things and influenced modern food culture in very big ways

It looks different now

2010-03-30T14:25:00.003-04:00

This blog. Nothin spectacular, but I had to make it ok up in here. FOR ALL THE READERS!

Nah, this blog has occasional perusers these days. But it had its day. Boy oh boy did it have it's day. Back in those days, being a blogger or having a blog was worth having a conversation about. These days it seems to be more of a functional tool.

Or at least this one is. I'm about to write some movie reviews! Watch out.

this blog is a visual graveyard

2010-03-10T19:00:00.003-05:00

Started in 2004, it's been around 6 years now.

This new "Echo" thing you might be seeing is because my old commenting system haloscan no longer exists.

The banner is old, the colors are drab. Sorry people this isn't a visually rich experience. I'd like it to be prettier but haven't had the time.

The time will come soon, it's just barely professional.

This guy is working on building me a better thing.

And here's a photo of me from my high school graduation:

I'm on the right.

Movie Review: Avatar

2010-03-10T11:44:00.002-05:00

It sucked and here's why:

- It should have been a kids movie and been consistent with that tone. That means no using the word "bitch" all the time (they are also probably not going to be saying it that way in the future) and NO SEX SCENE WTF!
- The characters were cartoonish - the bad guys where cheesy as hell - WHICH WORKS IN A KIDS MOVIE! - take Small Soldiers for example - great kids movie, cheesy bad guy totally works.
COME ON JAMES CAMERON - You made my favorite action movies of all time - Terminator 1 and 2 - that dialogue was adult, sophistocated when it needed to be, and dealt with the "future" appropriately. It was a great script. This was more expensive and terribly written, terribly acted. The Terminator movies were well acted. So honestly what the hell was Cameron thinking. UNOBTAINIUM???? That's what it's called? Right.
I even liked Titanic.
- Yes, it was "enjoyable" but so was Ratatouille and that was well written with strong acting and solid voice over performance.

Ferngully was a better movie when it comes to rainforest love stories.

And killing all those US soldiers during wartime? And it's being embraced by American families? Um ... ok.

2010-03-10T11:24:00.002-05:00

And about me?
I'm totally exhausted, must rejuvenate.

- We go into production period for our next shoots on Friday so that means that from now till April 11th I'm shooting films!

- Then we have a month to edit. (Till May)

- I'm also moving out of my crappy apartment by May 1st.

- And on May 9th I'm going to the Cannes Film Festival, and will be in Europe till June 8th when I'll be visiting friends and family.

AND THEN WHO KNOWS WHAT AFTER THAT! I'll have my stuff stored at my parents' house in the meantime. Hoping for a summer job before the next semester starts up. Maybe I'll work on a movie somewheres?

Things I'm addicted to right now:
- the snooze button. I go for 5 more minutes OVER and OVEr
- Chocolate - I think it's really an addiciton. Every day there's an intense craving and I feed it. I don't think it's a problem but I do find it odd to have such an intense craving on a regular basis.

Knowledges - random links I've been hanging on to for you.

2010-03-10T11:07:00.003-05:00

If you'd like to hear a great perspective on life and have your heart warmed - watch the bottom video from Rogert Ebert on Oprah in this post.

Alexander McQueen's last collection

spectacular.

Crazy statue about justice with a map of a concentration camp. Unexpected from such a statue.

Deniro on Acting

"The talent is in the choice" - Adler

NY's Fashion Week runway shows music playlists.

These are burgers wrapped in bacon and cheese with hot dogs sticking out of them. They take the pain away.

Pattern is Movement "Light of the World" mp3

Tim and Eric Awesome show came back

OFFICIAL TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB! SEASON CINCO PROMO! from Tim and Eric on Vimeo.
WISH I HAD TIME TO WATCH IT :( they are my heroes.

Hey, want more stupidity?
Here:

What's up with that puppy, right?

- awesome list of sad heartbreaky songs
- a pretty crazy story about a woman who had sex with her brother - unlike any story I've heard before ... glad I don't have a brother?
- Priceless video of James Brown drunk

NEW VIDEO: Tito Santana Documentary 5 minute teaser cut

2010-02-20T16:15:00.004-05:00

DVD cover by Shayna Kulik of Pattern Pulp

Hi everybody!

I filmed a documentary this winter about my hometown hero Tito Santana - AKA Señor Solis

Señor Solis 5 minute teaser from leatherfink on Vimeo.

Thank you Tito Santana, my hometown of Roxbury NJ, EMS Principal Nittel, and everyone involved.

(click here to watch it in a bigger size.)

This may be online for a limited time so watch now :)

2010-02-13T23:40:00.002-05:00

David Bowie you're amazing!

2010-02-13T20:39:00.001-05:00

my heart is heavier than an elephant
what a dream to be so heavy
and still adorable
stomping flat feet
doesnt eat meat
love them leafs

An overwhelming amount of items found inside the internet, all good.

2010-02-08T11:24:00.006-05:00

Sara Benincasa wrote about how I spent a night at the Plaza with her and Mandy Stadtmiller for a story. It was a truly wonderful experience. I wasn't supposed to post about it before. But Sara did, so ... we'll see if someone tells me to take it down :)

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When will society accept that all straight guys aren't schlubs who trudge around in a testosterone haze, resenting their overbearing girlfriends? Some of us enjoy being emasculated; it's actually sort of relaxing after centuries of oppressing everyone all the time.

From this well written superbowl recap via gawker.

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Sean Patton is a local comedian, friend, and sincerely talented dude! Check him out on Fallon:

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Please give your money and support to the Boner Center.

The John H. Boner Community Center - your community center - serves Indianapolis' near Eastside. Every contribution supports the center's work by providing the financial resources needed to help continue individuals move towards self reliance and encourages people to an improved quality of life!

By providing its many services and programs, the John H. Boner Community Center is a vital element to the quality of life of its residents. Without your support, the Boner Center cannot exist.

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CNN takes on "the G Spot"

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A super cool video Ted Talk about making sounds visual via their natural vibration patterns.

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Rare Photos of famous people. A very random, fun list.

George Clooney

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Katheryn Bigelow GO GET EM TIGER

Kathryn Bigelow became the first-ever female winner of the Directors' Guild of America (DGA) award for best direction in a feature film.

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Arcade Fire's incredible fusion of web and film for Black Mirror, they did something incredibly impressive with the web before for Neon Bible.

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Ratatouille is one of the best films I've seen. So completely fun and well executed, great story. I'm not so into seeing animated disney features. Now I get it.

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My friend Raphael Bob-Waskberg showed me how he's even MORE talented than I knew before after I saw his play the Mike and Morgan show. His writing was phenomenal - mark my words - this man can write extremely well, and anyone who gives him money, like a movie studio, will be rewarded. RBW is a comedy writer/performer best known for his group Olde English.

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I don't care if Die Antwoord is South Africa's Ali G and a joke, the songs are fun and they look great. Also, props to the Dutch language, and I heard them playing the Ninja song at some trendy sceney dance night. Cory Kennedy and entourage was also there so we experienced a Nylon magazine photoshoot come to life. That was after having dinner at the Waverly Inn, a notch on the New Yorker belt.
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AND FINALLY A SONG

Gang Bang Suicide by Broken Social Scene

A Tale of 2 Hamburgers

2010-02-01T23:37:00.002-05:00

I had fun with my Aesthetics II: Production Design Homework where we had to compare 2 images and discuss how color effects the feeling/impact of the imagery.
--------------

The burger on top is beautiful, sumptuous, exciting. I want to take a bite of that juicy happy burger. The reds and greens are fresh and inviting. The yellow is friendly. The toppings have a glorious sheen. They contrast against a gently colored bun. The burger itself is there, but its big bad brown color isn't as prominent.

The burger on bottom is a burger of shame. This is the burger of the bullemics. It's dark and ominous, bacon and cheese drooling down the eerie grayed brown sides of the meat. The whole scene is just depressing, shadowed, and bleak. This burger is someone's painful memory and shameful night. This is the burger that you ate when you got that nasty VD on that night when you drank too much and took those pills because you were trying to forget. Right?

ha! woody allen's son is hot

2010-01-29T18:45:00.002-05:00

I find it hilarious just thinking about how weird it must be for Woody Allen to make a hot alpha male offspring
Ronan Farrow

RIP Zelda Rubinstein

2010-01-29T01:11:00.001-05:00

this clip also has billy dee williams

some lovelies

2010-01-28T02:26:00.004-05:00

Calla Spring 2010 is beautiful.

I love the model in the photos too - the lighting on her skin, her hairstyle.
Want these outfits.

jj - let go mp3

I'm doing standup tomorrow night. Then I think that's it till summertime, the semester is very soon swallowing me whole. But I like being swallowed! Wait. Yeah, no, definitely. Like I'm inside a big wet esophageal tube of life experience.

Rockstars were nice young and in black and white

OK. BACK TO THE HOMEWORK.

Todd Solondz' Happiness

2010-01-17T11:02:00.004-05:00

I just saw Todd Solondz' Happiness for the first time and loved it. The opening scene was my favorite part. Jon Lovitz gives an impeccable performance and the fact that Solondz was able to get that performance out of him is truly impressive. John Lovitz is perfectly talented, he just rarely does such honest, emotionally driven work. Todd Solondz teaches directing at NYU in the 2nd or 3rd year of the graduate program - I MUST HAVE HIM! I hope so anyway.

Aside from that the film is disturbing, fun, hilarious in a sometimes over the top way (which is funny because it's a bunch of subtle moments layered over big ones). He finds humor in the painful moments - which is something I intend to do as a filmmaker - though I'm less "quirky" about my storytelling. This isn't a movie to watch with your parents, hopefully.

Using this as an example:

And that's not nearly the most disturbing moment of the film.

Happiness deals a lot with sexual repression, perversion, and sexual angst. It all builds to the perfect finish.

some aural things

2010-01-14T12:56:00.003-05:00

New Air video!

Casey Spooner - Faye Dunaway mp3

The Knife - "Colouring Of Pigeons" mp3
about the song

Owl City is a terrible ripper offer musician. Avoid their fireflies!

And this Sunday - a live symphonic retrospective of David Bowie's career featuring a full orchestra and rock band along with a cavalcade of musical and cabaret performers!

2010-01-14T12:07:00.002-05:00

Right now the heartbreak really feels intensely painful. I think that might be good. I should feel intensely terrible and then maybe it'll purge out of my system. I just wish it would fucking go away! It's a pest and it's unwelcome and I wish I could just let it go already but I don't even know how.

It's so hard to focus on everything about it that really sucked. I cannot shake these stupid ideals of hope when I think about him, and that it could've been better. It could've been better but it never got better and that's why I ended it - but it never ever gets easier to accept that. Actually I just haven't accepted it. I haven't accepted the idea that the relationship sucked and I'm better off without him - I'm only aware of it on a superficial level - but my heart definitely doesn't know it.

Truth is, that I'm left with the fact that we've loved each other so deeply and intensely in spite of fuck ups and conflict. No matter how stupid anything seemed, I loved him anyway, and he loved me. We both love each other and miss each other. How can I move on? It seems completely impossible - but totally healthy - and the right thing to do.

I wish I could know when these feelings would end, and just let go of their vice grip on me. I wish to seriously move on, but it's all still very present and entirely terrible.

There is something inside of the human spirit that makes love more tangible than the tangible. The pain we feel from the loss of love is intense and real. There's something to that, now isn't there? We were built to feel all of these things. We were built to suffer and built to know that love is important.

standup shows

2010-01-11T13:15:00.002-05:00

Catch me this Thursday night January 14th
JELLY NYC new comedy show (The Pool Parties people)
hosted by Jordan HB w/ standup guests incl me and my favorite standup Hanibal Burress.
Williamsburg BKLYN
8pm

Also
Friday Jan 29th
@ Ochi's Lounge/Comix on 14th st near 9th Avenue
353 West 14th
The Backroom Comedy show
Hosted by Paul Case

Get Psyched!

2010-01-09T14:41:00.004-05:00

Street Meat co-host and favorite person Rob Lathan just released a book!
"Get Psyched"

And former Street Meat guest Andrew WK is hosting an evening at Santos to defend himself as actually being himself.

Other former Street Meat guest Ann Carr has an awesome new web series!

My New Years Toast

2010-01-07T16:44:00.003-05:00

Right before New Years Eve, I wrote something below and called it "MY NEW YEARS TOAST" - I often write things and decide not to post them.

Thing is, when I found the time to post this, I didn't feel that way anymore. In general I've felt quite badly all year, but something happened to me on New Years, the combination of working on 2nd year students' films and meeting great new people changed my perspective. I feel like we are a couple of days into 2010 and god is being good to me already. He has sent me some things to cheer me up, and for that I'm grateful. Either way - below was how I felt in December. It's just not how I feel right now. Maybe.

MY NEW YEARS TOAST

Dear friends,

I'm Depressed.

Just gonna come out and say it. PLEASE PLEASE DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT! It happens in people's lives sometimes, and it's not really a big deal. I recognize that I'm having a bad year, a year full of things that don't bring me happiness - and I think bad years just happen sometimes. Can't all be peaches n cream, but I'm sure life will get better eventually.

This is just how things are in my life right now. It's scary because when you're out, you're not your best you, and there's a fear you are going to get caught or something. You can't just hang out with people and be a total dick and let them know you aren't enjoying yourself.

Right now I'm fairly demanding when it comes to situations being enjoyable. First of all, I don't like bars. Just don't, unless -> I really like having a good conversation with an interesting person. That's often what I like most when I go anywhere, having a good conversation with an interesting person. I also like adventures or trying something new that I haven't tried before. But not drugs. And for that matter, I get more depressed when people are being fucked up or shady. I can't stand when people do for real drugs. It makes me look at the world as tainted. And I can't stand witnessing guys either be violent or gross to women or cheating. That's just bleak and makes the world seem ugly. And I can't stand seeing women act stupid. And I'm not into getting shitfaced drunk because it's dumb and unhealthy and only fun once in a blue moon. And I don't like being hit on because it's annoying and painful when men can't just be themselves/getting into my pants these days is like getting into NYU's prestigious Graduate Film Program. So honestly I can get grumpy and distant all too easily like a pissy old man.

But it's also not everywhere. It's NYC, there are magical nights. That's the thing I am supposed to remind myself because it will make you feel like you don't have to remind me. I know, I know, it's not all bad. I'm also lucky and fortunate and thankful for a wide variety of things, are we clear on that? Yeah ok so anyway.

It's a bad year. And I'm not perfect or my best. And now I have to be afraid that the world is going to have a problem with this, as one of my best friends basically told me he doesn't like me anymore and one of his reasons was that I'm too negative and emotional. So being in this state isn't exactly safe. By the way it was Stephen who said that, so if you know him, know that I hate that motherfucker for kicking me when I'm down/not being a true friend/turning out to be a real asshole/never just talking to me about what bothered him/not being there when it really counts/replacing me with a more successful female comedian best friend/being so goddamn superficial and cold. I've grown paranoid that I've fucked up as a human being/that the person I really am is not ok/afraid that anyone could turn on me at any time no matter what I do/am still in shock that anyone could be that much of a dick and don't want to believe he's really that terrible ... so YEAH! Um that was bad and so back to what I was saying.

If you must know the science of why such a bad year- here: lost job, lost apartment and deeply dislike my living situation but it's just so affordable, breakup with boyfriend, breakup with best friend, wish to have achieved more with life/am struggling artist/tearing self up about the things I want to create, started using cream for the prevention of eye wrinkles - see, it's just a period of life that'll bring me to what's next in this magical journey.

I'm going to deal with this, and do things to make it better - but depressed is just where I'm at right now and it will probably last a decent amount of time. I've always expected me to be perfect for myself, and if I'm going to be ok with it, you have to be ok with it too.

And please understand why I am sharing this information - I'm not searching for sympathy, pity, or your prescription for how to make it better - I just want to be honest about being depressed - because I'm pretty sure you've been there too, and I'd rather not be in the closet about it. Maybe next year or the year after that I'll be so fucking awesome and fancy and cool as shit and deeply fulfilled in my soul and have a washer/dryer in my apartment or something really fucking incredible like that.

** Cheers **

quick reminiscing with photos

2009-12-29T20:55:00.004-05:00

i still update flickr

VOYEUR THIS:

That's what I look like when I'm a DP Cameralady person! I look cool!

watch out Fonze

NOOoooo go away I SAID WATCH OUT!

LoLing so hard, I cry.

2009-12-16T23:19:00.001-05:00

Yes. This:
http://dontevenreply.com/

Some visual imageries for you

2009-12-16T16:45:00.004-05:00

If you are wienering around (isn't that more pleasant than saying "dicking" around?) and haven't got much to do - or just don't feel like doing it - reward yourself by watching scenes from Alan Berliner's documentary "Nobody's Business"

enjoy these clips here because it's hard to find anywhere!

And enjoy this clip from the Documentary "American Movie" about some Wisconsin guys trying to make a low budget movie, where pretty much everything goes wrong that could go wrong - this is a scene where the director is trying to get his dad to do a voice over:

And here's an excellent film about cat massage:

I truly love this new Massive Attack song and very NSFW music video:
New Massive Attack Video - "Paradise Circus" (Feat. Hope Sandoval) (NSFW) Adult movies used to be shot on real film and were completely visually different, and a truly unique look at 1970s human behavior.

Speaking of NSFW - Chef Academy's Emmanuel!!!! I love reality shows about cooking and now I love them more.

AND ON A PERSONAL NOTE
My first semester of film school is just about over. Tomorrow the faculty evaluates my film, and I've already started shooting my documentary project and writing my adaptation (we adapt a short story into a short film) which will keep me well occupied till May!

That's about as personal as it gets right now. I shall lead you to believe that I am a goal oriented and focused young lady.

Love letter from Kurt Cobain to Courtney Love

2009-12-15T23:56:00.002-05:00

(it's real, not a joke)

Courtney,

When I say I love you, I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating, persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise.

I wear you on my sleeve. I spread out wide open with the wing span of a peacock, yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head.

I think its pathetic that the entire world looks upon a person with patience and a calm demeanor as the desired model citizen, yet there’s something to be said about the ability to explain ones self with a toned down, tune deaf tone.

And I will say it: I am what they call the boy who is slow. How I metamorphosised from hyperactive to cement is for the lack of a better knife to the throat hu, annoying, aggrevating, confusing as dense as cement.

Cement holds no other mineral. You can’t even find fools gold in it. Its strictly man made and youve taught me it’s ok to be a man and in the classic mans world

I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no mineral.

Love Kurt

2009-12-11T22:15:00.001-05:00

This makes me happy:

This makes me afraid:
Alligator F---house

I'm gonna sing again

2009-12-07T22:34:00.006-05:00

This weekend I decided to sing again.

Reason:
to enjoy it.

The last time I sang I was 18. I had about 10 years of voice lessons, mostly classical, and used to sing in all sorts of choirs. I miss it. It felt good, it kept my mind active in a partly soul warming partly mathematical way.

So I will start taking private voice lessons again, 1 hour a week, get my voice back into shape - because it is out of shape, and I want to relearn all of my favorite classical songs. I prefer to sing Italian arias and have a couple favorites in French and Spanish too. So I'd like to relearn those, and if I get good enough, I'll perform them on a stage! Maybe mix classical Italian pieces with comedy. Could be something fun to play with there - already getting ideas!

I'll start lessons in a couple of weeks.

Here's one of my favorite songs by Claude Debussy

And I will definitely relearn this one!!!
Beau Soir (Beautiful Evening)
Claude Debussy, arranged by Linda Steen Spevacek

When, ’neath the setting sun,
flows a river in evening,
and the warm summer wind blows out across the field
Then from all things a thought arises to be happy,
and it counsels the troubled heart.
And it tells us we should enjoy the gift of living
while we’re young and the sun is setting in full bloom.
For we shall go away,
like water that is flowing.
It to the sea,
we to the tomb.

See - hilarious.

2009-12-05T19:04:00.002-05:00

One of the reasons my ex best friend dumped me is because he said I've been too sad and too negative all this year.
And he's right.
I've been much more sad and negative than in the past.

I'd lost my job.
I left my favorite apartment where I used to love life.
I was getting too old and not amounting to anything yet.
And I was in a terrible relationship with a wonderful man who I loved deeply.

Today the sky is giving out coldness and beautiful interesting drops of half snow rains.
I love the rain and love the snow more.
I miss the view out of my 5th floor window onto Delancey Street.
I miss going out into the living room with weird Annemarie and the ease of laughter that came along with it.
I miss the warm oven and the meals we made.
I miss Stephen and Evan and Adam on Saturdays eating my cooking.
My fridge always stocked with beer and my cabinets always stocked with whisky.
The stemless wine glasses before they all broke, they would sit on my windowsill in the mornings after.
My iPod alarm clock played all of the songs we loved.

Last Christmas I bought a wreath made of fresh pine.
My bank account was full and fat and the streets of SoHo invited me to buy things made of leather.

I'm still in love with the man who made me cry too many times.
Still in love with the view from the fifth floor window and the music of the people and cars below. I always dreamed about the empty penthouse across the street with the big windows and spiral staircase.

I'm absolutely nowhere right now but in between.
There's really no love, just labor.

This is the year of doing the right thing.
Clinical
Pharmaceutical
Goal Oriented
Road for Traveling.

On Humanity and Terminators

2009-12-04T02:14:00.006-05:00

My best friend doesn't like me anymore. No, seriously. And it would be weird to go into details, but he basically thinks that we aren't like each other, that he's grown out of me. His reasons that he gave hurt. Bigtime. It feels deeply terrible to be judged and rejected by someone you really care about, and especially as I feel blindsided by it, and that it is a surprise.

I've also broken up with my boyfriend recently.

And this year I'm no longer affiliated with the fashion designer I used to support, nor am I a part of their world which includes events that many of my friends take part in. That's due to an offensive incident that was too offensive to forgive without an apology.

A closed door, a person with whom I need to stop speaking to because it's not healthy, and a burned bridge.

There are some people in my life I've experienced great difficulty with. Some that I need to love with distance because we don't get along, and I love them nonetheless. But ending love where it doesn't need to end is quite the beast, which is how I feel about the ex friend.

Human connections and relationships are deeply valuable and shouldn't be taken for granted or thrown away. Especially not completely. I think, for the sake of humanity, it's important to try to connect, sometimes especially when it's challenging. At least in a case where a sincere connection existed.

I'm really hurt - I mean how could he? Right? That's there. It's sad, disappointing. How could he. It's pain, it's ugliness, it's bad stuff - and that bad stuff is so hard to understand.

I'm going to try and learn from the things he told me he didn't like. I'm going to try to focus on the friendships I do have and strengthen them. I'm going to focus on myself, my career, school, developing my abilities. That's all I can figure out, and I have to remind myself of it because it isn't an automatic instinct. There's definitely petty, angry, discouraged moments - which are fine to experience - those honest emotions should be dealt with.

In Terminator 2, Arnold said "It's in your nature to destroy yourselves." as a robot speaking about humans.

I'm not sure if he's right, but if we are a people who devalue human connection, who cannot see the humanity in each other - no matter if someone is a bad guy, weak, or misguided - then we will fail. I believe there is a balance between destruction and creation. The destruction of love between people probably sends pulses of evil through the ether. But there is joy and there is happiness and there is creation. It exists.

Both god and the devil are inside us, and we destroy and nurture ourselves throughout our existence. I'm sure that the destruction of love hurts our souls. So in conclusion, I say - try not to.

And I don't think the robots will take over in the end, but there might be lots of lasers, which seem awesome until they are searing your flesh.

2009-12-02T02:20:00.003-05:00

tonight I am experiencing terrible insomnia, largely because sad things and stressful things are distressing me and making me toss and turn

I didn't want to get up out of bed

I wanted the sleeping to commence

but I'm thankful that I did

I found my way to some really great kitten videos

thank you kittens
for being cute and being proof of goodness

I needed a reminder

cause there's poopies in my tea
really, that's what I'm feeling like, to an extent

That I had a really nice cup of tea and there's an actual real little poopy in there.

wtf

the kittens. the lack of sleep. that's why I said that
just forget it.

The Awesome and the Meloncholy

2009-12-01T15:19:00.004-05:00

Gwar is coming to town Dec 13 and I think I want to go to that.

Rob Lathan did something very funny for Improv Everywhere! Rob makes the best confused face.

Those UHO jars are a scam.

This is sad and scary. This photo is especially haunting.

Speaking of sad, scary and haunting, I finally saw Schindler's list, which I avoided because who is ever up for sitting down to experience the holocaust in film? I will say that I was more afraid of it than I should be. It's more historical, and trying to be uplifting, especially with the ending, than I expected. I feel like I learned something from this depiction. I was afraid that I'd just be sitting down to hours of horror, considering the subject material, but it's mostly hours of humanity - yes showing horror but not in a way that is simply meant to be terrible. Get it? See it.

Emails from Crazy People.

Jan Terri!!! Please watch until she starts to sing. This song is so catchy. Gotta love her.
"Jan Terri (born December 31, 1960?) is a former musician from Chicago who gained notoriety for her VHS music videos. She recorded two albums, High Risk[1] and Baby Blues[2] in the early 90s, along with VHS cassettes including her music videos, which have recently become popular with the advent of YouTube." - wikipedia

Also saw Funny People while at home for thanksgiving. So many bad words! And naked boobs! My parents insisted on watching with me. SOOO embarrassing. Thought it was a well written story and good film, not especially funny, but also I think overdoing on the dick jokes on purpose to realistically portray what you will find in standup these days. Still a big fan of Apatow and Rogan.

I love these

2009-11-22T15:44:00.003-05:00

Here, have some:

Bear in Heaven - Lovesick Teenagers

Yeasayer - Ambling Alp

Both links give you mp3s.

And these lyrics to Ambling Alp just feel so good to hear:

Now, the world can be an unfair place at times
But your lows will have their complement of highs
And if anyone should cheat you, take advantage of, or beat you
Raise your head and wear your wounds with pride

You must stick up for yourself, son
Never mind what anybody else done

The track has a joyous 80s feel, and is so positive, uplifting, and fun.

If you really want to take off to another level, have yourself some Feel Flows

I was also really excited to see this video from a fellow classmate in my film program:

Pink from Sarah-Violet Bliss on Vimeo.

The dialogue is really awesome and smart! There's a lot of talent among my classmates, but it made me especially excited to know I'm in the company of someone who wants to make great comedies too.

How are you spending your sunday? I'm having a nice evening at home licking my J&D's Bacon Flavored Mmmvelopes.

instruments

2009-11-20T11:55:00.003-05:00

Musical ones. I don't really know how to play them.
I tried guitar when I was 15, and sang and read sheet music and all that.
But I've never absorbed an instrument successfully.

It's crazy how you have to learn something with patience, diligence, and precision, in order to burst it apart and make hysterical noise.

I think musical instruments are artificial appendages that must be learned to be used.
Sad that one must be calmed down for the learning process.

Mostly I'm just sad, I'd really love to get inside Dave Grohl's brain like in the Malkovich movie, and feel what it's like to drum Lithium, and I'd really like to feel that RIGHT NOW!

Nirvana |MTV Music

another moment with us together

2009-11-18T16:32:00.006-05:00

I've started up classes again and have lots of things to do, which is fueling me with energy at the moment. All kinds of energies - positive and negative.

There's certain things you need to know.
One is that The Private Lives of Pippa Lee is an excellent and sophisticated film in spite of its title. It tells a story from a female perspective that is honest, not black and white, but true. There are many very subtle, delightful jokes in the film, everything from a funny framing to a wardrobe choice. The acting and directing are also superb. I hope Robin Wright gets an Oscar nom. I think Rebecca Miller, writer/director, could get an adapted screenplay award too.

I met Harvey Weinstein recently. He's a hilarious and friendly man. Which shocked and awed me.

And I saw the film NINE, and got to meet the cast. I'm not into musicals, but this was really well executed, and FULL of sexual energy. Penelope Cruz is going to make an impression on a lot of people's pulses. The finest moments to me were the opening with Daniel Day Lewis, and a scene during the screening of dailies with Marion Cottilard and DDL.

I've also seen the Wild Things movie when it opened. If you'd like diversity in this blog post - I did not like this film. Monsters should be monsters, not melodramatic turdburglers. I thought a story was forced out of the subject material that lost the original appeal of the book. Also, my favorite moment was missing - where the boy's room transforms into the forest. So sad, I do love Spike Jones. So I blame Eggers.

OTHER THUMBS UP FOR A CLASSIC THAT I FINALLY SAW
- Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing: full of vibrant energy and life. A critical look from the inside of brooklyn culture.

SO NOW
In school, for the next 4 weeks, we edit our 4 minute B/W film, we start pre-production for our upcoming 5 minute observational documentary, and we start reading the short stories we will adapt for our last project of 1st year - an adaptation. Busy month!

I ALSO LIKE
- Gregor's blog about great food of NYC/reflections on his life here before hopping over to LA

BLOW YOUR MIND UP

Joy Division and Buzzcocks, punk rock circa UK late 1970s, have been pumping up my jam majorly lately.

Movie Review: The Messenger

2009-11-10T14:18:00.005-05:00

I saw a screening of the new film "The Messenger" followed by a Q and A with director/writer Oren Moverman and stars Woody Harrelson and Ben Foster - and I couldn't have loved it more. I've been seeing so many movies lately by all of the masters in film school - and this film really impressed me.

It's about the soldiers who have to tell families that their son/daughter/husband/wife has been killed in combat. It takes place in the present, with the war going on right now.

It's largely about the working relationship/friendship between Harrelson and Foster - and their acting couldn't have been any more natural, real, both funny and moving. I've always loved Woody Harrelson for his balance of humor and sincerity on screen. Foster got to me as the irritating Russel in my favorite tv show, Six Feet Under. Foster totally blew me away in this role.

Samantha Morton and Steve Buschemi also played so movingly and realistically in the film.

A lot of small choices added to the reality of the film. Samantha Morton gained some weight, so she looked a lot more authentic. She has a half black kid, which speaks to the fact that hey - there's also a lot of black men in the military too, though they weren't the main characters. I was surprised by the use of sex and nudity in the top of the movie. If you like Jena Malone's butt, you're going to love seeing her in a very realistic sex scene. I think the reason for this is it sets an emotional tone, and heightens the level of intensity of the charactor's experience.

There is an intimate scene between Ben Foster and Samantha Morton that seems so real, such a balance of pushing toward and pulling away - and I've really felt that in different circumstances. Moverman explained that he got it all in one long take, placing the camera through a window outside of the room, and actually used one long rehearsal take because he thought it was perfect. Smart thinking, and a pretty clever way to get around producers messing with your edit.

The story is well rounded and offers a thought provoking exploration of the soldier's reality.

I hate war. I think if the world was run by women, we'd have UN meetings and verbal battles instead of combat. It's primitive, unnecessary, and not progressive. BUT it's reality. And it's a part of the world we live in. Many young men and women live this reality, and Oren Moverman helped me understand a lot more about their experience.

I'm sorry for the soldiers that this is the way the world is. I wish the politicians and angry terrorists would stop sending them to die.

---
They will have a screening this Friday and cast and directors will be there as well. Go!

sufjan quote and bright eyes

2009-11-05T17:43:00.004-05:00

"Why are songs like three or four minutes, and why are records 40
minutes long? They're based on the record, vinyl, the CD, and these
forms are antiquated now. So can't an album be eternity, or can't it be
five minutes? ... I no longer really have faith in the album anymore. I
no longer have faith in the song."
- Sufjan Stevens
http://pitchfork.com/news/37026-sufjan-stevens-calls-the-50-states-album-project-such-a-joke/

Way for Sufjan to try opening my gosh darned mind. I will say that something feels natural and right about these times. The same thing bothers me about movie and tv show lengths and how arbitrary they can be. Then again something seems to feel right experientially about them. Uh. Go Yankees.

ALSO

Finally a new Bright Eyes song that's good ... cause I didn't really like the last album/solo stuff as much :(

BRIGHT EYES - LIME TREE from Alex Turvey on Vimeo.

2009-11-04T16:38:00.003-05:00

I'm going to perform some comedy again in early January.
So that's when I'll perform again.

And then I'll stop again for school.

And then I'll perform some more in the summertime most likely.

So that's when I'll perform some more again.
And then I'll stop for school.

This is a young Martin Scorcese LOOKING AT YOU.
He played a creepy man in his own movie, Taxi Driver, which I just watched.

To me taxi driver is about loneliness and the need for meaningfulness, specifically love and human connections, as a vital part of human existence.

Otherwise, the mind is chaos, and anything is possible as a consequence of an aimless and unloved human soul. Joys are random, the soul is detached.

This is a Windows 7 Whopper in Japan. It is a real thing.

- This is an article about Tim and Eric Awesome show which is pretty much the best thing going in new comedy.

- I really like the idea of Sonic Fabric but have yet to experience it. It's absolutely beautiful to revive old data.

- Read about the concept of Data Rot aka Bit Rot. Watch Google's great Vint Cerf talk about Data Rot among other things.

Phillies' Cole Hamels seems like a really nice person.

2009-11-03T10:16:00.002-05:00

why women aren't writing for the late night comedy shows

2009-10-30T00:34:00.003-04:00

Below a section from this article: http://www.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/TV/10/28/scovell.letterman.vanityfair/index.html

There are no women writing for the Letterman, Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien shows, Scovell said, and it's not because there aren't any who are interested in applying.

"[Women] certainly don't [apply] in the same numbers as men. But that's partly because the shows often rely on current (white male) writers to recommend their funny (white male) writers," she wrote. "I'm also aware of several worthy females who have submitted material and never heard back."

She wonders if women aren't on the staffs because male writers believe they would throw off the workroom dynamic.

"[Men] want to be able to scarf an entire bag of potato chips while cracking fat jokes and making lewd comments without fear of feminine disapproval," she said. "But [women writers] are co-workers, not wives. Crack a decent fart joke and, as professionals, [women] will laugh."

to add to the fantasy to-do list:
BE the gosh darned late night comedy talk show host.
(but honestly I'd rather write/direct/perform in episodic comedy television and films. still. there's people who've been considered for these jobs when i was at their level. so. i'm still doing something about it. just that, well. better freaking be able to crack the system sooner or later.)

also related:

NEW VIDEO: The Uniform?

2009-10-28T23:07:00.003-04:00

Female comedians can't be too distracting with their boobies and such! Or can they? Maybe they just have to be funny or talented and nobody cares what they look like.

I met Angela Trimbur back in June at UCB and thought she was amazing. We commiserated about the experience of being a lady comedian. When she visited NYC this summer, we thought - let's do a video together! So here's what we whipped together. Enjoy.

Written/Directed by Heather Fink
Featuring:
Angela Trimbur
Heather Fink
Trevor Williams
Jordan Brown
Bob Acevedo
Sarah Nusya -Natochenny
Lizette Garcia

Cameramen: Dan Zimmer and Trevor Williams
Edited by: Ed Mundy

Filmed at Cake Shop

2009-10-27T20:53:00.002-04:00

So as a part of my film program, classes stop for 4 weeks when we shoot each other's films. We are a class of 36 divided into 6 groups of 6. We each take turns doing all of the roles in the crew - writer/director, director of photography (cameraman), assistant camera, sound, and producer/ad. And we each get one shoot off. Most shoots are 3 days. We did mine first! Now I'm sound person. It involves a lot of stress and running around and hurting your back and being up at 5am and standing outside in the cold. I'm tired, but I'm also quite happy. I had some scary times with the handling of my film itself, but I think all will end well. Best of all we had lots of fun and my parents spoiled us (our shoot took place in suburbia near my parents house), my actors Ann Carr, Rob Lathan, and Adam Good were amazing, so was my makeup artist ... ugh I'll wait till the film is done and share all of the great credits cause now I'm getting tired again.

In the meantime, a photo of young Martha Stewart when she was a model:

an article about lots of dead bodies in Washington Square Park

a creepy weird Martin Lawrence monologue for SNL back in the day

an interesting discussion on the topic of O sounds

and a photo of your parents